A thread for nothing

[Trollheart]

Yeah it's a whole different thing, being drunk and being an alcoholic. I know Karen went close to the edge a few times: how she didn't get killed or raped I don't know. That kind of shit really fucks you up. Me, I never got drunk in my life except twice, and there was nothing special about it, though I never wanted to do it again. But I think people here can differentiate between the "OMG I'm so pissed I have to have that traffic cone" or whatever and "OMG I'm so pissed I think I'm gonna die." I doubt anyone is laughing at that, or saying that's cool. Like Waits said, "cut out that shit." Fair play to you for getting clean. Takes a lot of guts. If it hadn't been for MS Karen would either be dead now or in rehab.

[Jwb]

What's the worst shit you've done when drunk then?

I've pissed myself numerous times (broke a couple of phones that were in my pocket), broke my hand, chatted a lot of rubbish. Pierced my ears. Vomited over someone in a bar.

@Toy Revolver @Jwb I reckon you two would have some decent posts for this.

one time i was driving and i was coming down off dxm and had been drinking(i would use booze to come down) and i accidently rear ended somebody while getting off the highway.  I was looking to see if anyone was coming from the street we were entering and there wasnt but the dude  in front of me just stopped anyway.  I slammed the brakes and barely tapped him.  I agreed to follow him into a nearby patking lot.

We looked at the cars and there was honestly no noticeable sign of any damage.  I told him that it was my fault so it was up to him what he wanted to do.  I was just sorta banking on him hopefully saying it was no big deal and letting it slide.

Instead,  he was like "Well, ya know I'm a retired deputy so I'd like to get the city out here just in case."

I agreed, and went back to my car, saying i was going to get my information.  I was parked behind him, with both cars facing away from the road.  The parking lot was connected to the parking lot of a gas station to our left, which also had 2 exits onto the road.

Since my car was behind his, and he was still standing by his car on the phone with the police,  he had never had an opportunity to get my tag or any other identifiable information. I turned on my car, waited to see if he noticed.  Then i very slowly turned my wheels all the way to the left and put it in drive. He was sorta looking in my direction and still on the phone but he didn't seem to notice or react. 

So i hit the gas and peeled out through the gas station parking lot.  I felt like kinda a pos when some dad with his kids put his arm out to hold them back like he was scared i was gonna hit them as i sped by them,  but i was in fight or flight mode.  All i was thinking is i have to go so fast he can't get my plates.

Not to mention the road i had to use to escape is busy as fuck and usually packed with cars in that area and there is a busy intersection right there which my luck was at a red light,  which i felt i had to take the chance and run it, once i saw an opening.  Them i sped off and at one point sorta ran off the road in a panick and had to back up and get back on the road. It was a sharp left curve i tried to go around too fast and i ended up sliding into some grass, luckily with out hitting anything.

Even though i was pretty buzzed at the beginning of the story when the accident happened, after i fled like that the adrenaline was so intense it sobered me right up. I was paranoid af for a lil while that he either got my plates or that the gas station had cameras. But nothing ever came of it.

[jimmy jazz]

@Toy Revolver the shitting yourself thing is interesting. I've never done that. Maybe a result of mixing with other drugs? I can understand it happening in the days after a heavy session when your stomach is really sensitive though. Fuck knows. Never happened to me.

@Jwb brilliant how long ago was this? Funny as fuck, you should post more stories like this. Not implying it isn't true, I mean you've probably got more funny shit to tell us. Would have liked to see the cop's face as you sped off 

[Lexi Darling]

I've never been that far gone on alcohol, but when I was in my speedhead days I would make a lot of terrible late-night decisions like impulse purchases, overeating, and making absolute nonsense posts on Twitter and Reddit that I woke up and promptly deleted. I got a lot worse at socializing and would frequently interrupt others.

Thankfully I don't have any specific horror stories.

[jimmy jazz]

I've never been that far gone on alcohol, but when I was in my speedhead days I would make a lot of terrible late-night decisions like impulse purchases, overeating, and making absolute nonsense posts on Twitter and Reddit that I woke up and promptly deleted. I got a lot worse at socializing and would frequently interrupt others.

Thankfully I don't have any specific horror stories.

[Toy Revolver]

dxm

that story on your blog where you were super high on that stuff and got lost outside when it was really cold really impressed me

i found it so relatable and frightening

[Jwb]

@Toy Revolver the shitting yourself thing is interesting. I've never done that. Maybe a result of mixing with other drugs? I can understand it happening in the days after a heavy session when your stomach is really sensitive though. Fuck knows. Never happened to me.

@Jwb brilliant how long ago was this? Funny as fuck, you should post more stories like this. Not implying it isn't true, I mean you've probably got more funny shit to tell us. Would have liked to see the cop's face as you sped off 

it was about 2012 or so. I know i was going to community College at the time and that i "didn't want to mess things up." Fucking retard logic lol.

I do have a few other notable stories that come to mind but i feel like I've told them before as well. The next worst one is probably the incident where i got myself fired from the Deli in Winn Dixie. Do you remember that one?

[Jwb]

dxm

that story on your blog where you were super high on that stuff and got lost outside when it was really cold really impressed me

i found it so relatable and frightening

that was the first time i got kicked out of the homeless shelter.  For drinking.  That was a miserable night. Nothing special even happened i was just drugged out and felt like i could sense this malevolent force sort of closing in on me.

The second time i got kicked out i ended up getting myself jumped by a couple of kids that looked maybe 17 or 18 years old.

[jimmy jazz]

@Jwb no post it, keep the comedy coming! 

[Jwb]

I mean thanks lol. The funny part is the first story i told isn't funny to me at all.  I was telling it more from the pov of how wreckless it was and how horribly things could have gone.  It was a pretty terrifying experience to me. I'm glad you found some humor in it though.  I guess it is kind of funny how stupid that slack jawed deputy was to not walk behind my car and get my plates right away.  But you never know if he was embellishing his past as well.

  Honestly, speaking from a pov of what's the actual worst stuff.i did under the influence. I would have to include the 3 cars of mine i totalled over the years. 2 on dxm and one on booze.

None of them involved anyone else, thankfully. I did take out someones porch though. Somehow, through years of driving under the influence on basically a daily basis,  i have 0 duis. I really should not be allowed back on the road if this world had any justice in it, but here we are. 

I will either find the deli story on mb to repost or I'll type it up here in a few.  That one was not so much wreckless as it was just humiliating.

[Jwb]

....

[Toy Revolver]

@Toy Revolver the shitting yourself thing is interesting. I've never done that. Maybe a result of mixing with other drugs? I can understand it happening in the days after a heavy session when your stomach is really sensitive though. Fuck knows. Never happened to me.

drug combo
bad diet
i think alcohol did permanent damage to my digestive system and bladder

i know it's your liver that kills most people but i don't know

but i think a lot of alcoholics shit and piss the bed

i drank with a fierceness intent on obliterating reality

no drug i ever found can completely destroy a day better than alcohol

i think of those kind if drunks as mini-suicides

It was a pretty terrifying experience to me

i get it

that was the first time i got kicked out of the homeless shelter.  For drinking.  That was a miserable night. Nothing special even happened i was just drugged out and felt like i could sense this malevolent force sort of closing in on me.

man that's some bad stuff to live through

speedhead

i think i almost died snorting meth

i don't know how close i came but omg my dick shriveled up so much i was so scared and i didn't come down pr stop grinding my teeth for 48 hours at least

how people come back for more of that drug is beyond me

i hate wake up drugs

i want OUT

but speedfreaks are definitely a unique kind of creepy not saying you were one but YIKES

a good habit to beat

(maybe we should move this to secret)

[jimmy jazz]

....

Nobody is topping this one!

Duplicate post?

[Jwb]

@Jwb no post it, keep the comedy coming! 

So this one happened when i was 19. At this point in my life i was actually fairly straight edge. I had drank a handful of times and smoked pot a few times but nothing that could be considered a habit. So i really had no tolerance to alcohol.  I was a lightweight.

I worked at a deli in winn dixie, which is a shitty grocery store that exists in Florida and i think a few other southern states.  It's like the kmart of grocery stores down there. Dumpy looking,  bad customer service and still the prices are just as high.  And everyone steals. All the workers i mean.

So i had taken to stealing the occasional bottle of wine and sipping on it in the walk in fridge behind the deli.  The first couple if times i did this i didn't drink that much so i just got tipsy, not completely blasted.

Well, one day i came in to work and the other workers from the deli had all called out.  It was usually 2 or 3 of us that would close the deli,  and today it was going to be just me.  I resented my friends for calling out not only cause of the extra work but because now i was stuck alone with nobody to fuck with so it was looking like a miserable day.

I picked the big bottle of merlot (1.5 liter?) and brought it back to the walk in fridge to start my day.  One of my biggest mistakes as a rookie drinker was not eating anything before hand so i was basically drinking on an empty stomach.

At first it wasn't so bad,  but as i continued to drink i quickly went from just tipsy to actually drunk. I dropped a ham i was about to cut right in front of a customer, then picked it up and started washing it off lol. He angrily stormed off.

Then, one of the cashiers i knew asked me to get her something to drink.  I took a water off the shelf and tore the plastic label off and handed it to her.  I was like "Here, it's damaged." I thought that was badass lmao. Still gives me the fuckin douche chills.

Apparently one of the managers saw this encounter. Short little balding hispanic guy named Mario.  I had walked back to the deli and he met me up there and confronted me about stealing the water.  I told him i didn't steal it,  and he just looked at my hand which still had the fuckin label in it.  I just laughed at that point. 

Mario told me to go home and come back on Monday to talk to the general manager about it.  After he walked away,  i went back to the walk in fridge, where about half of the bottle was still left.  That's about a full normal sized bottle of wine,  and i was already quite drunk. 

I didn't want to pour it down the drain.  In my drunken logic that seemed like a waste. So i drank the rest of it. I basically chugged it. Then i hid the bottle in one of the trash bags. 

Then i went back to the break room and i saw this girl Ashley that i had been interested in. I dunno if she ever liked me in reality or if she was just very flirtatious but she had a boyfriend who wasn't really in her league at all yet she had started coming over to me and showing interest. But I'm pretty sure it was only a casual interest if anything, and whatever interest there was i eventually scared off by basically becoming infatuated too quickly.

Like i was impressed by dumb shit like the fact that she was pretty and that she liked Mobb Deep. Which I'm still not even sure if she really did or if the broad just looked at my ipod once but yeah, that was the kinda superficial "connection" that was so significant to me at the time. 

In any case i saw her in the break room and basically told her everything that had just happened.  That's the last thing i actually remember. Everything after that point is pieced together by what other people have told me.

So after i told her what was going on i think her and her boyfriend were trying to get me to go home and i stopped on the way out and apparently sat down against the wall of the deli.

I started screaming shit out such as "Fuck you Mario" and "I'm going to fucking kill you Mario." In retrospect j feel like some of this anger was misplaced lol.

I ended up puking up impressive volumes of red wine into a bucket in the deli,  and they had to call the cops and the emt.

Apparently i was not particularly cooperative with the first responders in the verbal sense,  though i seemingly never posed any physical threat. 

According to witnesses i kept calling them cunts and i told the emt i was allergic to peanuts. The first part makes sense,  but the peanuts thing i couldn't even speculate why i would've thought that was funny.

Also when i was in the back by the dishes,  at some point,  that other cashier from before told me she liked me.  I apparently responded with "why are you telling me this now?" And indeed i didn't remember being told.  It was recounted back to me by the other girl Ashley the next day.

I didn't get arrested. A friend of mine named Joe got in contact with my dad, who sent his friend to pick me up.  Apparently after i got home i tried to piss on my dad's recliner, drunkenly thinking it was the toilet.  My dad being a recovering alcoholic,  obviously he was far from thrilled with the situation.

After i got fired i ended up moving to Rhode Island a few weeks later.  It was basically a sort of cataclysmic end to what i term the Winn Dixie era of my life.

[Jwb]

....

Nobody is topping this one!

Duplicate post?

i stupidly pressed post after i had only typed the first 2 paragraphs.