A thread for nothing

[Jwb]

....

Nobody is topping this one!

Duplicate post?

i stupidly pressed post after i had only typed the first 2 paragraphs.

[Toy Revolver]

that winn dixie story is fabulous

[jimmy jazz]

Great story. When I worked at a carpet warehouse I'd be left one in the offices for long periods of time and there were always bottles of wine in there. I couldn't get served at this point cos I was about 15 but I remember every day being desperate to steal one. I never did though.

You're quite lucky you only slightly messed up and didn't do anything really bad.

[Trollheart]

....

Nobody is topping this one!

Duplicate post?

No that's the one where he was so drunk he doesn't remember what happened.

[Jwb]

^lol try again

[Trollheart]

@Jwb I tried it three times and fuck it, it can just stay as it is. I can't be bothered.


As an example of weird things that can happen even if you're completely stone cold sober, ie me: a few weeks ago I was sitting in my bedroom watching the telly. Nobody lives in the house only Karen and me, and as you all know she's confined to bed 24/7. We don't even have any cats any more. So why was it, I felt this incredibly powerful sense of someone on the landing? I mean, I could hear the floorboards creaking and I just knew, I KNEW, as my heart dropped into my shoes, that someone was reaching to try my door. It really put the wind up me. I imagined maybe burgulars, though anyone breaking in here would be more likely to leave a donation than take any of our meagre stuff.

Anyway, out I went to see what was going on, fully expecting, against all logic, that someone would be out there. Of course, there was nothing. I wrenched open all bedroom doors and the one to the bathroom, in case he (!) had ducked in there, I walked down the stairs to the hall, nothing.

Then I stood on the landing and listened.

And I realised it was just a bunch of sounds the house was making - the heating had just come on, the cistern was emptying, the house settling, the usual stuff you hear at night - and it no longer sounded like a presence, but I could hear, now that the sounds were broken up, how they could come together to make it sound like a living person being outside.

It's crazy how that can happen. It's hard to get across to you guys the absolute certainty I had that someone was outside, quickly followed by the realisation there could not be anyone out there, and the almost amazement, plus relief, when I realised what it was.

[Jwb]

I was hoping that story was going to end with you finding your sister inexplicably standing in the hallway. That would have been some scary shit.

[Trollheart]

Literally. When you're on your own, and you know there's only you there, and yet you KNOW there's something out there, well, let's just say it might be a quick trip to, as we say, the jacks, as you say, the john. 

Another interesting one: she called me at night years ago (when she still could call me) and told me in terror that there was a vampire outside. Now, she had just finished watching Salem's Lot, so give her a break. But she told me she could hear it scraping its long fingernails across the window, squeak squeak squeak. Terrified.

So I went outside into the dark, sort of half-expecting something really bizarre to be there.
Very cold it was, and I snapped on the outside light as I approached the window while she imagined all sorts as she lay in bed.
Suddenly, a dog howled in the distance.
Maybe.
I'm not sure.
Probably just using that to intensify the suspense.
Anyway, I crept around the side of the house towards the window, trying to be brave and logical.
Couldn't be anything out there.
Certainly not a vampire.
Vampires don't exist.
And then I heard it.
SQUEEEEAKKK!
SKREEKK!
SKREE-EEEK!

I approached the window. My heart was hammering. I told it to put down the hammer and get back in my chest, this was no time for DIY. Picked my jaw up off the ground and reattached it. I was sure I felt something brush against me.

The outside light threw a faint illumination on the window.
Far off down the road, some bastards in a stolen car screeched around a corner.
My palms seemed sweaty.
There's no such thing as vampires.
There's no such thing as vampires.
I leaned towards the window.
And then I saw it.

(Tune in tomorrow for the revelation...)

[Guybrush]

Oh my, the suspense! Will tune in tomorrow 😊

I just came here to share this cool pic of Tori Amos and Andrew Eldritch.

[Toy Revolver]

socks commercial:

buy a pair and we give a pair to someone in need

me:

i need the other pair too ffs

[Trollheart]

Congrats on hitting 1000 posts!

[SGR]

Willie Nelson is 90 years old today! Legend!

[Toy Revolver]

Congrats on hitting 1000 posts!

i hate posts counters

it's embarrassing

[Trollheart]

Fuck you then. 

[Toy Revolver]

america should have a beat the fucking shit out of doctors day