Twilight Tales from the Outer Limits of the Darkside

[Trollheart]

ROUND SIX PART II: YE LESSER MORTALS


Title: "The Fatal Flower"
Series: Tales of Tomorrow
Season: 2
Year: 1952
Writer(s): Frank de Felitta
Storyline: Scientists may be clever, but this one is major league dumb. He is actively trying to create - get this - a huge, man-eating plant! Why? Not the foggiest. Something to do with food supply, but how he thinks this is going to help I don't know. I mean, hasn't he seen Little Shop of - oh, no. Not made yet. Well, what about Day of the Trif - ah. Well, you don't surely have to watch films about alien plants taking over Earth to know that what he's trying to do is a really bad idea, and can only end in disaster. But, like most (mad) scientists, he can't be reasoned with or dissuaded from his course. Of which he, or someone else, is surely soon to be the main one. Course, that is.

There's some nonsense about one of his helpers buying a letter from the scientist. They're in Brazil or somewhere,  very warm, and mail only comes through every three months. The new guy wants something to occupy his mind and offers to buy one of the scientist's letters for ten dollars, which is fine until he won't tell the doctor who it was from, acting all mysterious and saying he has paid for it so that it's his. The two come to blows, and the doctor ends up being pushed into the man-eating plant.

He puts a lock on the plant house door and tells the other guy he's fired. Well, I mean, what did the guy expect? He had a physical altercation with his boss, and only a few weeks on the job. The doctor though realises that he may have inadvertently handed over a letter from his wife, and as he tries to get the other guy to confirm or deny this - and is told he hasn't even opened the damn thing yet - his heart, not the best, begins to give him trouble. He offers to reinstate his inferior, but the guy is laughing like a lunatic, and it's no deal. Then the doctor starves the plant (remember the plant? I personally had almost forgotten about it, but no, it's still there, struggling to find its way through the plot. Rather like myself) for three days until his nemesis rather stupidly stands in front of it, brandishing the letter in triumph. Well, at least the plant isn't hungry any more!

As the doctor opens the letter, having extracted it from his assistant's thrashing hand, he finds it to be a note from his employer introducing the guy who just became plant food. His heart giving out now, he too falls prey to the plant. Fuck them both: it's welcome to them, and also the writer of this piece of shit.

Things I didn't like: The melodramatic acting. Each guy could have been a pig, they hammed it up so much. Completely unbelievable. And how stupid are they both to sit in front of a GIANT FUCKING MAN-EATING PLANT? I mean, hello?

Comments: This series just gets worse! That was the most confused and unlikely story I've seen in a while. The whole idea of someone paying for, and then refusing to return, a fucking letter is so ludicrous as to be all but laughable. And the entire plot was built around that! God almighty.

Rating:

[Trollheart]

Title: "Small Blessing"
Series: Monsters
Season: 3
Year: 1990
Writer(s): Peg Haller and Bob Schneider
Storyline: A mother is desperately trying to get her baby to sleep, so when she falls asleep herself and then wakes up and he is in the land of Nod, she is terrified that the butcher, delivering meat to her, will ring the doorbell and wake him up. But he doesn't, walking in the door, which he warns her is a bad idea to leave open, as there is a psycho killer on the loose. Well of course there is. He remarks on how much meat she's ordered, but she brushes him off.

(Trollheart's Theory: this one is not hard to guess. All that meat (raw meat), a killer on the loose and we haven't seen her baby's face yet, only seen him from behind? Surely he's some monster, demon, feral thing who is the killer?) When the husband comes home she has again fallen asleep, and little Eric is nowhere to be seen, but she points him out, clinging to the ceiling. The father does not seem surprised by this, and says he has brought something for his child. It's a football, but Eric bites and deflates it. We can see now he is a monster, with sharp teeth and a demonic face.

When the two parents go to check on him he is gone! The mother panics, worrying about what the neighbours will do when they see the child? Organise a mob, no doubt, she thinks. And not to search for him. Look, either the father knows more than he's saying or he is thick as shite, pretending his kid is normal when he quite obviously is nothing of the sort. The two fight over him, and the husband leaves in a huff. Meanwhile the butcher comes in through the back door and - surprising me at least - he's the mad killer, not the kid! Nice twist. Then little Eric breaks out of his crib to come and rescue mummy, see off the mad butcher and everything is right at home.

Things I didn't like: How blindly stupid the father was, making excuses for his demonic kid.

Comments: Another excellent episode. I thought I had it sussed, and I did, to an extent, but I did not see the twist. It's a bit stupid that the father is so blind/thick, take your pick, but the episode is played for laughs and really works well. Bravo!

Rating:

[Trollheart]

Title: "The Wedding Ring"
Series: Amazing Stories
Season: 2
Year: 1986
Writer(s): Stu Krieger, Steven Spielberg
Storyline: A put-upon waitress is told she'll have to come in on her day off, to facilitate the manager going off with the younger, prettier waitress. The boss is a right prick, and everyone, from staff to customers, treats Lois like garbage. It's her anniversary, too. Without a present for her, her husband takes a wedding ring he finds in the prop department where he works. Having put the ring on she suddenly changes, becoming much more passionate, more assertive.

Herbert finds out that the ring he took used to belong to a notorious murderer, a black widow who killed all three of her husbands. The owner of the store had intended to use it to decorate a wax dummy he has of the woman, but now it's missing. Meanwhile, back in the cafe, the new Lois  is making her presence felt in no uncertain terms. She teases her miserable boss in a clingy new outfit, then quits. Coming home, Herbert is greeted by a meat cleaver flung at the door (Lois says "it slipped!") and coming into the house sees a massive collection of knives his wife has bought. He begins to feel even more nervous.

Realising his wife is now possessed by the spirit of the dead murderess, Herbert tries to get her to take the ring off, but no dice. She attacks him with a knife and chases him around the house, until finally he manages, with the aid of a stick of butter to get the ring off her finger, and the spirit leaves her. Still, looking at herself now, at her new image, she loves it, and it gives her new confidence. Herbert throws the ring out the window, and in a clever bit of karma, her old boss picks it up and gives it to his girlfriend, the other waitress.

Things I liked: The turnaround/payback at the end


Comments: Again, the Spielberg name pulls in the stars. In this one we have Rhea Pearlman (Carla from Cheers) and Danny DeVito, who also directs. The question is, does the presence of these comedy titans cover for a bad story, or do they enhance it? Is this just window dressing to hide a poor episode? No, this time he's done it. A lovely little story of two people in love trying to show each other how much they love the other, a cursed ring and a cool piece of payback at the end. Excellent.

Rating:

[Trollheart]

Title: "The Tale of the Unexpected Visitor"
Series: Are You Afraid of the Dark?
Season: 5
Year: 1996
Writer(s): Alan Kingsberg
Storyline: A kid whose father is an astronomical scientist or some damn thing tries to use his dad's setup to hack into a satellite to get a free show, but instead ends up contacting alien life. While Sherman is out of the room, Burt, his stoner mate, accesses the father's top secret project notes (which are, of course, just lying around where anybody could stumble over them) and somehow sets up a communication with a distant planet, using the music he and Sherman wrote as the message. Then he gets a message back! But terrified now, as he wasn't supposed to touch the equipment, Burt shuts off the computers.

That night an alien boogies on down to see what this Earth place is like, dude (sorry; got somewhat caught up in the whole stoner aspect of the writing. Man.) and starts like collecting specimens. Radical! Sorry. It takes the dog, and the Sherman's kid brother Bobby, using some sort of golden sticky spiderweb sort of deal. Awesome! Sorry again; that will be the last one. Sherman and Burt come across the web, and also a sort of metal door in the forest. When they throw the dog's toy through, it disappears (even though the whole door is about three or four inches thick at best) and then it's thrown back out at them. Showing for once a bit of sense, the two run.

Back at the house, they can't find Bobby, and checking the computers it seems the aliens are plotting a course towards Earth. Then Burt gets caught and taken by the web. Sherman legs it back to the forest, and goes through the metal door, armed with the greatest weapon known to man: a stick. Here he finds Burt and Bobby and the dog, all trapped in a perspex tube. Amazingly, it's quite impervious to the power of the stick! Somehow, Burt has worked out that everything is controlled by musical tones, and tells Sherman that if he can play a D Sharp note the cage will open. He records the note, runs back to the door and it does work.

They then find out that the alien was a kid, who had misinterpreted the musical notes as an invitation to come and play. The other alien is its mother, who has come to take him home. She apologises for any inconvenience.

Things I liked: Stoner dude. Excellent!

Things I didn't like: The epilogue was ridiculous (see below) and like "The Tale of the Renegade Virus" the whole process was distilled down to idiot level. As if such a contact could be made by one man with his system, and aliens could then arrive so quickly? As if Sherman's father would be allowed to keep everything pertaining to the project in his own damn house, and work alone? And as if nothing would be password protected or double redundant so that any stupid kid could get into it? As if the instructions for contacting alien species would be written out in plain English in a fucking manual beside the computer station, and that it would require a mere few keystrokes to activate it? Fuck me. Do me a lemon. You think I have no brain?

Comments: Not a bad little story. The stoner is very endearing in his blundering way, and the ending is decent. Kind of ruined it though by saying the father wasn't annoyed because it proved his tech worked. I mean, surely this would have been a global phenomenon? Actual contact with alien life? And then they play their music at the end to the alien kid? Silly, silly ending to what could have been a good story had they left it alone.

Rating:

[Trollheart]

Title: "Little Girl Lost"
Series: Night Gallery
Season: 2
Year: 1972
Writer(s): Stanford Whitmore, from the story by E.C. Tubb
Storyline: Yeah yeah I know it's the same title as an earlier episode from The Twilight Zone we picked. I doubt it's the same story though. No it's not. A professor who is - or was  - working on an important project for the military has lost the will to work after his daughter was killed. He may have snapped, as he is now going around thinking Jenny is alive, holding her hand, feeding her, brushing her hair etc.  A psychologist brought in by the top brass to try to work with him plays along, pretending he too can see the girl. Oh, okay. I was convinced that when he offered to "brush her hair" he would actually feel something, feel as if there was a solid object, a person there in front of him, but he hasn't given any indication of such. So much for my idea.

After weeks of pandering to the guy, he's finally completed his works, but now he gets all maudlin, then angry. He knows he's been working on ways to make better weapons of mass destruction, and while driving he starts to push the car too fast, his anger boiling over at the military using him, at man's blindness to what he's doing. Turns out he does know his daughter is dead, and in giving the - wrong - equations to the scientists at the military he has ensured that all of Earth will be wiped out, and he'll be with his little girl again.

Things I didn't like: Very selfish tone to this. Because he's grieving, and because a majority of power-brokers want to create weapons, he's ready to condemn all of humanity to death?

Comments: Nah I didn't like that one at all. Apart from anything else, again it's entirely oversimplifying things to say a) that one man could crack the secret of fission with non-radioactive materials, as they say he has and b) that his equations would be accepted without any sort of check, and used, so quickly and so devastatingly. Kind of an insult to the intelligence. Bah.

Rating:

[Trollheart]

Title: "Model Kid"
Series:  Creepshow
Season: 2
Year: 2021
Writer(s): John Esposito
Storyline: A monster-movie-obsessed kid is less than pleased when his loser uncle and his wife come to stay, but it's to help his mother, who is going through chemotherapy. Unfortunately it doesn't work and she dies, so the brother and wife move into the house. Uncle Kev is less than tolerant about Joe's monsters, in fact he throws all his models out. Turns out - big surprise! - he's a wife-beater too, and Barb is scared of him, doing her best to protect Joe, and one night he dreams his mother rises from the grave (though not as a zombie) and tells him that she and his friends are watching over him. She offers him a copy of his magazine (Creepshow, duh) and the next morning he sends off for a thing called "The Victim".

Apparently made by voodoo craftsmen in Haiti (it says) I guess it's a sort of twenty-first century version of sticking pins in a doll? Anyway he gets it and makes it up to look like his uncle, who suddenly starts experiencing unexplained pain. But then it gets a little silly as Joe's monster figures come to life and attack and kill Uncle Kev. I suppose he used the figure in some way. Anyway they tear him apart, and when Auntie Barb comes home it looks like Joe has become a real vampire.

Things I thought would happen, but didn't: Thought the kid might suddenly realsie he was becoming a monster, make up with Kev, warn him of what he could do, and live happily ever after under that threat.

Things I liked: The movie posters: IT Came Back followed by IT Came Back Again! and finally IT Won't Stop Coming Back!

Things I didn't like: The gratuitously violent ending, which seems to tell the message, if someone hurts you, hurt them back twice as bad. Also the seeming animosity towards Barb who had only been kind to him.

Comments: Pretty stupid really. A kind of violent revenge death-fantasy featuring a kid who doesn't learn anything except how to hit back. A little pointless and quite disturbing.

Rating:

[Trollheart]

And so we come to the last ever episode of

Title: "Polybius"
Series: Dimension 404
Season: 1
Year: 2017
Writer(s): Will Campos, Dez Dolly
Storyline: A videogame-obsessed kid who's also from a strict Christian family has to keep the fact that he's gay from his parents, who have no time for computer games either. Andrew's trying to be a games writer, but not having a lot of luck. He and his best friend (who also has a crush on him,  (unbeknownst to the other boy) Jess meet a girl who is new in town, Amy, and then come across a new computer arcade game they have not yet even heard of, called Polybius. It appears to consist of running headlong through a 3D wireframe maze until a red demon figure appears and says "Your souls are mine!"

Kids start to turn up dead, and Andrew's computer suddenly displays the game, then he thinks he sees something in his wardrobe, and is grabbed by the demon from Polybius. He sees it feasting on the body of one of his ex-friends who turned against him, and then he wakes up. Was it a dream? Well maybe not. His computer was unplugged, and the next morning he finds a kind of tattoo of the symbol for the game (a pentagram, duh) on the back of his neck. Shortly afterwards he finds a body in one of the lockers, the same friend whom he had fallen out with and whom he had seen, or dreamt as he thought, the demon eating last night.

After trying to explain his fears and theories about the game to the investigating detective, Andrew meets a strange man who seems very interested in the fact that he has played Polybius, and tries to get him to go with him, but Andrew senses something is up and refuses.  We then see he's working with the police. Meanwhile he finds that Amy has also the same tattoo. Andrew has looked up Polybius and found out it refers to a demon, but he has to face his own demons when, encouraged by Amy, he tries it on with Jess, who is repelled by his advances. Is he overcompensating, or is he just not that way inclined? Either way, Andrew feels like an idiot. Before he can concentrate on that, though, the strange guy enters the arcade.

They manage to get the jump on him and tie him up, and eventually he admits he is following the installations of the game, getting rid of any evidence it existed, because it's too terrifying for the human race to believe that any such thing could be real. But he doesn't know what is is and he's not involved in whatever its plans are. In fact, they find out that the inventor of Polybius is the arcade owner, Wilma, who appears with a shotgun and kills Mysterious Guy, grunting "our souls are his."

The demon Polybius comes out of the machine. Well, it would be rude not to, wouldn't it? It takes Amy's soul, but Jess manages to wrestle the shotgun from Wilma and shoots it, destroying it and freeing her.

Yeah. Right. This is a demon, remember? Shotguns don't have any effect on them!

It does give the other two time to run though, time they don't waste. Andrew though decides to go back in and take the thing on, put an end to it once and for all if he can. Jess has a brain, so he tells him he's on his own and runs off. The game has spilled out of the machine and is filling the arcade, so when Andrew re-enters he's in the game. Then Jess comes back. Awww! The two of them figure the only way to beat the monster is to break the game, and that will only happen if they can break the record for the high score. So Andrew begins playing while Jess baits the demon, creating a distraction. Andrew forces the score to reset to all zeros and the game implodes, taking the demon with it. Amy's soul is released back into her body, and the three friends leave after Amy lays out Wilma, who tries to spoil everything with her shotgun.

Things I didn't like: The fact that the coach is grinning like an idiot as the body of one of his students is taken away. He doesn't seem at all bothered that there's been a grisly and horrible murder in his school.

Comments: A good episode, but there kind of was a little too much emphasis placed on Andrew's being from a strictly religious family, that didn't really play out, other than his knowledge of the demon. The gay relationship was nice, but again was unfulifilled. Was Jess secretly gay too? Never said. And sadly, once again, a woman was the bad guy (other than the demon I mean). I also am slightly upset that, in a series with only six episodes, two of them - almost three, if you count "Chronos" - were based around video and computer games. There's also a lot of Tron in this, so that kind of takes away from the originality aspect of it. It might have been nice to have had Amy be the heroine, but she exists kind of just as a supporting character, sort of sandwiched in between the two boys.

I'd also have to take issue with Mysterious Guy. Never revealed who he was working for, why he wanted to destroy the game or how he even knew of it. Basically thrown in as a way of wrong-footing the viewer: you think this has to be the bad guy, then it turns out he's not, he's kind of a good guy. But before he can do anything he gets blown away. And why and how did Wilma create the game? Lots of unanswered questions, which sadly will never be resolved.

Rating:

[Trollheart]

ROUND SIX, PART III: NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK, PART I

Title: "The Last Man"
Series: Room 104
Season: 4
Year: 2020
Writer(s): Mark Duplass
Storyline: Our last episode (also from season 4) was an animation, this time it seems we have a musical number, as two warriors fight it out in what looks to be either an apocalyptic wasteland or a time just after dinosaurs. Or on a desert planet, who knows? Looks like one of the settings for an episode of original Star Trek! One of the warriors - Darkon (shut it) - says he's been waiting a few thousand years, and also mentions "the fall of the humans", so I guess we're on a future Earth? As he and Chiron fight, they sing, which is I have to admit very annoying, like watching a movie you didn't realise was going to be a fucking musical before you began. Chiron falls but as Darkon prepares to deliver the death blow both are enveloped in a sandstorm and when it clears Darkon is gone. A woman then appears - Chiron calls her Granada - and she seems to be some sort of sorceress, also that Chiron is her pupil.

So they start training, Jedi-like, for the return of Darkon and Chiron's eventual victory. Then she vanishes and the storm whips up again, and now, um, we're in Room 104, with a family, 132,478 years later, it says. The family are playing Monopoly, until Chiron blasts in from, I guess, the past, and they all leg it. Availing himself of the hotel's facilities, he watches TV as if he has seen it before, but a long long time ago, so is he from the past or the future? Fuck knows. He recites a brief history of humanity (in song, of course) and then decides to literally fall on his sword. But then Darkon appears and doesn't seem inclined to fight. Both realise "this is the place", whatever that means - okay, Darkon says that they have been fighting all their battles through history in the same spot, and now there's a hotel built on it. But it's the same place. And again they fight. In the end, they both impale each other on their swords.

Then the sorceress shows up, and it seems she's both their mother, and she's been training both of them ; they've been fighting like this since they were kids and she's been trying to show them how stupid that is. Like this fucking story.

Comments: I had really hoped there would be a better pay-off. Should have known better.

Rating:

[Trollheart]

Title: "Itchy"
Series: Creeped Out
Season: 2
Year: 2019
Writer(s): Robert Butler (No, not robot butler!)
Storyline: Again, yes, the title of the first episode of Room 104 we looked at, but nothing I can do about that. This is not about a guy carrying alien babies inside him, but about an outbreak of headlice on an island, where suddenly all the bottles of medicated shampoo seem to have been sabotaged; tiny pinprick holes are in them allowing the contents all to drain away, and Gabe hears a voice nobody else can hear, saying "A war!" repeatedly. He's apparently afraid of the dark (or of tunnels anyway) and his brother has got a heat vision tablet, which seems like it might be important to the plot, if there is one.

Turns out not to be "a war" that he heard, but "award" - they're at a graduating ceremony for their cadet school when the lice attack - everyone scratching and running. Using the laptop with the heat vision they're able to see where the lice are as they attack, and they get the last two bottles of shampoo from the head's office (sorry), though one gets spilled. Having sealed themselves in one of the rooms they're safe, but they can't stay there. Gabe goes through the ventilation shaft, even though he's afraid of tight spaces (claustrophobia?) but as he's about to leave, his brother, and then he himself, are attacked. With a final desperate effort, he tips the remaining bottle of shampoo into the school's sprinkler system, hits the fire alarm and instead of water the system sprays out shampoo, killing all the lice.

In a coda, Gabe then later hears the words "Revenge" being whispered, and using the tablet he can see that his cat is covered in the things. The battle may have been won, but the war, it seems, goes on.

Things I didn't like: Again, the fucking croaky, whispery voice of the so-called narrator. It's not just that her voice is low, it's mumbled and muttered as if she doesn't really have her attention on what she's saying, or doesn't care. It's really annoying and the least scary thing I've heard.

Comments: A pretty good story, a cautionary tale to check and keep clear of head lice, and also a story of facing your fears. A sort of ecological message in it too, when Gabe mourns the death of all the lice, saying they were just trying to survive, but then that's countered by the intended revenge attack. Nice.

Rating:

[Trollheart]

Title: "The Crystal Ball"
Series: The Veil
Season: n/a
Year: 1958
Writer(s): Robert Joseph
Storyline: A writer is aghast to find that the woman he loves is going to marry for money, and worse, she's marrying his publisher! She makes no secret about why she's marrying the man, and gives Edmonde a crystal ball for some reason. His love very quickly turns to hate, and who could blame him? She's a gold-digger, and has admitted as much. Completely shameless. His uncle visits, and hearing that he no longer loves Marie, offers to set him up with a new love. He's something of a romeo about Paris, despite his, um, rather advancing age. He declines, but later sees in the crystal ball that Marie is cheating on her husband.

When the publisher comes back - early - Edmonde gives him reason to suspect his wife, without saying it out straight. Charles, the publisher, thinks that Edmonde has been having an affair with his wife, and promises to kill him (typical bloody Frenchman!) if it proves to be true. Marie meanwhile has the feeling someone is watching her while she's cheating, while Edmonde reveals that he knows where she is, and that she is getting it on with a Parisian artist. Charles won't believe him, but he shows him the scene in the crystal ball. Charles of course can't see what Edmonde sees. It appears only he can see the image. Edmonde decides to take him to the address he's seen, and they find Marie there with her fancy man. Charles is not a happy bunny, and demands a divorce.

Comments: Meh, all right I suppose. Typical overwrought French mannerisms, even if they're portrayed by American actors.

Rating:

[Trollheart]

Title: "Monster Blood"
Series: Goosebumps
Season: 2
Year: 1996
Writer(s): Rick Drew
Storyline: Evan has to stay with his weird aunt while his parents go off on business, but he doesn't like his aunt. She's weird, he says; creepy, and she doesn't like animals (says she's allergic to them) so his dog is not allowed in the house. He's told to stay out of one of the rooms, so of course he goes in, and finds it dark, dusty and full of cobwebs. His aunt throws him out, angry and aghast (afraid?) and when he's gone locks a wardrobe inside of which something seems to be trying to get out. That night his aunt prowls through the house, looking or listening for something.

Morning however brings a new friend, a girl called Andie, who agrees that Catherine is creepy, and well known for it. She inveigles her way into the house to see the forbidden room, using that weapon against which no kid has any defence: saying Evan is scared. They discover some odd things, including a jar of some green material, labelled as monster blood. It's like gel or something, or hardened rubber, or that gunge kids used to play with. When Evan takes a handful of it and fires it against the wall it ricochets around like a bullet. Unseen by either, it looks as if a black cat has appeared out of the jar, too, and it goes behind the sofa. Then the dog eats the stuff. That can't be good.

The next day Andie shows Evan that the monster blood is multiplying, growing; there's about ten times as much of it as there was. That cat is around now too, lurking around corners. Then, as they're trying to transfer the monster blood into the bath Evan falls in. That, also, cannot be good. The cat turns into a woman, and Evan's aunt tells them this is Zarabeth, a demon whom she summoned, but  the monster blood (no idea where it came from or what it is) imprisoned. Now she's out, and ready for revenge as the monster blood bubbles through the house.

Suddenly the dog barks, appearing at the window - and filling it. And more. He's grown to enormous size, and as the woman was initially a cat, that's what he sees and that's how she reacts. She steps backwards, into the monster blood, and is again caught in it, vanishing. The dog returns to normal size, and there's a part two coming as it seem the monster blood has been loaded onboard the plane Evan is now on, but that's another story, and frankly, I'm not that bothered.

Comments: A pretty silly story with a lot of holes in the plot. Where did the monster blood come from? What is it? Where did Zarabeth go? How did the blood get loaded onboard a plane (of course, that might be explained in the second part, I guess)? A story that sort of says of logic, don't bother me with such details, and just ploughs on. Pretty poor really. Even kids must see through this.

Rating:

[Trollheart]

This round also sees our final trip on - or rather, off the bus, as we take our last episode from

Title: "The Elephant in the Room"
Series: Bloodride
Season: 1
Year: 2020
Writer(s): Kjetil Indregard
Storyline: At a company's summer party, two people new to the firm try to find out what happened to Martha, an employee who is said to have fallen from a balcony. Nobody can or will talk about it, and the more they investigate the more it seems a guy called William, who was said to be on the balcony with Martha, and a girl called Helene are involved. William is dressed as an elephant and making a real nuisance of himself, coming close to sexually harassing the girls, Kristin and Paul and find out that Martha is rumoured to have been bullied, likely by these two.

Details come out of a nasty picture comparing Martha to Gollum, which was distributed throughout the company network, a few days before Martha fell. The girl who shows it to them intimates that management may have been trying to hush the whole thing  up, protecting someone at a high level perhaps. They search William's desk and find on Helene's computer - the two share a desk and work as a team - the images, along with others comparing Martha to other people unfavourably. Helene then walks in and they accuse her, but she says the images are William's, and that Martha was in love with him. She says that William rebuffed her, and that Martha took it into her head that there was something between he and Helene, and charged at them that day on the balcony. They stepped aside and she went over the edge.

Helene takes her computer back, saying they will have no evidence once she has deleted the pictures, but she doesn't know that Paul has taken copies on a USB drive. When they see William and Helene in one of the upstairs offices, Kristin says that as the receptionist she has keys to all the rooms. They plan to lock the two of them in and then show everyone the pictures, proving the pair's guilt. William, though, seems about to try it on with Helene, who is not interested. William is also married, as we saw at the beginning. Paul and Kristin put their plan into action, but it turns out they've got it all wrong.

Martha, they are told by the HR head, who has been forced to sign an NDA, was bullying them. They were terrified of her. She is, says this woman, a psychopath. Meanwhile, the body of William has turned up in the gents, quite dead, and now it seems obvious that the person in the office with Helene, the one wearing the elephant suit, is Martha. And she attacks Helene, who can't get out because the room is locked.

Comments: Meh, it was all right I suppose.  A bit, what's the word? Meh. Yeah, a bit meh. I mean, Kristin, having locked the room, and realised what she's done, doesn't even make an attempt to run up and unlock it, knowing that Helene is in danger. She just stands there, horror-stricken but doing nothing. And if Martha was a psycho bitch and both were afraid of her, what were they doing baiting her by making uncomplimentary pictures? If you're afraid of someone you don't goad them into action.

Overall, you'd have to say not the best ending for the series (though this was not the last episode, just the order in which I chose them was random and this ended up coming out last) though in general it hasn't really disappointed. I'll be doing a retrospective of it and Dimension 404 as we say goodbye to both.

Rating:

[Trollheart]

ROUND SIX, PART IV: NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK, PART II

Title: "The Girl in the Painting"
Series: The Haunting Hour
Season: 3
Year: 2012
Writer(s): Jack Monaco
Storyline: A girl who dreams of a better life than she has with her single mother finds a painting in the garbage. It depicts a beautiful room, with a little girl sitting with her back to the artist, so you can't see her face. Becky wishes she could be her, live her life, and starts to rearrange her room to correspond with the layout in the painting. The next day the girl in the painting has moved; she's now standing up, facing the artist, and the clock has changed the time it was showing. Becky tells her mother but she won't or can't or refuses to believe her; in fact, she thinks she's getting so obsessed with it that she threatens to get rid of the painting, but relents when her daughter agrees to stop being so wrapped up in it.

That night Becky hears a voice - the girl in the painting is calling to her, and walking through the wardrobe (thank you, C.S. Lewis!) she gets into the painting and meets the girl. The girl keeps looking at the clock and seems to be waiting for something, so here's Trollheart's Theory: she has been trapped in the painting, but if she can get someone else to take her place (presumably something to do with the six o'clock that the clock is about to reach) she can be released and the other person will be imprisoned in the painting, taking their place. She certainly seems reluctant to allow Becky to leave anyway. Hey, maybe she's a demon or the devil, come to take the little girl's soul?

She's closed the door to the wardrobe, now that Becky has agreed to "have a sleepover" but I bet that's so she can't find her way back.Then six o'clock strikes, and she pulls the bellcord at the side of the bed. The roof slides over - the girl says it opens at feeding time - and a monster reaches down and picks up Becky and eats her. Okay. Very weird. The mother of the girl in the painting comes in and sighs that this is just how their world is, and that people see what they want to see. Someone else will be along to feed the monster, attracted to the beauty of the painting, and using her as bait. There's nothing they can do about it. They have to sacrifice others in order to survive themselves. The girl resumes her seat and waits.

Things I thought would happen, but didn't: Like my theory said, I assumed she was about to switch places with the other little girl, and she would then be trapped in the painting. Meh, my way was better.

Things I didn't like: The stupidity of the mother. Anyone with half a brain could see that the girl in the painting had originally been sitting, and now she's standing, but the mother shrugs it off. Ridiculous.

Comments: At its heart not a bad story, but the idea of the monster outside doesn't sit well with me. A little hard to reconcile. Is this then a painting, or a house, or a block? Where is the monster patrolling? Another planet? Dimension? Another cautionary tale about appreciating what you have and not always wanting better, the grass being greener on the other side etc.

Rating:

[Trollheart]

Title: "Right to Die"
Series: Masters of Horror
Season: 2
Year: 2009
Writer(s): John Esposito
Storyline: As he tries to get his wife to forgive him for having cheated on her, Cliff crashes the car and Abby is horrifically burned. Cliff considers what he should do: should he keep Abby living in agony, hanging on, a mere skeleton with a few folds of scorched flesh clinging to her bones, or end it for her? As he ponders the decision, above the kitchen counter a message she wrote changes from "Wake me at 7" to just "Wake me". Back at the hospital, as she flatlines, Abby appears in the bath beside him, whole, complete, just as she was, and they begin making love. But in the throes of passion her skin begins to crack and blister, and she turns into a half-alive, burnt monster, while the scene changes to the burns ward, where the staff are trying to defibrillate her. They get a faint pulse and she vanishes from the bath, or from his mind.

When he examines himself in the mirror, there are burn marks on his chest and back, where his wife touched him as they made love. Her mother calls to say she'll fight his attempts to have her daughter's life support turned off, and swears he won't profit from it. He's confused; how could he possibly profit? But she doesn't explain and stalks off, saying he can talk to her lawyers. Then she appears on television, accusing him of wanting to end her daughter's life for his own selfish gain (still not sure what the angle is here; did she make a will? Does he have life insurance on her?) and he starts getting hate mail, people calling him a murderer.

The girl he cheated on Abby with - in point of fact, his secretary - seems not to care too much about his wife being on life support and wants to continue their affair (which he had told Abby was over) - and he agrees! His lawyer now explains what the mother meant about getting rich off her daughter's death. As her airbag did not deploy during the accident, they are able to sue them for negligence, and the company will pay big - up to ten million - for their keeping this out of the courts. If Abby dies, her mother gets the money so you would think she would want to let her die? Not quite understanding that. The lawyer says Abby's mother is going to have Cliff removed as the legal guardian, to prevent him cashing in, but can you be guardian of someone over the age of majority? Maybe they mean a kind of power of attorney? Either way, the legal bills are going to be massive.

Trish becomes even more interested when she hears Cliff may be due a massive windfall. She really is a fucking heartless bitch. I know she probably dislikes Abby, as she's screwing her husband, but she doesn't even offer her sympathies or talk about her at all, other than as an obstacle to getting it on with Cliff, and maybe replacing her. I really hope she gets what's coming to her. Cow. At any rate, it seems he's getting a little tired of/disturbed by her come-ons as he tries to make a difficult decision, but the DNR order is ratified by the court and he goes to see his wife one last time before her life support is switched off. Of course it's a media event, and he has to navigate cameras, reporters, protesters and rubberneckers before he can get in. Meanwhile his lawyer has callously bade farewell to Abby, saying he never liked her but she is going to make him a pile of money, so cheers. Another cunt.

When Cliff goes to kiss Abby goodbye she bites his lip, then flatlines. Outside, he sees her again, as she used to be, then she vanishes. The lawyer, meanwhile, looking for somewhere to make a phone call after he has been warned by a doctor not to use his mobile, wanders into the MRI room. Fucking idiot. This'll be the end of him. And it is. The ghost of Abby is standing behind him (though I don't think he can see her) and first his phone fries and then she turns on the MRI magnet. This drags him, via his wristwatch and ring, against the door of the unit, and pinning him there like a fly on a windshield.

Then Abby appears.

Not the original Abby, but as she is now, all burned and skeletal-like, and very very angry. He's managed to get the ring off, and with a superhuman effort dumps the watch, but he needn't have bothered. Abby points at him and he goes up in flames. Cliff changes his mind; Abby must live now, it's imperative. The doctor tells him that Abby's wounds do appear to be healing rather quickly, which is unexpected to say the least, and he rescinds the DNR, also offering any money made from the case to anyone who can donate - um, what? Their skin? I mean, she's basically a skeleton now. What does he want a donor to give? Doesn't make that clear.

Trish looks like next in line for the chopping block. She's continuing her all-out assault on Cliff, and he, to be fair, is putting up very little fight. Now she's on the way to the shower and we see the thermostat climb up above boiling point. Cliff's phone rings and it's her, sending sexy photos of herself in the bathroom. Then behind her her see the skeletal burned figure of Abby! Trish starts screaming. Cliff runs to the bathroom door, where one word is scrawled, I think in blood or maybe it's burned in. Anyway, the word is SKIN. Cliff knows what he has to do.

Hitting Trish over the head with a bottle he prepares her for.. Surgery? He's a dentist, not a goddamn skin surgeon! But there she is, all marked out and ready to be carved up. Oddly enough, she's conscious - he says the skin has to be fresh, don't know if that's correct or not - but either way he's killing her isn't he? Well, I said I hoped she got what was coming, so I guess she is. He does have her under local anaesthetic so I suppose there's that.

Now there's a flashback, and we see that Abby was so angry with Cliff for betraying her that she told him he would never get near the baby she's just announced she's carrying. What's more, her parents have been supporting his dental practice and she says all that ends now. Then they crashed, as we've seen. But what we haven't seen is that he did not call 911, and in fact lit a lighter in order to incinerate her. So if that's the case, a) what about the baby? Was he not thinking about killing an innocent life and b) why does he now want to keep her alive when she hates him and can talk about how he was responsible for her horrific injuries? Doesn't make sense. I mean, I know he's terrified of the kind of hauntings - who wouldn't be? - but isn't he just digging himself deeper in here? He's killed her/their unborn baby: how does he think she will react to that if she lives?

In any case, it doesn't work out. By the time he gets to the hospital with Trish's body parts, Abby has died. As he dumps the parts in the bin and goes back inside his house, the ghost of Abby is there to greet him. Guess he'll be haunted forever now.

Things I thought would happen, but didn't: Near the end, there's a point where he has to jam on the brakes and the bag of body parts spills out on the road. A cop car flies by. I of course assumed he would then be stopped, done for murder, and jailed for life. But no, the cops just shout "Get out of the road!" and zoom past, despite the fact that Cliff is standing there holding a human arm! Ah, America's finest, huh?

Things I liked: The death of the scumbag lawyer was particularly satisfying.

Things I didn't like: The brazenness of his assistant. With his wife clinging on to life, she still wants to have her affair with him. At least wait until the wife is switched off, yeah?

Comments: Macabre and quite bizarre, but another great story from the man who gave us the previous one in this series, "Pick Me Up". No real humour in this one, per se, but Esposito manages to deflect the horror of the apparitions and the sadness of a woman's life so cruelly cut short by focusing on her attempts to extract revenge from beyond the grave. Sort of. Quite visceral, but then you have to expect that, and it is good to see the woman triumphing in this, whereas in the other story she very much did not.

Rating:

[Trollheart]

Title: "They Come Knocking"
Series: Into the Dark
Season: 1
Year; 2019
Writer(s): Shane van Dyke, Carey van Dyke
Storyline: On a road trip following the death of his wife, a man and his two daughters try to bond, but it seems that Clair, one of the daughters, a teenager, is not his, so she won't call him dad. She calls him Nathan (for, 'tis his name). This episode is written with Father's Day in mind. Clair is riding in the trailer being towed behind the SUV, and sees what she thinks is a strange figure when they stop for food at a diner. She also sees a bunch of missing kids notices behind the counter. As a teenager, and especially a teenage girl, she's programmed to be moody, sulky, self-obsessed and wishes she were anywhere other than here, but they've come both to retrace the path Nathan and his wife took 17 years ago on their road trip, and at the spot where he proposed to her, they intend to scatter her ashes. The other daughter, Maggie, has made some sort of doll's house deal with figures of her family - including her late mother - made out of wood or cardboard or something. I hope that factors into the story, as otherwise it's quite a weird thing to do, I think.

Now it emerges that his wife was very sick and on life support, and Nathan had to be the one to tell them to turn it off, to spare her the pain, something Clair has not forgiven him for. It's driven a wedge between them. That night, there's a thumping on the door of the trailer and going to the window Clair sees that mysterious figure again, and when her dad (or stepdad) goes to investigate he hears children's voices asking to be let in. Suddenly they appear outside the caravan, hooded figures about the size of children. When the father refuses to let them in, the voices get more threatening and then they seem to vanish, singing "Three Blind Mice". Right. There's little as creepy as spooky children. Nathan stays up on guard with, um, a spade. You dig? Sorry.

Of course, a simple prediction to make here is that by the end of the episode Clair will be calling him dad, but that's taken as read. In the meantime, the next morning they find the kids have wrecked the car's engine, so they're going nowhere. Nathan sets off to find a garage, leaving Clair to watch over Maggie. He gives her a walkie-talkie so they can keep in touch while he's away. Hmm. Given that these seldom have happy endings, I wonder if when he gets back the two girls have been convinced to join the ghost kids, and then, Stephen King-like, he has to make the decision whether to leave them or join them in their eternal damnation? Wouldn't be that surprised. Right Maggie now said that she always keeps the figure of her mother with her, and Clair says that's good, as that way their mother can always look out for her, so I'm assuming her spirit is in there somewhere and will help protect them. It's pretty touching when, as the two girls sit by her bed (in the past), having talked already with her father about how, as a little girl, she would sit with her mother and watch her put on her makeup and try to copy her, Clair applies her mother's lipstick, as she's too weak and in too much pain to do it herself, but it's always important that a woman looks her best, even at - especially at - the end.

Meanwhile Nathan, who is not answering the walkie-talkie, comes across an abandoned trailer, which I'm assuming links in to some of the missing kids Clair saw notices for, then he sees a bunch of water bottles laid out in front of it in a line. Back at their own trailer, Clair finds Maggie gone, and goes frantically searching for her. Nathan explores the abandoned trailer (is that rust or blood on the door?) and finds a dead guy (blood then) and a scratched message: HELP ME. Dead guy is armed with a rifle, so Nathan takes that.  Clair arrives at some sort of junkyard, and sees a line of what appear to be shoes - possibly those of children - stretching away in a line. She also sees a lot of doll parts - mostly heads - hanging up. This cannot be good. Even worse when she finds Maggie's doll of her mother, dropped on the ground. Back at the trailer of death, Nathan comes across a strange drawing, obviously made by a child, which depicts two sisters watching their mother fly up to Heaven. Surely now that's not a coincidence that his daughters have just lost their mother? Definitely not, as another drawing shows two girls watching the creepy kids from inside the trailer (from the point of view of the daughters) and on the outside of the trailer are scrawled in dust on the windscreen the words CAN WE COME IN?

Back at the scrapyard, Clair thinks she hears singing ("Hush Little Baby") and runs into what looks like some sort of container, where there's just a doll in a rocking chair (doll size) and then the door slams on her to the laughter of children. Then she seems to encounter the spirit of her mother, but it's evil. Nathan on the way back at full speed hears only children's laughter when he tries to contact his girls on the walkie, but I guess he must be near where Clair is as he hears her screams and gets to the door in time to let her out, whereupon the - well, let's call it a demon, shall we? - the demon vanishes. Luckily, when they get back to their own trailer Maggie has returned, having gone looking for Clair, she says.

That night, they find a petrol can left outside, and the campsite set on fire. So Nathan has to go out to move the can before the whole trailer goes up, but as he does he realises there's a second one on the roof, and it's been allowed to leak, so now the trailer is covered in petrol. He has no choice but to douse the fire before it can reach the trailer. By the time he's managed that, one of the creepy hooded kids has appeared and asks him to play with him or her (hard to say; kids of that age all sound the same and this one is wearing some sort of a mask) and then goes for him. He strikes out and knocks the kid down with his spade, whereupon he or she starts crying, probably to draw him in and trick him into lowering his guard. Yup: now it's joined by others and begins to laugh. It straightens its neck in a way no living person could survive, so obviously it's dead, or undead, or using the body. Nathan legs it to the SUV as he can't make it to the trailer in time.

He uses the walkie to talk to Clair, but the range isn't great (not much fucking use is it? They're about less than a hundred feet apart!) and she has to try to get closer, and now again it seems these creepy kids or whatever they are are using the image of his wife to try to trick him out of the car. Unless it's actually her, and she's trying to save him. No, they're using her in a three-pronged attack, to try to get one of them to let them in. The wife is berating Nathan for being a coward and leaving his daughters - their daughters unprotected, while as Maggie's mother she's trying to get the younger girl to open the window so they can get in, and also appealing to Clair at the door. Hopefully none of them fall for it. It will only take one to weaken and it will be all over.

And it is. For Maggie anyway, who succumbed and is now spread over a wide area with rather a lot of blood. Clair was too late to help her: if she had just moved her arse faster once she heard her sister talking to someone, but she waited and delayed, then the door was locked (which she had told Maggie to do) and by the time she broke it down it was too late. So much for the figure of her mother protecting Maggie! Nathan, meanwhile, has made his way out of the car and is heading for the trailer, having trapped the creeps in the car, but when he gets there and Clair tells him Maggie is dead lying in the bath, all he sees when he pulls the shower curtain aside is the doll, no Maggie. Ah, so maybe she did protect her child after all. Now Nathan realises though that the creeps were after Maggie all along, so now he has to go try to save her. Got to find her first, of course.

Okay now they have found her, in the junkyard, running around like she hasn't a care in the world (probably one of the creeps disguised) and for some reason Clair has picked up the bottle of wine her father brought, which seems to have some connection to his wife. I mention this because I assume it will turn out to be significant. Maggie ends up running into the container where her sister was trapped before, and while Nathan is in there searching the creeps come out and menace Clair.

Meanwhile the wife, or a spirit, or a creep, manifests in the container and Nathan is now torn between staying with the woman he loved, but who he knows is dead, and saving his stepdaughter and daughter. A test of priorities? Finally he snaps out of it though and rushes to save Clair. Seems the wife's ashes are in the bottle, which was what made it so important, and now he pours them out, letting her go, as she asked him to as she was dying, and for some reason this scares off the creeps, who have no more power over them. They find Maggie cowering in the container and are reunited, the creepy kids have fucked off and good riddance to them.

Comments: That was incredibly brilliant. Everything came together in the end to create a really well-written and quite moving story about coming to terms with loss, the bond between family that can cross even death and the importance of keeping the memory of loved ones alive. Really enjoyed that, and I have nothing bad to say about it at all. Perfect.

Rating: