Hey gang!

I thought it might be fun to have a thread about truly bad movies. This isn't necessarily movies that you hate. In fact, you may enjoy or even love them. BUT you are also aware that by standards approaching objective appraisal, they stink.

So which horrible movies were notable or meant something to you?

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#1 Oct 02, 2023, 04:09 PM Last Edit: Oct 02, 2023, 04:38 PM by Guybrush
I posted about this in the Last Movie thread when I saw it earlier this year, but it's worth a re-mention.

Tiptoes (2003)

If you've seen the fantastic Forbidden Zone, you may remember the twin characters Rene and Squeezit Henderson played by Matthew Bright. He plays this handsome young man:

Forbidden Zone was made by Richard Elfman, famous composer Danny Elfman's brother, and Bright knew them from childhood and so ended up in their movie as an actor. Later on, Bright himself would find work as both a writer and director. His most famous movie may be Freeway starring a young Reese Witherspoon and Keifer Sutherland.

But Bright had a pet project that he'd had since his teenage years. He'd wanted to make "a raucous comedy about little people f***ing each other". In the early 2000s, that project would finally materialize as the movie Tiptoes.

Tiptoes is a drama movie about a normal sized couple that are about to have a baby. What he hasn't told her is that he comes from a family of little people, something that he himself has difficult feelings around. This results in a fair share of family drama and performing it all is a lovely cast that includes Matthew McConaughey, Kate Beckinsale, Patricia Arquette, Peter Dinklage and the esteemed Gary Oldman as the smaller sized brother of McConaughey's character.

Supposedly, the production was a complete mess and the same can be said for the finished movie which is vaguely offensive and quite ridiculous. You got Gary Oldman's fake muppet / dwarf legs whenever he sits on a couch. Peter Dinklage gives it his all with tremendous overacting as a french communist with Patricia Arquette as his carefree lover. McConaughey is weirdly upset and takes it out on everybody.

Supposedly, the movie ruined the career of Matthew Bright and he claims to have never seen it.

I HAVE seen it and it is great! Especially if you're the sort of person who might like to laugh at Oldman's muppet legs.

For your pleasure:

Also, read the whole story here if you want.

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Dark Crimes(2016)!

I will go into detail why I hated it so much but I normally like Jim Carrey in his darker roles but this one just didn't cut it for me.

I was this cool the whole time.

This thread is right up my alley! Most of my posts in the last watched thread are stinkers, but I have a bit of actual free time today since I'm off work, so watch this space because I'm gonna refer to some old lists of mine and try to come up with a top 25 or so worst movies I've ever seen. Brace yourselves.

Skinamarink (2022)

This movie got a lot of hype. Back on MB, Frown said he liked it (and I think another member did too, don't remember who). It's supposed to be this strange, surreal movie that appears to have come from surveillance footage. I saw some people saying it gave them more anxiety than practically any movie they've ever seen. Others said it was the most boring movie ever. Movies this divisive get my attention. It's safe to say I fall into the latter camp. Almost nothing happens, and when stuff does happen, you're not entirely sure what 'stuff' even is. There's no clear plot, no character development, very little dialogue, with two (maybe three tops) cheap jumpscares. And my god does it drag on and on and on. It's bordering on two hours long, and at one point, in the middle of the film - something begins to happen that raises the tension a bit, and you think: "Okay, finally, this is going to be the rising action - things are going to start to get crazy now", but after that point, it basically just wanders further and further into a void of boredom. My mind started to wander, and I started to think about work and what I wanted to do this weekend after the halfway point. My brain was so lacking in stimulation while watching this, it decided it would be more stimulating to think about work. No matter what you do with a horror movie, the absolute biggest sin is for it to be boring. This isn't a documentary, or a romantic drama - it's a friggin horror movie!

No tension, no suspense, no interesting plot, no big scares, and no payoff. It's cool that the director tried something new on such a small budget and managed to get as much buzz as he did - but this feels like one of those movies that some people just pretend they like for fear of being accused of 'not getting it'. I like indie arthouse horror - Eraserhead is one of my all-time favorite movies. But Eraserhead this movie is certainly not. File this under movies that completely wasted my time.

Interesting mention, @SGR , and one I haven't heard of myself.

Btw, seems we have a shared love for Eraserhead 🙂

Quote from: Mrs. Waffles on Oct 03, 2023, 06:00 PMThis thread is right up my alley! Most of my posts in the last watched thread are stinkers, but I have a bit of actual free time today since I'm off work, so watch this space because I'm gonna refer to some old lists of mine and try to come up with a top 25 or so worst movies I've ever seen. Brace yourselves.

Oh yeah! I've been looking to seeing Mrs. Waffles pick apart some atrocious movies  ;D

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The Creeping Terror (1964)

In the "so bad it's good" category, this B&W low-budget sci-fi stinker from the 60's is probably the worst/best flick I've ever seen. This one is so bad it stinks in rotten company and makes 'Plan 9 from Outer Space' look like 'Star Wars.' It's so awful and obscure that I don't think a movie poster was ever made to promote it. 

Ok, so the full list is gonna take a bit more time. But I do want to share with you what I personally consider the worst film I've ever seen. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...

The Time Machine I Found at a Yard Sale.

I was turned onto this movie about three years ago by my friend Matt, who didn't give me any details about it but showed it to Mr. Waffles and I on some fateful weekend just before the pandemic. I still don't know any of the context behind this abomination, and frankly I don't care to find out. But the whole thing is on Youtube for any brave souls. You have been warned.

If you google "space movie that came out in 1992" you will get this gem of a movie that I found today.

I'm honestly not surprised that it was made by Danish folks.  :laughing:

Disclaimer I haven't watched it yet but I'm already prepared to laugh my ass off when I watch it later on tonight. One of the character's name is Sgt. Shaved Balls.  Another one is named ArminAss.

I was this cool the whole time.

Leonard Part 6 (1987)

I watched this one many years ago, on a VHS rental, back in the late 80's. This might be the worst movie I've ever seen. Not in a "so bad it's good" way, but so bad that I felt like I was robbed of the cost of the rental as well as the time I spent watching it. A total trainwreck of a flick.

Alright folks, as promised, I made my worst movie list. I'm actually splitting this into two lists, one for films I genuinely hate, and one for "so bad they're good" movies.

This list will be the former, ordered from worst to least bad. Even though I say I hate these movies, I still kind of enjoy (at least parts of) some of them, if only out of some kind of twisted masochism. Some of them also have more personal stories attached as to why these films in particular.

So with that out of the way, here are my big 10 stinkers.

1. The Time Machine I Found at a Yard Sale (2011)
2. The Garbage Pail Kids Movie (1987)
3. Battlefield Earth (2000)
4. Mac and Me (1988)
5. Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004)
6. To Boldly Flee (2012)
7. That's My Boy (2012)
8. Foodfight! (2012)
9. The Last Airbender (2010)
10. Digimon: The Movie (2000)

Ooo, I've never seen Battlefield Earth, but of course I should. I'm endlessly fascinated by the stupidity that is The Church of Scientology, so I should get on that.

How is it?

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^Most people who have seen it seem to have nice things to say about Irreversible 🤔

I haven't seen it myself.

What do you think about it?

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