Voyages Old and New: Warping Through Over Half a Century of Star Trek

[Trollheart]

Series: Star Trek: Intrepid
Total seasons (to date if current): 1 (17 episodes)
Sample episode: "The Stone Unturned"
Span: 2007 - 2018
Writer(s): Nick Cook
Director: Nick Cook
Things I liked: Great CGI, clever, good uniforms
Things I didn't like: Not much really
Timeline: Star Trek: Nemesis
Vessel: USS Intrepid
Class:  Intrepid
Location:  Alpha Quadrant

The only (so far) British version, and it's not even English, it's Scottish. Scotty would have been proud! Except he was really Canadian, but that's not important right now. CGI is excellent, as is the backdrop and the uniforms look all but perfect. Plenty of room for more than one person at a time on screen, and what's this? Oh that's clever! They've got a guy who looks and sounds very like Patrick Stewart to play the part of Captain Picard! Now that I like. Hey, if nothing else, this is worth watching to see a Scottish Vulcan! Picard's accent is a little comical, sort of like Dick van Dyke trying to do an English one in Mary Poppins; sounds more like a cockney than a cultured English gentleman. The villain is over-the-top and a ham, a real cartoon. This is the first of the series - including even the originals, other than DS9 - not to have the ship warp out at the end of the opening titles.

There seems to be some sort of link between this and Hidden Frontier/Odyssey, if you care.

Script: 10/10
Acting: 8/10
CGI: 10/10
Mood: 9/10
Faithfulness: 10/10
Soundtrack/effects: 10/10
Costumes: 10/10
Probability of watching more: 8/10
Balance between animation and live-action: 7/10
Gender balance: 8/10

[Trollheart]

Series: Star Trek: Phoenix
Total seasons (to date if current):  1 (1 episode)
Span:  2010
Writer(s): Ben Andrews, James Lyle, Lorraine Montez, Leo Roberts, Brian Sipe, Roy Stanton
Director: Sam Akina, Gale Belling
Things I liked: Almost everything
Things I didn't like: Not much; bit of discontinuity (see below) and the uniforms could be better
Timeline: After Star Trek: Nemesis
Vessel: USS Phoenix
Class: Ascension
Location:  Alpha Quadrant

This immediately impressed me. The opening credits show the ship coming out of a wormhole, or some similar singularity, so points for that. Most of the rest of the credits follow the tired, sorry tried no I was right the first time and trusted ship-making-its-way-around-planets deal that has become so de rigueur in these efforts, though the slow roll of the ship is interesting, and it seems to be none of the usual class of ships used. Then it ends by going back into the wormhole or whatever. Great sets, very authentic and indeed quite unique, not copying anything here, though the uniforms look a bit iffy. The use of power politics in the story, with the captain not being allowed to pick his own crew, is certainly different, sort of touching on the machinations at DS9 and inevitably in Babylon 5.

This sets up an interesting crew dynamic, as unlike most of the series, other than maybe VOY, many of these people don't know or trust each other, and this leads to good tension and even an air of suspicion. I like the effects used on the voice of one of the alien crew members, very well done. The new transporter effect is beyond cool. The official series never really updated that all that much, so kudos to them. The acting is possibly the best I've seen yet; really makes you believe in the characters. The flashbacks are a great idea too, showing how everyone got to where they are without making it too direct or literal.

The colour does though seem to bleed out of the live-action planet scenes for some reason, like the light is bad or something. Gives it an odd look. Okay but hold on: one moment their weapons don't work, and then suddenly they do, without any explanation (I've checked back to be sure)? That's a black mark unless we get some sort of logic behind it later. Doesn't look like there will be. I love the dry English wit of the doctor, and his verbal sparring with the Vulcan recalls the classic match between Spock and McCoy, in perhaps the best homage to that relationship I've seen yet. The usage of "The Minstrel Boy" is a nice call back to the TNG episode "The Wounded". This one probably takes the prize for the best one so far.

Script: 10/10
Acting: 10/10
CGI: 10/10
Mood: 9/10
Faithfulness: 8/10
Soundtrack/effects: 8/10
Costumes: 5/10
Probability of watching more: 10/10
Balance between animation and live-action: 7/10
Gender balance: 10/10

[Trollheart]

Series: Star Trek Continues
Total seasons (to date if current): 1 (11 episodes)
Span: 2013 - 2017
Writer(s): Various
Director: Vic Mignogna, Julian Higgins, Chris White, James Kerwin
Things I liked: The classic "opening clip"; Continuity; James Doohan's son playing Scotty; the flawless reproduction of Shatner's Kirk by the guy playing him - he even sounds like him!
Things I didn't like: Slight inconsistencies like the idea of holograms being in the TOS universe
Timeline: TOS
Vessel: USS Enterprise
Class:  Constitution
Location:  Alpha Quadrant

This starts off as if re-running the classic episode "Spectre of the Gun", which gives a real feel of the original series, though it turns out to be a holographic simulation. Now, I do have an issue with this. In the time of TOS such things as holograms were unknown, especially holodecks, so if they're trying to retain the spirit and nature of TOS, I'm afraid this is a big failure. However, the guy playing Kirk looks just like him, and the Scottish accent doesn't seem forced with Scotty. Oh, it's James Doohan's son! That's uber-cool. And Apollo, when he appears, is the actual actor who played the character in "Who Mourns for Adonais?" That's doubly cool.

This guy has studied Kirk thoroughly. He has it all: the look, the walk, the relaxed pose, the sudden looks to the left or right, the tilt of the head, the voice, everything. Close your eyes or even squint them and he could be Kirk. Superb. Could do without the singing though, both from Uhura and Apollo. Meh. There can't be a better successor to TOS than this. I could almost believe I was watching an episode from the actual series. Absolutely first class.

Script: 10/10
Acting: 10/10
CGI: 10/10
Mood: 9/10
Faithfulness: 10/10
Soundtrack/effects: 10/10
Costumes: 10/10
Probability of watching more: 10/10
Balance between animation and live-action: 8/10
Gender balance: 8/10

[Trollheart]

Series: Starship Valiant
Total seasons (to date if current): 1 (3 episodes)
Span: 2014 - 2021
Writer(s): Michael L. King
Director: Brady Foster
Things I liked: The music. Yeah, that's it.
Things I didn't like: Poor acting, no sympathy for subordinate from the captain, very one-dimensional thinking, too violent, only has two characters (this one anyway), no comic relief, very dark... other than that, it's fine. 
Timeline: TOS
Vessel: USS Valiant
Class: Constitution
Location:  Alpha Quadrant

In contrast to the previous series, this one is very dark and doomy. Other than a brief beam-down scene in the transporter room and a little CGI at the start, it's basically two people wandering around a grassland of some sort, a prairie maybe. It does feature the first black lead actor, so there is that, but it's not very attractive. It's also quite short - only 25 minutes - and with 10 of those gone as I write, I have to wonder what they can do with the remaining fifteen. I find the leader's lack of sympathy for or support of his (female) subordinate pretty disturbing; no words of comfort, no advice other than "shoot to kill", and when she contacts him in fear as her phaser is running out of power, he snaps at her to keep the channel clear. Not really the sort of TOS values I'm used to, I have to say.

It's far more violent than any of the other series so far, with really nothing very much to recommend it at this point. Just sort of brute force and hatred for an alien species who are described as "animals". I really hope this is going somewhere. Okay well it does get better at the end, with a laudable moral about seeing beyond our differences, and basically a sort of Enemy Mine idea. But a series/film like this has to be more than five minutes at the end that ties it all together. For me, this was essentially one guy running around shooting others, and quite frankly, the comments on the YT amaze me. How someone can say it's the best Trek fan film they've seen only leads me to believe either that it's a planted post from a friend or that the person in question has not seen much fan Trek. This is very low par, very low indeed. The writing is good, and there's a great message, but other than that, dumpster material really. Very disappointing. Best thing about it was the music.

Script: 10/10
Acting: 5/10
CGI: 5/10
Mood: 9/10
Faithfulness: 2/10
Soundtrack/effects: 10/10
Costumes: 9/10
Probability of watching more: 0/10
Balance between animation and live-action: 1/10
Gender balance: 4/10

[Trollheart]

Series: Potemkin Pictures
Total seasons (to date if current):
Span: 2010 -
Writer(s): Various
Director: Various
Things I liked: Nothing (well, when it ended)
Things I didn't like: everything
Timeline: Various
Vessel: Multiple
Class: N/A
Location:  Alpha Quadrant

Potemkin Pictures seems to be an umbrella name under which multiple productions are filmed, some long, some not so long. It seems to be well set up, but it's hard to get too much information on the production so I have to choose one of their series and see how it does. The one I've chosen seems to involve one of the crew who is a half-Klingon named Duras, so I guess that's linking back to the guy who got Worf discommodated in "Sins of the Father" and then was killed by him in "Reunion". Meh, it's kind of a one-act play, only eleven minutes long, and takes place on a Klingon world, but the makeup is shit and the fighting choreography is less than laughable. Not at all believable. The whole thing is basically one fight scene. What a pile of garbage. Makes Valiant look good.

I suppose, in fairness, I may have just picked a bad one. Some of the clips of others in this franchise/series/stable/whatever you're having yourself look okay, and may be good, but I'm a busy man and you only get one chance to impress me. This did not, but don't let that stop you from checking out others in the series. Just don't blame me if they're all as bad!

Script: 2/10
Acting: 1/10
CGI: 0/10
Mood: 9/10
Faithfulness: 4/10
Soundtrack/effects: 3/10
Costumes: 1/10
Probability of watching more: 2/10
Balance between animation and live-action: 1/10
Gender balance: 5/10

(Note: I can't remember the name of the one I watched, so can't find a clip to post. Consider this a lucky escape).

[Trollheart]

Series: Star Trek: These Are the Voyages
Total seasons (to date if current):  1 (5 episodes)
Episode: "The Fall of Starbase One"
Span: 2017 - 2019
Writer(s): Aaron Vanderkley
Director: Aaron Vanderkley
Things I liked: Acting was all right and the story didn't suck entirely
Things I didn't like: One-act play, bad lighting, poor ending, unoriginal
Timeline: ENT
Vessel: None
Class: N/A
Location:  Alpha Quadrant

The only one so far to be set in the "past" timeline of Enterprise, and so far seems to involve the actors running around some sort of power station. Other than a few phaser fights, no real effects and no CGI. Completely abrupt opening. I mean, literally, it seems like you walk in right in the middle of a firefight and have no idea what's going on. Badly lit, badly observed characterisation (Vulcan uses contractions) and mostly based around information we already know (though this is ENT universe so I guess they don't), that Vulcans and Romulans share a common ancestry. Then it just ends with the Starfleet officers being killed by the Vulcan ambassador. Maybe I just chose a bad example, but this was pretty poor.

And again, people wetting themselves over how great this is on YouTube. Are they watching the same show? Honestly, sometimes I just don't get these commenters.

Script: 6/10
Acting: 5/10
CGI: 0/10
Mood: 9/10
Faithfulness: 210
Soundtrack/effects: 2/10
Costumes: 1/10
Probability of watching more: 0/10
Balance between animation and live-action: 0/10
Gender balance: 8/10

[Trollheart]

Series: Blood of Tiberius
Total seasons (to date if current): Can only see 1 episode so far
Span: 2019
Writer(s): James Melvin
Director: James Melvin
Things I liked: Animation looks good and the idea is clever
Things I didn't like: Just a trailer so hard to say
Timeline: TOS + 50 Years
Vessel: USS Stargazer
Class: Sagan
Location:  Alpha Quadrant

Ah there's nothing I can say here. A five minute (yeah that's what I said) episode, two minutes of which is taken up with opening credits and which generally sets the scene for what is meant I assume to be a series. Totally animated, probably not a good idea to use actual scenes and voice samples from the original episode it's based on, "Bread and Circuses", but looks an interesting idea. No real story though; animation looks pretty great but there's nothing there for me to judge. A trailer really if anything, and I can't find any more of it so I guess this is all there is.

It is somewhat disturbing that the "opening sequence" features a woman apparently being tortured, and I have to say that though the animation is good, it definitely gives me the feeling of watching a computer game, just seems unrealistic. The idea is clever, and I understand these things take time (and money) but really, five years later all they have is this one trailer? I don't honestly see this coming to life any time soon.

[Trollheart]

We've reached the point, finally, where I review the last fan-made series, at least so far, and given the slew of official shows out there now, you kind of have to imagine the day of enthusiasts and nerds putting together their own tributes to, and spin on, the various incarnations of Star Trek is over: they filled a gap, some very well, but I feel they are now going to be surplus to requirements. Doesn't mean they won't make them, of course, and this last one looks to be happily forging ahead, but overall I'd say it looks like they've all settled down to watch the new shows, turning back from active to passive viewers, happy to let someone else make all the effort, and spend all the money.

Series: Dreadnought Dominion
Total seasons (to date if current): 1 (11 - 13 episodes)
Span: 2015 -
Writer(s): David R. Wrenn
Director: David R. Wrenn
Things I liked: Very true to the spirit of TOS, obviously a lot of attention to detail although...
Things I didn't like: Someone should tell them to watch episodes with Romulans in them and see how they actually act! A little too reliant on TOS, making this less original than it could have been.
Timeline: TOS
Vessel: USS Dominion
Class: Dreadnaught
Location:  Alpha Quadrant

CGI is very good anyway. They seem to be using a pretty worn-out trope as they come across an earth probe, but we'll see how it goes.  I note the female officer who is supposed to be Russian (another trope filched wholesale from TOS, bit on the nose) seems to keep losing her accent. One minute she's iz speak-ing like zis and next minute she's talking normally. The bridge setup is good, give it that certainly, and their opening credits, while again basically TOS but with their ship, don't suck. A bit too much reading off of data from their version of Uhura for my taste; comes across like she's just reading a list (which I guess she is). Might have been better to have broken up her "report" by having others of the crew interject.The cosmonaut doesn't seem particularly surprised when told he's 300 years into his future. He barely blinks. I would have thought that kind of information would at least make you gasp, or deny it, or, or... well, something. But there's no reaction. None.

The story is decent, bringing in the old rivalry between the US and Russia, and resolving it fairly well, though there is a bit of unnecessary flag-waving. First series I've seen to have a deaf character (or maybe dumb? But I think deaf) - well, TNG had one in the episode "Loud as a Whisper", but I mean as part of the crew. Mind you, I'm all for inclusion, but is it not a bit of an own goal having a deaf communications officer? And what's the deal then with
their Uhura? Has this ship two, um, receptionists? The portrayal of the Romulans is crazy though: Romulans are dour, severe, unsmiling, without humour, and yet this ship seems to be full of jokers and smiling villains. Meh. The commander can't keep her emotions in check, there's none of the cold, clinical warnings you expect from a Romulan, and they fire almost immediately, even if it is a warning shot. Not typical Romulan behaviour. Also, is that not a Klingon vessel rather than a Romulan one? And how can the Romulan guard say, as they take him away, "not the airlock again!" Surely that's a one-way trip?

Look, these guys are trying, but they seem to be missing some very basic tenets here. As noted above re Romulans, in particular. They do try, but it comes across a little like they're trying too hard to be the original series. They use the theme, even have the end credits the way TOS did, but overall you'd have to say it's probably not the worst by any means, but it's not even close to being one of the best. The stupid teaser at the end is annoying, but I guess if you follow the show it makes sense.

And with that I'd just like to pay tribute to all the fans who spent time and money on creating their own version of the show, whether they did a good or bad job. Yes, even Valiant! No matter how it turned out, these people put their hearts and souls into something they loved, and you have to applaud that and give them credit for not just dreaming about it, or complaining there was no new Trek, but getting up off their arses and doing something about it. Whether I personally rated you or not is irrelevant - mine is just one opinion, that of an old codger who can be hard to please, and many may not agree with me. But you did it. You made the effort and turned dream into reality. As Monty Burns once said, to you I say: Excelsior!

[Trollheart]

Just before we return to the official series then, a last reminder of the fan-made ones, and a chart to show which ones impressed me most.

Like all good charts, we'll count this one down. And so, at the very bottom, in unlucky thirteenth place (but lucky for them there was no lower position or they would have been occupying it) Starship Valiant. Just below that, at number 12, we have These are the Voyages while literallly one point separates that show and New Voyages, which is at 11.

Top ten then begins with Blood of Tiberius, with Hidden Frontier at number 9 and Dreadnought Dominion at number 8. Farragut occupies the number 7 slot, and just above that at number 6 we have Exeter.

The top five then are: Intrepid at number 5, Dark Armada at 4 and into the top three we go.

Number 3 is Phoenix, number 2 is Odyssey and the top show, in my opinion, best of the lot, at number 1 we haveStar Trek Continues.

1. Star Trek Continues
2. Star Trek Odyssey
3. Star Trek Phoenix
4, Star Trek Dark Armada
5. Star Trek Intrepid
6. Starship Exeter
7. Starship Farragut
8. Dreadnought Dominion
9. Star Trek Hidden Frontier
10. Blood of Tiberius
11. Star Trek New Voyages
12. These are the Voyages
13. Starship Valiant

[Trollheart]

As I say, that does for the unofficial series, and now it seems the franchise is totally committed to ensuring they boss everything from now on. Like Old Gil in the Simpsons, Paramount/CBS grinned "Thanks guys. We'll take it from here." They kicked off the "return of Star Trek" after over a decade with this, showing they were not screwing around. Or, to put it another way, they were saying, in a loud and clear voice

And they were.

Series: Star Trek: Discovery
Total seasons (to date if current): 5
Episode: 1 and 2
Episode title: "The Vulcan Hello/Battle at the Binary Stars"
Original transmission date: September 24 2017 (both streamed for transmission same day)
Span: 2017 -
Writer(s): Bryan Fuller/Alex Kurtzman
Director: David Semel
Basic premise: The Federation and the Klingons meet again after 100 years. It does not go well.
Mood: Sombre, dark
Things I liked: Well, the fact that there was finally a new official Trek (and that it wasn't bloody Enterprise!); the usage of subtitles for the Klingon speech, making them seem more alien; two strong female leads (for now); some (see below) homage paid to and detail adhered to in regards to TOS
Things I didn't like: The credits and theme; the blatant shoe-horning in of elements that could not, and did not exist in this time period as far as Trek canon is concerned (holograms, android crew, see below for more); non-observance by the Klingons of their death rituals; almost a little too slick, more like watching a movie really - kind of lost some of the charm of previous Treks
Timeline: Ten years prior to TOS then into the far future
Stardate: 1207.3
Vessel: USS Discovery  (Originally Shenzhou)
Class: Walker (Shenzhou)Crossfield (Discovery)
Location: Alpha  Quadrant
Registry: , NCC-1227 (Shenzhou)NCC-1031 (Discovery)
Location: Alpha Quadrant
Mission(s):  To stop a war. They in fact fail, and start one. Oops!
Dramatis Personae:
Main:
Sonequa Martin-Green as First Officer Michael Burnham
Doug Jones as Science Office Saru
Jason Isaacs as Captain Gabriel Lorca
Shazad Latif as Ash Tyler
Mary Wiseman as Sylvia Tilly
Anthony Rapp as Paul Stamets

Supporting: T'Kuvma, Voq, L'Rell (Klingons), Captain Philippa Georgiou
Ancillary: Sarek
Starring: (Main Cast) Sonequa Martin-Green, Doug Jones, Jason Isaacs, Shazad Lati, Mary Wiseman, Anthony Rapp

Guest Star(s): James Frain, Michelle Yeoh


The first official series since Enterprise, DISC sees a shift in timelines, as it begins in the TOS universe but in season two jumps into the 32nd century, surely further than any series, official or fan-made, has ever gone - literally, where no man has gone before. It's back to war between the Federation and the Klingon empire, and we have a rogue Starfleet officer who seems to have started it. A new drive in something called the Spore Drive, and a trip to the mirror universe. Well, to be fair, if they were going to re-re-re-resurrect the franchise officially, it was going to take something more than a Quantum Leaping new captain and some guy singing the credits, wasn't it? So in typical - and correct - 21st century climate, Discovery features strong female (and black) characters, one of whom is a captain, making her, I think, the third in Starfleet? Wasn't there one in that TNG episode "Conspiracy"? Pretty sure there was. Mind you, to again be fair to the previous male-dominated, pat-on-the-ass-I'll-have-two-quantum-sugars-in-my-hyper-coffee-darlin Trek universe, there have been a real fistful of female admirals, so while the ladies may not always be in charge, they are at least now seen to be on equal, and sometimes superior footing to their male counterparts.

It's an interesting and quite brave premise really, starting in the TOS universe (the first official series to do so) and tackling the events behind the hostility between Klingons (the original ones) and the Federation, and then jumping forward in time. It's also a brave - if perhaps slightly questionable - decision to place the blame for the entire war on the shoulders of the only black female character, instantly, it would appear, casting her in a bad light, but it seems to work out, if I remember from what I saw of it.

There's also usage of the "Mirror Universe" in one of the episodes, and the series has obviously been very successful, currently (at time of writing) in its fifth season, and therefore already eclipsing its predecessor and heading for the kind of success the "big three" had, after TOS, with seven seasons each. Mind you, greed prevails, and from season four onwards the series is only available via the pay channel Paramount+, so make of that what you will. I imagine other, later series have ended up going down the same route, as streaming services begin to overtake terrestrial satellite television channels like NCC-1701D overtaking the USS Hathaway (what do you mean, what's that? Shame on you! Didn't you ever see the TNG episode "Peak Performance"?) - actually, reading further, I see that the first three seasons went the stream route too, these being only broadcast on CBS All Access, changing as mentioned above from season four, don't know why. Oh I see: CBS All Access became Paramount+. Of course it did.

As is traditional by now, the first episode is a two-parter, though in another slight break with that tradition both parts are titled separately, rather than this be part one and part two.  Whether or not this had anything to do with it being streamed I don't know, but given that is is also the first Trek series not to be helmed by what we might style the Trek Mafia - Berman, Piller, Moore, Braga et al - perhaps the producers were looking to make this one as different as possible to their illustrious forebears. One thing this series does follow its immediate predecessor in is opening the episode with Klingons. In Enterprise he was fleeing, here he is addressing his people, though from the look of this one I would think these are hardly the TOS Klingons, unless they've been given a radical update? Cut to two figures walking across a desert; these, we will shortly come to know, are Captain Philippa Georgiu and Michael Burnham of the USS (no, smartass, not Discovery: Shenzhou, so there!), the latter of whom much of this series will revolve around.

They're here on this desert planet to put paid to an almost 90-year old drought which they seem to achieve by the rather simple expedient of shooting the shit out of a well (well done!) - is this not interference according to our favourite Directive? Meh, maybe the aliens asked for help. Anyway, they do the deed but then find that an approaching storm means they can't contact the ship, so resort to a rather old school solution of drawing a symbol on the sand (shades of Deep Space 9, huh?) an arrow, and soon our heroes are back aboard their ship, which, to my recollection, is only the second Federation starship to break atmosphere, the other being of course Voyager, mostly in "Basics".

Credits/themewise, I'm kind of meh. The familiar fanfare is nice, a respectful nod back to the series' beginnings, one that was left out of all three previous series, to their shame, but the actual score? Well personally I find it a little Raman Djawadi, a sort of cross between Game of Thrones and Westworld, and the credits confuse me. Is the ship coming out of a large Venus flytrap? And what's with the hands reaching out, Michelangelo-like? Doesn't impress me with the idea of a series about space, never mind a Star Trek one. Takes a damn while for the episode title to come up, too. Anyway, the Shenzhou is investigating some damage at an array (don't say it! I will: hurray!) and the science officer, who goes only by the name of Saru and is a piece of kelp, sorry one of the seaweed people, sorry a Kelpien, thinks it may be, in the words of another famous fishlike admiral from an entirely different franchise, a trap. When they pick up an unidentifiable object floating near the array, it seems he might be right.

But since when did Starfleet run from the unknown? Can't remember who it was now, think he had very little hair, but someone once said to another person who insisted on being identified only as a letter of the alphabet, "the unknown is what brings us out here!" And so Burnham does a Spock in (sigh) Star Trek: The Motion Picture and dons some Johnny Rocketpants, or at least a jet pack, and for the first time since First Contact someone walks on the bridge - outside. Off she goes to see what the heck this thing might be, but of course it's not that simple, as she lands on it and promptly meets a Klingon, who issues the standard Empire greeting, which is to attack her. They clash, but literally drift apart, and Burnham is returned to the ship remotely, since, you know, she's unconscious or maybe dead.

Scene change to the Klingons, who have apparently recovered the body of the one who attacked Burnham, blaming her - and by extension, the whole Federation - for his death. The speaker, we're told, is one T'Kuvma, something of a rabble-rouser/politician/military leader. Hey now hold on: isn't it true that the style of putting a T' before the name is a Vulcan thing? T'Pau, T'Pring? And why, considering their guy is dead, are they not doing the looking into the eyes and howling to warn the dead that a Klingon warrior is on his way thing? That ritual was established thirty-odd years ago now, at the time of transmission, and while these Klingons are in Kirk's universe (well, ten years before the old USS Enterprise began its mission, I'm told, but still) should this not have been a sacred ritual for Klingons from the early days? Smacks of bad continuity to me, I must say. These Klingons sure do love gold! Makes Trump look positively frugal and tasteful.

Meanwhile, Burnham has been, well, burned, suffering from rather a lot of radiation sickness, and it's nice to see in her memories the return of the late Sarek, though of course played by James Frain (The Tudors/True Blood) rather than Mark Lenard, as both character and actor are no longer with us. This gives us an insight into her past, as we see she was brought up on Vulcan, though human. How that came to be, we'll either learn soon or in future episodes. And as the first officer is in sick bay, we're about the meet the ship's doctor. Meh, seems to be an unremarkable human male. Boo. Would have liked, I don't know, a living plant or maybe a shapeshifter? That would have been handy! "Nurse! 10cc cortisone! Nurse! Oh never mind! I'll just turn myself into a syringe!" It's a measure of both Burnham's lack of respect for authority and for the safety of her crewmates that she goes onto the bridge while still under treatment, risking passing it on to them, and also a measure of the captain's faith in her that when she says, without any evidence, there are Klingons out there waiting for them (and also given that according to the captain nobody has seen one in a century) she orders red alert.

But she's right, and they decloak and invite the crew of the Shenzhou over for tea. Not quite. Hey! How is it possible that, ten years before Kirk could barely have a Gateway 2000 monitor to look at in his quarters, there seems to be some sort of android hybrid creature on this Federation ship? Or is that a member of Daft Punk? Weird. Okay well put a pin in that for now, probably forever, as I won't be returning to review any other episodes, but we have bigger problems to consider. Apparently the Klingon ship is dead, in every sense: no warp signature, no life signs. In fact, it appears to be covered with coffins. Also it does indeed seem to be a trap, as T'Kuvma is watching from, um, somewhere, (Trump Tower maybe) and waiting for the Feds to make their move. Seems there's such a thing as an albino Klingon, and yes, they're as looked down upon there as they sometimes are here. We also learn that Saru's people, the Kelpiens, were, he says, bred for one purpose, to sense the approach of death. Nice. Why would anyone do such a thing? What would be the point? Have a handy death detector on every starship? He's not going to be much fun at the office party, now is he?

Anyway, he thinks death is coming, kind of now-ish, and he's probably right, but you know Starfleet: they don't run from anything unless it's a Borg cube or a network executive with a cancel order, so no can do, son, sorry. Again, history is sacrificed for coolness as we see the captain talking to a hologram, and we know for certain those weren't around in TOS times! Many and varied liberties are being taken here. Back to the Klingons. T'Kuvma was talking about lighting some beacon, and now it seems this derelict ship may be it, as it suddenly lights up, blinding everyone, and Burnham thinks they're sending for reinforcements. Having spoken to Sarek and elicited from him the information she needs, she goes to Georgiou and tells her that the only way to deal with the Klingons is to be strong: though Starfleet have forbidden her to take any aggressive action, she must fire on the Klingon ship, to show their strength. This, she says, is what is known as "The Vulcan Hello", giving the episode its name. I have to say, as names for premieres go, it's hardly up there with "Encounter at Farpoint", is it? Still, I guess it does what it says on the tin.

The captain refuses, so Burnham goes ahead and does it anyway, issuing the order after she has a private word with her captain, which ends in Burnham giving her the old Vulcan nerve pinch (yay!) and effectively mutinying. Thought only Vulcans could do that? The nerve pinch, I mean, not the mutinying, although I can't exactly see a bunch of Vulcans mutinying, can you? I mean, it just wouldn't be - what's the word, tip of my tongue - oh yeah: logical. But just as she orders the tactical officer to fire, Georgiou reappears on the bridge (just how long does that damned nerve pinch last for, anyway?) and takes Burnham into custody, belaying the order to fire. Just then - and I'm sure she'll see the funny side of this, if they survive - a shitload of Klingon ships turn up. Oops! Guess our little mutineer was right, after all. Pity that neck pinch didn't last a few seconds longer. Roll the credits, and hi ye to your nearest download centre!

As the second part opens, we're back in the past, with Burnham being assigned to the Shenzhou, where we find Sarek is her, um, guardian? She's introduced as his ward, so whatever the appropriate term is. Here she of course meets Captain Georgiou for the first time. There's still no mention made of how or why she ended up on Vulcan, but I expect it explains that in time. Back in the, um, present, or past, or whatever you prefer - back with the developing situation, as it were - it seems the Klingon ships are no ordinary ones; they each carry a member of the Klingon High Council, all the great Houses. T'Kuvma puts to them his plan to reunite their race, and while some treat him with disdain, the majority listen, especially as a few moments later Starfleet arrives, and the scene is set for a "glorious battle".

The Shenzhou is done for: only the fact that she's trapped behind a force field in the brig saves Burnham from being sucked out into space, as the rest of the ship around her has suffered multiple catastrophic hull breaches, and can't last much longer. The admiral's ship, Europa, helps to save it but it's in very bad shape. The admiral contacts T'Kuvma, proposing a ceasefire, which the Klingon accepts. However he is planning, of course, a sneak attack. Seems his cloaking device is the first ever, that he either invented or discovered (sorry) it, and Starfleet are unaware of it.  Bad news for the Europa, which gets rammed and then self-destructs for some reason. A great victory for T'Kuvma, who seems to think he's the reincarnation of Kahless, and this seems to be the view of the rest of the council, too, who agree to follow him as their leader. Well, all except that guy. There's always one, isn't there?

After the Europa has been destroyed, the Klingon fleet leg it, and T'Kuvma tells all the Starfleet ships that this disputed territory in now under Klingon control. They've seen his power; they better not mess with him. Georgiou thinks otherwise, and is planning to transport photon torpedoes onto his ship, but the returned Burnham, who has been launched out into space again - this time without jetpack - in order to escape the confinement cell before the force field collapses - advises against it. She should try to capture T'Kuvma instead. The captain does not agree, and shows that, despite what they would like to think, Starfleet are not above using corpses as bombs when it suits them. As T'Kuvma sets about retrieving the floating dead bodies of his comrades, the Shenzhou targets one and beams a torpedo onto his body. The ship is disabled, and Burnham and Georgiou beam aboard to take T'Kuvma prisoner. Guess she changed her mind, then.

It doesn't quite work out that way though. The captain is slain by the Klingon leader, and Burnham, having killed him, is transported back to the ship against her will. She then has to stand trial for her mutiny, to which she pleads guilty, cos, like, she is, even if she was right. You know what the military is like about the chain of command!  There's no last-minute reprieve for her, and she's sentenced to life imprisonment.

[Trollheart]

From the advent of, of course, Deep Space 9, the general mood of Star Trek, at least the official series, has grown much darker. Certainly, TOS was mostly fun in space, a great lark, with a few serious episodes, while TNG mostly followed this model, maturing the series certainly, but overall, with a few notable exceptions, things turned out all right in the end. DS9 brought a darker, more gritty aspect to the franchise, and while Voyager was often light-hearted fare, at its core it was about a crew stranded seventy-five thousand light years from home, so not too many laughs there. Enterprise, I'm reliably informed, was also mostly dark and doomy, and Discovery now takes this to the limit, opening with the war that has raged since the sixties between the Federation and the Klingons, and showing us how it got started. You can say, I suppose, that a human started it, but really Burnham was originally frustrated in her efforts to neutralise the threat, and in the end it was the Klingons who fired the first shot. Nevertheless, the two races are now at war.

It's heartening to see two strong female leads commanding the show, even if one of them does end up impaled on a Klingon sword. The writing has certainly progressed in leaps and bounds since someone in the 1990s thought, why not have a female captain, and didn't really carry the idea any further than that, leaving us with all but a male captain in a female body, and not much change. I mean, honestly, how many times did Janeway's gender interfere with her command, or how many times was she challenged on the basis of being a woman? Didn't happen at all. So what was the point? Of course, the point is, or was, that it should not matter what way your chromosomes are arranged: a captain is a captain, regardless of their gender, and so it should be. But since there were really no gender-related issues with Janeway's command, was her appointment just a knee-jerk reaction to the changing times and a sort of rampant feminism that was burgeoning in the mostly male-dominated franchise?

Whatever the case for that show may have been, and whatever the thinking behind it, both Georgiou and Burnham manage to make me, at least, forget about or at least see past their gender in this double episode. There aren't many times I'm thinking she's a woman, and at the same time, given the rather figure-hugging uniforms, can't really mistake either for a man. But the point is that, again, it doesn't matter: this series, at least here, proves not that women are as good as men, but that it's a non-issue. The captain is a woman, but we're almost barely aware of that, as with her first officer, who acts more as a man would do, and seems to display none of the traditional frailties of a woman, though I suppose this could be partially due to her Vulcan upbringing, which does not allow one to base oneself on the expectations of their gender. Just ask T'Pau.

I do however take issue with several aspects of the show, as I noted earlier. If the idea was to set it in the TOS era, why not be true to that time? Perhaps the technology has moved on from big blocky monitors and someone playing bass guitar in sick bay, but to blatantly have tech that clearly was not in Kirk's time, such as holograms and androids, is to me a step too far. I also don't really get the Klingons. It's like they've been reinvented for this series, which I can see, but unless this is supposed to take place in an alternate timeline - which I don't think it is - then dues should be paid and a certain respect to the past should be maintained, and I feel it's not. Even the ships are far in advance of what was available to Starfleet back then. It jars with me, heavily.

It's also interesting that the ship to which the series gives its name, USS Discovery, is not even in this premier episode. There's a very strong and disturbingly relevant thread of xenophobia running through this episode, all on the side of the Klingons - or at least, T'Kuvma, who convinces the Council, who are mostly happy to remain as they are, ignoring the humans, to band together against them. This idea of racial purity immediately sets the Klingons in our minds as the bad guys, and conjures up uncomfortable images, while also showing, in my view mistakenly, the Federation as the wronged party, "Pearl Harbored" by the Klingons, and now forced to fight them in a war they never wanted. Yeah, well maybe the whole thing is a false flag operation set up by Section 31, huh? Think about that one!

To my mind, this almost depersonalises the Klingons, making them seem a somewhat two-dimensional, cardboard figure who only believe in conquest and keeping their race pure, and all the hard work that has been done since the 1980s on their characterisation, beliefs, religion, emotions and helping us to understand them better has been thrown out in one fell swoop. Although I haven't watched it all, it would appear there is to be no sympathy for the Klingons in Discovery, and I really feel that's a backwards step, It also returns the Federation - and Starfleet - mostly to the white-hatted good guys Roddenberry forced upon us via Kirk and, to an extent, Picard, and takes away the shades of grey painstakingly threaded through the Star Trek tapestry by Berman and Piller and Moore with Deep Space 9, where we were led to believe that, as with all major organisations - and especially the military - there is no such thing as black or white, right or wrong. I feel the writers missed a trick here and may have made a massive blunder in undoing all that, but then again, as I say, I have only seen one or two seasons, so maybe it all changed during its run. I certainly hope so, because it's a disappointing world, or, if you will, galaxy view that we're being asked to accept here.

Nonetheless, it can't be denied that this is a triumphant return for the official series, and points the way to great things. With the somewhat often lacklustre days of Enterprise behind us, it seems it's ahead Warp Factor 10, rather like Fry in Futurama, destination one thousand years in the future!

[Trollheart]

Series: Star Trek: Short Treks
Total seasons (to date if current):  2
Episode: 1
Episode title: "Runaway"
Original transmission date: October 4 2018
 Span: 2018 - 2020
Writer(s): Various
Director: Various
Things I liked: A pretty deep story told in a rather short time, but doesn't lose any of its impact. Nice to see one of the lesser characters get their moment in the spotlight. All-female cast, too.
Things I didn't like: Some glaring plot holes, as discussed below.
Timeline: Various
Vessel: Various, or sometimes none
Class: N/A
Location:  Alpha Quadrant

A series of vignettes and stories mostly with the crew and events of DISC, but later leading up to the opening of PIC. The first one, which I watched, is called "Runaway", and deals with the DISC character Sylvia Tilly, who has had enough of her overbearing, if well-meaning, somewhat passive-aggressive mother for now, and takes a break. It appears an alien has stowed aboard the Discovery and it's a little... agitated, actually acting like a poltergeist, which it kind of is, as it's hard to see, probably out of phase or some damn thing. When it does become visible, it turns out to be a member of a species who have just recently achieved warp travel, and is, into the bargain, a female, and - wait for it - a teenager. Oh joy. A fucking runaway, as per the title. This'll be fun.

The alien, whose name is, um, Po, seems to be on the run from the Galactic Filth, so now, in addition to not reporting her to the captain and breaking protocol, Tilly is hiding a fugitive. Po says her parents and family are dead, but there's a galactic alert out for her, so now what does the young Starfleet officer do? Po tells her that she has managed to find a way to recrystallise Dilithium, which I assume is big news for Starfleet and any other space going race that uses the crystals to power their engines, and also probably puts her in danger, like a kid who has created a program to provide cheap, sustainable food alternatives or has accidentally invented the world's most dangerous weapon: everyone wants her, and the secret she possesses only in her head. She also reveals, as Tilly sets about transporting her back to her home planet, that she is the queen in waiting of that planet, which might in fact be why the galactic APB is out on her. Or not.

To be entirely fair here, the writers accomplish a lot in such a short time. In what is essentially a one-act, two-character play we not only get to see an alien be humanised and even, if such a word exists, and if not I claim its creation and copyright throughout the universe and time, teenagerised, and come to understand her better. We also see the developmental path of what is I think a relatively minor character in Discovery, using the rather tired tropes of "fat girl is useless and has no confidence", but they work, adding in the over-attentive mother. There are, however, several problems with this story.

For one thing, how are we supposed to believe that Tilly keeps the existence of Po a secret for as long as she does? Would the computer not detect an intruder on board, a new life sign? I know Po was "cloaked", but she soon drops that cloak, so would she not then be visible to the late Majel Barrett as an alien lifesign? Also, how is Tilly able to use the transporter without a) permission or b) help? She's an engineer, I think, but even so, is she allowed make unauthorised transports, and would, again, the computer not have caught that and reported it, possibly even aborted it? Won't it be on the transporter log, and how will she explain that? Not to mention the fact that she now knows of a planet where dilithium can be recrystallised, something the Federation will want to know. Does she protect this information, which could certainly help her people, or does she hide it, and if the latter, is she then guilty of withholding vital information from the Federation?

All those niggles aside, it's a clever little vignette, though I do see it as something of a cross between TNG's "The Dauphin" and DS9's "The Abandoned", with a healthy slice of inspiration from the former's "Lower Decks", and I do like the idea. Kind of not a galaxy-spanning, sprawling saga, but the kind of things that might happen to the crew on their downtime. After all, not every moment of their day has to be taken up with preserving the Federation in the face of its enemies. Got to kick back some time. Of course, she's kicking back when an alien walks in: isn't it always the way?

[Trollheart]

Series: Star Trek: Picard
Total seasons (to date if current):  3
Episode: 1
Episode title: "Remembrance"
Original transmission date: January 23 2020
Span: 2020 -2023
Writer(s): Various
Director: Various
Basic premise: Picard in retirement
Mood: Dark, grim
Things I liked: Callbacks to TNG, the chance Data might be back, the handling of Picard's older age, the chance to see him in action again
Things I didn't like: Orla Brady's refusal or failure to lose her Irish accent, be the hokay!
Timeline: After Nemesis and also, somehow, after Abrams' Star Trek
Stardate: Unknown
Vessel: None
Class:  N/A
Location:  Alpha Quadrant
Mission(s):  Find Data's other daughter
Dramatis Personae:
Main: Admiral Jean-Luc Picard (ret,);  Agnes Durati, former Starfleet doctor; Dahj and Soji Asha, daughters of Data (!); Sutra, former android template for Data's daughter(s); Kore Sung, daughter of Dr. Adam Soong; Narek, a Romulan agent; Rafealla "Raffi" Musiker, Picard's former Number One; Crisotobal "Chris" Rios, pilot of La Sirena; Elnor, Romulan warrior nun (!); Seven of Nine; Laris, Picard's Romulan housekeeper; Tallinn, supervisor; Data; Lore; Altan Inigo Soong, Dr. Noonian Soong's son; Dr. Adam Soong, his ancestor; Jack Crusher, Picard and Beverly's son (season 3 only)

Note: I'm just putting these all in main, as I have no idea how important, or not, each character is to the series, Picard and Data excepted.

Starring: (Main Cast) Patrick Stewart, Alison Pill, Isa Briones, Harry Treadaway, Michelle Hurd, Santiago Cabrera, Evan Evagora, Jeri Ryan, Brent Spiner, Orla Brady, Ed Speleers
Guest Star(s):


Nobody will be surprised to find this series follows the adventures of the eponymous ex-captain of the USS Enterprise in TNG, however to my surprise at any rate it is not a look back to his past, but rather his retirement after leaving Starfleet. Set 30 years after TNG, and 20 after Nemesis, it seems to focus on Picard's attempts to save Data's daughter. Yeah. I know. Oh I don't like the opening sequence! Hearing Bing singing "Blue Skies", even if it ties back in to one of the movies - a wedding, I think? Is it Nemesis? Probably - I don't like it. Trek series should begin with the fanfare or a log entry with stardate, not this. There is a good callback to the finale of TNG, as it seems to almost pick up where that ended, going through the windows of the bridge of - is it the Enterprise? And showing a game of poker, though this time it's just Picard and Data playing. Okay when Picard - much older, of course now - says "I don't want the game to end", I'm going to assume this is a holodeck simulation. Well, given that Data died in Nemesis, unless he's been rebuilt or is a new model, it can't be real, can it?

Okay, not a holo simulation. One of the laziest cliches in a writer's playbook: a dream. Sigh. Well I knew it wasn't real anyway, but it's a bit of a disappointment, when you remember that First Contact also began with a dream - a nightmare really - as Picard remembered how the Borg assimilated him. Boo. Is there a hidden subtext in his calling his dog Number One? I wonder if Riker would approve? Right, so he's on his family's vineyard, Chateau Picard, though he appears to be living there alone now. Cut to Greater Boston, where two other characters are talking, the female one happy she has got into the Daystrom Institute, the male one not lasting long as men teleport in and kill him, taking her prisoner. Well, they try, but when they press her on where the rest of "them" are, and note she hasn't yet activated, she, um, activates, turning into a killing machine and kicking all their asses.

"She's activated! She's activated!" shouts one, rather unnecessarily, as he takes a kick to the crotch, the others no doubt saying "Really dude? Hadn't noticed!" as they all go down like ten pins. As she sits crying over her dead friend, seeming surprised that she was able to take out all the would-be kidnappers, a vision of Picard comes to her. Now we get the title sequence, and let me ask why, why, why they keep giving the score to this Jeff Russo guy? I didn't like his work on Discovery and I like it less here. There's nothing Star Trek about this; it's like listening to the soundtrack to some unrelated series. Not even a fanfare. Okay, right at the very end there, a real afterthought. Thanks, guy! You broke your heart. And as for the sequence itself? I mean, I see it at the end, it's all leading up to sort of building a picture of the famous captain, but it's confusing and not at all as attention-getting as TNG, DS9 or VOY, or even ENT, come to that. What are they doing to our franchise?

Is there some reason these series are no longer displaying episode titles? Or is it just that my  copy doesn't have them? Hey, don't blame me! For a long time we didn't have Paramount+ here in Ireland, and now that we have, I pay enough for my TV as it is without adding extra subscriptions. I have to say, shame on Orla Brady, who can't even lose her Irish accent. I mean, she's supposed to be a fucking Romulan, isn't she? Why does she sound like my mother? Christ. It's like listening to Colin Farrell in Alexander! Maybe there'll be a reason, we'll see. At any rate, we meet her as Lanis, Picard's housekeeper and some guy called Tallinn (isn't that the capital of Estonia or something?) as her supervisor. Good to see Picard still takes Earl Grey tea, though these days it's decaf, apparently.

Picard is being interviewed on the anniversary of the destruction of Romulus, but it quickly turns into something of a hack piece, as the interviewer questions his role in the relocation of the Romulans after their star went nova, and then links this to the attack on Mars of rogue synthetics, which resulted in much loss of life and the destruction of Starfleet's prized Utopia Planitia, where the venerable NCC-1701D herself was constructed. This leads to the revelation that all synthetic life forms were banned from that time, and then runs into a painful reliving of Data's death for Picard. When pressed on why he quit Starfleet, Picard says that he lost faith in them when they refused to rescue "those people", but I'm not at this point sure if he's talking about Romulus or Mars; he's pretty upset about it anyway, accusing Starfleet of no longer being the organisation to which he gave the best years of his life. Seeing the way things are going, Picard walks out of the interview, but not before the girl who was in the apartment kicking ass earlier sees him on the transmission screen.

She then finds her way to Chateau Picard, and asks the retired admiral if he knows her? He doesn't, and neither can work out why his image appeared in her mind, but he offers her shelter while they try to work it out. He has another dream of Data, this time the android is painting and asks him to finish the face of the figure in it. When he wakes up the girl is gone. He goes to San Francisco, to the Starfleet Archives, and finds there, among his archived possessions, the painting, with the face of the woman on it. It is called Daughter. So now he knows who the woman who came seeking his protection is, and he must find her again. Meanwhile she contacts her mother, who tells her to go back to Picard, which is surprising to her, as she has not up to this point mentioned the man's name.

So Dahj, as she is called, seeks out Picard and then he has to have "the talk" with her. Well, it's never easy to tell a woman she's an android, is it? I mean, come on: we've all had to do it. I must say, the way he handles it is inspiring - delicate, loving, confident, certain - makes me remember why we loved this guy so much. And as he's aged he's only got better. Not that this really helps Dahj, who now has to cope with this rather terrifying revelation. Still, she at least knows she suddenly has a true friend, who will protect her and stay with her. But now her pursuers have found her, and really, at his age, being on the run is not the best thing for our retired admiral! But he's game, and off they go.

Some Matrix-style moves there from Dahj, and all the aged Picard can do is gasp for breath and watch as some sort of booby-trapped weapon takes her out. Picard wakes up back home, tells Lanis and Tallinn that the people after her were Romulan, and now he owes it to her to find out why they wanted her, and goes to the Daystrom Institute, where he meets Doctor Agnes Durati, and asks her if it is possible to create a sentient android from flesh and blood? She laughs, says it is not, and he wonders how he could have just recently have had one in his house? She tells him that before the ban, she and Commander Bruce Maddox (remember him, from TNG's "The Measure of a Man"?) had had some success with inferior creations, and that they created them in pairs, so that Dahj may be dead, but her twin sister is out there somewhere. If her neural net can be recovered, it may be possible to "bring Data back to life", as it were. And so Picard has his mission. But no ship. I wonder if admirals, even retired ones, are allowed to hitch-hike?

Cut, for the final scene, to a Romulan reclamation centre, where we meet both Narek, a Romulan spy and Dahj's sister, Soji, who is working there as a doctor. And oh look! Surely, as the camera pans out and away, that can't be anything other than a Borg cube, can it? Interesting.

Quite a lot better than I had expected. The older Picard has a sense of world-weariness and gravitas about him, and is no longer the young (ahem) idealist we met in TNG. He's seen how the world works, seen, to quote Aztec Camera (shut up) how men are, and he's even come to the realisation that Starfleet is not the gentlemen's club he believed it was in his youth. The idea of his retiring to run a vineyard nods back to the future scenes (at the time) in TNG's two-part finale, "All Good Things..." which is a good touch. And also of course the slow, boring comedown after "The Best of Both Worlds Part 2", where he popped home to say hi in "Family." There's a fair bit happens for one episode to introduce the series, and while you couldn't call it quite action-packed it's not exactly slow either. The possibility of Data living on through his daughters is clever, and I believe in time we do get to meet Data himself, though whether that's in reality or via dreams/holograms I don't yet know.

I also like the way the writers make Picard bow to his advancing age; as he runs with Dahj he finds his body betraying him. Fleeing from bad guys with a beautiful woman (even an android) is a young man's game, and he has to accept that he's no longer up to it, and can only watch as she takes on said bad guys, powerless to help her as she is killed. Or, to put it in the words of another famous franchise, he's gettin' too old for this shit, and he knows it. Nevertheless, this is the legendary Jean-Luc Picard, and he wouldn't be the man we know and love if he let injustice stand and passed on the opportunity to help right wrongs, so the die is cast, if with a slightly shaking hand. The woman who interviewed him for FNN (Federation Network News?) reminds me of the lawyer from Billions, who worked for Chuck Rhoads and then switched sides. Wonder if..? No, not her. Ah well.

Despite everything he did in "The Measure of a Man", then, androids - or, as they're now called, synthetics - have been outlawed. Well, I suppose it's easier to pass such legislation when they've murdered thousands of humans and cost the Federation billions of credits (or whatever they use for currency) in shipbuilding yard repairs and lost ships. I assume, as the series progresses, we find out what was behind the attack, but right now it's just seen as a senseless terrorist attack, and no doubt Data would be appalled if he knew what his brothers in silicon have done. I find myself wondering what connection the Romulans have with the Borg - no, that was definitely a Borg cube, and putting it as the final scene only reinforces that - as I believe they were the first of the races we know to encounter them, see "The Neutral Zone" for a teaser, though I can't recall if they fought against them? Perhaps they struck some sort of alliance with them? Doubtful: the Borg don't do alliances - oh wait: didn't Janeway strike a very ill-conceived and unwise deal with them? So what's to stop the Romulans from doing the same?

The whole look of the show is, if I'm honest, more J.J. Abrams than Gene (or Eugene) Roddenberry, but then, you move with the times or you die. Adapt and survive, as they say. It has left me with a desire to watch more, which I will do, on my own time, but as an opening episode, and also allowing for the fact that this is for once not a two-parter, very impressive.

[Trollheart]

Series: Star Trek: Lower Decks
Total seasons (to date if current): 4 (fifth due)
Episode: 9
Episode title: "Crisis Point"
Original transmission date: October 1 2020
Span:  2020 -
Writer(s): Various
Director: Various
Basic premise: The adventures, as such, of a very unimportant, non-flagship of Starfleet
Mood: Comedic, upbeat, frivolous
Things I liked: Almost nothing
Things I didn't like: Just about everything. Not for this old guy!
Timeline: Not sure: TNG universe?
Stardate: Dunno
Vessel: USS Cerritos
Class: Not sure, don't care
Location:  Alpha Quadrant
Dramatis Personae:
Main: Ensign Beckett Mariner, Ensign Brad Boimler, Ensign D'Vana Tendi, Ensign (seeing a pattern here?) Sam Rutherford, Captain Carol Freeman, First Officer Jack Ransom, Shaxs

Starring: (Main cast)  (voices of) Tawny Newsom, Jack Quaid, Noel Wells, Eugene Cordero, Dawnn Lewis, Jerry O'Connell, Fred Tatasciore

The first - official anyway - comedy Trek series, this takes a lighter look at one of the "least important ships in the galaxy" and how its crew deals with possibly non-galaxy-threatening events. It's also only the second official and the third overall of the series to be fully animated.

In case anyone's wondering why I've gone for episode one on every other series (where there are more than one, which there aren't in the case of some fan features), but episode nine here, I once had an ill-advised idea to do reviews of random Trek episodes from all the series. Yeah. didn't work out for obvious reasons. But before I figured that out, I wrote this one, and frankly, I was so unimpressed with the series that I have no wish to review another one. Besides, this one's done already, and I'm lazy. Sue me.

Okay let's see if I can figure this out. I think we need some basics before I jump into this. So, the main character, in a reversal of the usual Trek franchise method, seems to be a mouthy ensign (they're almost all ensigns, as you can see) called Beckett Mariner, who is the daughter of the captain, but this seems to be a secret. As far as I can see, she's modelled on a kind of Ensign Ro figure: not comfortable with Starfleet rules, protocols and discipline, but underneath it all a good officer. Prone to bouts of explosive anger, recrimination, and your basic teenager I guess. Then we have Brad Boimler, who's a kiss-ass who desperately wants to be liked but seems not to be, D'Vana Tendi, an Orion possible space pirate, Sam Rutherford, who has a cyborg (Borg? No I don't think so) implant and is still getting used to it. Shaxs, a Bajoran and T'Ana, the ship's doctor, who appears to be a bird. Yeah, that's what I said.

Having been sent to therapy  by her mother, the captain, Ensign Mariner decides to take Ensign Boimler's holodeck simulation, which he's using as a dry run for his interview with the captain, and turn it into a movie starring all of them. Right. Why? Why not? Why do people who clearly need therapy, but claim they don't, do anything? Looks like they're re-running the opening of Star Trek: The Motion Picture, the scene where Kirk sees the new Enterprise. Using the music, too. Hmm. Their ship is called the Cerritos, which I'm afraid is always going to sound to me like Cheerios or Burritos, but there you have it.

Their mission is to find out who is masquerading as a Starfleet vessel, and as they arrive at the planet which supposedly made contact with it (second contact? It's the title of the first episode, so maybe it means something here) they're attacked by what looks like a Romulan Bird of Prey, and on board is, yes, you guessed it, the captain's daughter, who is calling herself Vindicta. For some reason, the captain doesn't seem to recognise her own offspring, or realise this whole thing is some sort of revenge porn fantasy. Meanwhile, Boimler is taking notes for his upcoming interview. Tendi decides she's had enough, seeing through what's going on here, and leaves. It doesn't stop "Vindicta '', who makes it to the bridge, faces the captain and, uh, blows up both ships. That'll show them, right? Then, um, she ends up fighting herself and realises that her mother is only giving her a hard time because she would be kicked off any other starship and she realises therapy works yadda yadda bloody hell.

Oh-kaaayyy. FIrst I will say I do NOT like the overly hip way the characters react here. I mean, I've never seen this and I don't know any of them, but one seems to be the captain's daughter, who gleefully flouts the Prime Directive and thinks she's going to be praised. When the captain sends her back to the ship for therapy, she's all like "I don't need therapy! This is the 80s, dude!" Eighties? I thought this was the 24th century or something? 2380? This is, of course, what you get for coming in right in the middle of a series; very disorientating. Looks to me to be a cross between Futurama and Rick and Morty, or something. The tone is very irreverent, very flippant, very immature. I know this was made more or less for kids, but come on. You gonna shit on the whole Star Trek legacy here? Okay, the credits haven't even run and I already hate this. Let's see if it has anything to recommend it. Dude.

It's not without its charm but this kind of "skater Starfleet" thing is not for me. I suppose I'm too old, but even so, I just don't get it. This isn't something I'd want to see more of now, to be honest. Some good humour, some self-referential humour and some clever bits, sure, but overall it's kind of annoying. No, that's not fair. It's not kind of annoying. It's very annoying.

Look, let's be fair here and give this a proper synopsis, so far as I understand it. Seems that nobody knows Mariner is the captain's daughter, so that's the first thing. Then this movie that she makes out of Boimler's hijacked interview holodeck programme is a way for her to face what she believes are her feelings of anger and resentment towards her mother, but then this other version of her (still don't understand that; is it another crew member? Can't be, as nobody else is supposed to know who she is) fights her and shows her that she does actually care about the ship and that her mother is protecting her, even if it seems she isn't. Boimler, learning the truth about her, fluffs his interview with the captain, who shakes her head and deplores the fact that he was not prepared.

Meanwhile, there seems to be some sort of gay relationship between Rutherford and Shaxs, and in the holodeck/movie he's able to express those desires and finds them sort of reciprocated, though I think the engineer is more interested in, you know, ship's engines than what's in his pants, but back in the real world he doesn't dare talk about how he feels. Tendi gets annoyed at being typecast as a pirate, which she says she is not.

The doctor/counsellor is pretty good: a birdlike being who seems to have some sort of fixation with food, which, if it's a recurring trait/gimmick, could be quite funny as the series goes on. Obviously it's popular, as it's slated for a fifth season. Ah, maybe I just need to try to look at it with younger eyes. Now, where will I get a pair of them...?

[Trollheart]

Series: Star Trek: Prodigy
Total seasons (to date if current): 2 (Cancelled but then picked up by Netflix)
Episode: 1+2
Episode title: "Lost and Found"
Original transmission date: October 28 2021
Span: 2021 -
Writer(s): Various
Director: Various
Basic premise: Prisoners find an abandoned starship and escape
Mood: Upbeat, fun, cheerful, kind of a sense of wide-eyed wonder
Things I liked: The CGI of course; the intelligent scripting; the music
Things I didn't like: Really, nothing.
Timeline: Shrug. TNG?
Vessel: USS Protostar
Class: Intrepid maybe
Location:  Delta Quadrant
Dramatis Personae: Dal R'EI, the captain; Gwyndala; Jankom Pog, a Tellarite (and not a pog), ship's engineer/mechanic; Zero, a Medusan (remember TOS "Is There In Truth No Beauty?"); Tik-Tok sorry Rok-Tahk, Security and Science Officer apparently; Murf, a Mellanoid slime worm, because why not; Admiral Kathryn Janeway, the Protostar's hologram and later herself commanding another ship; The Diviner, some sort of galactic tyrant (boo!); Drednok, his robotic enforcer (double boo!)

Starring: (Voices of) Brett Grey, Ella Purnell, Jason Mantzoukas, Angus Imrie, Rylee Alazraqui, Dee Bradley Baker, Jimmi Simpson, John Noble, Kate Mulgrew

And this is the second one. Aimed at younger audiences, it seems to revolve around the adventures of a bunch of alien teenagers who find an abandoned starship (as you do) and go around doing whatever teenagers due in the 24th or whatever century this is set in. Features the voice of Kate Mulgrew reprising her role as Captain Janeway from VOY, as if we needed that. I think I'm correct in saying this is the first Trek series, animated or otherwise, which features an all-alien cast (other than Janeway), and also the only one other than VOY to be set in the Delta Quadrant.

Well I'll give it this: they use the fanfare in a far more respectable way than either of the two major continuations have, which starts me off on a better foot than I expected. Computer animation, of course, has progressed to the stage now where it seems completely realistic, as I realised when I caught a bit of Spielberg's Tin-Tin this morning, and had to check to see if it was animated (it was), so the CGI here is flawless. But is it a classic case of style over substance? Let's see. We open on the penal asteroid Tars Lamora, and I wonder if the writers are paying homage to Edgar Rice Burrough's classic science fiction/fantasy hero John Carter's Martian friend, Tars Tarkas, or if it's just an anagram of star? Or neither. Well anyway, there's a prison break under way and we're introduced to Dal R'El, who doesn't seem to know what species he is, when questioned by the robot enforcer, Drednok (now really! Dreadnought?) who is looking for "Fugitive Zero".

Being aimed at kids as this is, it's certainly action all the way almost from the word "engage!" and I have to admit, highly entertaining. A lot better, already, than Lower bloody Decks could ever hope to be, in my oh-so-humble but very much right opinion. Seems old Dal didn't make it out though, and now we switch to a Kazon handing over a catlike being to another in a hood - guess we'll find out soon enough who everyone is. Right then: seems the girl in the hood (yes it's a girl) is the daughter of this Diviner guy, the big bad, and that's old Dredlock sorry Drednok standing beside her. She's been given a mission by her father, to interrogate Dal and find out what he knows, if anything, about this Fugitive Zero. Of course, there's an ulterior motive, but the Diviner tells his enforcer she must never know what it is.

This girl, then, is called Gwyndala, but known as Gwyn, and very fluent in all languages, while Fugitive Zero is a Medusan, last seen driving Spock to blindness in TOS. With the only alternative prospect open to him being the tender mercies of Drednok, Dal agrees to help Gwyn find the Medusan, and sets off on his mission. Down into the deep core of the mine he goes, having been told this was the last known location of Fugitive Zero. He's chained to another big alien - who looks like a bigger, redder version of Marvel's Ben Grimm, the Thing - and after a slight altercation in which they crash down through the mine floor, they find an abandoned starship. Now they have a way out of here. Sweet.

This is obviously the Protostar spoken of in the introduction, and its being here, deep in a mine on a penal asteroid kind of mirrors something that happened in one of Abrams' films, can't remember which one: Star Trek Beyond maybe, where the alien was using a crashed starship as her home and base. Turns out the big Thing-type alien is female, and called Rok-Tohk, as the ship's universal translator kicks in and they can understand each other. Perhaps odd that a ship that has lain dormant for so long just fires up with a push of a switch, but hey, remember, this is for kids. Explanations can do one. This is fun. On board the ship they meet Fugitive Zero, who explains it is a Medusan, but has constructed a robotic shell so that nobody need see it, and thereby go mad. How thoughtful of it. And I say it, by the way, not as any sort of pejorative, but it clearly said it is "not a he, nor a she". So there.

It's a great touch, and very funny, to see the big lumbering rockpile we took as a mean, moody male monster speak with the squeaky voice of a little girl, and make comments like "ooh" - a real turnaround. But if they're to get their new ship off the ground, literally, they need a crew, so they rope in the local engineer, one Jankom Pog, and, um, a slime worm. Well, I suppose in the grand tradition of Trek since TNG, every ship needs its pet! As it looks like Gwyn is about to discover the ship, Dal distracts her but falls into the clutches of Dead Metal I mean Drednok, who has him taken to work on the surface of the asteroid, a real death sentence, since, you know, there's no atmosphere I guess. Oh right: they have suits. How silly of me.

He escapes anyway and leads Gwyn and Dredlocks to the Protostar. Which is a real bummer. You really don't want all those robots tracking mud all over the nice clean ship you just found. Honestly! Does nobody wipe their feet around here? When Drednok sends Gwyn onto the ship to check for more of what he calls "the Unwanted", Dal decides it might be a good plan to kidnap her and Junior Birdman the hell out of there. So they do, though the Diviner's daughter does not go quietly, which gives us a chance to see that she can, for some reason, do a T-1000 and fashion pointy sharp weapons from her hands, pointy sharp weapons that she puts to good use.

After what has to be described as a thrilling chase through vents and conduits and stuff, with Drednok doing his best to stop them leaving, and Dal on the outer hull trying to get the shields activated, they manage to escape, and with the intervention of the hologramatic Janeway to help them on their journey, the voyage of the USS Protostar is under way!

I thoroughly enjoyed this, much more than I expected to, and between the two animated series this wins hands down. It's hip, but not annoyingly so, and I can see why it would appeal to a younger demographic, though I can also imagine hardened Trekkers like me getting a buzz out of it. It's very cleverly written, even if the ghost of Voyager lurks around every corner - not surprising, with it being set in the Delta Quadrant and Janeway being involved, but even the closing credits very much mimic the opening of that series. I'm very impressed. I'd watch more of this.