Trollheart's Christmas Movies & TV Megathread (Incorporating The Scroogedown)

[Trollheart]

Fred Claus (2007)

Ah yes, another in a long line of Santa-themed movies, where characters impersonate, disguise themselves as or in some cases actually become Jolly old Saint Nick. This is as you can see somewhat more recent a movie, and because of that you can expect it to be hip and happenin', or whatever the kids say these days. Sick probably. No wait: that was the previous movie! Here's what the oracle at IMDB has to say about it.

Fred Claus, Santa's bitter older brother, is forced to move to the North Pole.

Yeah. Says it all really doesn't it? No doubt ol' Fred, a two-for-one amalgam of Santa and the Grinch it would seem, loses his crusty distrust of Christmas and learns to appreciate the true meaning of the holiday season. Urgh. Just look who's in it.

Vince Vaughn. Well, no surprise there. Our man Vince is always up for a low-brow, play-to-the-gallery movie that doesn't put too much strain on his feeble acting talent and his even less sturdy grasp of comedy. But some of the others are a surprise: Miranda Richardson? Rachel Weisz? Kathy Bates? Kevin Spacey? No, let me just check that again, I obviously got that... no, it's him all right. Man, he must have needed the money! And yet it's 2007 so he had already made it big.

What is it about a Christmas movie that can attract big stars, no matter how crummy the film may be? Season of giving, I suppose. Oh look! Frank Stallone's in it too. Probably the first film he's done since, er, er ... and Stephen Baldwin! And a lot of people whose names end in -ina, -nova or -vitch, presumably all meant to be genuine, um, Greenlanders? Huh?

Oh yeah, and Ludacris, whose name is probably the most fitting for this turkey of a movie, pops in as a, er, rapping DJ elf. Okay I'm done.

[Trollheart]

The Polar Express (2004)

Two words. Well, four. Four words to chill the heart and snuff out the yuletide fire. Tom Hanks, at Christmas. That's all that needs to be said. But if you're in doubt...

On Christmas Eve, a doubting boy boards a magical train that's headed to the North Pole and Santa Claus's home.

Sounds delightful yes? Now I'm aware that many of you may love this film, think it's touching, engaging, charming. Well you should all be boiled with your own Christmas pudding with a stick of mistletoe in your hearts. Let me just remind you: Tom Hanks. TOM. HANKS! At Christmas! I have nothing further to say.

Oh dear god! Say it isn't so! Steven Tyler! Steven Tyler as a rock elf! What were you thinking man? You can't walk that way! Have some respect, for the love of Ozzy! It's Christmas!

[Trollheart]

Black Christmas (2006)

Let's spit the taste of cloying sentimentality out of our mouths and look at a "dark" Chrimbo movie, shall we? Nothing says Christmas like coeds being murdered by a maniac, after all, and while the title may seem the most cliched and obvious pun on one of the most popular or wished-for aspects of the holidays, it's actually a remake of a far superior film from 1974, but this one jettisons the original's suspense and sense of dread and goes right for the jugular (it says here) with an all-out banal slasher flick mentality that has about as much subtlety as Adam Sandler at a comedy roast. Awful. IMDB says

An escaped maniac returns to his childhood home on Christmas Eve, which is now a sorority house, and begins to murder the sorority sisters one by one.

Of course he does. Why do these guys always murder people - usually girls, and nubile, helpless ones at that - one by one? Why not just go for the big kill, get them all at once? Then said slasher can take the rest of the night off, put his bloodstained feet up and spend some quality time watching classic Christmas movies. Who's for all this stalking, waiting, scaring, baiting, chasing? I'd rather get it all over with and have some "me" time. Better than watching this garbage anyway.

The only one I can see here who I know is Michelle Trachtenberg, who nerds like myself will know as the whiny but sexy Dawn from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Bet she wishes she was still on that show! Didn't it ever dawn on her that she was making a bad career move here? Sorry, had to say it. Ok, I'll move on, no need to get rude.

[Trollheart]

Santa's Slay (2006)

Oh the joy of word play! You see what they did there? Santa's sleigh becomes ... yeah I know, not that funny right? Not to mention that, given the subject matter and storyline, they could also have rearranged the name of jolly old Saint Nick to make it Satan's slay, but then, how Christmassy is that? Well, about as Christmassy really as the idea of Santa Claus having originally been a demon. Here, I'll let that guy at IMDB explain it.

Santa Claus is actually a demon who lost a bet with an Angel, so he becomes the giver of toys and happiness. But when the bet is off, he returns to his evil ways.

Okay well, didn't take that much explaining after all. So at least it's a change from the heartwarming, family-friendly Xmas movies we get crammed down our throats every year (incidentally, in this that's exactly apparently what happens to James Caan: Santa rams a chicken bone down his throat. So, there is at least one good thing we can say about the movie!) but this is sort of taking it all the way across the tracks to the wrong side of town, beating it, stabbing it, burning it and then dragging what's left of the corpse back across the tracks and crapping on it for good measure.

Let's see then if any starving Hollywood stars or TV personalities down on their luck got duped into appearing in this pile of .... well I never! Saul Rubinek, who I only know as Donnie from the later seasons of Frasier and from one role he played in Star Trek: the Next Generation - dirty beggar stole Data and displayed him among his collection! That did not turn out well, as you can imagine. But also Rebecca Gayheart, Robert Culp, who will forever be known to me anyway as "that other guy from The Greatest American Hero", Fran "The Nanny" Drescher and of course James Caan, in a spectacularly bad piece of decision-making for him.

Interesting to note too that there are two actors whose parts are credited as "Spoiled Boy #1" and "Spoiled Boy #2" - I can guess what happens to them when our Christmas-hating, redemonised Santa gets hold of them! They had most assuredly better watch out!

Oh dear, oh dear! Let's move on, shall we?

[Trollheart]

Eight Crazy Nights (2002)

There are two words that precede this title that tell you all you need to know about what to expect. One is Adam, the other is Sandler's. Yeah. It's an Adam Sandler movie. Now, say what you like about Sandler - and I've said much, none of it complimentary - but I will admit this much: he's not getting any typespace here. IMDB says of the movie

Davey Stone, an alcoholic with a criminal record, is sentenced to community service under the supervision of an elderly referee. Davey is then faced with trying to reform and abandon his bad habits.

Exactly. What else would you expect? And of course, simply due to the presence of the lunkhead of comedy in it, there are other lunkheads who unwisely decided to donate their, ah, talents. People like Rob "The Animal" Schneider. Oh, and that's it thankfully. Tyra Banks also got drafted in somehow, but my main gripe is that not only did Sandler write this piece of trash and hoodwink his buddies into playing parts, or voices, in the movie, he reached out somehow to the music community, and so Alison Krauss and Ann WIlson will forever wonder about that missing few hours in their lives when they met Sandler for a drink and then next thing they remember is waking up with a contract they didn't remember signing, and no choice then but to go through with it. Ah, remember the old adage: when dealing with Adam Sandler, it is always - always! - advisable to murder him before he gets you involved in some godawful film you will regret for the rest of your life!

[Trollheart]

The Christmas Pageant (2011)

Okay, I admit I know nothing about this movie, but just look at what IMDB has to say about it:

When a temperamental Broadway director is fired from yet another job, she is forced to direct a community Christmas pageant.

Okay? Case closed I think. The only person of note is the star, Meliisa "Bruce Boxleitner" Gilbert, and that's probably how it should stay. I have nothing furhter to add.

[Trollheart]

Bad Santa 2 (2016)

Oh God! Santa save me! Now we run into a set of sequels that never needed to be made. I have by now seen enough clips of the original Bad Santa to know how poor it was, so all I can say about this is that it seems to take the worst of that movie and amplify it, adding nothing but possibly subtracting much. The producers lost their shirt, not even making their money back at the box office, and not even the presence of Kathy Bates can turn this turd around. Rotten Tomatoes' consensus reads Loaded up with the same scatological and misanthropic humor as its predecessor but precious little of its heart or genuine wit, Bad Santa 2 presents a foulmouthed shadow of Christmas past

Rotten Tomatoes ratings

Tomatometer: 24%
Audience Score: 33%

IMDB rating

5.6/10

Metacritic rating:

38

Majorie Baumgarden of The Austin Chronicle noted These jokes may be good for momentary release, but the joke's no longer on the holiday: It's on us.

Kevin Maher of The Times agreed: It takes everything that was fresh and assertive about the original and transforms it into vile, hateful overkill.

Tim Robey of The Telegraph admitted The level of not very funny things this entails, even by the standards of barely-awaited sequels to lowbrow Yuletide comedies, is kind of impressive.

James Bernardinelli of ReelFilm said At its best, Bad Santa 2 feels like an echo of its predecessor. At its worst, it's unfunny, crass, and uncomfortable (not in a good way).

And audiences were similarly unimpressed.

Incredibly crass and vulgar, Bad Santa 2 is even more offensive than the first one.

A massive drop in quality compared to the first Bad Santa movie, and although Kathy Bates was a welcome addition to the series, based on this entry, I don't think we're likely to ever see a Bad Santa 3.

God, let's hope not!

[Trollheart]

Jack Frost 2: Revenge of the Mutant Killer Snowman

It's so depressing, not to mention baffling that this B-movie failure slasher movie masquerading as a Christmas offering got a sequel. I mean, that title sounds like something out of a comic series or something doesn't it? This time it's set in the most natural habitat for a snowman - a tropical island!

Oh, and point to note: there are in fact two movies entitled Jack Frost, as we'll be finding out in more detail soon (stay tuned): one starring Michael Keaton made in 1998 and the prequel to this one, which does not star Michael Keaton, or indeed anyone, made the previous year. I reckon they're as bad as each other, but it's probably not a good idea to get them mixed up, so if you want the one where the father returns from the dead to be with his kid, it's the 1998 release with Keaton. If you prefer the one where the serial killer returns from the dead to serial kill and wreak bloody revenge, it's the 1997 one. Your kids may thank you for not getting the wrong one!

Rotten Tomatoes ratings

Tomatometer: n/a
Audience Score: 29%

IMDB rating

3.7/10



Scott Weinberg of EFilmCritic was the only one who would bother to go on record, noting A few "stupid-funny" kill scenes aside, there's nothing here worth bothering with.

Audiences were more divided.

This movie is so bad its hilarious

When it comes to a film where the snowman is the killer, you can't take it seriously whatsoever. This sequel is just as satisfying as the original with even more tongue in cheek moments to be had on screen.

The plot is easily forgettable and filled with annoying characters that you'll love to see get killed by the mutant snowman. The death scenes here aren't as funny as in the original, the most hilarious death in this sequel was.... nothing. The original gave us a snowman raping a human and than smoking a cigar, if that's not good comedy I don't what is. Another problem with the sequel is Jack Frost kids, yes, a killer mutant male snowman can produce kids. And by gosh are they as annoying as Jar Jar Binks and even sound like him too. Cooney succeeds in fine style, principally by following the established blueprint in an entirely new location. In this case; a tropical island. Natural stalking ground for a snowman.
 
Early sequences, in which Jack is represented by a puddle of water and a carrot on a piece of thread, might suggest to the casual viewer that the budget for this follow-up will not stretch to the dazzling visual spectacles presented by the original. Don't be fooled.. Cooney knows just what he's doing, and is merely lulling the casual viewer into a false sense of security. He pulls out his trump card in the latter third of the flick. He has bought a home PC animation package, and he knows how to use it. Well, he doesn't *quite* know how to use it. But he'll have a jolly good go. Hence, inept live action effects are seamlessly blended with inept computer generated effects, and we're all set for a staggeringly poor finale.
 
Despite the somewhat misleading title, at no point does Jack kill any mutants. Pity. I'm sure he'd have kicked Wolverine's fuzzy backside.

[Trollheart]

Nativity 3: Dude, Where's My Donkey?

Apparently the shitfest that was Nativity 2: Danger in the Manger wasn't enough of a warning that such movies should never be made. Hopefully this will be. How people of the calibre of Jason Watkins, Catherine Tate and Martin Clunes got conned into acting in - sorry, being associated with is bad enough - this steaming pile of donkey shit is beyond me, but I hope to everything that is good and evil that they do not attempt a fourth. It's just... beyond awful. Here, read, read!

Rotten Tomatoes ratings

Tomatometer: 16%
Audience Score: 37%

IMDB rating

3.5/10

There have been many recent films based around memory loss, but few that most adults will want to forget as quickly as Nativity 3. That's Jeffrey McNab in The Independent. No mercy either from The Guardian's Peter Bradshaw:

This is one of those British family comedies that make you want to soil the Union flag with your own faeces in the cinema foyer before setting fire to it.

Come on dude! Say what you really think: don't cloak it in innuendo and hyperbole!

Robbie Collin of The Daily Telegraph had advice for how to forget the movie: As soon as I left the cinema, I went looking for a donkey to kick me in the head.

If only the producers had been kicked instead.

Variety's Guy Lodge agreed. Even fans of the series are likely to deem this dopey "Donkey" a step down, with a surprising streak of unseasonal mean-spiritedness.

While Tara Brady of The Irish Times wondered How do I go about awarding the square root of negative one as a star rating? Is it just "i"? Or is there a special graphic?

Can't help you there, Tara. What about audiences? Were there any? Just one who would comment, but it's a good one: Went in without knowing anything about previous two films or seeing reviews.Came out scarred for life, don't understand how such a truly awful film can get distributed. By a long way the worst "film" i've ever seen.Hiding underneath jacket didn't work, trying to fall asleep didn't work. Like a two hour episode of Gigglebiz without the jokes and budget. I can't say it enough but truly awful, if this is a "British" film then I don't want to be British anymore. No redeeming features whatsoever, no jokes, a few donkey farts and that's about it. I can't stop people from going, but don't say I didn't warn you!

You do though have to wonder, don't you, if it was so bad, why she didn't just get up and leave? Are they chaining patrons to the seats of the local Odeon these days? Trained marksmen posted at the exits? I know they're desperate to mitigate the damage done by Netflix and other streaming sites, but that seems a little extreme. Maybe she is just one of those who says "I paid me money, I'm gonna sit here and get its worth." A trifle along the lines of cutting off the nose to spite one's face, I would think.

[Trollheart]

Three more Scrooges to criticise and analyse, all quite different from each other...
Year: 1977
Medium: Colour
Starring: Michael Hordern, Jon Le Mesurier
Directed by:
Length: 59 mins

Brief comments: A typical BBC 70s drama; quite bland, cheap and dour. More like a play than anything else. Although it's in colour you could be forgiven for thinking it wasn't, as the colour is so washed-out, but I guess it adds to the overall period flavour of the story. The awful cheapness of the dramatisation shows when, taken to the place he grew up in by the Ghost of Christmas Past, he sees only a drawing. There is no scene where he and the ghost enter the building.

CHARACTERS
Scrooge: Dull, confused and somewhat doddery, Hordern seems to mouth the words without really having any conviction. He does not come across as mean, merely old. 4
Marley: More or less the same. Le Mesurier always evinced a sort of bored resignation in his acting, even when he did comedy, and here he carries the same cloak of ennui around him, resulting in a figure who is neither tragic nor scary, but again just bored. The effects are very poor for the seventies too. 4
Cratchit: Not too annoying, played well. Say 6
Tiny Tim: Almost nonexistent, which is a plus, but still. 2 only.
Others: n/a
The Ghosts: The Ghost of Christmas Past: All right but she seems quite hard, not at all sympathetic. I can only give her a 3
                    The Ghost of Christmas Present: Very grumpy, but at least his version includes Want and Ignorance, so gets a 4
                    The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come: The usual. Unfortunately, the guy playing him seems more concerned that his hood might fall down than he is of being scary, or mysterious, so gives the impression of slouching along. Very poor, even for the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come. 3

Faithful to the novel: Very  much, follow it more or less exactly, which is admirable given the relatively short length of the production. 8
Emotion level: Zero
Puke level: Almost Zero, but they had to have Tiny Tim sing, didn't they? -1
Horror level: Zero
Soundtrack: Mostly none, but what there is is typical BBC drama fare, reminiscent of the likes of Sapphire and Steel or Tales of the Unexpected. Say a 4

So, a total then of 37. Any additions? Well, Le Mesurier is in it, as is June Brown, well known to British people as Dot in the popular soap opera Eastenders, so that's another 10. IMDB credits Brian Blessed with the narration, but I'll be damned if I can find any in this production, so I can't include him. That makes a total then of 47.

Year: 1983
Medium: Colour (Animated)
Starring: Um. Mickey Mouse?
Directed by: Burny Mattinson
Length: 26 mins

Brief comments: The first really major animation, Mister Magoo's Christmas Carol notwithstanding, to play the story against an already well-known cast of characters, in this case the Disney stable of Donald Duck, Goofy, Scrooge McDuck and of course Mickey himself. A major animated colossus and one that would set the trend for further adaptations of the tale in years to come, and also open up the story to the true world of animation.

CHARACTERS
Scrooge: Ah, who else could it be but Scrooge McDuck? Sure Disney named him after the character! You gotta love the old miser, and he has some great lines - "Jacob Marley: you robbed from the widows and the poor, sometimes in the same day!" Very odd to hear Scrooge talk in a Scottish accent, but then that's Scrooge McDuck for ya! Gotta give him a good 8 easily.
Marley: Goddammit it's Goofy! And how does a supposed spirit slip on  a cane and fall down the stairs? Gimme strength! A low 2
Cratchit: Much as I hate Mickey Mouse, he does a very passable and not annoying Cratchit, so I'm grudgingly awarding him a good 7 here
Tiny Tim: Only in the story for one scene but quite cute. A good 7 too.
Others: Have to mention my good friend Donald Duck, as Fred. Just for his hilarious voice, and the fact that he's wearing his sailor suit even in this, I'm awarding him a 9
The Ghosts: The Ghost of Christmas Past: Jiminy Fucking Cricket? Oh come on! Have they chosen all my least favourite Disney characters? Still, the idea of Scrooge's conscience being one of the ghosts is clever, so I'll give him a 5
                    The Ghost of Christmas Present: A somewhat retarded giant. Pretty stupid really. 3
                    The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come: Just for the end scene, and the fact he smokes AND speaks, which none of the others did, I have to award him a high 7.

Faithful to the novel: Yeah, pretty much so, though due to the running time there are elements omitted. Still, a decent 7 here.
Emotion level: Zero
Puke level: Disney cartoons often have the terrible cutesy-poo factor but this one doesn't make me want to retch, so zero here
Horror level: Are you fucking kidding me? Zero, obviously.
Soundtrack: Standard Disney/cartoon music, but I'll award them extra points for resisting the urge to throw in some songs; there's just one at the opening credits. So overall a 7.

That's a total then of 62. Not bad, but then surely I have to give points for the excellent animation, so 5 for that, and the humour in it is very clever too, even if it is standard Disney, so another 5 for that, give us a
Grand  Total of 72

Year: 1984
Medium: Colour
Starring: George C. Scott, Frank Finlay, Susannah  York, David Warner
Directed by: Clive Donner
Length: 100 mins

Brief comments: After the musical 1970 version, this is the first one to feature so many stars, and so has become one of the best-known. It's also the longest I've watched up to now. The sequences with the Ghost of Christmas Past are complete; they include all the events, which some of the other movies miss out. There are also some interesting touches, such as Scrooge's father still being cold towards him, and Scrooge himself accusing Fred of employing Peter just to spite him.

CHARACTERS
Scrooge: Considering that we're talking about George C. Scott here, it's a very disappointing performance. Scott does not seem very interested in the role, he displays little emotion and seems to more or less phone it in. He doesn't even get caught up in the game at Fred's; whereas other Scrooges begged to be allowed stay (and were not) he goes almost with a shrug of his shoulders. In truth, he only really starts to bother acting at the graveyard scene. After that he's more animated, but given that so much of his acting up to that point is so poor, and a big let-down, I can only in fairness award him a 5.
Marley: Very imposing, quite scary in his way and played extremely well by Frank Finlay. A good 8 for him.
Cratchit: Ah it's David Warner! Need I say more? The man brings a gravitas and dignity to the role that nobody else has to date, and I actually feel for the guy. Got to be a 10, and I never thought I would award that.
Tiny Tim: Hardly in the story really, and doesn't sing, so that in itself gets him a proper 5
Others: Susannah York is very good in the role of Mrs Cratchit; have to give her a 5 for that too.
The Ghosts: The Ghost of Christmas Past: Well played but there's that hardness again. Given that the sequence is full, unlike many others, it must gain an extra point, so I'll give her 6.
                    The Ghost of Christmas Present: Again quite decent, Edward Woodward is good in the part. Want and Ignorance are done well. A score of 7 for him.
                    The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come: Spooky and silent, but there's something about him: he seems to speak in a whining feedback electric guitar voice, and you gotta respect that. Basically, he rawks! Got to get a decent 8 for that.

Faithful to the novel: Extremely so, even if there are a few extra bits added. I'd have to give this the highest score yet, a 9
Emotion level: None, until David Warner and Susannah York get together on the death of Tiny Tim, then the tears are pressing behind my eyes and I must award this a good 7 for emotion.
Puke level: Zero. Not even for Cratchit for once, or Tiny Tim.
Horror level: Pretty much zero also.
Soundtrack: Virtually non-existent. Hardly worth a 1, but let's give it that. Actually, now that I've seen the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come with his heavy-metal voice, I have to up that to a much more decent 5.

And so we have a total in the end of 75. Very good score, but then look at all the stars in it. If you add five for Warner, Scott, York and Woodward that's another 20, which brings us to a
Grand Total of 95! I think that's the highest yet.

And so without any doubt or challenge, George C. Scott's 1984 version - almost despite his pretty pedestrian acting as the main character - pushes its way into round two, leaving the others trailing in its wake. And I thought Mickey's Christmas Carol was going to be hard to beat! Competition's hotting up now! Incidentally, if you're planning to watch this, for the love of god don't mix it up with that 1970s classic adult movie, Carol's Christmas Micky! The kids will not understand.

We're getting close now; not too many versions left to do. I still don't know who's going to win. I should point out that, although versions are scoring high here, that does not necessarily mean they're going to be the overall winners, as in round two the best of the best will be pitted against each other, and may find after all that they are lacking in certain aspects.

[Trollheart]

Episode title: Christmas Guy
Series: Family Guy
Season: 12
Written by: Greg Meighan
First transmitted: December 15 2013

The Griffins are aghast to find that the annual Quahog Christmas carnival has been cancelled, and even more so when it turns out that it's Lois's father, Carter, who is responsible. Peter goes to see him to find out why, and Carter tells him that it's terrible being rich at Christmas: everyone expects big expensive presents and he gets nothing. Ah, your heart bleeds, wot? So as a result Carter hates Christmas and, being rich and selfish (never a great combination and almost always one going with the other) he has decided to cancel the carnival. Peter vows to help him regain the spirit of Christmas, however despite some really stupid - and quite frankly disgusting and disturbing - ideas he has, success eludes him until he sighs that he had no idea Carter was Jewish. Suddenly, rather than be seen as a Jew, Carter reinstates the carnival. Nice one, Seth, you racist bastard.

So far, so terrible. Step forward, Stewie, for the love of Jesus and save this trainwreck! If only Brian were here instead of this annoying Italian mafia/Tony Soprano style dog they have now! Well, only one way to sort that out: bring Brian back! Only one problem: just before Brian died, Stewie destroyed his time machine, leaving him unable to bring his friend back. He really was dead. But hey, this is cartoons, and if there's one thing I've learned watching and researching them, it's that anything can happen, and often does. Usually though with Seth that's just it: it happens, no explanation. At least here, I tip my hat to the writer for the way in which he enables Stewie to time travel again.

Despondent without Brian, Stewie goes with Vinnie to the toy store, where he sees, against all odds, himself from the past. This Stewie has travelled into the future - our Stewie's present; bear with me - to pre-buy a toy that will quickly sell out. Stewie follows him, aware that in his backpack is the return pad for the time travel machine in past Stewie's bedroom, so that if he can get it, he can (deep breath) return to the time machine in the past, use it to go a little forward in that past's future to save Brian and then return to his own present with Brian still alive. With me so far? Tough. You should have paid more attention during temporal mechanics class. What? You didn't take temporal mechanics? What kind of Starfleet cadet are you? What? Well in that case, sir, these gentlemen from Starfleet Security need to speak to you...

Anyway, the plan works brilliantly and Brian is saved, whereupon the "future" Stewie, his time line now defunct, vanishes, leaving the current Stewie (back in the present - you know what, this is getting tiring and confusing. Thank god it's nearly over) wondering why Brian is making such a fuss of him on Christmas morning. With the timelines restored, Vinnie vanishes, never having been associated with the Griffins in the first place, and all is well in the world again.

Notes

Really, this is less of a Christmas story and more of a perhaps bowing to pressure to bring Brian back (though it may all have been planned, who knows?) and as the former it really doesn't work. They would have been better just making it the Brian-comes-back story and leaving it at that, though mixing this in as a Christmas episode does work on some levels. The "main story", if you will, sucks balls and is nothing more than an opportunity for Seth to spout his often hateful racist and religiously intolerant rhetoric; it's wrapped up about ten minutes into the episode and is, really, throwaway and not at all important to the episode. It's hardly even linked.

But it's great to see Brian back. I had thought - along with millions of others, no doubt - that it was a stupid, almost suicidal move to kill Brian off. Yes, the shock value was there, but just as Star Trek realised you can't kill a major character off just like that and not get furious feedback from the fans (and even Arthur Conan Doyle found his out a hundred years earlier) Seth must have known it couldn't be a permanent exit. Whether people took to Brian's replacement or not I don't know; Vinny was all right but a bit cliched and I didn't see him do much in the handful of episodes he was in. And his efforts o emulate Brian for Stewie, while laudable on one level, are really just painful. The Griffins without a dog would have been just as effective.

As usual, nothing for the rest of the family to do. I'm not sure Meg even spoke - maybe had one or two lines - Chris was as useless as ever and even Lois had little to say or do. At least Peter didn't take over the episode, though he was given time to crap all over it with, as I said above, some very unnecessary and frankly horrible scenes which I did not find at all funny, nor appropriate for a Christmas episode. Yeah, yeah, my knickers are untwisted, but still, there's no need for that kind of thing I feel.

I'd rate this as a total failure if it wasn't for the subplot (which I consider really the main plot, despite the title) which rescues it and makes it watchable, even good. But never a Christmas episode. Without question, Brian and Stewie aside, the worst one I've reviewed here yet.