Trollheart's Christmas Media Megathread (Incorporating The Scroogedown)

[Trollheart]

Merry Christmas - Mariah Carey - 2008 (Columbia)


If I had to pick one female singer I despised above all others, I think it would be Mariah Carey. It was she, after all, who started this whole trend of dragging a note out to the nth degree, as if doing that is going to make you sound better, and now they're all doing it. I also tend to call her the "ghost singer" (among other names!) as she makes a sound when singing reminiscent of a spirit haunting some lonely hallway: "Whooo--whooaa---ooohhhhh--woh-woah," You know the sort of thing. Hey look, I never said these reviews would be unbiased! In fact, if anything, they're totally biased.

Unlike Lionel Ritchie, she can't resist the temptation of putting on some original songs here, so in addition to the expected (dreaded, in my case) "All I want for Christmas is you", we get two more self-penned ditties, in "Miss you most (at Christmas time)" and "Jesus born on this day." Other than that, it's the usual mix of "Joy to the world", "Silent night", "God rest ye" and so on. Pretty generic really, but given that added annoyance of having to listen to Carey's voice drone on and on throughout the album. Fair put me off me Christmas dinner, it would!

TRACKLISTING

1. Silent Night
2. All I Want For Christmas Is You
3. O Holy Night
4. Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)
5. Miss You Most (At Christmas Time)
6. Joy To The World
7. Jesus Born On This Day
8. Santa Claus Is Comin' To Town
9. Hark! The Herald Angels Sing/Gloria (In Excelsis Deo)
10. Jesus Oh What A Wonderful Child
11. God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen

[Trollheart]

You know, I think it's just possible!

We've just got four more of

to go. So two today, and two tomorrow, and we're done!

Episode title: How the Griffin Stole Christmas
Series: Family Guy
Season: 15
Written by: Aaron Lee
First transmitted: December 17 2016

When Peter stands in as a mall Santa the power goes to his head. That's it. Well, not really but you get the idea. Brian and Stewie crash Christmas parties in search of free booze (for Brian obviously, not the baby) and lonely and desperate women. What? Oh. Yeah. Not Stewie. Probably not. No, definitely not. Definitely not? Definitely not. Stewie tries to liven up one of the parties by telling the staff half of them will be fired unless they can drink more shots that the other half, and the boss, liking what he hears, takes him on. When it becomes clear that Stewie's joke has gone too far (don't ask me where Brian is at this point; he seems to have disappeared) he tries to make amends by handing out paycheques to everyone, cut for the maximum amount he's authorised to sign: eleven thousand dollars. Cash them fast, he tells everyone.

Having blagged everything he can because he's dressed as Santa (seriously? They believe that? They know he's not really Santa, right?) Peter passes out in the street. He awakes to find the real Santa standing over him, none too pleased at how he's been mistreating the office. But rather than wreak terrible vengeance on him, like maybe showing him what the world would be without a proper Santa (or even an evil one) lame-ass Santa here just pranks Peter with a text and then tries to strangle him so that Peter gives in and takes off the suit. It's beyond lazy, it really is.

Notes

It's hard to know what to say really. This is top grade trash. I mean, what's in the story? Stewie and Brian crash a party, Stewie gets a job at the office and it turns out not to be the awesome adventure he had anticipated. Peter uses his position as Santa to be really greedy and Santa sort of punishes him, but not really, until Peter repents. Garbage. If this is what the current season is like, I'm glad I stopped watching. There's really nothing else to say. Merry Christmas, you fat lazy bastard Seth MacFarlane.

[Trollheart]

Okay, so much for finishing all the 20th century versions! I somehow forgot this classic, perhaps because it's not called either "A Christmas Carol" or, technically, "Scrooge". Bloody Wiki! Anyway, one of the very best versions from the eighties and the only live-action comedy based on the tale.

Year: 1988
Medium: Colour
Starring: Bill Murray, Robert Mitchum, Karen Allen
Directed by: Richard Donner
Length: 101 mins

Brief comments: Well who doesn't know this cheery, funny take on the story? One of the classic comedy movies of the late eighties and yet another vehicle for the multi-talented Murray, directed by Richard "Lethal Weapon" Donner. How could you miss? A modern take, it features Murray as the president of a TV network (for once, the only film in which the main character is not called Scrooge) who are putting on a live performance of "A Christmas Carol" (which they annoyingly refer to as "Charles Dickens's classic Scrooge"!), and who of course does not know the meaning of Christmas. Hilarious and quite action-packed without going over the top, Donner reining himself in so as to preserve the main and important lesson in the movie, it features cameos from some serious players.

CHARACTERS
Scrooge: Murray is both hilarious, nasty and a little pathetic in the part, in the role of Frank Cross (his office, for instance, holds a legend: "Cross: a thing they hang people on"!) but his infectious humour shines through the film and, as expected, he steals the show. Has to be a 9, only dropping one point because he's not called Scrooge.
Marley: Not really a Marley, but Cross's boss comes back from the dead to warn him about the visitation he is to get, and the venerable John Forsythe shines in the brief part, with some very good special effects. Must be an 8.
Cratchit: Kind of none, though Cross's secretary Grace is placed in that role, along with her son who does not speak until the very end (a Christmas miracle), and for her portrayal, even if it is classic token-black-actor/actress nonsense, I need to award her a 7.
Tiny Tim: No much to say. Kid is quiet all the way through and not that much in it. 5
Others: A host of other cameos and bit parts, including Herman the down-and-out, Loudermilk the mad worker who gets fired by Cross and then has a series of increasingly bad times before going all Die Hard with a shotgun. Mitchum as the owner of the network is, well, Mitchum, and Allen as Cross's love interest, Claire, another shining light. So we need to add another 5 each, making 20
The Ghosts:
The Ghost of Christmas Past: Fucking brilliant! Tom Waits in a taxi cab! Stunningly original, fun and right to the point. No hesitation in awarding him a 10.
                     The Ghost of Christmas Present: Psycho fairy godmother, reminds me of Cyndi Lauper. Superb and out of her mind. Another 10
                     The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come: Big scary animatronic hooded guy, but for the scenes and the effects, which are very good, a decent 8

Faithful to the novel: Not in the least. Based very very loosely on the tale, and although the stage performance mirrors the novel, that's only ancillary to the main storyline so I can only give a 4 here
Emotion level: Very much so, right near the end. Say 8
Puke level: Zero
Horror level: Zero
Soundtrack: It's okay; standard American feel-good movie soundtrack, though I guess I have to award points for closing on a song that is not a Christmas one ("Put a Little Love in Your Heart") and yet very appropriate. Say, I don't know, 7.

So our total is 96. Starwise we're looking at Murray, Mitchum, Allen, Lee Majors, Robert Goulet ... you know what? There are too many stars here to add them all, and anyway, a host of stars doesn't necessarily make a great movie (although this is) so let's say a modest 15 for them all. But then, it's the only (live action) comedy version, so there's another 10 for that. That makes up to a
Grand Total of 121, the highest yet! And to be fair, it deserves it.

Year: 2000
Medium: Colour
Starring: Ross Kemp, Warren Mitchell, Ray Fearon
Directed by: Catherine Morshead
Length: 72 mins

Brief comments: Finally, a Scrooge tale that is completely different! I'm no fan of Ross Kemp, and had considered not including this since it's a modern take, but then I thought well so is Scrooged and I'm doing that, so what the hey! Kemp is Eddie Scrooge in this modern look at the story, and it's nice to see the only contemporary version other than Bill Murray's comedy take a good hard swipe at the tale, and do a fairly decent job too. I like the way Scrooge chooses to see his first visitation as an opportunity to engage in a "Groundhog Day"-like reliving of the previous day (Christmas Eve) and seems to intend to profit by it, though he has as yet learned no lessons. The murder-mystery woven into the plot is very good too. The lessons taught at the end pull right at the heartstrings, and it feels, you know, real.

CHARACTERS
Scrooge: Kemp is great in the role, a tight, pitiless, tough-as-nails moneylender whose idea of a Christmas present is to steal someone's TV and throw it over a balcony. Admittedly, he doesn't have to stretch his limited acting talent, as the part is not a million miles away from the other bad guys he's portrayed, but he does it well. I like the way he starts changing after the visit from the second ghost, but seems still to be doing it for the wrong reasons, so still needs one more shock. A high 8 for him.
Marley: Refreshing to see a black man in the role, and the modern idiom used is good too. Little cheap to use him as a two-for-one with the Ghost of Christmas Present though. I would say 9, except for the doubling-up, which loses him a point, so 8.
Cratchit: In the role as Scrooge's henchman, pretty well played. Not at all annoying. 8
Tiny Tim: Again, not at all annoying and best of all, he doesn't sing! 8
Others: Scrooge's love-interest Bella is very pivotal to the story, so she gets a 7 for her role; Marley's mother, never a character in the original for obvious reasons (Marley is much younger here, as is Scrooge) another star turn, so 6 for her, and the single mother, whose telly is taken by Scrooge at the beginning, another star, so 7 for her. Finally, Liz Smith does it again, third appearance for her in Scrooge movies, so she deserves a 5 for her part.
The Ghosts: The Ghost of Christmas Past: Scrooge's father (nice twist) played by the lovable Warren Mitchell (Alf Garnett), and the fact that he appears on Scrooge's TV set is both clever and a nod back to his son's confiscation and then destruction of the single mother's television. 7
                     The Ghost of Christmas Present: It's Marley, which while it's unexpected takes a lot of the impact away, as we've already met him. Not sure why they couldn't get a separate actor for this part like everyone else. 4
                    The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come: Great twist, making him a kid. Even better twist, to make him Scrooge's as yet unborn son! 10

Faithful to the novel: In a general way, though the story is quite different. Innovative, and keeps the general idea there, but does it in its own way. I would have to say only 7
Emotion level: The only one I have actually cried at. Have to award this a 10
Puke level: Zero
Horror level: Despite it being a modern take, surprisingly zero
Soundtrack: Almost non-existent, so I'm afraid a low 3

So our total then is 98. However we also have to add in the stars, but though Ray Fearon is apparently a soap star I don't know him, so all I can really add is Kemp and Mitchell, so another 10 there. That would give a total of 108, but to be honest I was expecting so little from this version and was so blown away by it that it deserves another 10, so the
Grand Total is 118, which would normally have lifted it right into the next round, but it's pipped by three lousy points by Bill Murray's Scrooged, which goes through. Pity: I would have thought this would have had a good chance against some of the others. Honourable mention though.

Year: 2001
Medium: Colour (Animated)
Starring: Simon Callow, Kate Winslet, Michael Gambon, Nicholas Cage
Directed by: Jimmy T Murakami
Length: 81 mins

Brief comments: Too many mice in this animated version. Again, the colours are very washed-out and dour looking. There's a lot of extra material added so that the proper story only gets going in about the twentieth minute. Somewhat rushed, given that it's over an hour long. Those fucking mice! What is the point??

CHARACTERS
Scrooge: Voiced by Simon Callow, he's nasty enough certainly but unaccountably kind to the bloody mice, which is totally out of character. He's not nearly old enough. 4
Marley: Considering what they could have done with the animation, quite poor. The Marley on the doorknocker (oddly enough, this event happens after his ex-partner has visited Scrooge!) is more scary than the one who comes to see him. Very poor. 3
Cratchit: Annoying as ever. Bit of a caricature if I'm honest. 4
Tiny Tim: Not too annoying. Doesn't sing, so 5
Others: Not really. Even Robert Llewellyn (Red Dwarf's Kryten) as Old Joe can't rescue this trainwreck.
The Ghosts:
The Ghost of Christmas Past: Decent enough; changes from young girl to old woman, good touch. 7
                    The Ghost of Christmas Present: Basic, but he does have the horn of plenty thing. 5
                     The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come: Quite scary for a cartoon. Decent enough. 7

Faithful to the novel: Hardly. There's a lot of extra stuff added as  said, and the idea is that Belle was Fan's friend, which was certainly never mentioned. Fan died I believe before Scrooge even met her. Scrooge seems to think giving out oranges on Christmas morning is a grand gesture; he doesn't offer any money to the gentlemen collecting for the poor. The odd storyline with Belle and the hospital is ludicrous, and the reconciliation is just a mess. Talk about shitting on the story! Something of a confused interpretation. I've never done this before but I'm giving this a minus rating. -8.
Emotion level: Zero
Puke level: I would say zero but the fucking mice add in a -6
Horror level: Zero
Soundtrack: Not bad, what there is of it. Touches of The Alan Parsons Project in the music that accompanies the Ghost of Christmas Present, some nice piano music intervals, some choral singing and two songs specially written for the movie. Okay I guess. 7

So the total then is 28. The stars add another 30 which lifts it to a very undeserved
Grand Total of 58.

So that makes Scrooged the winner of the penultimate set of the first round. Barely, but it scrapes through against Ross Kemp, proving perhaps that comedy is stronger than being tough? Anyway, one more round of this to go and then we'll be into the knockout stages.

[Trollheart]

And so on to


Episode title: Skinner's Sense of Snow
Series: The Simpsons
Season: 12
Written by: Tim Long
First transmitted: December 17 2000

Despite a heavy fall of snow, and to Bart's disgust, Springfield elementary is open - one of the few schools that is. He cheers up a little when Principal Skinner tells the class that, as no teachers showed up today, he will be showing them a movie, about a Grinchy little character. However it's not what the kids think, and they have to sit through a bad 1930s movie called The Christmas That Almost Wasn't And Then Was - in black and white. Thankfully however after two hours the video camera burns up the movie, and everyone heads for the exits. In shock, they realise the snow has piled up outside and they can't get out: they're trapped in the school!

Homer and Flanders set out to rescue the kids, but Homer hits a fire hydrant and the water instantly freezes, trapping them too. Meanwhile things are turning ugly at the school, so Skinner dons his old army uniform and re-establishes discipline. Nelson tries to make a break for it but runs head-first into the big pile of snow waiting outside. The children settle down for the night, unhappy but unable to leave. Undaunted, Bart decides to dig his way out (with a ladle?) and has actually made good progress before Skinner catches him. In trying to collapse the tunnel though (while inside it; how stupid is that?) he gets trapped and by the time the kids and Willy pull him out he's no longer a force for authority. They tie him up and the kids take control of the school.

Trapped in the frozen car, with engine fumes leaking in, Homer starts to have hallucinations. Skinner sends the school hamster, Nibbles, off in a transparent ball (don't ask me) with a note asking for help. He ends up smashing through the windscreen of Flanders's car, breaking the glass and letting in air. This (for some reason) frees them from the ice too, and they head off but crash into a pillar of salt (yeah I know) outside the cracker factory (doesn't or didn't Kirk Van Houten work there?) which topples over, spilling tons of salt onto the snow, and thus melting it.The kids escape from the school as the snow melts, just as Homer and Flanders show up outside.

Notes

This is how you do a Christmas episode! Yes, again it's kind of centred on one character - Bart - but given that it also involves the school you get to see the other kids, particularly Nelson and (shudder) Millhouse. Even Martin gets a line. And despite what you might expect, Lisa does not side with Skinner on the issue of authority, but joins in with the general rebellion when he is imprisoned by the children. Homer has some great scenes here and it's pretty cool that he teams up with Flanders. Bart's takeover of the school does somewhat mirror when he was at Kamp Krusty, but it's handled in a different way.

The clever twist when the kids think they're going to be shown The Grinch and it turns out instead to be a crappy b-movie from the days of black and white is nice, and the crappiness of the movie is enhanced by Lisa pointing out a stage-hand who walks out on the set. Another flashback to 'Nam for Skinner - those are always good - and I also like how when Millhouse tries to impress Lisa by tearing up her permanent record the page reconstitutes and the drawer closes by itself. The power of education indeed!  The link back to Mr. Plow, where Homer can't even remember having such a job despite the fact that he is actually wearing the jacket, is a comment on I guess the fact that so many people are now sick of that episode, and staying with snow ploughs, the selling off of the city's supply to Mr. Burns for his entertainment is just the sort of thing Quimby would do.

A few small nibbles, sorry niggles: when Skinner writes SEND HELP! On the note he puts into the hamster's rolling ball, that's literally all he writes. Not who the note is from, where he can be found, how help might be sent or to where. Very lax for a so-called educated man. I'm not sure exactly how the DVD of the movie failing manages to burn up the camera, or how Skinner fixes the disc - one would assume he just cleaned it, but why then would that make the screen burn up, and it having done so, how would repairing the DVD allow the screen to function again? Why are they all eating relish and apples? Surely there is other food in the school? It's the Christmas holidays, yes, but there should be food left over still. Even candy bars from the machines or something? Relish and apples? How does Bart dig such an effective tunnel without any supports or buttresses at all, and given that he is at this point almost out, why does Skinner decide to collapse the tunnel instead of maybe strengthening it and seeing if they can after all get out? Okay, okay! More than a few niggles, but you know me.

But all those questions aside - none of which are, in the final analysis, important anyway - what I really like about Simpsons episodes versus Family Guy and to some extent American Dad is that they rarely if ever poke fun at Christmas, and never at religion. Yes, there are a few gentle jabs - Bart saying Christmas is remembered for the birth of Santa, Homer lamenting that Jesus must be spinning in his grave etc - but there isn't the kind of wanton cruelty and disdain that Seth McFarlane's shows, especially Family Guy, heap on Christmas, as if the guy hated it. Not all of the Simpsons Christmas episodes are great, not by any means, but when they do it right they can really hit the mark, and to be fair, this happens more times than it doesn't. This isn't a perfect Christmas episode, but damn it, it's close.

[Trollheart]

It's a Wonderful Life (RKO Radio Pictures, 1947)

Now I know everyone groans when they see this on the TV listings, but be honest now: you've watched it, haven't you? It's the ultimate schmaltzy, feel-good, family Christmas movie. Or is it? Watching Mark Kermode's excellent Christmas Movies Secrets two nights ago, he made some really interesting points about it, making the case that this is in fact a very, very dark movie, that buried beneath all the "hail-fellow-well-met" Christmas bonhomie and the happy ending is a very deep and mature movie that deals with some very dark aspects of the Christmas season, and of the human heart.

When we first meet him, James Stewart's character, George Bailey, is a child of maybe ten years old, and saves his brother when Harry breaks through the ice and is almost drowned. He also saves his employer from accidentally prescribing poison, but as he grows up, dreaming of leaving his hometown to see the world before he starts college, to start a career he has always wanted to follow, the death of his father has scuppered those plans, and he has been forced instead to remain in Bedford Falls and run his father's bank.

This has made him irascible, touchy and bitter. He turns on his wife and his family, and the pressure of business gets to him when there's a run on the bank. He ends up standing on the bridge, contemplating suicide. He thinks his life is not worth living, and everyone he knows and loves would be better off without him. He is shown though by an angel sent down to help him how things would have turned out had he not been born.

It's not good. Bedford Falls has become Pottersville, owned and run by the meanest and richest man in town, a real Mr. Burns, who makes everyone's life miserable. Nobody recognises him, as he is now living in a world in which he was never born. This impacts upon his past, too: if he had never existed, he could never have been there to save his brother, who died, and the pharmacist he stopped from accidentally poisoning his customer went to prison as he wasn't there to stop him making such a mistake. His wife doesn't recognise him, he has no home, and he's a man without a life and without a world that knows him.

Of course, in the end he wishes he had never made that prayer not to have been born, and life returns to normal, as he sees how important and valuable his life is, not only to him, but to all the people who once knew him or depended on him. He thought his life was miserable, but he realises in the end that it was, and can be, and is, a wonderful life.

To close, here's a rather unbelievable but true story about how the FBI lambasted the movie for casting bankers in a bad light. I swear: you couldn't make this stuff up! Copied verbatim from Wiki: On May 26, 1947, the Federal Bureau of Investigation issued a memo stating, "With regard to the picture It's a Wonderful Life, [redacted] stated in substance that the film represented rather obvious attempts to discredit bankers by casting Lionel Barrymore as a 'scrooge-type' so that he would be the most hated man in the picture. This, according to these sources, is a common trick used by Communists. [In] addition, [redacted] stated that, in his opinion, this picture deliberately maligned the upper class, attempting to show the people who had money were mean and despicable characters."[64] Film historian Andrew Sarris observed as "curious" that "the censors never noticed that the villainous Mr. Potter gets away with robbery without being caught or punished in any way".
    

[Trollheart]

Let's do the last of these, then, so we can get on the knockout rounds.


There are four left that I know of, but of those, one, an animated version which has everyone as cartoon animals, can't be tracked down, which is a pity, as I would love to have seen Scrooge as a skunk, but what can you do? That leaves us with these three then.

Year: 2004
Medium: Colour
Starring: Kelsey Grammer, Jane Krakowski, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Jason Alexander
Directed by: Arthur Allan Seidelman
Length: 98 mins

Brief comments: I found this so hard to track down I actually had to buy it. This is only the second time I've done this, but I have seen this version on telly before and was so impressed with it that I didn't want to pass over it. Plus it's Kelsey Grammer. It's also a full musical, based on a stage production in which Grammer also starred. It's interesting how Scrooge does  not conduct his business at his office, chewing out Cratchit and the gentlemen collecting for the poor (three this time) at the Exchange, while his nephew accosts him on the way to his office. For once, a film set in the twenty-first century uses the bewildering arsenal of special effects at hand to create a true masterpiece of horror and fear. Wonderful soundtrack too. One of the best I've seen. Mind you, if I have to sit through one more rendition of Fezziwig's party I may just have to shoot myself in the head!

CHARACTERS
Scrooge: I once said Scrooge was the role Patrick Stewart was born to play. Not so. I was very disappointed, as I wrote already, with his take on the character; basically Picard plays Scrooge. Very limited. But Grammer! Ah now there's an actor! I've seen him play Frasier of course, the mayor in Boss, a criminally axed show that portrayed him as a real hardass, uncaring grasping politician, and as the cocky newscaster in Back to You. Here, he is none of those things (well, perhaps a little of Mayor Tom King) and puts in a powerhouse performance (and I don't say that often, but it's deserved), both with his acting and his singing.  He is resistant to change but slowly crumbles, unlike other Scrooges who changed abruptly; he really gives the impression of a man going through a transformation, a cathartic epiphany. An almost perfect portrayal that easily gets him top marks. 10
Marley: Another excellent performance from George from Seinfeld, and a great song too. Wonderful effects, especially in the "Danse Macabre" as the other poor spirits of misers cavort around him, wrapping him in their chains. Superb. Another 10.
Cratchit: The usual annoying Bob, content with his pathetic life. But a little less annoying. Have to admit he's a good singer too. Damn him. 8
Tiny Tim: Not too annoying, though he does sing. I notice that he walks without his crutch at one point. Still, not bad overall. 7
Others: The girl who is unnamed but whose father owes Scrooge is a sort of recurring character and she's played well. Say a 6 for her. Fred's okay but as usual doesn't figure enough in the story to be rated. I'd add a 4 for the trio of charitable gentlemen, who sing very well.
The Ghosts:
The Ghost of Christmas Past: Sexy as FUCK with superb legs, and she virtually does a pole dance around Scrooge's bed! Oh me heart! Great link with her being the lamplighter Scrooge refuses to help on Christmas Eve, and then her song is "The Lights of Long Ago." Got to be a 9
                     The Ghost of Christmas Present: Another character Scrooge briefly crossed paths with, a barker advertising a show. Could have done without the stage number though: pretty cringeworthy. There rest is ok, and there's Ignorance and Want, so that's good. 7
                     The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come: This time it's the old blind woman Scrooge originally passed. She said he'd meet her again. Interesting that it's the first time the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come has a face, also she's dressed in white not black. The Gravediggers' dance is great but a lot of the scenes are a little rushed and pushed together. Still, I'd give her a solid 7.

Faithful to the novel: Mostly, but there are some real liberties taken with the story, such as Scrooge's father being sent to jail for debt, he himself never being reunited with Fan, and the only depiction I have ever seen of his mother. It doesn't show Scrooge in school, but in a factory, working. Also, Scrooge's lover is called Emily, not Belle. Ah crap! JLH can sing as well! I really hate her now. The idea of Scrooge refusing Fezziwig the loan that would save his business is clever too, though added to the novel. We also see a lot more of Marley, including his death. Oh God! Not dancing sailors! Please! Um, Fred seems to have a son? In fairness I can only give this a 5.
Emotion level: High enough, yes, say 7
Puke level: Zero
Horror level: Zero
Soundtrack: Superb. Of course, given that this is based on a stage play and is a musical, you would expect that, but to be honest it kicks the 1970 version's musical arse. Fantastic songs, well woven into the story, and just top rate all round. The link between the song "A Place Called Home" being sung first by Fan as she wishes for Scrooge's return home, then later by Emily is outstanding. No hesitation awarding this, too, the highest score. 10.

So that's a total of 97. With the stars added in that's another 20, but as The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come is played by Geraldine Chaplin, daughter of the silent movie comedy icon, that's got to be worth at least another 5. The idea of using existing characters for the ghosts works far better here than it did in Ross Kemp's version, so I'm giving a 10 for that.
That's a Grand Total of 132! I think that is the very highest yet, and it certainly deserves it. Phenomenal version! Hard to imagine anything beating that!

Now, I was supposed to view, against my better judgement, Barbie's Christmas Carol, but the only workable version I could find - other than those fuckers who tell you they have the full movie then direct you to their spam site - cunts - was one where whoever filmed it decided for some reason to do so at half-speed, so that ev-er-y one spoke ve-ry slow-ly and made the whole thing e-ven more of a strug-gle than it would have been, and extemded the damn thing to over two hours! Nearly two and a half! Fuck it: an hour would have been tough to get through, never mind two! Plus I fast-forwarded a little and what I saw made me glad I had decided to abandon the idea. So Barbie was sent on her way, and that then leaves us with one final version to check out:

Year: 2009
Medium: Colour (Animated)
Starring: Jim Carrey, Gary Oldman, Bob Hoskins, Colin Firth
Directed by: Robert Zemeckis
Length: 94 mins

Brief comments: Currently the last of the adaptations to be filmed, the 2009 version allowed Disney to employ all of the latest techniques in computer animation and CGI, allied to their almost limitless budget, and produce a film that far exceeded any of the previous ... oh no wait. It didn't. It's good, but it suffers from a few flaws. The animation is first class and the story is stuck to almost rigidly, but the writers can't resist throwing in some typical Disney wackiness and comic relief, though thankfully they stay away from cute animals and written-for-the-film songs. Not a bad version, to be fair, but far from the best.

CHARACTERS
Scrooge: Much as I dislike Jim Carrey, he is great in the role. The animated figure is perfect, a combination of nastiness and world-weariness, and Carrey voices him extremely well (he also voices other characters). For the animation I'd give an 8, for the voice an 8, so let's say an 8 then.
Marley: Here Disney really go to town on the special effects, and for the first time in a long time he's actually scary. Well played by Gary Oldman, who also voices Cratchit and his son. I'm glad to see they've realised, after all this time, that the scariest most horrible colour for a ghost is green. Ugh! A solid 8 for him.
Cratchit: Happy-go-lucky Bob annoys me as ever. He's okay but nothing special. 6
Tiny Tim: Not too annoying. Also voiced by Oldman. Say 5
Others: n/a
The Ghosts:
The Ghost of Christmas Past: Did not like this at all. Weird, flame-type creature whose head keeps separating from his body, and has an unnervingly thick Irish accent, which for some reason Carrey (who voices all the ghosts) thought was necessary. 4, and I'm being kind.
                     The Ghost of Christmas Present: Much better. The standard huge jolly figure, though now Carrey makes him a scouser! Laughs too much though, even laughing as he dies! The death scene is unexpeced and carried off very well, as are Want and Ignorance, the animation depicting them top drawer. Really, due to this I give him a 7
                     The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come: Terrible. A shadow, literally. The scenes are good but why does Carrey get credit for voicing him when the spirit never speaks a single word? Also, why they suddenly decided to have Scrooge (shrunk, for some reason, to tiny proportions) chased by a ghostly carriage (a metaphor for the sins of his life bearing down on him perhaps?) and take up most of the sequence is beyond me. No, I thought the whoel thing was very poor. 2

Faithful to the novel: Almost slavishly so, almost word-for-word. Have to give it top marks for that. 10
Emotion level: Some, but it hadn't me blubbering. 7
Puke level: Zero
Horror level: Actually, due to the great animation of Marley and the depiction of Want and Ignorance in the Ghost of Christmas Present sequence, a pretty high 6
Soundtrack: Meh, standard Disney but you have to give them credit for not taking the path of writing songs for the movie. So, let's see, 5 sound OK?

Our total then is 68. Add the stars and that's another 20, and the animation deserves credit too, so let's say 10 for that. That's a Grand Total then of 98. Not bad.

But not anywhere near enough tobeat off Kelsey Grammer's version, which storms right into the second round.

Now we have our finalists, time to start start whittling them down, so that one way or another we'll have our answer to which is the greatest version of "A Christmas Carol". Stand by: it's gonna get bloody! I mean jolly! No, I mean bloody...

[Trollheart]

From the guys back at Music Banter, that's where! One thing you could rely on was that those lads and ladies would come up with the very weirdest of the weird in music, and Christmas made no difference. Here are some more of the ones they sent my way, ten or more years ago now.

"Blues Noel" (John Zorn) from I don't know, the guy has like 400 fucking albums!!!

Frownland was always going on about Zorn, and I know he mostly seems to concentrate in the jazz arena, so didn't expect to like this. But to be honest I don't know what to think: it starts with a sort of jam with a crowd in attendance, then becomes a jazz piano rag, then descends into some sort of experimental-y stuff, then back to piano, with some freaky bass, sleigh bells, then ... ah, hell! Listen to the YouTube! I can't describe this. Good though. Mostly.

Batty, not surprisingly, suggested a slew of Heavy Metal Christmas songs, but I did "Have yourself a Metal little Christmas" last year, and let's be honest: metal Christmas songs are just that, metal Christmas songs. They're not necessarily weird or strange. Halford, Snider, Lemmy and Dickinson can sing about Christmas all they want, but it does not make their songs weird. This, however, is another matter entirely.

"Little Drummer Boy" (Christopher Lee) from the album Revelation, 2006

Christopher Lee is of course best known for his phenomenal acting career, particularly playing the bad guy, so it's no surprise (well, it is, but not as much as it could have been) that when he decided to try his hand at music he would step into the Heavy Metal arena. This is from an album released in 2006 that includes metal versions of such standards as "My way", "Wanderin' star" (remember Lee Marvin, um, singing this?) and "Oh what a beautiful morning", but it also has this gem on it. This guy could teach some metal bands a thing or two! Class! Yeah. Unfortunately the only versions I can find are edited ones that seem to mix the two "sides" of the single, so you get bits of it and also "Silent Night". Great to hear, but I'd rather hear the full "Little drummer boy". Boo! 

This certainly qualifies as strange. Can't track down an album but it seems to be mostly screeching guitar and feedback noises with angry shouted voices: punk, one would assume. Not my thing but definitely Weird with a capital W!

"All I Got Was Clothes For Christmas" (The Happy Flowers)

[Trollheart]

Sorry people! Sorry! I tried to stop him, but his hired goons pushed me aside! I'm really sorry...

BAH! Out of the way, you! Thought you could keep me out, eh? Advantage ... Burns!

Oh hello! Yes. Thought you'd seen the last of me, I'll be bound, but you can't keep an old miser down you know! I should know: ten whacks it took to put my old boss in the ground. Well, I think he was dead. Oh pish posh! All corpses emit those moaning, groaning sounds. Any medical man will tell you that. Well, any medical man I pay off, that is.


Excellent. That's that sorted, then. Now, where was I? Oh yes. I'm tired of all this tomfoolery about Christmas! Peace and love? Toleration for others? Goodwill to all men? My great-great-great-grand uncle Ebeneezer Burns would turn in his grave, if I hadn't already sold the plot for a high-rise carpark and shopping mall development! Really! It's time for some balance around here! Enough Santa Claus, it's time for Satan Claws. Oh ho ho, very droll yes, I see what my overpaid speechwriters did there. Most amusing, yes.

So this section is going to be run by me, and there'll be no interference by that annoying Trollheart. What do you mean, post not approved? How dare you! Oh yes, I see: will that be enough? Ah, blast your hide to Hades then! You drive a hard bargain, my friend, but we shall see who'll have the last laugh. Time to put the boot in, as that delightful Hitler chap once put it. So go bring the car round and keep the engine running, Smithers, we're going to visit the neighbours, oh yes. What? No, we are NOT bringing them gifts! For the love of Peter...!

Oh, and that's another thing I want to hear none of in this section: laugher, especially that of children, cuts through me like a knife. I'll ensure there's no reason you should feel the need to laugh anyway.

So what is this about? Well you may ask.


Mister Burns! You have to tell them or nothing happens! Mister Burns! Sir! MISTER BURNS!!!

Wha - Who? Mater? No honestly, I didn't unplug your life support machine on purpose! I tripped - what? Oh, it's you Smithers. What is it? Oh yes, the plan. Right. Of course.


Smithers?


What IS the plan?

Oh, yes of course. Silly me. How forgetful of me. The plan. Well, the plan is to debunk some of these annoying Christmas songs we all hear screeching out of the wireless this time of year. Some of the lyrics are just preposterous! "Lonely this Christmas"? Let me tell you, when you get to my age it's lonely every Christmas! And that's just how I like it! "Rocking around the Christmas tree? Not in my mansion you don't, sonny! The only rocking you'll get it a large, heavy one dropped on you from the upper floor. Ah yes, the hounds have been released, why do you ask? Excellent.

So then, what to start off with? Well, I'm not one to speak ill of the dead, but since I have more than one foot in the grave as it is, I feel like I can be made the exception, and so let me present to you the first in this charming travelogue though the songs of Christmas. Burns style.

Ah, Lennon! You were always my favourite Russian ... what? Not THAT Lennon? Damn and blast it man! You're making me look foolish! To the Wikipedia page, post-haste!

(Mister Burns will return momentarily. Until then, here is some music...)

Ah, I see. A Beatle. How jolly. I do so love those English pop stars with their unconventional haircuts and their entertaining accents. So, there were four of them eh? But this is just one. Fine, now go over there and sit down out of the way, will you? I'm trying to talk to the people!

"Happy Xmas, war is over" says John Lennon. Well, he may have hoped for that, but last time I checked the Afghans were still knocking the bejeebers out of each other, those charming Iraquis were blowing up everything in sight, and back here in the good ol' US of A we're still looking around for other countries to conquer. All right, invade. Oh blast your eyes man! Very well: render political assistance to. Is that pee-see enough for you? Heavens to betsy! It wasn't like this when Bush was in power! Now there was a man who knew how to get things done! Want to effect regime change? Orchestrate a terror attack in your own - ah, no, I've said too much. Forget I spoke. Oh look! A charming something over there in the corner, with absolutely no connection whatever to nine-eleven. Phew! Dodged a bullet there, Smithers!

So anyway, back to the Beatle chap. "War is over", he croaks, "If you want it." What? War is over if you want it? Want what, you hippie? War? Or war to be over? Well if it's the latter then surely you would say "war is over if you want it to be"? Pah! Comes from going to Liverpool Polytechnic, I suppose. Never see a Yale man make such a glaring error! Let's go a little further into this misinformed Christmas classic, shall we?

"And so this is Christmas", he warbles. Well, as that organ bank from sector 7G, er, er - Smithers! (Homer Simpson, sir) Ah thank you, yes. Homer Sampson would say, d'uh! (Simpson says d'oh Sir!) I know, damn and blast it man! I'm being ironic! We know it's Christmas, John! We don't need you to tell us that! What else does he witter on about? Let's see... ah yes. "For weak and for strong." Pfah! Christmas is a time for the strong, always has been. The strong get the last Robo-fighter-ninja-killer 4000, or whatever damn thing the little brats are looking for this year. The strong survive while the weak pass out or end up in soup kitchens, or fall asleep in front of "The sound of Music". Bah! What else?

"The near and the dear ones" - all my near and dear ones have been eliminated ah, passed on, with not a shred of evidence to link their murde - ah, untimely deaths, back to me. "The old and the young?" Now really! This is taking things too far! The old do NOT enjoy Christmas! Never have done! It's a time for screaming children playing with their annoying toys, usually left at the top of the stairs where vulnerable old men like me can trip over them and end up spending Christmas in the emergency room. Yes. I won't be inviting my grandchildren around to the mansion this year, I can tell you. Once is enough for something like that. Twice is quite enough. But after the ninth time, I think I've finally to put my foot down. Which is where the trouble began in the first place. Tax deductible expense my foot! Again, which is where the trouble began. Ho ho! No, not ho ho ho! Two "ho"s is all you get from me, my friends! You want more you can pay some fat fellow to wear a red suit! Ah, but I digress, for the sake of humour. LAUGH, you proles! What do you think I'm paying you for? What? You're not getting paid? Just as well. Wait! Where are you all going??

Oh well, may as well finish this confounded thing. So the last lines are "War is over now." Let me just turn on the news and see - no, no. Seems war is still going on, most parts of the world. What? No, that helicopter gunship did NOT bear the crest of Burns Chemical and Biological Weapons Corporation on it! Where did you get that idea? Ah, the amount of times people have said that to me ... oh you must be mixing that up with Burns Orphan and Needy Relief Corporation! Yes yes, that helicopter is going to the orphanage in, um, Sierra Leone, to deliver, um, ammunition belts to the children. What? Do you know how few children in that part of the world get to even SEE quality American weaponry? Unless it's being used against them. They should be grateful! What? Of course it's live ammunition! Do you think I'd let my helicopter pilots face the forces of rebel - er, visit children in hospital - without live ammunition oh dear was that the door? Excuse me just one moment.

(The sounds of clumping feet, the screech of car tyres, a slamming door and the sound of a retreating car engine receding down the driveway all indicate that Mister Burns may have had to leave to attend an important meeting, but Smithers is here to explain.)

Um, sorry about that, readers. Mr Burns had to attend a very important and sudden stockholders meeting and will not be back for a while. He texted me though and assured me that - let me just read that - KILL EVERYONE LEAVE NO WITNESSES - er, I think what he meant to say was that he will be back with a look at another Christmas favourite soon - ah here's the correct message - SCORCHED EARTH. CODE RED. PRIORITY ALPHA. Hmm, probably reading too much Tom Clancy. Well, I must go now. Please remain where you are, someone will be along to show you out. Hmm? No, no, just locking the door as a security protocol. No, I can't smell any gas. Must just be you... gotta go!

[Trollheart]

On the very eve of Christmas, it behooves me to once again wish you to
Have Yourself a Metal Little Chrismas!

Remember, if it's too loud, um, turn it down.



We Three Kings - Kamelot - from the live album The Expedition, 2000

Although included on the live album released by progressive metal giants Kamelot at the turn of the millennium, this version of the old Christmas Carol is actually taken from extra material recorded during the sessions for their 1998 album, Siege Perilous. It's all instrumental, mostly on guitar, and includes sections from "God rest ye merry gentlemen" too, making it something of a Christmas medley from Kamelot. Seriously, if you want a Christmas-flavoured metal song, or a metal-flavoured Christmas song, you can't go much wrong with this!

Although the US metallers would not immediately be seen as having any sort of links to Christianity, they do explore similar themes in the double-concept albums Epica and The Black Halo, and have certainly alluded to religious themes on some of their other works. Plus it probably just seemed cool to do it, though given that the concerts The Expedition is recorded from were in August, it must have sounded a little weird to be playing it live at that point. Great song though.




Silent Night - Manowar - 2007, special release

From a limited Christmas Edition CD single, of which only 666 copies were released (see what they did there?) it's Batlord's favourites doing a traditional Christmas hymn. How could you not like it? Yes, the "Kings of Metal" themselves, Manowar, treat us to a version of "Silent Night" - a particularly inappropriate phrase to describe their power metal - and really do a very good job on it. It's restrained at the beginning, pumping up in that powerful, almost orchestral and dramatic way Manowar do so well as it kicks in properly, with a very powerful vocal from Eric Adams which even so doesn't go over the top.

More to the point, Manowar are respectful of the hymn, failing to jazz it up (or metal it up, as it were) and playing it quite reservedly and reverentially, accepting it is a well-known and loved classic Christmas tune. They manage to put their own inimitable stamp on it, without taking it over, which is not an easy thing to do. And finally, when they released this in December 2007, they gave it away free as a download. How's that for a Christmas present? Nice one, lads!
And a very happy Christmas to you too!





Do They Know it's Christmas? - Far, featuring Chris Moreno - A Santa Cause: It's a Punk Rock Christmas Vol I(2003)

Following in the footsteps of the Band Aiders almost twenty years previous, Far teamed up with Deftones singer Chino Moreno to record this cover version for the charity album mentioned above, which gave part of its proceeds to the Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation, a worthy cause if ever there was one. I don't know much about Far, but apparently they are now broken up and came from Sacramento.

It's a decent version, with some nice riffs and Moreno's distinctive screaming in the fadeout of the chorus. Still, it's better than listening to Paul Young and Bono! Who says punks don't care?


No Presents for Christmas - King Diamond - originally a standalone single, 1985 but rereleased on Fatal Portrait 1986

Released as the first single from The King since Mercyful Fate broke up, this also found its way onto his debut album, hence the two release years above. It starts off, lulling the unsuspecting listener into a false sense of security if they don't know what to expect, with a tinny keyboard rendition of "Jingle bells" segueing into "I saw mommy kissing Satan, sorry Santa Claus" before it bursts into a high-powered metal rocket ride, with the King singing at the top of his range.

Pretty good really, and it even ends in a keyboard instrumental of "Rudolph the red nosed reindeer", with a short vocal of "White Christmas" before King D kicks his way out the door with a maniacal laugh. Good fun really, but poor old Noddy Holder must be turning in his grave.

What? He's not dead? You sure? Ah. I see. Excuse me just one moment, I have to make an urgent telephone call. Hello? Taxi, yes, and hurry. Liverpool Cemetery. Quick as you can mate: it's an emergency...

[Trollheart]

Let the boring calculations begin!

So now we have seven finalists, time to start cutting them down. Although each of these movies arrived here by virtue of achieving a higher score than the other two it was paired with, and some of those scores were impressively high, all that's in the past now and those high scores count for nothing. Everyone starts with a totally blank state, with no reference back to previous high scores, or scores, indeed, that just allowed them to scrape through. Here it's all about a new day, and we begin really testing the movies to see how they fare against each other: the best of the best, as it were. These, then, are the finalists:

1935 version starring Seymour Hicks. Black and white. First version with sound. Scored a total of 64 first time out.

"Mister Magoo's Christmas Carol". Animated colour version, first animated version, 1962. Scored 70 in the first round.

Scrooge, 1970 musical version starring Albert Finney. First live-action musical. Scored 91 originally.

1984 version starring George C. Scott. Scored a total of 95.

The Muppet Christmas Carol. Hilarious but strangely accurate version of the story from 1992. Scored 102, highest score to that point. But then came

Scrooged, Bill Murray's comedy 1988 masterpiece. This cleared the boards, hitting a total score of 121, and setting a new record. Finally,

Kelsey Grammer's musical masterpiece swept all before it, and booked its place as the last finalist with a total score of 132.

There can be seen a clear progression here. Good as some of the original versions were, the lack of effects, music and in the beginning somewhat simplistic or at least literal interpretations led to the original scores being quite low, if the highest in that particular class, while as technology progressed, bigger names came on board and the idea of twisting or retelling the story slightly - or in some cases, totally - became popular, the scores increased exponentially. Which may be why Grammer's 2004 version has the highest score of all.

Anyway, time for these titans of the Scrooge Showdown to face each other. Not surprisingly, we'll start off with characterisation, so who is the best Scrooge? Rather than awarding marks out of 10 this time, we'll issue each film's character with a mark from 1 to 7, as there are seven versions, but these will work backwards, as in, the best Scrooge gets number 1, the worst (of these) 7. The same then will be done with the other major characters.

Rather than draw this out longer than necessary, and as I've already made my comments about each character and facet in the individual entries on each film, I'm just going to score them here.
Scrooge: 1935 (3 ), 1962 (5 ), 1970 (2 ), 1984 (7 ), 1988 (6 )1992 (4 ), 2004 (1 )
Marley: 1935 (7 ), 1962 (5 ), 1970 (1 ), 1984 (3 ), 1988 (6 )1992 (6 ), 2004 (2 )
Bob Cratchit: 1935 (7 ), 1962 (6 ), 1970 (3 ), 1984 ( 1), 1988 (5 )1992 (2 ), 2004 (4 )
Tiny Tim: 1935 ( 6), 1962 (3 ), 1970 (5 ), 1984 (7), 1988 (4 )1992 (1 ), 2004 (2 )
Others (if any): 1935 ( ), 1962 ( ), 1970 ( 5), 1984 (4 ), 1988 (2 )1992 (1 ), 2004 (3 )
The  Ghost of Christmas Past: 1935 ( ), 1962 ( 3), 1970 (5 ), 1984 (4 ), 1988 (2 )1992 (6 ), 2004 (1 )
The Ghost of Christmas Present: 1935 (7 ), 1962 (6 ), 1970 (4 ), 1984 (2 ), 1988 (1 )1992 (3 ), 2004 (5 )
The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come: 1935 ( ), 1962 (6 ), 1970 (4 ), 1984 (5 ), 1988 (2 )1992 (3 ), 2004 (1 )

So, on characters alone, we have the following finalists:
2004, with 6 top three showings out of eight categories, three of which are number ones.
1992, with four top three showings, two of which are number ones
and
1988, with four top three showings, one of which is a number one.

So those would be our finalists, were this only about characterisation. But though the story is famous for its characters, we judge the movies on more than that, and so on to the second category, which is, how true are all seven movies to the novel?

1935 (2 ), 1962 (5 ), 1970 (4 ), 1984 (3 ), 1988 (7 )1992 (1 ), 2004 (6 )

So now we see a change. Whereas some of the finalists excelled in depicting the characters, they often don't do so well when you look at the actual story and how true they stayed to it. Kelsey Grammer's 2004 version, kicking the crap out of the competition up to now, and three times at the very top, slides almost down to the bottom here and is not even considered, whereas Kermit and the boys, a strong contender with characterisation and one of the expected final three, keeps up the pressure here, coming in at number one. A late runner is the 1935 version, doing well but already out of the race due to its not making it into the characterisation category finals, while Albert Finney's 1970 version, a favourite in the scoring above, falls outside the top three.

Ah, but then the question needs to be asked: did any changes in the storyline benefit or detract from the movie? Well, let's see.

The one furthest down the ladder, Scrooged, is so because really, at its heart, the film is not a true depiction of the novel, so I can't really add anything to that and it must remain where it is, with a score of 7, the lowest possible.

Just above that, at 6, Grammer's 2004 version added and changed bits but to be honest they made good sense. Scrooge's father being sent to jail for unpaid debts gave his son a reason to ensure he would never end up like that, and the idea of him working rather than being at school at that age fits in too. His never being reunited with his sister works too and the idea of him being the only thing standing between his former boss and bankruptcy is a clever twist. In fact, the only thing that doesn't work is the fact that Fred appears to have a son. I can see no reason for this, but other than that everything they changed works.

The rest of them are pretty faithful to the novel, so if I were to move anyone it would be Grammer's and as the one above him has no real flaws in this area I can't do that in all good conscience. So basically everyone remains where they are. That means that in terms of this category our finalists are: 1992, 1935 and 1984.

Emotion Level: 1935 (6), 1962 (7 ), 1970 (5 ), 1984 (4), 1988 (3 )1992 (1 ), 2004 (2 )

Leaving us with finalists as 1992, 1988 and 2004

Puke Level: As none of the finalists had a Puke Level at all, other than maybe the 1935 one, I'm going to declare this a no-score draw and move on to

Horror Level: 1935 (1 ), 1962 ( ), 1970 (2 ), 1984 (3 ), 1988 ( )1992 ( ), 2004 ( )
Nothing much to choose here. Most versions had very little actual horror, but based on what I wrote I find that we have as finalists 1935, 1984 and 1970

Our final category, before we total up, is
Soundtrack: 1935 (7 ), 1962 (5 ), 1970 (2 ), 1984 (6 ), 1988 (6 )1992 (3 ), 2004 (1 )
Which then gives us 2004, 1992 and 1970.

[Trollheart]

So, of all those categories, who featured in the most, and how high were they in each? Let's check.
1935=2
1962=0
1970=2
1984=2
1988=5, one of which was a number 1
1992=7, 4 of which were number 1s
2004=8, 4 of which were number 1s

That clearly gives us three front runners in
1988, 1992 and 2004, but as we only need two, then 1988's "Scrooged" lags badly behind with five top three nominations but only one of them being a number one.

Our final top two then are

The 1992 Muppet Christmas Carol
and

Kelsey Grammer's 2004 musical.

So it's Muppets versus humans, musical versus musical, nineties versus two thousands, twentieth century versus twenty-first and cute and funny versus clever and powerful. Who will win, and be crowned the top version of A Christmas Carol ever committed to screen?

Can you call it? Cos I sure can't!

[innerspaceboy]

I've memorized every line of The Muppet Christmas Carol. As someone who never watches movies, this is one of my special exceptions. I've spent the past week watching one Muppet Christmas special each night, and ceremoniously concluded Christmas Eve with this beloved film.

AN IMPORTANT NOTE - in December of 2022, in celebration of the film's 30th anniversary, the song, "When Love Is Gone" was once again placed back into the movie on Disney Plus under the heading "The Muppet Christmas Carol: Uncut Version." The song "When Love Is Gone" is included in most TV versions but was originally cut as test audience children got a little figity during the slow number. But the song is crucial as it is resolved at the conclusion of the film with "When Love Is Found."

Also noteworthy, the soundtrack for the film was issued on vinyl only once back in 2018, and everyone who bought it held onto it dearly. No copies ever appeared on eBay and only one single copy ever resurfaced on Discogs, for $99. So when I heard that it was being reissued in a limited run in the UK in 2021, I didn't hesitate for a moment. I'm glad I acted quickly, as multiple copies of the new pressing instantly appeared for pre-order on eBay the next morning and sold for $188.88 each.

I was so happy to add that musical treasure to my vinyl library.

Happy holidays, everyone.

[Trollheart]

You'll be rootin' for the frog then! Well, I know how this turns out as it's a repeat of a special I did way back in 2014 I think, but I won't give it away. All will be revealed tomorrow.

Thanks for dropping by, and a very Happy Christmas to you too, ISB.

[Trollheart]

MERRY CHRISTMAS ALL!

Yes, it's the Big Day and here I am, still working away on my thread. Well, there's still a lot to do. So maybe I oughta just quit jawin' and get writin', you say, waving a turkey bones at me from that nice comfy chair by the fire, too stuffed to move after consuming your Christmas dinner.

Reckon you're right. Let's get going with another selection of




The Christmas Album - Jackson 5 - 1970 (Motown)


Proving that even back in the seventies, pop artists were putting out Christmas albums, this was in fact - perhaps surprisingly given their appeal and fame - the only Christmas album put out by Micheal Jackson and family, though it was reissued twice, once in 2003 and again in 2009, with slight changes. NOT surprisingly, it features Michael's vocals heavily, as he was already being groomed for solo stardom and would in fact release his first solo album two years later, setting him on a path to superstar status and indeed controversy,

The album? Well it's fairly standard, by today's yardstick of course, but back then it was probably considered innovative and different. The album eventually went on to sell over three million copies, and yielded the Jackson 5 a hit single with their version of "Santa Claus is coming to town." It also features an original song, written by The Corporation, Motown's big-gun songwriters, among whom were Berry Gordy, founder and supremo of Motown Records, as well as a cover of Stevie Wonder's "Someday at Christmas", and one of the oldest Christmas songs known to exist, the nineteenth-century "Up on the housetop", perhaps the first song to propose the idea of Santa landing his sleigh on the roof of a house.

TRACKLISTING

1. Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas
2. Santa Claus Is Coming to Town
3. The Christmas Song
4. Up on the Housetop
5. Frosty the Snowman
6. The Little Drummer Boy
7. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
8. Christmas Won't Be the Same This Year
9. Give Love on Christmas Day
10. Someday at Christmas
11. I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus

[Trollheart]

A Very Ally Christmas - Vonda Shepard/Cast - 2000 (Epic)

Ever get into a show on TV and suddenly end up realising you hate it after all? I thought Ally McBeal was really quite cute until about halfway through I think the second season, when I realised just what a whiny little biyatch she was, and how annoying just about everyone around her was. That was the end of my association with Flockhart and her bunch, though I must admit I did like Vonda Shepard's theme tune to the series. No surprise, then, that when the Christmas CD from the show came out in 2000 it would be mostly Shepard's baby.

There is involvement (sadly) from the cast though, (egos like those are never left at the door) and so we have Callista "Ally" Flockhart painfully trying to sound sexy on "Santa baby" (and failing miserably), Lisa Nicole Cannon's really weird "Santa got stuck up my chimney" (please keep your sexual proclivities to yourself, young lady!) and even Jane Krakowski singing TWO songs, "Run Rudolph run" and "I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus", the latter of which, given the character and actress's age is just creepy and wrong.

There's an attempt to rescue things by the great Robert Downey Jnr and his rendition of Joni Mitchell's "River" shines through this like a jewel in a pigsty, but it's not enough and the rest of the album is so-so Christmas fare like you'd expect, with "Let it snow", "White Christmas" and my favourite, "Silver bells", plus Macy Grey getting unnecessarily involved in "Winter wonderland". Gaah!

TRACKLISTING

1. This Christmas
2. The Man With the Bag
3. Please Come Home for Christmas
4. Silver Bells
5. Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow
6. Winter Wonderland - Macy Gray
7. Run, Rudolph, Run - Jane Krakowski
8. Santa Claus Got Stuck in My Chimney - Lisa Nicole Carson
9. I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus - Jane Krakowski
10. Santa Baby - Calista Flockhart
11. Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas
12. River - Robert Downey Jr.
13. White Christmas
14. What Are You Doing New Year's Eve