The FA Cup Thread 2024

[Trollheart]

Team name: Horsham
Home city or town: Horsham
Area: West Sussex
Nickname: The Hornets
Home ground: Fusion Aviation Community Stadium
Manager: Dominic di Paola
Currently playing in: Isthmian League Premier
Tier: 7
First opponent in Round One: Chesterfield
Highest position achieved: Current
Giant Killing(s) None
Best FA Cup run: Third round
Rivals: Unknown

Originally founded in 1871, Horsham Football Club collapsed due to basic lack of interest/time, and was resurrected in 1881. You have to feel for them: in their first appearance in the FA Cup they faced Notts County and took a first-minute lead, only to end up losing the match 9-1! Now that's a loss of a lead that the Irish national team would be proud of. Talk about shooting your load too soon, or something.

Definitely a team that should have chosen the name Horsham Wanderers, they sold their ground in 2008 (doesn't say why, but I assume they needed the cash) and spent the next  years traipsing around from ground to ground like lost waifs with footballs under their arms maybe, until 2021, when they were able to build their own finally. That's a long time to be homeless for a football team.

[Trollheart]

Team name: Huddersfield Town
Home city or town: Huddersfield
Area: West Yorkshire
Nickname: The Terriers
Home ground: John Smith's Stadium (someone give it back to him!)
Manager: Michael Duff
Currently playing in: EFL League 1
Tier: 3
First opponent in Round One: Tamworth
Highest position achieved: Premier League
Giant Killing(s) None that I can see
Best FA Cup run: Final (winners)
Rivals: Bradford City, Leeds United, Sheffield Wednesday, Oldham Athletic, Peterborough United, Barnsley,

Interesting. In 1908 Huddersfield Town was founded, on Leeds Road. I wonder if Leeds United were already in existence, and if not, why they didn't call the team after the road. Even more interesting; they were not. In fact, Leeds only came into being ten years later. Maybe these guys preferred Huddersfield, who knows? Right, reading further, it seems they were in debt to the tune of twenty-five grand in 1919, coincidentally the year Leeds were founded, and Huddersfield's board considered merging the two teams, and moving to Leeds. Supporters, aghast at this potential loss of their team, bought shares and managed to block the move, saving the team. Good for them.

Soon after, the supporters' faith in their team was repaid as they made it to the FA Cup final and earned promotion to the First Division, the Premier League of its day. Things just got better for Huddersfield-not-Leeds two years later, as they won the FA Cup and one year after that the then Premier League. In 1926 they made history as the first English football club to win the "Premier League" three times. Another record of sorts when they took part in, but did not win, the 1938 FA Cup final, which was the first to be broadcast on the telly.

The sixties and seventies were bad times for them, as they began to slide down the divisions, with a few recoveries along the way, and in 1988 they had another, unwanted record when they conceded 100 goals in a season, while the new millennium saw the club 20 million in debt and unable to sack the manager, as they could not pay him his severance. Not surprisingly, they went into administration, but were saved in 2003 by a fresh injection of cash by a new owner.

Their fortunes began to turn, and by 2018 Huddersfield were back in Division One, now renamed the Premier League (and later, the Premiership, for some reason) but only lasted the one season, flirting with administration again by 2020, again saved by yet another new owner.

[Trollheart]

Team name: Hednesford Town
Home city or town: Hednesford
Area: Staffordshire
Nickname: The Pitmen
Home ground: Keys Park
Manager: Steve King
Currently playing in: Northern Premier League Division One West
Tier: 8
First opponent in Round One: Boston United or Gainsborough **++
Highest position achieved:National League
Giant Killing(s) Blackpool (1-0, 1996) York City (1-0, 1996)
Best FA Cup run: Fourth round
Rivals: Unknown

The team playing in the lowest tier yet, Hednesford don't seem to have come into their own until the mid 1990s, when they won promotion to the National League, then called the Conference. This seems to have been something of a springboard for them, as they finished third and also reached the fourth round of the FA Cup, defeating League 2 opposition twice. Around 2000 though they began to lose ground, and suffered relegation after relegation, ending up in football's next-to-lowest tier, the eighth.

[Trollheart]

Team name: Kettering Town
Home city or town: Burton Latimer
Area: Northamptonshire
Nickname: The Poppies
Home ground: Latimer Park
Manager: Richard Lavery
Currently playing in: Southern League Premier Division Central
Tier: 8
First opponent in Round One: Northampton Town (A derby of sorts, surely?)
Highest position achieved: National League
Giant Killing(s) Loughborough and Leicester Fosse (both 2-1, and both in, um, 1896); Burton Swifts and Chesterfield (1901); Oxford United (1977); Bristol Rovers (1981); Lincoln City (2-1, 2009); Notts County (2-1, 2009)
Best FA Cup run: Fourth round
Rivals: Unknown

Nobody seems to like Kettering Town. Their many attempts to join the Football League over a staggering more than sixty years saw them receive three, two, one or on several occasions no votes. Even their best attempt, which took place in 1974, got them twenty, but still not enough. Aw, hell with ya, they must have thought: we're gonna create our own league, with blackjack. And hookers. And no, I'm not doing the GIF again.

The next year they were in trouble again, this time for being the first team (in England, possibly the world? Probably just England) to dare have a sponsor on their shirts, which the grumpy old FA thought was "detrimental to the image of the game". Right. The sight of grown men kicking the shite out of each other every weekend - and I don't mean on the pitch - wasn't detrimental to the image of football, but having a commercial logo on your shirt was? And now look at where we are. Everyone has a sponsor, and you're nobody if you don't have one. The FA obviously, as I say above, didn't like them, and I don't know why.

Kettering seem to have spent an awful lot of their early career playing reserve teams, so maybe they just weren't that good, though they did make it to the fourth round of the FA Cup, but then, we know what the Cup is like, and that's why we love it.

[Trollheart]

Team name: Leyton Orient
Home city or town: Leyton
Area: Greater London
Nickname: The O's
Home ground: Brisbane Road
Manager: Richie Wellen
Currently playing in: EFL League 1
Tier: 3
First opponent in Round One: Boreham Wood
Highest position achieved: Premier League
Giant Killing(s) Chelsea (3-2; 1972); Fulham (2006); Norwich City 1-0 (2011); Swansea 2-1 (2011)
Best FA Cup run: Semi-final
Rivals: Southend, West Ham, Millwall, Brentford, Dagenham & Redbridge, Colchester United, Brighton & Hove Albion, Barnet, Cambridge United

I suppose cricket must have been around before football, but a lot of clubs either arose from crickets clubs or were affiliated with them. Here we have an example of a cricket club turning into a football club, which I have not seen before. Leyton Orient are one of the, if you will, "bigger small clubs", as in, I've heard about them a lot, mostly through both the FA Cup and the times when the BBC used to broadcast The Football League Show. Always wondered why the "Orient" part of the name? Orient is, or was, linked with Asia, in fact in the 17th, 18th and 19th centuries the entire continent was known as "The Orient" (hence the Orient Express), but what a London club has to do with Asia has always eluded me. Let's see if I can find out.

No, doesn't seem to say. Began life as the Glyn Cricket Club in 1881, then as a football club became just Orient in 1888, changed the name, for some reason, to Clapton Orient in 1890 and remained as such until after the Second World War, when they took the current name. Ah wait, I see now: one of the players, who worked for the Orient Steam Navigation  Company (who later became part of P&O, which stands for Peninsular & Orient), asked that the name be changed to that. That's quite interesting, as in a way you're almost talking about free advertising/sponsorship here. I wonder if the company made any sort of contribution to the club? Probably not.

Like another club I wrote about (can't recall which and I'm not looking back for it) Leyton Orient also were not found wanting when their king and country came calling, and in all 41 staff signed up to go kick the Kaiser up the arse, apparently the most of any English football team. Three were to lose their lives in the Great War, which is tragic enough, but one was a real hero (well, I'm sure they all were) even without going to war. Richard McFadden definitely deserves a special mention, as before the war, he had saved two young boys from drowning, having the previous week pulled a little girl from a house fire. Not only that, but  before signing for the team he had already performed another heroic deed by pulling a man out of another fire before that. A real hero, and so tragic he never made it home. I'm sure the team were and are proud of him.

In 1921 Leyton Orient had a royal visitor, as the then Prince of Wales, who would become King Edward "I am not a Nazi; take my crown if I am" VIII, came to see them play, in recognition of the great sacrifice the team made to the war effort. Probably might have been happier had they not gone, killing all his German buddies, but however. In 1962 Orient made it to the top tier of English football, then called the First Division, today the Premier League, for the first and only time in their career. They only lasted a season, but it's still a hell of an achievement for a "lower" side.

They fielded their first ever black player, Bobby Fisher (no, not that one!) in 1973, so I guess that quote I made previously about a first black player in football only referred to Harrogate Town, as he played later than Fisher. The two Lloyd-Webber brothers had a bet on apparently in 1976 about the outcome of their match against Hull (Orient's match, not the Lloyd-Webbers, though what a sight that would have been! "And the Phantom of the Opera passes to Judas from Jesus Christ Superstar! Someone from Chess makes a despairing tackle but Judas passes to Jesus, who scores in the dying minutes!" Yeah, didn't think that one through too well did I? Probably better had I known more characters from the musicals).

Possibly appropriately for a club named for another continent, as such, it was the loss of the chairman's company in the civil war in Rwanda that plunged Orient into financial crisis and had them relegated to EFL League 2, then called the Third Division. This led to the club being put up for sale literally for a fiver (five times as much as Blackpool was sold for) and snapped up. Orient climbed to the EFL League 1, and their fortunes began to turn. They are also semi-famous for participating in what was described as "the weirdest game of football ever", when they played Droylsden, trailing 2-0 but then scoring six goals in extra time to take the match!

Things began to sour though from 2014 onwards when Orient were bought by an Italian businessman, and things began to go, as they say, tits up. Losing ground in the league they would find themselves finally giving up an incredibly impressive 112-year stay in the Football League when they were relegated to the National League in 2017. The Mafia godfather sorry Italian legitimate businessman fell out with HM Customs and Revenue - "Taxes? We no pay-a the taxes! I smash-a your face!" - and though he retained control of the club after Orient were relegated, a protest and pitch invasion two months later led to him selling and heading back to Sicily, or wherever the fuck he come from. Mama! I'm a- comin' home!


Two years later Orient were back in League 2, but tragedy followed as their new manager had a heart attack and died at the tender age of 42. Perhaps it can be seen as a tribute to him that four years later, Orient not only remained in League 2 but topped it, securing promotion back to League 1.

[Trollheart]

Team name: Lincoln City
Home city or town: Lincoln
Area: Lincolnshire
Nickname: The Imps
Home ground: Sincil Bank
Manager: Michael Skubula
Currently playing in: EFL League 1
Tier: 4
First opponent in Round One: Chesham United
Highest position achieved: Current
Giant Killing(s) Ipswich, Brighton and Burnley (2017)
Best FA Cup run: Quarter-finals
Rivals: Scunthorphe United, Grimsby Town, Gainsborough Trinity, Mansfield Town, Boston United, Peterborough United, Notts County, Hull City, York City

Okay, maybe I'm being a little precipitous here, but I kind of doubt I'm going to have pages to write about this team, so let's instead explore the origins of their odd nickname. It's linked, apparently, to legends involving something called The Lincoln Imp, which is a sort of gargoyle carved on the wall of Lincoln Cathedral. The carving was not named until about 1897, when Arnold (not Robert) Frost described it in his poem "The Ballad of the Wind, the Devil and Lincoln Minster," as below:

"The coming of Bishop Remigius to Lincoln made the devil very angry, for up to that time he had had it all his own way in the town and district. The devil tried his utmost to turn him from his purpose of building a Cathedral, but without success. At last in desperation — the Minster then nearing its completion — the devil waylaid the bishop at the south-western corner of the building and tried to kill him. But the good prelate in his extremity called for aid upon the Blessed Virgin Mary — to whom the Church was to be dedicated — whereupon, the Blessed Virgin sent a mighty rushing wind, which, catching the devil, so hustled and buffeted him, that he slipped inside the Church for safety, where he has been ever since, nor dare he come out, knowing that the wind awaits his return in order to make an end of him."

You have to say, bit of a wuss of a devil. Lord of Hell, Father of Lies, Ruler of the Underworld and he has to hide from a little wind? He won't live that one down for a long time! They'll be talking about that down the Blood & Virgin for yonks!

However, taking the old poetic licence, Frost realised the ballad didn't mention no imp, so he popped one in, to spice things up.
[/i]
The bishop we know died long ago.
The wind still waits, nor will he go
Till he has a chance of beating his foe;
But the devil hopp'd up without a limp.
And at once took shape as the "Lincoln Imp."
And there he sits a'top of the column,
And grins at the people who gaze so solemn;
Moreover, he mocks at the wind below.
And says, "you may wait till doomsday, O !"[/i]

Then there's the even sillier one that says the Devil and his good buddy the Wind were walking along when His Horniness stopped by Lincoln Cathedral to have a chin wag with the Deacon, maybe fry up his liver, who knows? He asked the Wind to wait outside, and it's been waiting ever since. Bloody Satan! Can never depend on the guy. Late for his own Judgement Day, he'll be!

For some reason, probably linked to the Frost poem, an expression grew up in the area of "looking as the Devil over Lincoln", to describe someone experiencing and exhibiting malicious envy. Right. Also connected to the idea that when the cathedral was built it was so magnificent and affronted Old Nick so much that he regarded it with envy.

That's probably enough mediaeval tales for now. Wasn't quite as interesting as I thought. When the Wiki article said "the legend of the Lincoln Imp", I thought I'd be reading about some creature from myth, said to be glimpsed from time to time in the Lincoln hills after dark when one hath consumeth far more good ale than is good for a healthy body, or something. Bah. Oh wait, this is more interesting. The Lincoln Imp has become a good luck charm in the city, and this - obviously fanciful and embellished - legend is at least fun.

Legend has it that one day the Devil was in a frolicsome mood, and sent two naughty creatures to cause mischief on Earth. After allegedly stopping at Chesterfield, twisting the spire of St Mary and All Saints Church, the two imps went to Lincoln to wreak havoc in the city's Cathedral. Upon arriving, the naughty imps went inside the cathedral and started to cause mayhem, knocking over the Dean, smashing the stained glass windows and destroying the lights. In a bid to put a stop to their antics, an angel was sent to warn the imps off causing any more chaos.

One of the imps hid underneath a table, whilst the other started throwing stones and rocks at the Angel in a final act of defiance - "Stop me if you can!" it cheekily retorted. In a moment of anger, the Angel turned the Imp to stone. He has remained in the same spot ever since, sitting cross-legged on top of the pillar overlooking the Angel Choir – a constant reminder of how good will always triumph over evil. Ever wondered why it's so windy outside the Cathedral? That's thought to be caused by the second Imp, waiting for his friend to return!

Head to Lincoln Cathedral and see the petrified Lincoln Imp high up for yourself - there's a spotlight to help you if you give in! You'll also find imps across the city too: on door knockers, in gift shops and even in the nickname of the local football team - the Red Imps.

Back to the real world we go.  Let's see what we can find out about the team, and if they're any more interesting. Well at least we can put to bed the question of how early black men were playing in the League, as Lincoln fielded their first black player, John Walker (no, I'm going to do it: Johnnie Walker Black?) in 1899! Not only that, they may not have been the earliest to do so, as it says they were the third team to have a gentleman of the darker persuasion in their team. So, quite modern at the turn of the century then. Makes you look on the emergence of black players in the 1970s and say, yeah, so what?

In 1986 Lincoln earned the dubious distinction of being the first club to be automatically relegated from the Football League, but they weren't out for long, being promoted at the end of the next season. Yeah, I was right: reading about the Lincoln Imp was a lot more interesting than reading about the team that took him for a mascot.

[Trollheart]

Team name: Maidenhead
Home city or town: Maidenhead
Area: Berkshire
Nickname: The Magpies (Way-aye! Think Newcastle might have something to say about that, man!)
Home ground: York Road
Manager: Alan Devonshire
Currently playing in: National League
Tier: 5
First opponent in Round One: Crawley Town **++
Highest position achieved: Current
Giant Killing(s) None
Best FA Cup run: Quarter-finals
Rivals: Unknown

I know he's only the current one, but isn't there something amusing about having a team playing in Berkshire and a manager called Devonshire? Founded in 1870 and having played all their home games at the same ground since 1871, this apparently makes York Road the oldest senior football ground in England continuously used by the same club, and they got the plague to mark the point. Wait, what? Oh: a plaque!   They're also one of the fifteen teams to participate in the very first FA Cup, so some history there for sure. Ah yes, but read on...

Oh now that's good. The team was created when two others merged - Boyne Hill and - get this - Maiden Temperance! Sounds like a nineteenth century suggestion for contraception. You know, maidenhead being what they used to call, well, I mean... ah forget it. You people are no fun. Also no fun has been Maidenhead's exploits in the FA Cup, in which, so far as I can read or can divine, they have lost every single match they played in!

[Trollheart]

Team name: Maidstone United
Home city or town: Maidstone
Area: Kent
Nickname: The Stones
Home ground: Gallagher Stadium
Manager: George Elokobi
Currently playing in: National League South
Tier: 6
First opponent in Round One: Altrincham or Solihull Moors
Highest position achieved: National League
Giant Killing(s) Stevenage (2-1, 2015); Stevenage (again, 2024); Barrow (2024); Ipswich (2-1; 2024)
Best FA Cup run: Fifth round
Rivals: Gillingham, Tonbridge Angels, Ebbsfleet United

Oh now look at that crest! MUFC? I think Man United might be a little upset at that.

Another very young team, they seem to have been formed only thirty years or so ago, in 1992, and in total contrast to the similar-sounding Maidenhead, they had no ground of their own until 2012. Where did they play? I'll tell you if I can find out. And I can. They played at the old Maidstone ground, near the original London Stadium. Right. Also Sittingbourne's Central Park Stadium, which I have to assume was not in New York. The old Maidstone, founded in 1989 were forced out of the leagues due to going bankrupt. The new Maidstone was called Maidstone Invicta (ideas above their station?) and changed to Maidstone United in, um, some year, doesn't seem to say.

Heartening to see that Maidstone, though fighting for their place in much lower leagues than them, took a fifty percent wage cut in good heart, and unlike Crawley Town, their players stayed and just got on with it. Ah, that English fighting spirit, eh? Still, it's a world away from even the National League when you hear Maidstone were neck-and-neck at the top of their division with a team called Dulwich Hamlet! What did they have: two strikers and a blacksmith? Sorry.

[Trollheart]

Team name: Mansfield Town
Home city or town: Mansfield
Area: Nottinghamshire
Nickname: The Stags
Home ground: Field Mill
Manager: Nigel Clough
Currently playing in: EFL League 1
Tier: 3
First opponent in Round One: Curzon Ashton
Highest position achieved: Current
Giant Killing(s) West Ham (3-0, 1969)
Best FA Cup run: Fifth round
Rivals: Chesterfield, Notts County, Doncaster Rovers, Grimsby Town

Although not founded by a clergyman, Mansfield Town nevertheless have a connection to the Church, having been named originally as Manfield Wesleyans, due to the Wesleyan church in the area. That was in 1897, and they changed their name to Mansfield Wesley in 1907, when, it says, the church "abandoned" the club. Now, what that means exactly I don't know. Was the church sponsoring or funding them? Or was it just that they approved of the use of the name? Either way, once they went professional the church was apparently no longer interested. Fucking church. Guess God was no longer on their side. Three years later they became Mansfield Town.

In the sixties the club was involved in a match-fixing scandal of its own, when two players - whether sanctioned to do so or not, I don't know - bribed their opponents, Hartlepool, in order to win a vital match. Which they did, but both players were then given a lifetime suspension for bribery. Well, Doncaster Rovers may have had a funeral for their club thanks to their chairman, but at least he didn't get attacked! Keith Haslam, who had loans out of a million quid and refused to pay them back, was punched and kicked by fans during the end of the 2007-2008 season, when Mansfield were relegated out of the Football League, and had to be taken to hospital. He sold the club pretty quickly after that!

I would have to say, with some considerable confidence, that this must be the only team locked out of their own football ground as the rent had not been paid! Imagine arriving to train and seeing an eviction notice on the gate! Looks to have been two years before they got it sorted, so I wonder where they played in the interim? Oh wait, no I don't: I don't care.

[Trollheart]

Team name: MK Dons
Home city or town: Milton Keynes
Area: Buckinghamshire
Nickname: The Dons
Home ground: Stadium MK
Manager: Scott Lindsey
Currently playing in: EFL League 1
Tier: 4
First opponent in Round One: AFC Wimbledon (oh my god!)
Highest position achieved: Premier League (as Wimbledon) Championship (as MK Dons)
Giant Killing(s) Cambridge United (6-1, 2013); Sheffield Wednesday (2-0, 2013); QPR (4-2, 2013)
Best FA Cup run: Fifth round
Rivals: AFC Wimbledon duh, Wycombe Wanderers

MK Dons are both a very young and very old football club, and their story is a long and interesting one. And here it is. Originally Wimbledon F.C., they had made their name in the Premier League as "the Crazy Gang", a team possessed of boundless enthusiasm (especially among their fans, optimism and a "never-say-die" attitude. They numbered among their ranks at one time the infamous Vinny Jones, known as soccer's hard man, who went into movies and became Hollywood's hard man. The problem with Wimbledon, at the time - apart from the proliferation of fucking Wombles everywhere, wandering onto the pitch and disrupting games with their protests against people not picking up their rubbish - was that their stadium was a nineteenth century monstrosity, and looked like one. After the Taylor Report in 1991, following the Hillsborough Disaster in which 96, later 97 Liverpool fans lost their lives, recommended certain standards for football stadia, Plough Lane, Wimbledon's ground, was nowhere near up to code.

Unable to pony up the readies to allow it to meet the new standards, the club's owner began to consider a move. And into the story now comes the borough of Milton Keynes. This had been only established in 1967 (Wimbledon F.C. had been around since 1889) and was desperately looking for a decent football team to represent it, as all the ones in its area were, I believe the correct technical term is, shite. The suggestion was mooted that one of the teams in the Football League would consider moving, relocating. Nobody was really interested; Charton Atheltic thought about it, fans and staff said "Oh no you fucking don't me old china!" to the manager, and he closed the file. Luton Town also mulled over the idea, but in the end decided it wasn't for them.

Wimbledon, having hardly received what they would term support from the local council, and ready to stick it to them by taking their team away (almost literally, taking their ball and going home)  had already considered, for some reason, relocating to Dublin (?) but the fans nixed that. They may be loyal, but I'm sure they weren't hopping on a boat or a British Airways flight every time they wanted to see their team play! Still, Wimbledon could not afford to update Plough Lane, and so had to leave it behind, ground-sharing with Crystal Palace while they searched for a new home.

Then the idea of building a new stadium in Milton Keynes seemed the answer to all their problems. If they relocated there, Wimbledon would receive all the support they needed. And now the supermarkets come into the story. I know, I know: bear with me. First, poor old Plough Lane got sold off to Safeway (how ironic, given that the ground was anything but safe!) and then Asda and IKEA got together in 1997 to build a new shopping mall in Milton Keynes, which was to include a brand spanking new, state of the art football stadium. Only one problem: nobody to play in it. Might be a bit of a waste of money. But hang on, they thought: surely one of those nice clubs in the Football League would be interested in a shiny new stadium? So they approached Barnet (hah), Luton (again), Crystal Palace (snort) and QPR (Queens Park Rangers) but they all said, you're all right mate, we'll stop where we are. Only Wimbledon was interested, and talks began.

The Football League was not impressed. If there's one thing the FA likes, it's tradition, and this was completely against tradition. Clubs were supposed to play in, and support, and be supported by, their local area, and Wimbledon was definitely not local to Milton Keynes! Not unless you consider being eighty miles away local. So they blocked the move, to the intense relief of the fans, who were just as determined not to travel eighty miles down the Mwhatever as they were not to be boarding a plane or boat every time they wanted to see a match.

But as ever, money talks, and normally it yells and drowns out any protests if there's enough of it, and the FA had to let the decision go to arbitration, which they lost. Wimbledon could move to Milton Keynes. And they did, to the fury of the ex-fans. Not much point, then, in retaining the name, so they changed to MK Dons. Wimbledon F.C. had been known as The Dons, so in a way this was I think both a two-fingers to the fans and a determination to link back to their historical identity. The MK part of course stands for Milton Keynes.

Many players, objecting to the move (a decision in which, I assume, they had no say) defected, as a rival club was set up, AFC Wimbledon, and I see with interest that MK Dons' first FA Cup match is against them. Talk about revenge, old scores to be settled and a derby of derbies!

So in effect that makes both AFC Wimbledon and MK Dons two of the youngest English football teams, while paradoxically MK Dons are also technically one of the oldest! You really wouldn't expect anything less from the Crazy Gang though, would you?

[Trollheart]

Team name: Morecambe
Home city or town: Morecambe
Area: Lancashire
Nickname: The Shrimps
Home ground: Mazuma Mobile Stadium
Manager: Derek Adams
Currently playing in: EFL League 2
Tier: 4
First opponent in Round One: Worthing
Highest position achieved: EFL League 1
Giant Killing(s) Cambridge United (2001); Chesterfield (2003)
Best FA Cup run: Third round
Rivals: Accrington Stanley, Lancaster City, Barrow, Fleetwood Town, Kendall Town, Southport

Funny things about Morecambe. First, they're nothing to do with the comedian who was half of Morecambe and Wise (though they come from the same town), and second, doesn't their stadium sound like it's some sort of African exhibit on constant tour? Ah sod ya then. Let's see what we can find out about these guys. Oh, and their nickname has nothing to do with them being a small team (though they are) but is due to shrimps being a local delicacy in the coastal town, so there.

Founded in 1920, they originally had to share a ground with the local cricket club, also called Morecambe. Must have been a bit confusing. "Are you coming to see Morecambe, mate? Nah, I thought I'd go see Morecambe instead." Definitely not cricket. Sorry. I'm sure other clubs have had smaller attendances, but for one supposedly in the "major minor" leagues, as it were, having only 200 people come to see you has got to sting. Another team who had a manager take a heart attack while in office, in fact, during a game. I suppose football management is a stressful business. Did he die? No. No he didn't. Well, I mean, he may have done, but not from the cardiac arrest.

By 2007 Morecambe were playing to 40,000 fans. Much better, as was their league progress, now in the National League. However the old favourite, financial worry, was about to spoil the party. In 2023 players were paid, but late, and the club faced trouble. This kind of low morale probably led to their exit, after two seasons, from League 1, and the subsequent exodus of most of the team. Indeed, more left afterwards, when the club was hit with a three-point deduction for paying wages late, and this year Morecambe could field a team of five players! Talk about your five-a-sides! At the eleventh hour, the transfer embargo imposed along with the three-point deduction was lifted (though the deduction stayed) and Morecambe were able to sign fifteen players. Phew!

[Trollheart]

Team name: Newport County
Home city or town: Newport
Area: Wales
Nickname: The Port, The Exiles, The Ironsides, The Black and Amber Army
Home ground: Rodney Parade
Manager: Nelson Jardim
Currently playing in: EFL League 2
Tier: 4
First opponent in Round One: Peterborough United
Highest position achieved: Current
Giant Killing(s) West Ham (2-1, 1979); Leeds (2-1, 2018)
Best FA Cup run: Fifth round
Rivals: Unknown

The first Welsh club we've come across, Newport County were founded in 1912 but money troubles and a double relegation (probably related to each other) in 1988 led to them being disbanded the next year. They are joint holders of the record for heaviest defeat in the Football League, losing a staggering 13-0 to Newcastle, with one of the Newcastle players quipping that they were so bad "they were lucky to get nil!" Love that quote.

Newport don't seem to have been very lucky, despite their change of strip to reflect that of the Argentinian national team (I'm serious!) and look to have spent most of their time scrambling to avoid relegation, but they stayed in the Football League for an impressive sixty seasons, this stay coming to an end in 1988 when they were relegated to the National League. A few months later, crippled by financial debt, they collapsed, not even finishing the season, and Newport County were no more.

Only four months later, 400 supporters got together to resurrect the club. I see I was wrong: Mansfield were not the only team unable to play at their home ground due to unpaid rent. The same thing happened to the "new" Newport County, and so they adopted the nickname The Exiles, forced to play their home matches at London Road, eighty miles away. It wasn't till they took legal action in 1994 that they were able to have their own stadium. That coincided with an upturn in their fortunes and in 2013 they made it back into the Football League.

[Trollheart]

Team name: Northampton Town
Home city or town: Northampton
Area: Northamptonshire
Nickname: The Cobblers, The Shoe Army
Home ground: Sixfields Stadium
Manager: Jon Brady
Currently playing in: EFL League 1
Tier: 4
First opponent in Round One: Kettering Town
Highest position achieved: Premier League
Giant Killing(s) Huddersfield Town (1934)
Best FA Cup run: Fifth round
Rivals: Unknown

Bunch of teachers formed this club in 1897 - makes a change from priests anyway - but it all went up in smoke in 1929. Well, not quite, but the main stands burned down after a fire, thought to have started in the away team dressing room, destroyed them after a match with Bournemouth. Still, like some sort of bird from the flames, the stands were rebuilt and things went on.

Until they went into administration in 1992, only saved from their massive debts by the supporters' trust, who took the club over, the first time this had happened in English football, so it says.

[Trollheart]

Team name: Notts County
Home city or town: Nottingham
Area: Nottinghamshire
Nickname: The Magpies (Oh dear! Speak to Newcastle. And Maidenhead)
Home ground: Meadow Lane
Manager: Stuart Maynard
Currently playing in: EFL League 2
Tier: 4
First opponent in Round One: Alfreton Town
Highest position achieved: Premier League
Giant Killing(s) None: they won the FA Cup back in the nineteenth century, when no team could really be called a top league team, or even a second division one.
Best FA Cup run: Final (winners)
Rivals: Nottingham Forest, Mansfield Town

Another team beset by financial problems, which is ironic when you consider that in their initial incarnation back in the nineteenth century, the club only accepted "persons of a certain social class" as players - lawyers, teachers, businessmen etc. But Notts County went into administration around the beginning of the third millennium and remained there for over a year, resulting in their relegation from the Football League, to which they would only return in 2023.

[Trollheart]

Team name: Oldham Athletic
Home city or town: Oldham
Area: Greater Manchester
Nickname: Latics
Home ground: Boundary Park
Manager: Micky Mellon
Currently playing in: National League
Tier: 5
First opponent in Round One: Tranmere Rovers
Highest position achieved: Premier League
Giant Killing(s) Liverpool (2013)
Best FA Cup run: Semi-finals
Rivals: Rochdale, Bolton Wanderers, Huddersfield Town, Bury, Stockport County, Blackburn Rovers, Manchester United

Oldham have the dubious distinction of being, in addition to one of the founding members of the Premier League, the first team that has played there who have been relegated out of the Football League, when they fell in 2022 into the National League. They had a hard time in the top leagues, struggling to maintain their position and slipping each time, and like a lot of the smaller clubs flirted with administration and even liquidation in the early half of the 2000s, but managed to survive.

And then there's Ched Evans.

Convicted in 2012 of the rape of a young woman the previous year, and sentenced to five years imprisonment, he wriggled out of it through that time-honoured device of we men, victim-blaming, his reprehensible defence team essentially framing the woman as a slut, and had his appeal accepted and his conviction quashed in 2016, also netting a big payoff from his original legal team. What a world!

Anyhow, somehow thinking he could just pick up where he left off, Evans had talks with various football clubs, including Sheffield United and Grimsby Town, and another was of course Oldham Athletic. Quite rightly, in my view, there was a storm of protest against this, but quite wrongly, again in my view but I think in that of every right-thinking person, death threats and rape threats resulted, and the whole thing took on the uncomfortable feeling of intimidation and mob rule. In the end, Oldham decided, wisely, not to sign Evans, but mostly put this down to the "campaign of harassment" over their intentions. I can't see anywhere they apologised for even attempting to sign a convicted rapist.

I'd like to pass swiftly on from that now, spitting out the bad taste of so many clubs even considering giving such a man a job. But that wasn't the end of Oldham's problems, as in 2017 they were actually raided by HM Customs, who wanted back taxes they had not been paid. This debt was settled in 2021, but left Oldham unable to pay their staff, which resulted in players going on strike (first/only club where this happened?) and unsurprisingly continued their slide down the leagues, which ended ignominiously with an exit from the Football League, the first ever team, as I said, to fall so low as Oldham were relegated to the National League.