Bigger, Badder, Balder: Revisiting Star Trek: The Next Generation

[Trollheart]

Quite a phenomenon this episode. Not a single move up or down. Not one.

Despite Riker's strong performance, and subsequent high point tally, you can't go higher than number one, so he remains where he is, though he puts clear daylight between him and Tasha (and she hasn't much time to catch him either) as he becomes the first character to break the 800-point barrier. Not much else to report. Data becomes the third to gain 400 points, but there's no movement, so nothing more to discuss. Not that surprising, since the lion's share of the episode was Riker's.

[Trollheart]

I have to re-evaluate my episode scores. The way I've set the system up, I'm noticing that some really good episodes are scoring quite low, so I want to try something else. In addition to the scores already used, I'm now going to score them under these criteria:

Action: simple enough. Was this an episode filled with aliens, space battles, races against time, planetary searches, combat etc? Was it slow or did it move and flow well?

Drama : Was there drama in the episode?

Performance of lead character(s): Given who the episode was based around, did they use their role well, or did the story just revolve around them without them doing much?

Plot: Self-explanatory

Arc: Not so self-explanatory. Did the story add to or refer to elements which either occur later or have already occurred, in other words is this a thread that fits in to the overall pattern of the tapestry, is it a loose thread or is it not even in the sewing room?

Personal enjoyment: I surely need not explain this.

All the above criteria will be rated at from 10 to 100, 10 being the lowest and 100 the highest. So potentially an episode can score an additional 600, down to a lousy extra 60. These scores will then be added to the main scores to come up with a total score, and because this will obviously give episodes from here on in a clear advantage, you probably won't be surprised to hear that I'll be going back and rescoring all the previous episodes, which means that chart I posted will be useless now, and will be redone and reposted.

In this way I feel that an episode that is excellent but for some reason doesn't score that high on the original criteria has a better chance of scoring high on these, plus my own personal approval, or not, of the episode will also be a factor, which will allow those I really like to have a better chance of being right up there.

Episode title: "11001001"
Season: 1
Basic plot: The Enterprise is upgraded but all is not as it seems duh
Importance: 4 (First use of self-destruct code)
Crisis point(s) if any: Ship taken by Bynars
Original transmission date: February 1 1988
Writer(s): Maurice Hurley, Robert Lewin
Director: Paul Lynch
Stardate:* 41365.9
Destination: Starbase 74, Tarsis III
Mission (if any): Maintenance and upgrades
Main character(s) in Plot: Picard, Riker
Main character(s) in Subplot (if any):
Not appearing: Troi, O'Brien
Villain/Monster (if any): Bynars
Deaths: 0
Lives saved (episode): 0 ( I mean, the whole Bynar planet, but I said I wouldn't count populations, as there's no way to be sure of a count)
Lives saved (cumulative): 24
Locations:

Shipboard:
Bridge
Gangway I guess, as they're getting off
Holodeck

Space:

Other:
Starbase 74

Ships/vessels (encountered): 0
Ships/vessels (mentioned only): USS Wellington, USS Trieste, USS Melbourne
Space battles: 0
Bodycount

Historical
0
Incidental
0
Direct
0
Total: 0
Running total: 86

Make it so: 0
Engage! 1
Combat factor: 0
Planets visited: Bynus
Planets mentioned: Omicron Pascal , Pelius V, Bynus
Aliens: Bynars
Mysteries: Why the Bynars have stolen the Enterprise
Patients in sickbay: 0
Meetings: 0
Data v humanity:
N/A; which is odd, given that this one revolves around what are essentially computers on legs, but there you go.
Data 3 - Humanity 6
Character scores:
Picard 570
RIker 700
Data 40
Troi 0
Bev 10
Geordi 10
Wesley 20
Worf 20
Yar 20
O'Brien 0

Earl Grey: 0
Shuttlecraft: 0
Admirals: 0
Starbases: 1 (Starbase 74)
First contact: 0
Humour: 0
Episode rating: 6/10
Episode score: 625 (Note: this is under the new system, as all future episodes will be)

Another mostly holodeck-centred episode, and again built more or less around Riker, as the previous one was, which might seem a little unbalanced, especially as this appears to be yet another Troiless one: she must have been worried every episode she wasn't in. The Bynars are interesting creatures, but when Wesley says that there must be tremendous advantages to a race being so intermixed with computers, well, he hasn't met the Borg yet has he? Bloody typical that the music has to be jazz though. Why is it always ****ing jazz? Damn oldies who write these things. And what is it with blondes and jazz don't mix? Given that she's only a hologram, it's funny how pissed off Riker looks when Minuet invites Picard to join them. Reminds me of Homer: "But I was going to get lucky!" and Marge "No you weren't."


The Picard family reunions don't tend to be very lively affairs

I do find it hard to credit that Data says they have just over four minutes to evacuate the ship, and in that time all those people get off it? Apart from the fact that they're, perhaps rather stupidly if by the book, not running but walking fast, the transporter can only take a few people at a time. Can the entire remaining complement be beamed off, and the ship get away from the Starbase to a safe distance in two hundred and forty seconds? Of course, I know and you know it's a ruse, but they don't, and if it's real, can they expect any chance of everyone surviving? Would they not have been better to get the ship away and then start transports? And how come they never checked the holodeck? Wesley knew they were there; why doesn't he speak up?

Pretty good idea really; using the Enterprise as a huge mobile hard disk to back their civilisation up and then download themselves back down to the planet when the danger had passed. But who has the password? Better hope there's no virus in the system!

[Trollheart]

As you would probably expect, with the saving of an entire civilsation, there's a huge jump for the two main men, though Riker can't go any higher. His captain can, though, and does.

Riker becomes the first character to smash the thousand-point barrier, and does he smash it, pushing all the way in fact to the 1,500 mark, while Picard is a few points short of doing the same, just outside the 1000 points limit.

Yar finds herself finally slipping and losing ground as Picard eases her down to third position, taking second for himself, a climb of two places. Yar now shares third slot with Data, the two lovers reunited. Aahh!

Nothing else happens really. Because of Yar and Data both occupying third, everyone shifts up one spot, though in reality nobody moves. Even Deanna, who wasn't even in the episode, gets a bump, the only non-mover being Data, who remains at number 3.

[Trollheart]

Note: from this episode on, I'm adding two new categories: "Trollheart of the past" and "Trollheart of the present". Pretty self-explanatory. So let me explain them. The first is how I remember the episode, good or bad or meh, if it made any impression on me or if I've totally forgotten what it's about, and the second, shown at the end, is how I feel now: was I right, wrong, do you care?

Engage something to a warp factor of another thing and push the big red button. No, not THAT big red but-

Episode title: "Too Short a Season"
Season: 1
Basic plot: Hostage situation on a planet and only one man can save them. And no, this guy actually has hair, thank you very much.
Trollheart of the past: I remember hating this for the pathetically stupid ending. Let's see if I still feel the same about it.
Importance: 0
Crisis point(s) if any: There are hostages. Hostages gonna crisis.
Original transmission date: February 8 1988
Writer(s): Michael Michaelian, D.C. Fontana
Director: Rob Bowman
Stardate:* 41309.5
Destination: Persephone V
Mission (if any): Convey a Starfleet admiral to negotiate with terrorists for the release of hostages on another planet
Main character(s) in Plot: Picard, Beverly
Main character(s) in Subplot (if any):
Not appearing: Wesley, O'Brien
Villain/Monster (if any): None
Deaths: 1
Lives saved (episode): 0 (The hostages are saved but it doesn't clarify how many there were, so I can't count them)
Lives saved (cumulative): 24
Locations:

Shipboard:
Bridge
Transporter Room
Jameson's Quarters
Ready Room

Space:

Other:
Persephone V

Ships/vessels (encountered): 0
Ships/vessels (mentioned only): USS Gettysburg
Space battles: 0
Bodycount

Historical
0
Incidental
0
Direct
1 (Admiral Jameson)
Total: 1
Running total: 87

Make it so: 1
Engage! 0
Combat factor: 50
Planets visited: Persephone V, Mordan IV
Planets mentioned: Cerberus II, Isis III
Aliens: 0
Mysteries: How is Jameson getting younger?
Patients in sickbay: 1 (Jameson)
Data v humanity: n/a
Data 3 - Humanity 6
Character scores:
Picard 35
Riker 10
Data 25
Troi 10
Bev 85
Worf  20
Geordi 20
Wesley 0
Yar 20
O'Brien 0

Earl Grey: 0
Shuttlecraft: 0
Admirals: 1 (Jameson)
Starbases: 0
First contact: 0
Humour: 0
Episode rating: 2/10
Episode score: 355
Trollheart of the present: Yeah just as bad and stupid as I remember.

We've seen characters made up to be older than they were before - Kirk in "The Deadly Years", Picard later in "The Inner Light", Troi in "Man of the  People" and so on. But usually they're quite convincing, whereas here it looks like the admiral has been exhumed and then someone stuck a bad wig on him and tried to cover up the rotting flesh with makeup. He looks far, far older than his supposed eighty-some years, even allowing for the debilitating effects of this disease he's supposed to have. There's a certain sense of Dracula about this too, as the man starts off decrepit, almost a walking corpse as I say above, and then regenerates as the episode goes on, till fairly quickly it's impossible to attribute his de-ageing to anything natural. Beverly is of course suspicious as is Troi, and it's not just women's intuition either.


"Grumble.. grumble.. take my seat, would you? Grr! I hope you suddenly turn into a dessicated mummy, so there!"

I must say, it's incredibly selfish of Jameson to have taken BOTH doses of the drug; one was for his wife. Now that he's been able to use both on himself and return to his youth, what about her? He won't be interested in her now that he's so much younger, so is she just to be dumped? Of course there's a price to pay for the fountain of youth: is there ever not? Good callback to "A Private Little War", where Jameson does the same thing Kirk does: arm both factions equally, precipitating a war between the two races instead of brokering a peace. One of the bleaker episodes of TOS, and one whose ending I hated. This one I don't hate for the same reason, but I'm pretty sure I'll still hate it.


"Does nobody pay electricity bills on this ship?"

I guess for once it is nice to see Starfleet go for the direct, aggressive approach, even if it's not quite officially sanctioned. Of course it goes wrong. But you have to laugh at Karnas too, blaming Jameson for the state of his planet and all the deaths caused by the war. Wasn't it he who demanded the weapons? Did someone force him to use them? Oh, of course: if only his people had been armed that would have been all right. Fucking typical. What was it Q said in the pilot: savage life forms never follow even their own rules? Yeah, I hate the way Karnas changes in an instant from a revenge-filled anger to accepting sympathy. Bollocks. He hated the guy; he should be a) glad he's dead or b) angry he has been cheated of his revenge but no, he says "your long night and mine are over." Again I say, bollocks. There's also a sort of heavy-handed but pretty simple double morality message here: you can't be young again and just say no to drugs.

[Trollheart]

It's chart time again!
Not that there's much to see really. After a really poor episode in which nobody did much of anything, despite a decent score for Beverly she remains where she is, at number 6, and other than Data and Yar separating as she falls to 4 and he remains at 3, everyone else being pushed down one place as a result, it's kind of as you were. Which is no surprise. Oh, Deanna falls two places. Yeah.

[Trollheart]

Episode title: "When the Bough Breaks"
Season: 1
Basic plot: All the kids from the Enterprise are, well, kidnapped and forced to live a life of luxury and in which their every need will be catered to... hang on!
Trollheart's memory: Being both a Wesley-centric episode and one involving kids, I remember hating this with a passion
Importance: 0 (In the development of Wesley, maybe)
Crisis point(s) if any: I suppose when all your children are kidnapped that could be considered a crisis point!
Original transmission date: February 15 1998
Writer(s): Hannah Louise Shearer
Director: Kim Manners
Stardate:* 41509.1
Destination: None really; just tooling around the galaxy
Mission (if any): None
Main character(s) in Plot: Wesley
Main character(s) in Subplot (if any):
Not appearing: O'Brien
Villain/Monster (if any): None
Theme: Kidnap, desperation, sterility, motherhood, radiation sickness
Deaths: 0
Lives saved (episode): 0 (Can you say all the children's lives were saved? They weren't in any actual danger, so I'd say no)
Lives saved (cumulative): 24
Locations:

Shipboard:
Bridge
Transporter Room
School

Space:

Other:
Aldea


Ships/vessels (encountered): 0
Ships/vessels (mentioned only): 0
Space battles: 0
Bodycount

Historical
0
Incidental
0
Direct
0
Total: 0
Running total: 87

Make it so: 0
Engage! 0
Combat factor: 0
Planets visited: Aldea
Planets mentioned: 0
Aliens: 1 (Aldeans)
Mysteries: Why the Aldeans can't have children
Patients in sickbay: 0
Data v humanity:
Data is about as much use as a chocolate teapot here. Hey, nobody programmed him to look after kids, and anyway, can't they just manufacture - um, make, have - more? What's the big deal?
Data 3 - Humanity 6
Character scores:
Picard 20
Riker 15
Data 20
Troi 15
Bev 55
Worf 10
Geordi 10
Wesley 130
Yar 5

Earl Grey: 0
Shuttlecraft: 0
Admirals: 0
Starbases: 0
First contact: 1 (Aldea)
Humour: 4
Episode rating: 3/10
Episode score: 520
Trollheart of the Present: Not quite as bad as I remember, but still a pain. Fecking kids.

Touch of the Hitch-Hiker's Guide here, with comparisons obviously being drawn between Aldea and Magrathea, and surely when Riker hears these people have no children alarm bells should be going off? What about Troi? Does she not suspect something? I also find it odd that she says "Humans are unusually attached to their offspring" - are not all races attached to their kids? Is not hers? Why is humanity so unusual? Why doesn't she say that, like all races, humans are attached to their children, instead of making them some sort of exception? I love it when Beverly says "They've taken my son!" I can hear the Cat from Red Dwarf: "Quick! Let's get out of here before they bring him back!"

Oh, and there's a computer to talk to death. How TOS of you! I also love the face of Picard when Bev says "Captain Picard will do everything possible to get our children back." It's like he's thinking well, yeah, sure, but you know, if they're gone they're gone; no point crying about it. Anyway, what's our next heading? The story is well handled, I have to say. It's not as if this is just a child-napping adventure; these people - though completely insane if they think they can get other people's children without a fight - genuinely care for these children and want to bring out the potential they see in them, which their own parents may not see. Also, for once it's a reversal of roles as Wesley becomes the de facto adult in the group, being the oldest of the children, more a young man than a child, though he's always treated as a child on the ship. So now for the first time he's a leader, and this is a test for him, which, to be fair, he passes with flying colours.


"So let me just get this clear. You'll take all our children AND give me this lovely plant? Deal!"

Oh come on now! Isn't the Custodian just Zen from Blake's 7? Look at it! And here we are again, with Landru, Vaal, name your computer-controlling-humans of choice. Give Wesley his due, he's not fooled and he's already gathering information in the hope of taking down the Custodian. Still, he acts like a bit of a tool when his mother presses something into his palm, obviously intending his "guardian" does not see it and the stupid ****er opens his palm, looks at it (how big is that damn thing anyway? How does she expect that to go unnoticed? It's not like a paperclip or a note or something; it's as big as like a hairbrush!) and then realises, a little late, how stupid he's being and puts it away. And yet the dopey guardian does not see it. D'oh! So much for being more advanced huh?


"I'm sorry, Wesley, but I have not heard of this Zen of whom you speak. I would like to make that especially clear, should any of Terry Nation's relatives be watching this..."

And then he scans her with it AND returns it to Beverly and the stupid old bag STILL suspects nothing? Is she blind? Or just stupid? It's good how the children soon realise that no matter how gilded a cage is, it's still a cage, and they miss their parents. All except Harry, who has a thing about calculus and is the hold-out. Stupid kid. The "finger-flick" the Aldeans give the Enterprise is almost of Q proportions. Another heavy-handed morality message about the overuse of technology, which considering the Enterprise does about everything for the crew, rings a little hollow.

[Trollheart]

Not much in the way of change after this episode, as you might expect. Tasha loses her grip on third place, and as the only one to gain significant points this time, Wesley moves up and take her place. Other than that, just about everyone stays where they are.

[Trollheart]

Episode title: "Home Soil"
Season: 1
Basic plot: Things are going wrong on a planet being terraformed
Trollheart of the past: I remember liking this, though I think it has a pretty simplistic ending. I do remember thinking the way the aliens described us as "bags of mostly water" was cool.
Importance: 5 (The first time that first contact leads to war!)
Crisis point(s) if any: The alien life form takes over the ship and declares war
Original transmission date: February 22 1988
Writer(s): Robert Sabaroff, Karl Geurs, Ralph Sanchez (teleplay by Sabaroff)
Director: Corey Allen
Stardate:* 41463.9
Destination: Velara III
Mission (if any): Check on terraforming operation
Main character(s) in Plot: Picard, Bev
Main character(s) in Subplot (if any):
Not appearing: Wesley, O'Brien
Villain/Monster (if any): Alien life form known as "micro brain"
Themes: Conservation, greed, respect for other life forms, obsession, murder, war, negotiation
Deaths: 1
Lives saved (episode): 0
Lives saved (cumulative): 24
Locations:

Shipboard:
Bridge
Transporter Room
Sickbay
Ready Room
Observation Lounge
Medical Lab
Space:

Other:
Velara III


Ships/vessels (encountered): 0
Ships/vessels (mentioned only): 0
Space battles: 0
Bodycount

Historical
0
Incidental
0
Direct
1
Total: 1
Running total: 88

Make it so: 1
Engage! 1
Combat factor: 0
Planets visited: Velara III
Planets mentioned:
Aliens:  1 (Micro brain)
Mysteries: Why the micro brain is attacking the colony
Patients in sickbay: 1 (Does a micro brain count? Hell, they had cheese in Voyager!)
Data v humanity: Data is the only one who can evade the laser drill, so his superior speed and reactions save him.
Data 4 - Humanity 6
Character scores:
Picard 10
Riker 25
Data 15
Geordi 15
Yar 15
Worf 15
Bev 475
Troi 15
Wesley 0
O'Brien 0

Earl Grey: 0
Shuttlecraft: 0
Admirals: 0
Starbases: 0
First contact: 1
Humour: 0
Episode rating: 6/10
Episode score: 490
Trollheart of the present: yeah decent enough, but again, it's an updated "Devil in the Dark", innit?

Shades of The Wrath of Khan with the first mention in the series of terraforming - and the first and I think only mention of Terraform Command (I wonder if that's a part of Starfleet) but the episode is basically "Devil in the Dark" in theme and execution. I think yer man is a bit unfair on Data: "What did you do to my laser drill?" he moans. Data shrugs. "Hell, it was wreck it or let it wreck me." I mean, what did he expect? **** your drill, pal: I was in danger of losing my life. You can always get another laser drill. The idea of not quite inorganic but certainly different life to any we know is again filched from TOS: there, the Horta was carbon-based, here, they've gone further. There is no organic structure to this life form, yet it does appear to be able to react to outside stimuli and communicate. Naturally, for its first contact with us, it's war.


"Oh right thanks guys! Leave me to clean up the mess! What were you doing in here anyway?"

Interesting how they name the life form "micro brain" - this is the very phrase Q used to describe Worf in "Encounter at Farpoint": "Macro head, with a micro brain!" Also interesting how the only way Picard and his crew can negotiate with the aliens is to virtually kill them. I suppose you could say that he could have gone ahead and done that, and the danger to his ship would be over, but he decided to try to broker a truce instead, and leave the alien life form with at least a more favourable impression of us than it had up to then received.

[Trollheart]

Time for our next chart. "Home Soil" sees mother and son switch places, as Beverly rises to the giddy heights of third slot, pushing her son down into the basement with his comic books or engineering manuals, or whatever he uses to get his jollies, all the way down to six. Other than that, not a huge amount of change really.

Data  of course slides down to 4 while Yar remains at 5, and pretty much everyone else remains where they were. Picard has now finally joined that golden 1000-point club, while Data has reached 500 just before Tasha, but the doctor is well ahead of both of them, pushing towards the 900 points mark.