Who's your daddy?

[ribbons]

^ Not at all, Lisna – I got no impression that your family was unfeeling, only that you were extra-feeling and a kind soul and your Dad may have been conscious of that.

Yes, we were very fortunate to have our grandparents around.  My maternal grandparents actually uprooted themselves from Louisiana to rent an apartment in our neighborhood, so as to help our mother who struggled for many years after the death of my father.  My grandmother stayed on permanently and my grandfather went back and forth to Louisiana for work on oil rigs in the Gulf of Mexico.  My grandmother was a tough lady and a little intimidating, but her strength also kept us going and I was very grateful to her for that. 

My paternal grandmother, who was originally from Denmark, was an absolute diamond in every way and also helped us a great deal.  She lived a bit further from us, but I was extremely close to her and cherished visits to her house.

As for my father, as mentioned, he unfortunately passed away, when I was three – so I don't have any clear personal memories of him, which I have always regretted.  He worked as a house contractor by day and occasionally moonlighted as a jazz drummer in clubs.  He was known as a very kind, sensitive person and also quite spiritual and progressively-minded.  To this day I carry his small copy of Swami Prabhavananda's and Christopher Isherwood's translation of the Bhagavad-Gita in my purse wherever I go.  Even though I never knew my father, he has influenced me greatly.

[Lisnaholic]

I'm sorry that you lost your father when you were so young, ribbons. That must have been a very difficult void to fill, but it sounds like you were lucky enough to have really excellent and active grandparents, who clearly helped you, your mum and siblings to work together as a family. Louisiana to NY ?! That's an extraordinary commute for your grandfather!

Your father sounds like an intriguing person, with many aspects to his character that aren't often found together - unless it's in one of the Beat poets! It's very nice that you should carry that book with you, ensuring that your father has been remembered, which is something all parents hope for.

(My dad wasn't a reader, but I do have a small book of my mum's: A Shropshire Lad by A.E.Housman, though tbh, I don't often dip into it. )

[degrassi.knoll]

I have so much father envy. It's so much deeper than "daddy issues."

[DJChameleon]

As an adult, I wish I talked to my dad more to find out his life and history. My parents separated when I was young and I would only see my dad during the summers. We both weren't really phone people or the best communicators. Our phone conversations would be 5 mins max.

My dad was a carpenter and a tailor. I didn't realize until much later on in life how desired he was on the island as a tailor. I thought he just like did it as more of a hobby but he had a legit tailoring business that most people on the island(Grenada) would go to him for his fine craftsmanship.

He has since passed over from the dreaded colon cancer. I believe he was in his mid 50s.

[Lisnaholic]

^ Good for your dad, DJ, to have two skills that are so different and yet always in demand.
I wonder if he was a tailor, the way we have tailors here in Mexico: a guy who works out of his own front room, which of course is full of mysterious bags; scraps of material, work pending, etc. That was the image I got when you said you though it was just a hobby of his.

 

I have so much father envy. It's so much deeper than "daddy issues."

^ Yeah. I just re-read your account of your dad. That is so sad to see that he didn't break the cycle of victim-turned-abuser. Even though it's been  hard for you, that at least is something you have achieved. Well done.
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I think Hope is the only contributor to this thread that I haven't responded to, so I'd like to thank her for her excellent thread idea, reminding us all how important our dads  are to us.
Also, a recurring theme has been, "I wish I'd asked him more questions" - so do that while you can, everyone! Interrogate your parents, aging relatives now, because one day you won't be able to.