Judging a book by its cover: Trollheart reviews blind

[Trollheart]

Not literally, duh. Perhaps I had better explain...

Back in my day, the only way to hear new music was on the radio or by buying or getting a loan of an album. These days, between Nazify, Apple Music, Soulseek and YouTube, it's easy to listen to an album without having to pay for it, which allows us to take chances on music we might not have done before.

As I've said more than once, I often download albums based on a very surface attraction: I may like the name of the album, the artist, or maybe the cover attracts me. How shallow can you get, huh? Sometimes though it works (sometimes it doesn't of course). Here, I'm going to grab albums at random based purely on the above criteria, and see if I made a good choice or a bad one. But in a break with my usual modus operandi, I won't be researching the artist or trying to find out anything about them before I listen to the album.

Let's see if, overall, my instincts turn out to be right more than they're wrong, or vice versa.



A Plague Upon Thee by Apocalypse Orchestra (2025)

It will probably come as a surprise to nobody that I downloaded this on the strength of the artist's name. I tend to be interested in any band that uses the word "orchestra" in their name. Using "Apocalypse" leads me to hypothesise that this may be a black metal, doom metal or maybe a symphonic metal band, though who knows? Could be a pop band for all I know. Though given the album title I think the chances are that there's some sort of folky/medieval link here?

Let's get into it then. Certainly sounds doomy anyway, slow, pounding drums and what might be some sort of pipes or maybe a violin? Not sure: got an ethnic/folk feel to it anyway. Vocal chorus now and I must say that so far it's very relaxed. I might almost say ABM (Atmospheric Black Metal) but now we have a Viking-style vocal, which sort of knocks that on the head. Pagan/folk metal? Whatever it is, I like it!

Very epic and dramatic, great sense of grandeur and sweeping majesty about it. On the basis of the first song count me as a fan. Yeah I wouldn't call this doom metal - that's normally slower than this and the vocals, such as they are, tend to be very growly and completely unintelligible. Oh, like those ones that have just come in on the second track! Yes but they're more backup, sort of "unclean" vocals to complement the ordinary ones. I think pagan/folk metal is closer to the mark; it's kicking up quite a bit now, in the way doom metal, well, doesn't. Great stuff. This could even be one of those one-man-band deals, though if so then the singer is not only very versatile, but knows how to juxtapose vocal tracks. With orchestra in the title you would assume we're talking about a group, but then, you never know.

Not a bad track on this so far. Perhaps I might see it as a cross between Drudkh and When Bitter Spring Sleeps, if that means anything to anyone, and if not, I hate you all. The sort of almost chanting vocal works really well, there's even some very decent guitar solos, though to be fair they are in the minority. Overall it's dark dramatic and epic music with a certain cinematic flair merging with folk music and a real sense of mystery. A soundtrack for Judgement Day? Could be, son, could be.

Rating:

After the listen, the lowdown
Having listened "blind", as it were, and figured out what I can about the album and the artist, this is where I'll do a little research and see what I can find out.

Apocalypse Orchestra, it turns out, is a band, with five members, and they hail from Sweden. This is only their second album, though there have been eight years between this and their debut. They're described on Metal Archives as "Medieval Folk/Doom Metal", and while I'd agree with the first half, I have an issue with the second. This isn't doom, Jim, not as we know it. It's too, well, upbeat and clear, and the lyrics don't seem to talk of darkness, death and fear, so far as I can see. They're almost more like prayers to pagan gods, which is why I consider this far more in the Pagan Metal side of things. I mean, don't get me wrong: these guys ain't saying dance the night away or anything, or singing about the joys of owning a Harley. There's a lot of downbeat meaning in those lyrics I've been able to read, but it just ain't doom enough for this kid. Not so much "life is shit, here's your grave" as "life is shit, but sure that's life innit?"

Oh, and I was right: a lot of ethnic/folk instruments: hurdy-gurdy, lute, mandola, cittern, bagpipes and so on.

Good or bad judgement? Good, definitely.

[Trollheart]

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[Lisnaholic]

That's an interesting OP, Trollheart

Is it ok if I intrude into your thread with my own five cents ?
Yes, A Plague Upon Thee has a great album cover, doesn't it? And like you, I'm also attracted to a band with "Orchestra" in its name - especially if it's misspelled, as with Sun Ra's Arkestra .

Too much of a good thing: I would've enjoyed the music of Apocalypse Orchestra more if someone hadn't lent me THREE cd's by Hevia. The shere quantity of ok, but not brilliant, bagpipe-led music was enough to put me off this sound, which I think of as a slightly newly-imagined pipe music with, perhaps, a touch of elec guitar thrown in to try and liven things up. Alas, the innovative touches are not usually sufficient to ignite a spark of interest with me: it's like trying to start a campfire in a bowl of porridge.

Spoiler for Hevia:-

Spoiler

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Spoiler for an album that I bought based on its cover:

Spoiler

^ I saw this in a second-hand cd shop and thought I'd risk the more-or-less one pound that it cost me. Unfortunately, the music never matches the touch of weirdness you might expect from the cover. It's an album that falls into the category, "Quite relaxing if you're in the mood for that sort of thing." What I have learned after having the cd for about 25 years: I'm never in the mood for that sort of thing !

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[Trollheart]

No problem Lisna: always happy to have any contribution. I should say, AO use bagpipes yes, but the music is not in any way bagpipes-led. I don't think I'd enjoy anything of that nature, as generally I hate bagpipes. I mean, how can you not?

(I got half a bar of that before I had to turn it off!)

You might be surprised if you listen to AO though; quite a Viking-like feel. And yes, of course, obviously it doesn't always work out if you buy an album purely on a whim because you saw the cover and liked it. Case in point:


Just really awful.

[Lisnaholic]

I might try Apocalypse Orchestra some more, as I'm sure you're right: it's more than just bagpipe music.

Good call on Inspiring Celtic Bagpipes, which should be in a seperate Judging A Book By Its Cover thread: "Albums I wouldn't even pick out of the bargin bin to check its tracklist." In fact, as a rule of thumb, I usually avoid albums that have a "strapline" or explanation on the cover - in this case "haunting pipe  melodies that reflect a rich musical heritage." Uncool, guys, uncool. 

[Trollheart]

Aye. Given that bagpipes sound rather like the call of a banshee, I don't think "haunting" is a word they should be using!  Also, doesn't the picture look rather rude, or do I just have a dirty mind?

[Trollheart]

Geetroit Wolves by Vendetta (2025)

Again, another one I just liked the cover of. Look, I like wolves, okay? And it sort of reminds me of the cover of Tank's 1982 album Filth Hounds of Hades, which I enjoyed.

I would assume the title is some play on Detroit, though I have to say, over here we have a whole different meaning for the first syllable of that word! Is it a hard or soft "g", that's the thing! Anyway, I have zero idea what kind of music this is, though I'll stick my neck out and say I'm not expecting to hear any pan pipes or anything! In fact, hell with it: I'm going to throw a few suggestions down, ideas of what sort of music may assail my ears once I hit play.

It could be some sort of heavy metal, obviously, due to the usage of the wolves (who are certainly on the attack, though then again, when did you see a wolf that wasn't? Okay, there are posters of them howling at the moon: I have one) and the sort of fiery background, which kind of makes it look like they're coming out of Hell, another link perhaps with the Tank album? If it is heavy metal then I'm guessing thrash, death or speed. Don't see it being doom or black, or any other sub genre.

Since it's apparently using some form of Detroit, it's not beyond the bounds of possibility that it could be some sort of hip-hop album? Vendetta is an Italian word (duh) but that doesn't mean it has to have any Italian connections, though one would assume it's not likely to be an album of love songs! Technically of course, it could be EDM or techno or house music; there's really no way to tell. But it's bound to be loud and aggressive, so I'd slant my guess in a metal direction.

Okay, screaming guitars and throaty bass has me thinking that I made the right choice. Unless it's an uptempo blues album, but no, sounds very chuggy-guitar-bang-your-fucking-head metal to me. Yeah, the vocal confirms it: gravelly and rough, not quite incomprehensible, but not clear either. A sort of Metallica idea perhaps? Slight element of Motorhead in there. We miss ya, Lemmy! Not hip-hop then. Ah ya got to love some of these song titles! "Get Fucked". "Kick 'em in the Cunt." And that beloved classic "Motherfuckin' Scumbag". They don't write them like that any more! Oh, wait: they do. It's pretty powerful stuff, I have to say, and I'm getting into it. Opener "Freakshow" sets out the band's stall from the beginning, and I don't anticipate any piano ballads here, while acoustic guitars are probably smashed up and used for firewood, or for pickin' the teeth. "Dead and Extinct" (well I don't think you can be alive and extinct, can ya guys?) is a somewhat slower, moodier grinding sort of song, with the vocal more or less snarled in defiance, great bass line leading it in. That one "Get Fucked" is quite good really, sort of a half-rap in it, very strident and angry but with a killer riff driving it and an inspired chorus (take a guess,  go on!) while "Livin' in the City" utilises - deliberately I assume - the main riff from "Paranoid" and is what I guess you might term groove metal. Man. It's pretty bitchin' to be fair.

The gentle ditty "Kick 'em in the Cunt" seems to be some sort of whine about not being famous enough, or maybe support bands not worthy to hold a candle to Vendetta. Lots of simulated vomiting on this song, which is always welcome. Yeah. The song itself is a hard mid-paced grinder with again a sort of rap vocal and whether it advocates actual violence, or the title is meant to refer to blowing these bands off the stage I don't know, but it sure is fun. The breakneck "You Ain't Nothin'" does a lot for the proper usage of English, but then, that's rock and/or roll for ya. It only lasts less than two minutes and passes in a blur of speed and sound and we're onto the final track, with harp and cello and a gospel choir. Um. Yeah. "Motherfuckin' Scumbag" isn't going to win any Grammys, to be sure, but it's a fun way to end a fun album.

Rating:

After the listen, the lowdown
You know, there are twelve bands called Vendetta in the metal spectrum, six of them labelled as thrash/speed metal, and NONE of them are this one! There's also, for the record, Black Vendetta, Lethal Vendetta, Lazarus Vendetta (?), Shotgun Vendetta, Violent Vendetta of course and a whole lot more, but they don't interest me. Listen, NOBODY has these guys. Not Wiki, not RYM, not Metal Archives, not Discogs. Bandcamp, you say? Suppose I may as well. No such luck. So all I can do is judge them on what I hear, which certainly is metal of some stripe, and I think I'd be safe calling it thrash or speed metal. Odd thing is, according to album sites they have plenty of albums, but either from deciding to choose a band name half the world uses, or due to having very bad marketing, nobody seems to know who they are. Or care.

Personally, the accents I think give them away and I reckon these guys are English, possibly form oop North, maybe Newcastle, but then I'm not great with accents so they could be from Manchester for all I know. They could also be Americans who just happen to have, or are for some reason emulating, English accents. Okay the YouTube of the only song I could find for them informs me they're Australian. Maybe that explains it. At least they seem to be enjoying themselves. That's always important. There's definitely something, I don't know, endearing about their anger at everyone and everything. Kind of refreshing.

Good or bad judgement? Bad I suppose, but it was fun listening to. Just don't take them too seriously and you'll be fine. Only for metalheads though.

[Trollheart]

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