Something Completely Different

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There's probably nobody who hasn't seen this iconic show, so I thought it might be kind of time to do a retrospective look back at it. However, one thing that really bugs a lot of people - at least, non-fans - is the often almost reverential respect the show is held in, like dare you say anything bad about it. I won't be looking at it that way. If there's one thing I love it's ripping the piss out of things, especially things I value and treasure myself, so don't expect any reviews. If you haven't seen it, either hand in your human visa and go back to your home planet or remedy this most unacceptable situation right now by watching all seven seasons. By tomorrow week at the latest. Although I do love the show (I mean, who wouldn't? It was the first time we got more Star Trek after the original) I'm the first to admit it got off to a shaky start. Some of the episodes in seasons one and two are frankly laughable, with many of the first season ones being nothing more than rewrites of old classic Trek stories - "The Naked Now", "When the Bough Breaks", "The Last Outpost" etc - and some truly awful acting, costumes and ideas that did not pan out.

I'll be taking a much more amused and irreverent view of the show, busting a gut at some of the early episodes: laughing at the writing, cringing at the acting, and no doubt enumerating the various uniforms and hairstyles of Deanna Troi. After a while, of course, the series settled down, and while there was still occasionally the odd thing to laugh at (Picard playing piano in "Lessons", anyone?) or just roll your eyes at (the ending, such as it was, of "Where Silence Has Lease"?) it's not really fair to poke fun, as it really did find its feet and now deservedly holds its place among the very best of science fiction TV drama, and is highly revered in the ever-growing Star Trek franchise.

So when I run out of things to slag off, I'll be taking it a bit more seriously, but still no reviews. I'll be pointing out interesting events, people, battles, character development and so on in episodes, and maybe referring back to earlier ones to see how well they've come on. And just doing my usual job of ranting and drivelling all over the place. You know the kind of thing.

Note: If you have never seen the show and are expecting a guide, an introduction to it and for me to hold your hand, tentacle, pseudopod or appendage of pure energy and lead you through the series then you are SOL my friend. Hell, I'm not even going to list the cast, as this is really aimed at fans and as one, if you don't know by now who plays who you can fuck off. I'm also not listing guest stars, because the hell with that. These are being written on the general expectation that most if not all of you have seen these episodes already, probably more times than you care to or can remember, so I won't be explaining stuff, just poking fun at it where I can.

I'll be doing the episodes in order, obviously, and trying if possible to do one a week, but we'll see how it goes. Well, only one man to get us on our way and growl "Engage!" right?
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What? No! Not him!
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You tell him, Captain! Now, orders?
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A few clarifications then: some of these are self-explanatory, some need a little more explaining done.
Bodycount is broken into three separate sections.

Historical: Deaths which occurred - and are relevant - prior to the mission. Examples might be an outpost attacked which the Enterprise then has to investigate, or a murder committed on a planet before the ship arrives.

Incidental: Deaths which occur not directly as part of the episode or as part of the intervention of the crew, but are linked to it. An example here would be say a spy who is being pursued by the Federation and on whose trail the Enterprise is, might kill someone to throw them off the scent.

Direct: Self-explanatory. Any deaths in which the ship or any of the crew have a direct hand.

The Bodycount is cumulative; each episode the individual deaths will, if possible, all be listed and then added to the running total. Note: whole planets, systems, civilisations assimilated by the Borg will not be added, as I have no way of knowing how many people that is and anyway technically they're not killed, just made to exist in a living hell. Much worse. Bodycount does not take into account injuries or maimings; deaths only. As for those who come back from the dead? I'll have to think about that one. Also not included will be planets destroyed, those killed in major engagements (unless the figures are released, which I don't think they ever were) and basically any deaths I can't count, as in, say that's three here, that's nine there etc. No estimates are going to be made: unless I can see or hear of a number, it ain't going in.


Data v Humanity How often is Data right, and how often does his android reading of the situation fail to take into account the human factor, leading to the wrong action being taken?

Ships/vessels This can refer to any ship, vessel, probe etc. The Enterprise need not encounter it - it could happen in another scene, down on a planet etc - nor need any actual interaction take place (a shuttle going by on Earth for instance). Can be friendly, hostile or neutral. Living organisms, space monsters etc do not count here. Duplicates of the Enterprise do count though.

Character Scores

Characters are awarded points based on the below table. Points are of course cumulative, and as you can see, can be negative as well as positive. Some scores are only awarded once, like maybe "Engage in a personal relationship" - if a character does this, they don't get the points for every episode in which they are in that relationship, only when it begins. If, however, they begin a new one, they can score (sorry) for that. Otherwise, this is how it goes:

5 points
Appear in episode
Speak in episode
Take part in a significant way in episode
Part of an away team

10 points
Lead an away team
Take part in combat (ship or otherwise but must be on the bridge for the former)
Move the plot along
Engage in some off-duty activity (music/holodeck/writing/sport etc)
Give bad news to the captain or other senior officer
Inject some humour
Interact with an alien species (familiar, friendly, hostile or neutral but NOT a crew member)
Give advice to another crew member

20 points
Save the ship
Come up with the solution
Solve the mystery
Save one or more lives
Engage in a shipboard romance (does not include Riker/Troi, as this was already in operation)
Spend time on the holodeck
Impress, or get spoken commendation from the captain or a senior officer
Give advice to someone outside of the crew
Board another ship (friendly hostile or neutral, including deserted and/or unmanned)

50 points
Share top billing in the episode with no more than 2 other characters
Engage in a personal relationship outside of the ship
Gain a promotion
Command decision (good)

80 points
Take top billing in episode

100 points
Sacrifice your life or freedom, or be ready to, for your crewmates
Sacrifice everything for those outside of the crew

200 points
Broker, or be involved in the brokering of, a peace or other treaty

500 points
Save a planet/civilisation

-10 points
Act in a way that is contrary to Starfleet and the protocols of the Enterprise
Get put on report
Annoy the captain or another senior officer
Fail in your task (this can't be something which can be corrected or at which you later succeed)

-20 points
Put the ship in danger through your actions or inaction
Your action or inaction leads to the injury of one or more crew members
Your action or inaction leads to the injury of someone outside the crew
Allow personal considerations to interfere with your duty

-50 points
Your action or inaction leads to the death or one or more crewmembers
Your action or inaction leads to the death of one or more people outside of the crew
Command decision (bad)

 All scores are cumulative, both in the episode and in the series.

A chart will be maintained to see how each character does, over the course of a season, and over the course of the series.

There are also scores for episodes, and they run on this basis:

5 points
Tension/Suspense
Danger (general)
Romance (Must be directly connected to the plot or subplot(s))

10 points
Battle (lost)
Death(s)
Rescue
Difficult decision(s) to be made
One or more planets visited (must be landed on/Away Team sent, not just in orbit)

20 points
Battle (won)
Mystery/puzzle
Alternate universe/timeline/time travel
Medical emergency/situation
Alien involved (friendly/neutral)
Danger or threat to one or more specific crew members

50 points
Involves Q
Alien(s) involved (hostile)
Danger or threat to the ship
Strange things happen which may not be explicable
Significant Guest Star(s)
Holodeck episode

100 points
War (Ongoing or the start of one, but not one that is avoided)
Alien invasion
Female-led or focused episode (crew or otherwise; in VOY, excludes Janeway)
Episode with the Doctor (Voyager) or Data (TNG) or Odo (DS9) in the main role
Ferengi-focused (DS9)

-10 points
Bad ending

-20 points
Too many loose ends left

-100 points
Racist

-150 points
Sexist

-200 points
Stupid
Copy of, or too close to another episode from another series/that series (not original enough)


Make it so Every time Picard says this

Engage! Same (although this can be said by anyone)

Earl Grey You know by now

Starbase Whenever the Enterprise docks in or uses a starbase, or one is shown or mentioned. Historical references are allowed ("We have just completed repairs at Starbase etc")

Shuttlecraft Only those actually in use; shuttlecraft shown in the bay do not count unless taken out.

First contact Definitely applies to the Borg, and any other race the Enterprise gets first dibs on, but also includes races other aliens contact first, like the Klingons or Romulans. Humanity is not included as a First Contact situation for any alien race.

++ indicates the location is virtual, e.g, holodeck simulation, dream, vision, flashback etc.
+ indicates the location is only seen, e.g., on a viewscreen etc, or spoken of but not seen ("When I was last on Risa" etc)

Combat Factor: For each battle, or defence, or engagement the Enterprise, or any other ship is in, 10 points are awarded. The CF does not concern the GALAXY CLASS starship only, but the whole episode. God help me when we get to Wolf 359!

Lives saved This does not include all of the Enterprise crew as a unit, i.e., when the ship is saved yet again from disaster, nor does it save planets, cities etc. It has to be specific individuals, though they can be crew members.

Episode title: "Encounter at Farpoint"
Season: 1
Importance: Pilot episode; double
Crisis point(s) if any: The Enterprise's encounter with the Q, who puts mankind on trial for being a savage race (no contest, your honour!); the race to uncover the mystery of Farpoint Station, to say nothing of the need to make a good impression on the ratings!
Original Transmission Date: September 28 1987
Writer(s): D.C. Fontana, Gene Roddenberry
Director: Corey Allen
Stardate:* 41153.7
Destination: Farpoint Station, Deneb IV
Official Mission (if any): Find out how Farpoint Station was built, and rob the tech for Starfleet I mean make a deal with the engineers so Starfleet can replicate it. And prepare some extremely large fish tanks, the kind that make the ones Kirk used in The Voyage Home look like matchboxes.
Unofficial Mission (if any): Prove humanity is not still a savage race (or convince Q of it anyway); kidnap Groper sorry Groppler Zorn (alien beats them to it)
Character(s) in main plot: Picard, Riker, Q
Main character(s) in Subplot (if any): Picard, Data, Troi
Villain/Monster (if any): Not really; Q could be characterised as such I guess, as could the greedy Grabber sorry Grappler I mean Groppler Zorn, but there's kind of no real enemy to fight here.
Alien(s): Q, Groppler Zorn, Jellyfish aliens, Ferengi (mentioned)
Deaths: 1 (see Bodycount below)
Lives saved (episode): 1 (Zorn; surely the alien would have killed him?)
Lives saved (cumulative): 1
Locations:
Shipboard:
Picard's Ready Room
Bridge
Holodeck
Transporter Room
Sickbay


Space:
Alien vessel

Other
Zorn's office, Bandi CIty, Deneb IV
Farpoint Station
Mock-up of 21st century courtroom ++

Ships/vessels: 1 (Q's probey thing is considered a vessel of some sort)
Space battles: 0 (They just run away from the Q thing, big babies)
Bodycount

Historical
0

Incidental
1 (Soldier in the courtroom scene set up by Q)
Note: It's possible, even likely that people are killed when the creature's mate starts zapping the city, but no figures are mentioned and I don't see any actual casualties, so I can't add them. This is probably going to happen quite a lot; you can't keep track of every piddling death.

Direct
0

Total: 1
Running total: 1

Lives saved2 :alien who was trapped as the Farpoint Station/ Zorn, whom the other alien would surely have killed.

Make it so: 1
Engage! 1
Combat factor: 0
Planets visited: Deneb IV
Planets referred to: Earth
Mysteries: The construction of Farpoint Station; the secret behind the alien ship later bombarding the city
Patients in sickbay: 1 (Geordi)
Holodeck simulation(s): Basic forest
Data v humanity: n/a
Character scores:
Picard 30
Riker 30
Troi 15
Bev 10
Geordi 15
Data 15
Worf 10
Wesley 10
O'Brien 10
Yar 25
Q 55

Earl Grey: 0 (I think he has a cup of it when he talks to Riker, but it's not identified as such)
Shuttlecraft: 1 (mentioned, as Data shuttles McCoy on board)
Admirals: 1 (McCoy)
Starbases: 0
First contact: 1 (Jellyfish aliens)
Humour: 0 (later every Q episode will guarantee laughs a-plenty, but no, here he's as serious and dour as a Supreme Court judge dealing with an advocate of Roe v Wade).
Episode score: 250
Episode rating: A++


Okay, just before we get going, I need to get this off my chest. Whose bright idea was it to make Picard French, and why? Was this a form of lipservice to some disgruntled French viewer who wrote in complaining (sorry for the exaggerated French, and I don't mean to insult anyone but this is parody so take it in that spirit or feel free to suck it) "Meester Rodenbairrhy! We see zat you 'ave ze Chinese, ze Russian, even ze Scottish in your Star Trek show but - zut alors! No Frenchmen or women! C'est que'cest? (or something) Is eet because we fought against you in zee war of 1812? Please conseeder a Frenchman for your new series. Merci."

Well, if not then what the hell were they doing? Patrick Stewart is an Englishman, speaks cultured Shakespearan English, and is supposed to be French? His so-called French heritage rarely if ever impinges on a storyline (other than the godawful "Family", which was the comedown from "Best of Both Worlds Part 2," itself a comedown from the first part, and is best forgotten about, except on those nights when you wake in a cold sweat screaming "He has a brother!") and he seldom references it, so why? Surely, if for reasons best known to themselves, they wanted a French captain, they could have hired, oh, I don't know, a French actor? But no. They get an English guy. Who, to be fair, was pretty much unknown at the time, so they can't even use the excuse he was a star and they needed him to pull in the punters.

It's always annoyed me. Never since, in the field of human Star Trek, has a European, never mind a Frenchman or woman, captained a starship, or at least been the main character. DS9? American. Black,yes, but still American. Voyager: god knows, but probably American. I think she refers to it at some point, though I was probably nodding off at that stage. Which episode, you ask? Take your pick. Enterprise? American. Discovery? American. The only Europeans we've seen since TNG - excluding Miles ("Oi'm Oirish, y'know!") O'Brien, who is already established here though he transfers over to DS9 - is yer man from Enterprise, Malcolm wotsit, who's English, and I think that's it. An Indian/Egyptian (?) in DS9 too, but the main bulk of the cast has been American. Not a Frenchman to be found. Sacre bleu! And other racist French exclamations.

I've never seen any justification or logic for it and I have never understood it. It comes across to me as the most basic pandering to a PC audience who may or may not have demanded European representation on the bridge of the new ship. Well, they may not have been too happy with what they got, cos Picard is English in all but name.

Okay. That will be the last I'll say of it, is a complete lie. I will be ranting further about it as we go along, you may be sure. But there are so many other characters worthy of my scorn, it may be a while before I get back to him. Just wanted to lay that out before you from the start.

What's that? You couldn't give a pair of foetid dingo's what? Get on with the show you skinny, balding what?

Meh, okay then.

First thing I noticed about this new show at the time was the lack of what you might call an introductory scene. I know this was more a product of the late sixties and early seventies, an attempt to hook the audience before the show started, but I kind of missed it. Mind you, this would become the norm from now on, so I quickly got used to it, and anyone who does it now - a few do, though I don't think any science fiction shows - seem out of step. But back then it was odd. Also strange to hear the new, PC-world-adjusted intro: now it's no longer "Where no man has gone before" but "where no-one has gone before." Also, there's no "five-year mission", as there was rather optimistically in the original, which only got three. Ironically, this ran for seven. The new theme is cool though. While we had all got used to the original theme, let's be honest, it was never indicative of a science fiction show, was it? Sorry Alexander: at least your original spooky intro was kept in. As I noted in the thread earlier, this was actually based - almost completely copied from, in fact - the theme to the first Star Trek movie, stunningly originally titled The Motion Picture.

It is good to see they kept the grammatically incorrect but well-known and loved "to boldly go", though I note they changed the ship to a sexless one. Whereas in TOS it was "her five year mission", now it's declared to be "its continuing mission". Boo. TNG would also pioneer the sort of reverse of TOS credits, where in the latter the ship would flash across the screen at the end, um, of the beginning, if you know what I mean, and vanish as it came towards you. From now on all ships would move away from the camera. Here, the Enterprise goes into warp. In DS9 a runabout vanishes into the wormhole, Voyager goes into warp too, and Enterprise the series can vanish into whatever orifice it finds most handy. I can't remember but I think Discovery does the same. It did become standard. Good that they also kept the "Captain's log" voiceover.

Roddenberry obviously held on grimly to his vision of how women would dress in the 24th century! I see mini skirts and boots, and indeed Deanna Troi is dressed like some sort of throwback from the 1960s, the only one of the female crew to be so dressed, probably because she's not a real crewmember as such, being the ship's counsellor. It's interesting to me that they chose to begin by not having everyone present, with Riker and Crusher (with Wesley in tow, sadly) to meet the Enterprise at Farpoint. Data is there though, and man is he stiff! They dropped his syntax after one episode, and no wonder. Could you stand someone who kept prefacing their remarks with the description of the form he used? "Inquiry", "Possibility" etc? You'd have given him a slap. Very annoying. As, in fact, is Picard's rather smug stealing of every scene, though he'll be upstaged later by Riker. For now though, as he never stops telling us, as if we hadn't heard the first time, this GALAXY CLASS starship is his stomping ground, and he's the head cheese.

Okay, time for the first of many, many, many bad jokes. As they sit together on the bridge (why is it called a bridge anyway? I don't see any water!) Troi says to Picard "I detect a powerful mind." Picard, grinning and running his hand over his bald head, replies "Well, now, I don't know that I'd say powerful, counsellor. Though I am awaiting my IQ score from MENSA and I think we're all going to be pleasantly surprised!" Yeah, get used to it: there's, unfortunately for  you, plenty more where that came from. A very Indian looking helmsman, who, in a sort of reversal of American industrial policy, was soon outsourced to an Irish one, seems on the verge of panic as Q makes his first appearance. Probably why Mr. No-Name got fired: Picard muttering "I'm not having anyone shit themselves at the console just because a godlike, omnipotent entity appears from nowhere! What would he do if Roddenberry walked in?"

Q, of course, not to be confused with Q and definitely not to be confused with Q, went on to become one of the most popular characters in the series, and appeared in others of the franchise, though only after he changed, or was changed, from an evil omnipotent god into a mischievous, omnipotent trickster god, and became somewhat the butt of the joke of the series, as did the Ferengi, of whom more later. Here he does his very best to be menacing, and, to be fair, succeeds. Nobody could imagine that in the future Picard would greet his arrival on the ship in the same way as you do when you open the door and it's drunken old Uncle Kevin there again, whom you (thankfully) haven't seen since last Christmas when he tried to roger the turkey in front of grandma. Yeah, he becomes total comic relief, but here he plays his role well and everyone seems to be shitting their pants. Mind you, he will, soon enough, do humanity less than a solid and introduce them to the Borg, who will say "Thank you very much. Resistance is futile" and a legend will be born.

But I get ahead of myself. That's what happens when you let your clones run free. The forcefield Q throws up bears a staggering resemblance, does it not, to a web in which Kirk's ship got trapped in, woven by some Tholians? Oddly enough, Picard's main worry is the "damn noise" of the red alert. Well yeah, captain: that's what it's supposed to do, alert you. Not much point if it was silent, would it be? Q fancies a takeaway, but a frozen Indian? Never heard of that one. Hey, never realised that before! The guy's name is Lieutenant Torres. Anything to B'elenna, chief engineer and gigantic PMS pain in the arse from Voyager?

Now, help me out here. Q tells Picard, in the guise of an army general and talking about commies - so presumably we're talking twentieth century here - that four hundred years prior we were killing each other over tribal gods. Well, correct me if I'm wrong, but four hundred years back from the twentieth century gives us the sixteenth, and I think men were fighting over more than tribal gods then. War of the Roses? Agincourt? Crowns and kings and thrones? Wanna do a little more research on your history there, Gene. Oh, and I would also remark that Q mentions that humanity "progressed" to the point where they controlled their military with drugs. Isn't this how the Dominion controlled the Jem'Hadar in DS9, through the Vorta? Coincidence? I wonder.

First speaking part for Worf, and in fact first speaking part for a Klingon in the brave new world of TNG. The lion's share of the dialogue has certainly been given to Picard, that's for sure, though Q is matching him well. Probably why he looks so annoyed. Not quite so much though as when he mentions "prosecute and judge" and Q grins "What a great idea!" No doubt he thinks "Fuck! Me and my big mouth!" Advice from his crew tends to recall the Spanish Inquisition. Worf says "Our only choice is to fight!" while the never-liked-and-soon-to-be-dead-though-not-soon-enough-for-me Tasha Yar adds "Fight, or try to escape!" Picard must surely think, "Um, that's two choices." So we have "Our only choice is to fight. Fight or try to escape. Two choices. Our two choices are to fight, or try to escape. Or (in Picard's words) contact the Q (not a good idea, says Troi). So our only choice is fight. Fight or try to escape. Two choices. Our two choices are fight or try to escape. Or contact the Q. Three choices. Our three choices are to fight, try to escape or contact the Q. Or, turn tail for home. Four choices. Among our choices are..."
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And when he says "the only other option is to tuck tail between our legs and go back to Earth" he doesn't even take a vote! I bet Mr. Indian Frozen Guy would be for it. Go on Picard! Who's for tucking tail? You, you and you? And you. I see. Well I'm captain and I'm damned if I'm returning this shiny new GALAXY CLASS starship back to space dock without a scratch. The other captains would never let me live it down. No, though it may be suicidally dangerous, and though we may, in the end, come close to dooming all humanity after seven years of warping through the galaxy sticking our noses in where they're not wanted, I say we - try to outrun it! Yes! That's the last thing they'll be expecting! Sigh. So, among the choices open to us are: fight, try to escape, contact the Q or outrun it."

In perhaps the most pointless display of pointlessness ever in Star Trek until someone unwisely suggested Voyager should have its own in-house cook, Picard considers separating the saucer section. Data is asked how dangerous is it, but perhaps may not have heard the question properly, or as a human would anyway. "Oh easy peasy Captain" he doesn't say but could and should: "The saucer will be fine. It's made to sep - oh. Hang on. You don't mean the humans inside it do you? Ah. Well there you see you have a problem. You guys are so soft and squishy - I constantly have to be careful shaking hands in case I crush your fragile bones. Hmm. No. No I don't think it would be a good look for Starfleet, would it, hundreds of you lads tumbling out into space? I mean, you can't survive in space like us - well, that is, me, as I am, without question, the only android in this universe there is or ever will be and I definitely do not have a brother and if I did he would definitely not be evil. No, no, on balance sir, I'd say it's a bad idea. I'd rethink it if I were you. Oh, you're captain and you're going to do it are you? Well, don't come crying to me when they're filling up the chapel with distraught relatives and asking what idiot thought splitting the ship in two was a good idea."

Or something like that anyway.

But Picard, as we will find out, is no Kirk, and what he says goes. No underling will tell him what to do, and so the plan is set. I wonder if the saucer separation thing was insisted on by the makers of the later Enterprise models to be sold to fans? Look! Separates just like the real ship does. Um, twice, in the series. Completely idiotic. It can't even defend itself. A massive glorified escape craft is all it is, and remember, a certain woman driver who shall remain nameless crashed the damn thing. You have to ask though: if he is completely omnipotent, why did Q have to wait to "make arrangements" for the court? Couldn't he just have, you know, snapped his fingers and they'd be there? Are there forms to be filled in? Venues to be booked? Staff to hire? And let's not forget the health and safety issues: those are going to be live weapons, people! The Q Continuum can't afford another big fucking lawsuit! Seems unlikely, does it not? But there must be tension, and De Lancie probably had to go get a sandwich anyway I guess.
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"Women and children first, you say?"

As Spock would say, fascinating. There appears to be a Vulcan on board, though he obviously put in for a transfer when he witnessed the illogical actions of Captain Picard, as he's never seen again. He's just in the one scene, not mentioned, never speaks, but unless he was in a freak accident with a combine harvester as a child, he's definitely from the planet of logic. I suppose this was a weak attempt to pay some sort of vague homage to the pointy-eared star of the original series. It's quite funny too how, when Worf is ordered to be a big yellow-bellied coward and command the sissy saucer section, in charge of a load of women and screaming kids, and maybe a few crewmembers who prefer escaping dressed as women to going into glorious battle, the changeover shows Worf leaving the helm, and another officer appears from a doorway and takes his place at his station. What do they have? A whole bunch of spare officers there, waiting to be called up when needed? What do they do in the meantime? Play cards? Listen to music? Paint? A holding area for spare crew - and this is a ship that hasn't got its full complement, according to Picard! So why has he spare crewmen knocking around?

You have to wonder too: is Worf insured to fly the saucer section? I mean, do you imagine Picard had time before the ship launched to go through all the clauses in the insurance policy to see if a helmsman is legally allowed to fly part of the ship without the other part? That could be the end of his no-claims bonus. And what if he gets the saucer damaged? Surely Starfleet Command are going to want the ship back in one piece, the way they handed it over to Picard? Bit of an embarrassment if you lose half your ship on your maiden voyage! They'll be calling him Piecemeal Picard. Oh dear.

The separation sequence is as long-winded and boring as it sounds. It adds nothing to it, except that Picard now has Worf's balls in his pocket, and the Klingon is not a happy bunny. Picture the worst ever family road trip you've been on, the one where the windows stuck closed and it was 90 in the shade, where traffic jams clogged up the road and grandpa had that dicky tummy. Then add in that your wife or husband was cheating on you, you knew it but could not prove it, they knew you knew but knew you could not prove it, and everyone pretended everything was fine. Now multiply by a factor of 1000. And you're still nowhere close to how pissed off Worf must be. But not a millionth as pissed off as we were when Picard bloody surrenders! I remember turning to my late best friend as we watched this in his apartment in London for the first time ever and we both said the same thing: "Kirk would never do that!" And he wouldn't. He'd find some way out of it, use his guile and expertise and Kobayashi Maru the hell out of that situation. And all with a cheeky grin. But Picard was not Kirk, as we were quickly learning, and he seldom if ever grinned. No, dour, stern, stoic grimness was Picard's standard expression, and over seven seasons it seldom changed much.
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"Snakes! Why did it have to be snakes??"

Interesting, again, that when the crew find themselves in Q's courtroom, and Picard says it's the late twenty-first century, the "Post Atomic Horror", what do we see on the wall behind him? Why, unless I miss my guess that looks very much like the eagle of Germany! Oh how cliched! And everything is red and black. Duh. Funny when the judge (Q) arrives and the clerk tells everyone to stand up, half are dwarves, and I can imagine him going "You! Stand up!" and the dwarf going "I am fucking standing!" Heh. Also funny how surprised they all are when it's Q who turns up as the judge. I mean, how many other omnipotent aliens who have warned them to go back home or face the consequences have they met recently? Some super over-the-top ham acting by Denise Crosby before she's rightly turned into a Yarsicle. I note O'Brien has appeared, though he doesn't rate a name, first or last, yet, and is referred merely to as "conn". A good Irish name, that.

Here's a thing though. The time period is said to be the late 21st century, and yet Yar speaks of living though this time; in later episodes she will talk of her attempts to evade "rape gangs" (quite a heavy subject for a science fiction show in the late 1980s by the way). So, are we supposed to believe this "Post Atomic Horror", as Picard calls it, lasted over three hundred years? Into the 24th century? Or is Tasha Yar a mite older than her service record says? I find it hard to believe Earth was under this kind of "mob rule/anarchy" thing for three centuries! I mean, even the Dark Ages only lasted one or two. But maybe. I just wonder, is all.

Enter Riker, beardless and who has obviously been told that to act properly you must keep your legs apart as far as possible, and your arms should hang loose as if you were modelling for a later action figure, many of which will of course be produced and sold. The exchange between him and Zorn over the apple is an example, I think, of poor writing. He asks for an apple, and there are bananas and oranges and grapes, which he declines to take. For him it's an apple or nothing. Then, when one appears, Zorn says "Yes, there was another selection." Now, anyone in their right mind would say "Why in the name of Jim Kirk didn't you say there was another selection? I'm gagging for an apple!" Not only that, but the "second selection" is nothing BUT apples! Doesn't he think, "Fuck me, but you're an idiot! You didn't see an entire bowl of bright red apples right at your side? Do you need glasses or what?" But no; he just accepts it and smiles. Isn't he a little suspicious? Where did the apple come from? Any snakes around? And what kind of title is fucking Groppler anyway? Sounds like something Kirk would be fighting in a disused quarry sorry on a desert planet. If this was the first time you'd seen this, you might be wondering what in Hell Zorn's problem is with fruit, as he seems to be berating it after Riker leaves. Fruitist.

What is Riker's deal though? As we're introduced to one of my crushes (sorry) he is told they are about to go shopping AND HE GOES WITH THEM! What man, given a choice, would actually decide to go with a woman on a shopping trip? He may have cause to regret that. Anyway, this then is of course the lovely Beverly Crusher, who will cause such a commotion in Picard's regulation-issue Starfleet Y-fronts when he meets her, leading us perhaps to wonder if there was not some ulterior motive in his having sent her hubby off to his death some years before? Sadly, we're also subjected to the youngest Wesley Crusher that can be found. I mean, Wesley was a cunt, at any age (though Wil Wheaton turned out to be all right in other roles) but as a - what is he? Twelve? - as a kid of this age, he's just so insufferably annoying that you wish Bev had gone to the other clinic when he was due. You know the one I mean! He won't get any better, and it won't be till Starfleet Academy can no longer realistically refuse his application that we will be rid of him, so stand by for much annoyance, smug arrogance, and, unfortunately, brushes with death that never quite come off.
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"Dave's not here, man!"

Hey, considering she's just bought a whole bolt of cloth from that guy, does he look stoned to you? Doesn't smile, doesn't bow, doesn't even move. When Riker realises the Crushers know his new captain, Wesley tells him "While I was little, he brought my father's body home to us." I'm sure Riker thinks "That's weird. Usually it's a football or an album or a book or something..."
Next up is Geordi. Hands up who liked Geordi? All those, huh? Not me. I mean, nothing specifically against him, but I was always bored by his character, and it was only his friendship with Data that brought, in my opinion, anything he did to my interest. Never quite got the visor. I mean, yeah, they want to show off how much science has advanced in the 24th century, but apart from a few episodes where it was useful, you know, what use is it? Just makes him look like one of Devo, if you ask me. If they had black members. This is the first time we see the new transport effect, and to be perfectly fair, they haven't changed it much, have they? Still, Star Trek remains the only science fiction series, even now, so far as I know, to use personal matter transport, other than Blake's 7.
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"Excuse me? Excuse me? Sorry to bother you, but you haven't seen, like, a saucer section around here have you? Some idiot's only gone and taken it. I was only away five minutes! I don't know, this sector of the galaxy, aliens coming over here, stealing our jobs, taking our women..."

Now let's be honest here. The Enterprise looks shit without its saucer section, doesn't it? It's like, I don't know, a 747 without the hump, or a big rig without its trailer. It just looks lost and sad and really uncomfortable, like it's half naked. Riker has to watch a movie as soon as he arrives - I think he might give it two thumbs; the production values are shit but the costumes aren't bad - and Picard uses the phrase "Make it so" for the first, but by no means the last time. We also hear that the captain's office is now called the Ready Room, for some reason. I mean, like, ready for what? Kirk never had a ready room. Of course, Kirk was born ready, and conducted every decision from his chair on the bridge, unless he was displaying his manly chest in sickbay. But really: a ready room? What is this, the 24th century? Oh. It is. Carry on then.

You know, I get it. Picard is proving, or testing a point. But is it not a little reckless to order Riker to conduct a manual re-attachment of the big jaffa cake bit to the main ship? Like, sure, he can do it, but what if he fucks it up? It's not like this is a simulation. If he chokes, people are going to die. Would Worf consider that an honourable death, I wonder? Well, he'd surely take the other part of the Enterprise with him, so maybe. The Klingon Empire would certainly be toasting him. Not at war with the Federation, you say? No, no: that's just what they want you to think!
(https://media.tenor.com/bmjx7cPZDAwAAAAC/russia-soviet-union.gif)
Not to mention that Picard is also putting his own life, and that of the entire ship - saucer plus battle bridge (and who came up with that stupid name? What's wrong with The Bit That's Left?) - in danger. I mean, does he know Riker? For all he's aware, this guy could have bopped the real William T. Riker on the head and taken his uniform, an escapee from a loony bin. Didn't think about that, did you Picard? What if - oh. The ship's back together. Almost as boring as when it split. Yawn. Why did Data ask "You mean manual, sir? No automation?" That is, after all, surely, the very definition of manual? I thought he was supposed to be smart?

Something occurs to me, to be serious for a moment. Is the separation of the ship supposed to be a metaphor for the fact that it has not its full complement, that its first office and doctor are on Deneb IV - separated from it - and that it will only be whole, and the series as a unit ready, once they all join up. If so, then that feeling is intensified and perhaps confirmed when it's Riker who is the one who, quite literally, brings the ship back together, heals the rift, both in terms of his presence and of the return of the saucer section. Never thought of that before, but I wonder now is it some cerebral subtext the writers were trying to show? Okay, enough deep thought for now: back to the fun.

Questioning his new number one later, Picard asks "Captain's rank means nothing to you, then?" And Riker says "Quite the reverse sir." So Picard asks again, "Then you to nothing means rank Captain's?" Riker must wonder how Yoda got on board. There is however a complete absence of gasps when Picard remarks that he's not good with children. No shit. I bet children run screaming from him, seeing him as some sort of bald cross between Yul Brynner in Westworld and the Child Catcher in Chitty-Chitty-Bang-Bang! The first of many, many, interminable and stultifyingly boring rounds of technobabble as Geordi explains how visor works. We don't care man. It allows you to see, but you're in constant pain all the time? Doesn't seem a great deal to me. Should have gone to Specsavers.

Now we get what is, to be fair, a pretty pointless cameo by DeForest Kelley as he reprises his role as Dr. McCoy for the last time ever. I mean, it's touching, and I like when he says to Data "I don't see no points on your ears boy, but you sound like a Vulcan." We'll get other cameos as the series progresses, though oddly enough perhaps no Kirk. He's waiting for the movie, so he can take it over, as is his wont. Oh yeah, and now we get the AWKWARD reunion of Troi and Riker, and hear for the first time the telepathic thoughts of the former. I'm not sure they've mentioned she's a telepath up to now, but I may have missed that while I was sneering over something else. Like her being the only one on board to have to wear a short skirt and boots. She doesn't look happy about it. I'm sure she's thinking "Am I nothing more than the eye candy here?" Sorry Marina, you are. I mean, Bev is great, but we're all going to be watching your ahhhnd she uses the word Imzadi for the first time, which, though it sounds like a make of Japanese car, is in fact the Betazed word for "beloved". Ahhh. How sweet. Picard is as good with body language as he is with kids, apparently, and fails to notice the smouldering sexual tension between them. Or maybe he's just looking at her tits.

With absolutely no idea what they're doing of course, the writers have Picard refer to the Ferengi as monsters. "Let's hope they find you as tasty," he tells Zorn, "as their past associates." For we who now know what the Ferengi are, this is clearly a vague reference while Roddenberry and Fontana look at each other and shrug "Who the fuck are the Ferengi gonna be?" But it is funny. Give Siritits, sorry Sirtis, her due here: good acting when she tunes in to the brainwaves of the imprisoned jellyfish aliens. Oh sorry have I spoiled the ending for you? It's only over thirty years old; maybe I should have been more careful. :rolleyes: Oh hey, there's that Vulcan again. I was wrong. Still no name or line for him though. And a dwarf. Oh no that's just a very small woman, eyeline almost on Riker's crotch.

Ah, the holodeck! This was great, no question. The idea was so cool, and of course would form the backdrop for many an inventive episode in the coming seasons. It's where Riker meets Data for the first time, and where we hear that the android has a Pinocchio complex. We're also shown how strong Data is, as he lifts Wesley with one hand out of the river, but sadly does not follow the instructions in his surname, and Wesley remains uncrushed. Boo.
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"So your saucer section is bigger than ours? Size isn't everything you know."

I'm slagging this off, just for fun, but you know, it is reawakening some nice feelings, reminding me of the first time I saw the series. Remember - as you probably do - this was the first time we saw a new Star Trek since the original. It was big, big news at the time and the possibilities seemed, and kind of were, endless. Seeing all the characters meet and talk about the things they're going to do and the things they're going to see takes me right back to when thirty was still a milestone some way off. 1987. My ma was alive, I was in work, Karen was well, Gary (my best friend) was alive - though not for long; he would die that year, money was relatively plentiful, Bill was in the White House and Covid was over thirty years away yet. All was right with the world. Video recorders were the big new thing and I rented my massive CRT Grundig 28 inch TV. AND I had hair. Sigh. Well, enough reminiscing I guess. Back to the show.

Sparks fly when Picard meets Beverly again for the first time in years, and you know, I've always wondered could Wesley be his? Probably not, but there's a look passes between them, and Picard and Wesley, that makes me think about it. When the big alien ship comes on the scene and starts blowing the shit out of the old Bandhi city, Picard readies photon torpedoes, until Worf tells him the ship is not hitting Farpoint Station, just the city. "Oh, well that's all right," grins Picard. "As long as they're not damaging the merchandise, nothing to do with us." The fact that the ship is, as stated, more than twelve times their volume (surely that should be size? Who says volume when talking about starships?) might have something to do with his reluctance to defend the city, not to mention his dislike of Zorn. I know how you feel, Picard. Guy drives me mad with his free jazz experimental avant-garde music.
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"Let's try to take the sting out of this meeting, shall we? What? WHAT?!! Oh come on now, don't be such a jellyfish! What??!!"

It's pretty rich when Q arrives and sneers "savage life forms never follow even their own rules": it was him who broke his own rules in the court scene. Not a great advertisement for a so-called higher race now, is he? Quite funny too when Riker stands before him, dirty and dusty with cuts and bruises on his face, and declares "Humanity is no longer a savage race!" He's only short of adding "And if you say we are, I'll club you and eat your brains!" Picard offers Bev a transfer, but she likes playing for Enterprise United. He says his presence will remind her of a terrible personal tragedy, and she's surely thinking "Oh you weren't that bad in bed, Jean-Luc!" Good old Bev: she's the only one who can send Picard away with a flea in his ear, as she pwns him totally and leaves him muttering "I hope we can be friends?" She thinking "well okay but you're not getting within a light year of my action again!"

It's a bit humiliating to see Picard beg Q to help him and save his people, but then I guess he is human. Never noticed before, but the first scene and the last scene are both of Picard: making sure everyone knows he's the star, eh? Shatner would be proud.

Quote from: Trollheart on Mar 10, 2023, 03:53 AMOkay, just before we get going, I need to get this off my chest. Whose bright idea was it to make Picard French, and why?

I have wondered this for years. I understand making the character French, but I don't understand why they'd cast Patrick Stewart to play a French guy. Most of the time I don't even think about it, then in some random episode he starts talking about his family vineyard and I'm like "Ooooh right, he's supposed to be French". I guess you could make the argument that a French accent just sounds different in the twenty-fourth century, but I'm pretty sure there have been time that his friends and family from back home have been portrayed with French accents.

First, thanks for being the first to show some interest in my new journal! Seriously, it means a lot.

Second, yes, I don't think there's really anywhere for them to hide on this one. Certainly, had Stewart put on a fake French accent it would have been terrible (Inspector Clouseau in space, anyone?) but why they even had to have a French captain I don't get. There's no rationale, as I pointed out, and no precedent either. They couldn't have an Irish captain obviously, as instead of battling the Klingons he'd be down there with them drinking Firewine or whatever Klingons drink, and singing about the auld country. And every time Riker walked into his ready room it would be "Oh god! Not so LOUD, Number One! Can someone replace those doors with less noisy ones? Oh my HEAD!"

Still, a French captain who isn't vaguely in the least French? Never made any sense and never fed into any of the storylines, other than the one mentioned and maybe a bit here and there where perhaps the writers, like yourself, realised "Oh shit! He's French isn't he? Quick: write something about France he can say!"

And I mean, you couldn't get less French for the role if you cast Sir Larry!

I guess maybe the precedent would be Uhura, who is supposed to be from the United States of Africa but has an American accent. Maybe on some upcoming series they can have Gérard Depardieu play an English guy. :laughing:

And with that, here's the first chart.

Obviously, there's not a top ten at this point, as a lot of characters have scored the same, but as the series progresses we'll see some rise and some fall, just like a normal chart. It may be interesting to see who does what. At the end of each episode retrospective I'll slot the new character scores into the chart and see what changes are made.

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Episode title: "The Naked Now"

Season: 1

Importance: 2

Crisis point(s) if any: Everyone goes batshit crazy, if that's not a crisis point then I'm not the most handsome guy on the for - oh. Wait.

Original transmission date: October 5 1987

Writer(s): J. Michael Bingham (D.C. Fontana), John D.F. Black

Director: Paul Lynch

Stardate:* 41209.2

Destination: Some supergiant star

Mission (if any): Find out what happened on the SS Tsiolkovsky

Main character(s) in Plot: Geordi, Data, Riker, Beverly

Main character(s) in Subplot (if any): Yar, Picard, Troi

Villain/Monster (if any): Virus

Deaths: 80

Lives saved (episode): 0 (Technically, all of the ship, but that's not what this is about)

Lives saved (cumulative): 1

Locations:

Shipboard:

Bridge
Sickbay
Troi's Quarters
Engineering
Yar's Quarters

Space:

Orbit of a supergiant star (not named)

Other:

SS Tsiolkovsky

Ships/vessels: 1 (SS Tsiolkovsky)

Space battles: 0

Bodycount

Historical
80 (Crew of SS Tsiolkovsky)

Incidental
0

Direct
0
Total: 80

Running total: 81

Make it so: 0
Engage! 1
Combat factor: 0
Planets visited: 0
Mysteries: 1 (What happened on the Tsiolkovsky?)
Patients in sickbay: 3
Data v humanity: Well, Data is the only one who can replace the chips in time, so he wins this first round.
Data 1 - Humanity  0

Character scores (episode):
Picard 10
Riker 20
Troi 20
Bev 40
Geordi 30
Data 15
Worf 10
Wesley 40
O'Brien 0
Yar 50

Earl Grey: 0
Shuttlecraft: 0
Admirals: 0
Starbases: 0
First contact: 0

Episode score: -170 (that's a MINUS score, people!)
Episode rating: 2/10

It's rather disappointing that after such a good start the show should almost immediately start relying on old scripts from TOS. "The Naked Time" wasn't, to be fair, even that great an episode, and if anything, gave the actors a chance to let their hair down and act, well, mad. Which is all well and good, but once is enough. When you have an attempt to continue that story - which should have most definitely been a one-off - I believe you're asking for trouble. When you have a captain as buttoned-down and strict and joyless as Picard, doubly so. It's interesting though that the second Starfleet vessel we hear of has a Russian name, though I have to ask why it's SS Tsiolkovsky instead of USS? Yeah, look, you could see this coming maybe at the end of a successful season, chance for everyone to relax and have some fun (does Picard do fun?) with a pretty throwaway episode, but second in the first season? When things hinge so precariously on how this is received? When the entire future of the show could hang on what the audience think of this? Bad move, I feel. Bad move.

I find it odd that Data says "What we have heard is impossible" as he refers to the blowing of an emergency hatch; surely such things blow now and then? Accidents? I mean, yes, he could be saying it's impossible someone did it on purpose, but again that's not the case is it? If it's impossible, it simply cannot happen. A man can't fly unaided, or walk on the clouds, or understand the plot of a single episode of The Prisoner. But this? This isn't impossible. To paraphrase Sherlock Holmes, it is improbable at best. On board the science ship, Riker gasps that the crew were all sucked out into space. Correction, says Data, that's sucked off. I mean, blown off. I mean, blown out. I like the way the guy in the crew quarters, who is frozen and obviously naked, has still had the decency before he died to position his knee so that his dong can't be seen. Class!


"Couldn't you have shaved BEFORE coming on duty, Lieutenant?"

Look, I know he probably doesn't have access to the ship's communications, but surely Wesley has the use of his mother's comms in their room? So when Geordi complains of burning up, being the doctor's son and all, why does he not alert his mother? But he just sits there, looking after him as LaForge leaves. Idiot. Bit pedantic when Picard insists "it's not an infection" and Troi says "Well whatever it is, she's got it" - I expect Bananarama to pop up singing "Venus" - "She's got it, yeah baby she's got it! I'm your Venus, I'm your fire..." Oh no! I just remembered! This episode features perhaps the single most embarrassing, cringeworthy scene in all of Star Trek, when Yar and Data get it on. Oh god no! The screens, quickly! The screens! It's a bit annoying that they copy the scene in TOS "The Naked Time" when O'Reilly locked himself in engineering and started making weird announcements and singing; Wesley does the same, though with a lot less panache than the Irishman.

Okay but answer me this: if Data has no emotions - and we're told he has none; later he gets an emotion chip, to everyone's acute embarrassment, not least of all his - then how in the name of Jean-Luc Picard can he have a silly grin on his face when Yar pulls him off I mean into her bedroom? Shouldn't he look like he always does? Could Spiner just not resist making the expression, throwing in a little comedy? How is it that they all only realise halfway into the episode that quarantine procedures should have been implemented before everyone went around touching everyone else? Picard's attempts to hold in his temper and his normal snappish way when trying to get Wesley to cede control of engineering back to him are comical; you can see how he just wants to tell him GIVE ME MY SHIP BACK YOU FUCKING LITTLE SNOTNOSED BRAT! But he can't, and must marshall all the minimal charm he has and his awful bedside manner with kids to try to get what he wants.


"Don't look at her boobs... don't look at her boobs..."

It can't do much for Picard's ego when Beverly says she's experiencing a "lack of good judgement, and therefore she finds him extremely attractive." Well thanks a bunch! Have i ever told you your bum looks big in that? Down in engineering, as the force field Wesley put up is finally overridden, the kid says he thinks he can get the main viewer on line. After seeing what it shows, a large piece of superheated star heading directly towards them, he probably thinks, on second thoughts, maybe we'll just leave this off. This is the first time we see Data run at superspeed, as he tries to replace the chips that have been taken out of the computer. Hey, when the chips are down, Data's your man, huh? Sorry. Sorry. Is it hot in here?


"Um, Will? The threshold is THAT way!"

Annoying how Wesley sort of saves the ship in the end, but I guess it's worth it for the tres awkward moment when Data and Yar see each other again for the first time after they've done the business. Maybe both secretly wish the android had not been able to switch out those chips in time! On a more serious note, while there was a certain amount of intoxication on both sides, and Data is shown clearly aware of what he's doing and the sex is consensual, there's an uneasy feelng of, if not quite rape, then sex by two people who are really going to regret it when they "sober up", and it's doubly uncomfortable, and not at all empowering, that it's the woman, who uses her better knowledge of human relationships to all but force the android into sex. Very very dodgy, and notable too that for seven seasons after this, though Data had "love interests" occasionally, he is never again seen, or implied to be, having sex with a human. It just screams WRONG on every level.

Overall, as I say, I think this was a poor episode and very badly timed. At this point, we hardly knew anyone, so the kind of nudge-nudge-wink-wink works now, but back then we had no real idea of the feelings Picard had for Crusher, or Riker for Troi, and much of what happens is taken with a pretty giant shrug. This kind of episode is best used when we know the characters, when we're either sympathetic with them or hate them, but either way can feel for them, cringe for them, root for them or laugh at them. When I saw this originally it was so what? And now it's different, but even so, a stupidly bewildering choice for a second episode. Maybe Fontana was trying to humanise the characters for us, but there are better ways to do that, and to my mind this was not one of them. Of course, it takes a while before it gets any better, as we'll see.

Okay, time for another chart. How have the characters fared on their second mission? Let's see.
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The first thing that is immediately apparent is that Q, despite being all-powerful and a godlike figure, can't hold the number one spot for more than one episode, and is toppled by a mere girl! Oh, the shame! Oh the humanity, if he was human which he's not so why I'm saying it I don't know!

Yes, thanks to her, um, liaison with a "fully-functional" Data, Yar takes top spot for this episode.

The only other mover upwards is also a lady, none other than the ship's CMO, who rises from last episode's 5 to take the number 2 slot, a jump of three places and kicking her love - eh, captain down, where he lands at the ignominious postion of 5, falling three places and actually now occupying the slot Bev was in, but far from being a cozy encounter for our favourite bald-headed space adventurer, poet and all-round stiff-neck, she's said "See ya! Wouldn't wanna be ya!" and has broken the glass ceiling, leaving poor old Jean-Luc to stare up wistfully at the upper echelons of the chart, perhaps feeling like Lieutenant Picard in "Tapestry." Oh dear. Never mind Captain, I'm sure you'll be back on the bridge real soon. For now, haven't you bilges to scrub?

Nobody else is having a good time either, and this episode shows that none of them exactly covered themselves in glory, bar the two ladies. Despite saving the ship, Wesley's antics while under the, um, influence, coupled with his mom's power-leap and that of Tasha mean he's falling two spots from number 5 to number 7, and while Riker is barely slipping from two to three, his love interest is a bigger faller, from four to six. Geordi and Data remain the best of friends, holding on and sharing the number four spot for the second episode running, while there's no glory for Worf as he falls to the lowest possible position, now number 8, dropping three from his previous position of 5, accompanied by poor old Miles O'Brien, currently the Ensign With No Name, as they both prop up the bottom of the chart.

Episode title: "Code of Honor"
Season: 1
Importance: 0
Crisis point(s) if any: Yar being captured I guess, though why they didn't just leave her there... oh yeah, there's that nasty plague they need the vaccine for, isn't there?
Original transmission date: October 12 1987
Writer(s): Katharyn Powers, Michael Baron
Director: Russ Mayberry, Les Landau (why two directors? Oh I see; because the first was fired by Roddenberry for the racist casting, and quite right too)
Stardate:* 41235.25
Destination: Ligon II
Mission (if any): To negotiate for a serum needed to treat a virus on another planet
Main character(s) in Plot: Picard, Riker, Troi, Beverly, Yar
Main character(s) in Subplot (if any):
Not Appearing: Worf, O'Brien
Villain/Monster (if any): Lagon and the Laigonians (sounds like a name for a band, huh?)
Deaths: 2 (technically - the guy in the audience at the fight who has the misfortune to catch the weapon in the stomach, and Jarina, though she is brought back from the dead. Meh, let's count her.)

Locations:

Shipboard:
Bridge
Cargo bay
Sickbay

Space:

Other:
Laigonia

Ships/vessels: 0
Space battles: 0
Bodycount

Historical
0
Incidental
1
Direct
1
Total: 2

Running total: 83

Make it so: 0
Engage! 1
Combat factor: 0
Planets visited: Ligon II
Mysteries: None
Patients in sickbay: 0
Data v humanity: His humour falls flat and he pisses Picard off about the French language, so a big fail for Data here.

Data 1 - Humanity 1

Character scores (episode):

Picard 15
Riker 10
Troi 15
Bev 30
Geordi 10
Data 10
Worf 0
Wesley 0
O'Brien 0
Yar 235

Earl Grey: 0
Shuttlecraft: 0
Admirals: 0
Starbases: 0
First contact: 1
Humour: 1

Rating: 1/10

And having stumbled badly with the last episode, the writers now pitch all the way down the stairs and crash to the bottom, with the most openly racist episode of Star Trek until we get to "Up the Long Ladder". African Americans must have hated it. Given that their race, as it were, had first been properly represented (though not really) in the original series, this was a hell of a kick in the teeth to all black Trek fans, and Will Wheaton remarked later that, had the show not had the power of the fans and the legacy of the original series behind it, this would almost certainly have caused it to be cancelled. I have no idea what the hell these people were thinking. I'm assuming both the writers were white. Yeah, doesn't show pictures of them and I guess it doesn't matter, but you'd have to wonder how a black cast of actors would agree to perform in such an episode?

Not only is it racist, it's very sexist, with the Lagonians (read, Africans) openly dismissive of and borderline abusive to the women on the Enterprise, a real male-dominated society, the kind of thing that we were told did not, should not and would not exist by the 24th century. It is somewhat amusing, the way you can feel the women, particularly Troi, holding back their anger at the way the aliens consider them inferior; you can tell she just wants to go up to them and say "Yeah? I come from a fucking planet where women rule, dude! You wouldn't last ten seconds on Betazed, let me tell you! My mother would put you in your place double-quick!" But they, ah, don't. The tension is palpable.

Well that's odd. When Lutan takes Yar prisoner in the cargo bay and beams off with her (PLEASE don't bring her back!) Picard just turns expressionlessly to the camera and calls a red alert. He doesn't seem shocked, surprised, aghast, anything; almost as if he was expecting it to happen. And here! What's that expensive new archaeological artifact he just bought? How can he afford that on a captain's salary? Hmm. As he possibly tries to cover his collusion with Lutan by threatening to blow his planet up (come on! It's only Yar! The guy's done you a favour!) he says "We insist you return our message. Oh, and we'll have our Chinese horsey statue back too. That cost a bundle."
(https://i.postimg.cc/j5rzmZ03/03.png)

"Damn it! Picard has the high score AGAIN!"

It's sort of easy to see where the racism comes from, not that anyone would have any trouble recognising it. At its heart, this is a story about a perhaps less well-developed civilisation - who all just happen to be black - who have somehow created a vaccine others need but who are only prepared to share it with those who deserve it or those who meet their expectations. Naturally, Starfleet would ensure any needed vaccine was shared with anyone who required it (chortle) but these guys want the Enterprise to play ball. Next, they show how backward they are by not recognising the value the men of the 24th century put on their women, and then, in a real "where the white women at?" move, they kidnap one, leaving Picard, the ultimate white authority and stern father figure, no choice but to (sigh) teach these savages a lesson. It's all but an attempt to justify colonial aggression on a planetary scale, but worse, it teaches the very clear, and completely incorrect, message that black people can't be trusted.

I love love love Beverly but by god I will never forgive her for floating the idea of her son joining the crew! Here she tests the idea with the captain, who surely would never have come up with such a notion himself otherwise, and to see Wesley emerge from the turbolift like a mouse coming out of its hole is puke-inducing. I do love however how Data gets on Picard's wrong side by referring to French as an obscure Earth language! Oops! The faces of the others are priceless, a real "Oh fuck he did not say that, did he?" sort of look. It's one of the scenes, very cleverly written and well played, where we see that, despite all his pretensions to humanity, Data is still very much at sea when it comes to the little nuances of ego and pride. Let's just hope he doesn't start going on about how bald heads were never in fashion!
(https://i.postimg.cc/fLjxNmMz/02.png)

There was acute embarrassment when it became clear the Lagonians did not understand the rules of Musical Chairs...

I mark the serious similarities - at least, planetside - to classic Trek. The music, the lurid red sky, the setting, the overall atmosphere; all tropes used whenever Kirk's landing party visited a planet inhabited by another culture. I particularly recognise the one with the Orion slave girl ("Wolf in the Fold"? Not sure) and elements of "Who Mourns for Adonais?" as well as "Errand of Mercy". In fact, the set could have been taken from an old episode of TOS. For all I know, it was. Look at the picture below; is it hard to imagine Kirk, Spock and McCoy in the place of Picard and Troi, Spock with his hands in his lap looking around and commenting on how "fascinating" this "savage society" is, while Kirk smiles his boyish smile and assures his science officer that this is how "certain cultures" on Earth used to be, and McCoy makes some off-colour joke about hoping they don't end up in a cooking pot?

It's a bit sudden how Geordi and Data become friends. I mean, this is episode three. In episode one, the pilot, he hardly knows or talk to him, in episode two he's totally pissed with the virus thing, so not exactly going to be going over his family album with the android, yet here, without any preamble, Data is calling him his friend, has access to his personal quarters and is helping him to shave? When did all that happen? Sure, as the series goes on, the friendship between the two is the writers' vain attempt to try to make Geordi more interesting, and becomes an integral part of the show, but surely, unless there's previous history between the two, we should be shown how they became friendly? Data's woeful attempts at human humour are not funny here, they never were; just so strained you can hear the groans in the audience.

Is it meant to be funny though when, as Geordi and Data arrive on Ligon II and stand in front of a wall of bladed weapons, Picard uses the words "cutting edge" and Data asks if he has "any particular point" he wants him to concentrate on? A typical Jerry Springer situation here, where two women, who should be turning on the man who has set them against each other, instead fight each other. Jesus had a little cry in the corner! They even end it like "Amok Time". Poor, very poor. I suppose there's some small redemption for it at the end, when it turns out that despite appearances being to the contrary, it is in fact the women who wield the real power here. Meh. And oh dear god! They couldn't' even be bothered to come up with a proper name for Lutan's wife, just stuck an "eena" onto Yar to make Yareena. Says it all really.

The chart then after three episodes:
(https://i.postimg.cc/zfhKCzG5/Bbb3.png)

Although she won't be here for all that much longer (spoiler alert - not!) Yar consolidates her lead, to surely nobody's surprise, as this episode was all about her. She scored a staggering 235 points, becoming, at this early stage, the first character to even break the 100-point barrier, never mind shatter the 200 one! Talk about destroying the glass hyper-ceiling!

So it will probably be some time before she can be dethroned, though of course after "Skin of Evil" she'll begin to fall, if she hasn't before that, as she will be unable to earn more points and others will just overtake her by virtue of her not being there. Still, it's a very respectable showing for someone who ended up being, in the context of the series as a whole, quite a minor character.

How is everyone else doing? Well, Q of course has slid again, having a similar problem of basically not being there to do anything, but sure he will be back, bigger, badder and, um, Q-er than ever, so that may change. Right now though he falls to number 4, a drop of two places. Still fairly decent for someone who hasn't been seen since the pilot episode. The only other dropper is Data, who also slides two places to number 6 from number 4.

There are small gains for Picard, who climbs one to number 4, With Beverly ahead of him at number 2, also moving one place, the other female member doing well too and getting to number 5, again a rise of one place. Everyone else stays where they are. Let's face it: Yar had this episode all but to herself. We'll see what happens after the next one, but that's how it stands for now.

Episode title: "The Last Outpost"
Season: 1
Importance: 3 (for the introduction of the Ferengi)
Crisis point(s) if any: Enterprise is without power and everyone on board will die if it's not restored. That sort of thing can really put a crimp in your day.
Original transmission date: October 19 1987
Writer(s): Richard Krzemien (teleplay by Herbert Wright)
Director: Richard A. Colla
Stardate:* 41386.4
Destination: Delphi Ardu IV (not actually the destination, just where they catch up with the Ferengi ship)
Mission (if any): Recover stolen energy monitor from Ferengi ship
Main character(s) in Plot: Riker
Main character(s) in Subplot (if any):
Not Appearing: O'Brien, Wesley
Villain/Monster (if any): Ferengi and then the Guardian
Deaths: 0
Lives saved (episode): 0
Lives saved (cumulative): 1
Locations:

Shipboard:
Bridge
Observation Lounge

Space:

Other:
Delphi Ardu IV


Ships/vessels: 1 (unnamed Ferengi ship)
Space battles: 0
Bodycount

Historical
0
Incidental
0
Direct
0
Total: 0
Running total: 83
Make it so: 1
Engage! 0
Combat factor: 0
Mysteries: The force field holding the Enterprise and the Ferengi vessel captive
Patients in sickbay: 0
Meetings: 2
Data v humanity: The Chinese finger puzzle eludes Data. Chortle.
Data 1 - Humanity 2
Character scores:
Picard 10
Riker  190
Troi 10
Bev 10
Geordi 20
Data 20
Worf 20
Wesley 0
O'Brien 0
Yar 10

Earl Grey: 0
Shuttlecraft: 0
Admirals: 0
Starbases: 0
First contact: 2 Ferengi, the Guardian of Forever sorry the T'Kon outpost guy
Humour: 3
Episode rating: 3/10
Episode score: 140

Correct me if I'm wrong - and I may very well be - but doesn't that Ferengi ship look a lot like the later biological life form Tin Man, in the episode of the same name? Kind of like a shell? Okay, well, from behind anyway. This is the first we actually meet a Ferengi, and while they were still a work in progress - made to seem more cunning and nasty than what we came to know them as - it's still good to see them, as they will of course form a major part of the entire Star Trek universe, and provide some of the best, or at least funniest episodes in at least two of the series in the franchise. The episode is another bit of a damp squib, but I'll do what I can to inject a little interest into it.

Why is it that Picard thinks that blue, white and red is a better combination in a flag than red, white and blue? Is it merely because this is how the  French flag was arranged? Or was he subtly hinting that there really is no reason for Americans to have red, white and blue on their flag? We know that on the French flag, blue represents the royalty, white peace and red the blood that was spilled to attain that peace, but the USA? Okay that's wrong, how embarrassing. Apparently blue and red were the colours of Paris. Well that's no fun. My idea is better. Well, I can still have fun at the Americans' expense, can't I? Here goes. While yes you have red states and blue states, why? Not sure if that's the point he's making but it could be. Data's childish petulance, when Picard says that's enough and he says "It was you who started it" is quite funny in its way.
(https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/b/ba/ST-TNG_The_Last_Outpost.jpg/270px-ST-TNG_The_Last_Outpost.jpg)
"Hah! Look how small and puny these hyoo-mans are! I could eat them in one bite!"

This is the first time we get to see the ship's warp core, and the second time that Picard is ready to surrender! Also the first time he calls Riker by his first name, Will. This doesn't happen too often of course; usually he's Riker or more usually Number One, sometimes Commander. Of course, from what we later know of the Ferengi, they would certainly not "fight to the last man". In fact, in a hopeless situation they would be more than willing to bargain their way out of trouble. Interesting that the first Ferengi we ever see is played by the man who will make us love them, the man who will play Quark, Armin Shimerman, though here he is not Quark but Damon Tar. Okay I'm wrong there: always pays to read ahead before you write, Trollheart. Shimerman plays one of the Ferengi all right, but not the first one we see. Boo.
(https://m.media-amazon.com/images/M/MV5BNDkwNTM2NDY1OF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTgwODM5NDg0MjE@._V1_QL75_UY281_CR93,0,190,281_.jpg)

"Mr. Data, would you please tell Number One that when he is ready to apologise for calling me a bald excuse for Kirk I will be in my ready room? "

"Data, tell the captain please that I'll eat a plate of fresh ga'akh before I'll apologise."

Humour in Data's getting somehow trapped in a Chinese finger puzzle and seeming quite at a loss, until Picard sorts it for him in irritation. You would certainly have to give Picard points for his diplomacy in dealing with the Ferengi; again you can see he's really holding his temper back. Look at Riker! Has to be the big man. The other two - including Data - go down with one shot from the Ferengi energy whips, he has to be hit a second time. He's so hard! I do like that the idea Ferengi have that to "force women to wear clothes" is unethical, as it encourages the males to undress them. I mean, yeah, there's a certain sick sense about this, and it is something that ends up being perpetuated through the Ferengi culture, where women are all naked.

I think we're possibly supposed to think these are either the first Ferengi to travel outside their star system (on the face of it, unlikely) or that at least these ones have not travelled before (slightly more likely, though stealing from the Feds as your first off-world action is neither very clever nor in any way representative of the Ferengi) but it's odd how they classify all the Away Team as "hyoo-mahns", given that there is a Klingon present. Data they could be forgiven for thinking is just a very pale human, but Worf? Surely they know of the Klingons? And of all the races, are not his the closest in superficial outside resemblance to the Ferengi?
(https://trekmovie.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/lastoutpostferengi.jpg)

"All together, boys, now: just like we rehearsed it - Oh, Fer-en-gen-ar, the mud and the rain..."

It will be some time before Riker gets that stick removed from his ass, and he is standing ramrod straight and defiant as a good officer should, but my god does he look pompous! Give him his due, he's had the odd smile break through, but overall the sense of being up themselves was strong with these ones for almost a season, wasn't it? Again you have to say, Kirk would never take that stance. Yeah but the episode just fizzles out doesn't it? "Oh, fear is the enemy, is it? Okay then, let's you and I discuss Tsun Tzu." Sigh.

How does the chart look, then, after now four episodes? Hmm. Well, kinda a lot like this, really.
(https://i.postimg.cc/D0K6PDpt/bbb4.png)
After all his actions in this episode, Riker is making serious gains on Tasha, and strides to the number two spot, up one place. He is in fact the only riser, with Yar remaining, for now, at the top, everyone else either falls or remains where they are, though there is a slight change at the bottom, as we'll see.

Q is the biggest drop, not surprisingly, falling to 7 from his last position of 4, making this a drop of three places, while the other ladies on the crew drop one place each, Troi from 5 to 6 and Beverly from 2 to 3. Wesley drops two places from his previous position of 7, which makes him the first to occupy a number 9 slot, while O'Brien goes one better (or worse) dropping two also to make this, finally, an actual top ten, with him at number 10.

Everyone else remains where they are, for now.

Episode title: "Where No One Has Gone Before"
Season: 1
Importance: 5 (first introduction of the Traveler, who will feature later in quite a spectacular way)
Crisis point(s) if any: The Enterprise goes beyond the known galaxy? I'd call that a crisis point, wouldn't you?
Original transmission date: October 26 1987
Writer(s): Diane Duane (based on her TOS novel The Wounded Sky), Michael Reaves
Director: Rob Bowman
Stardate:* 41263.1
Destination: Unknown and unplanned
Mission (if any): Originally just an upgrade of the engines by a so-called Starfleet expert. It of course goes wrong.
Main character(s) in Plot:  Wesley
Main character(s) in Subplot (if any): Picard, Riker
Not appearing: O'Brien
Villain/Monster (if any): n/a
Deaths: 0
Lives saved (episode): 1 (The Traveler)
Lives saved (cumulative): 2
Locations:

Shipboard:
Bridge
Engineering


Space:
M33 Galaxy; way way way beyond any charted space

Other:
Earth colony ++


Ships/vessels: 1 (USS Fearless)
Space battles: 0
Bodycount

Historical
0
Incidental
0
Direct
0
Total: 0
Running total: 83
Make it so: 0
Engage!1
Combat factor: 0
Planets visited:0
Planets mentioned: 1 (Tau Alpha C)
Mysteries: ! (How did we get out here and how do we get back? And who's paying the bill?)
Patients in sickbay: 1 (The Traveler)
Meetings: 1
Data v Humanity: n/a
Data 1 - Humanity 2
Character scores:
Picard 10
Riker 10
Troi 10
Bev
Geordi 20
Data 10
Worf 10
Wesley 95
Yar 10

Earl Grey: 0
Shuttlecraft: 0
Admirals: 0
Starbases: 0
First contact: 0
Humour: 0
Episode rating: 5/10
Episode score: 240

Interesting that in the previous episode it seemed Geordi was chief engineer (as he will be) but here we have a guy called Argyll, who is clearly Scottish in no doubt an attempt to pander to fans of TOS (let's be honest here: at this point fans of the classic show are probably in the vast majority of those watching this; it has not yet really had a chance to gain its own following, so you can't blame them for the constant callbacks to Kirk and Co.) - maybe LaForge is off-duty? Still, considering these adjustments to be made, even if off-duty you would think he would want to be involved. Actually no, I see now he's at the helm. Maybe he was just in engineering that last time. Anyway, who do I hate more in this episode? Kosinksi or Wesley? Hard to choose, so hard. But I think in the end it comes down to pure arrogance and Kosinksi has that in spades, or quantum shovelling devices, or whatever the hell they use in the 24th century.

Hey, why does Picard not even raise an eyebrow when Geordi tells him they're passing Warp 10? Isn't that supposed to be impossible? Or at least, far beyond the capabilities of his GALAXY CLASS starship? Also, is there some reason the Traveler is dressed like a refugee from a Nazi concentration camp? Funny though how he does exactly the reverse of what Picard wanted. "I asked for fucking reverse, not to slam your foot down on the god-damned accelerator!"
(https://i.postimg.cc/J73YNZmj/piucard-bub.png)
"How dare you! I did NOT fart!"

This is, in my opinon, the first episode where TNG showed what it was capable of. Using the grand traditions of TOS it nevertheless managed to throw off the shackles of its parent show and walk unaided into a bright new future. We had great effects, an interesting premise, lots of interaction between the crew, and the old slogan was finally justified. I could have done with less Wesley and more Beverly, but that's how it is.

And so on to the chart. Any major changes? Well, yes..
(https://i.postimg.cc/65MmYhpP/BBB5.png)
The biggest one is a stunning climb for Wesley Crusher, who leaps a full six places and, perhaps rather rudely and ungratefully, and in a move which might earn him a clip on the ear, pushes his mother down one place. Wesley is now at number 3, one of only four characters to have broken the 100 point mark at this stage.

But one's rise invariably means the fall of others, and apart from the woman who bore him (as he bores all of us, sorry) Wesley also displaces his captain, who falls one place to number 6, Data, Q, Geordi and Deanna, who all fall one place as well, and even poor old Worf drops a place to number 9. Miles O'Brien, still without a name, miserably props up the table at number 10, how appropriate for an Irishman! Someone wake him up: it's chucking out time!

This, interestingly, gives Yar her fourth week, as it were, at the top: she's been there since "The Naked Now" and has retained that position through "Code of Honor", "The Last Outpost" and now "Where No One Has Gone Before."And she's not even here anymore! In fact, the only one likely to catch her is Riker, and he's a good 70 points behind her. Could be there for a little while...

Episode title: "Lonely Among Us"
Season: 1
Importance: 1 (mostly for Data's interest in Sherlock Holmes)
Crisis point(s) if any: Picard leaves the ship to become a being of pure energy. Sorry, a BALD being of pure energy.
Original transmission date: November 2 1987
Writer(s): Michael Halperin (teleplay by D.C. Fontana)
Director: Cliff Bole
Stardate:* 41249.3
Destination: Parliament
Mission (if any): Deliver delegates of two warring nations to a conference
Main character(s) in Plot:  Picard
Main character(s) in Subplot (if any): Riker, Data
Not appearing:
Villain/Monster (if any): Alien intelligence
Deaths: 1
Lives saved (episode): 1 (Picard)
Lives saved (cumulative): 3
Locations:

Shipboard:
Transporter Room
Bridge
SIckbay
Engineering
Beverly's Quarters
Outside the quarters assigned to the Antican
Observation Lounge
Ready Room


Space:
Energy cloud

Other:


Ships/vessels: 0
Space battles: 0
Bodycount
0
Historical
0
Incidental
1 :Assistant Engineer Singh

Direct
0
Total: 1
Running total: 84
Make it so: 0
Engage! 0
Combat factor: 0
Planets visited: 0
Planets mentioned: Parliament
Mysteries: Presence of alien intelligence on the ship
Patients in sickbay:1 (Worf)
Data v Humanity: Data falls under the spell of Sherlock Holmes, an obsession that will grow.
Data 1 - Humanity 3
Character scores:
Picard 10
Riker 10
Troi 20
Bev 10
Geordi 10
Data 45
Worf 10
Wesley 10
Yar 10
O'Brien 10
Earl Grey: 0
Shuttlecraft: 0
Admirals: 0
Starbases: 0
First contact: Alien cloudy intelligence thing
Humour: 4
Episode rating: 5/10
Episode score: 290

After the pretty great "Where No One Has Gone Before" it was probably unlikely they'd get another episode as good, and no they don't, but it's close. Basically though it's pretty much the TOS episode "Journey to Babel" rewritten: same idea; delegates being ferried to a conference and the Enterprise crew have to keep them apart. But the subplot about the alien intelligence is good, though I see it having been lifted later for the Babylon 5 episode "All Alone in the Night", which is kind of odd, as the title is somewhat similar. Hey! Doesn't Beverly look like a Borg when she examines Worf in sickbay? Don't tell Picard! Why, when the alien leaves her and she finds herself, to her surprise, on the bridge, with no idea how she got there, does she not report it? Surely this is odd to her, and she should report any such weirdness to Picard? But she just smiles and goes back to her quarters.
(https://i.postimg.cc/L8HqWDzZ/01.png)

"Resistance is futile! You will be assimilated!"
(Come on: the caption writes itself!)

As things begin to break down, Picard is most upset when Data tells him subspace radio is out. Surely he can at least get BALD FM? No dice, says Data. This episode is the genesis for Data's ongoing interest in Sherlock Holmes, which produced some great episodes, including holodeck ones. Nice to see Bev out of uniform (stop that!), wearing a pretty red dress. A little too much Wesley for my tastes, but then, a second of Wesley is too much Wesley. The first time Picard is relieved of command (or at least, an attempt is made to do so), and slightly looking back to the terrible series finale of TOS, though Picard refrains from being as brutal as Kirk, and instead just orders Beverly, Riker and Troi to report to sick bay.
(https://i.postimg.cc/7ZmCrzVt/02.png)
"Mom, I'm not Captain Picard: can you please take your hand off my leg?"

We're now six episodes in. Four more and I'll begin posting the episode chart, see which is doing better than the others. For now though, here's our sixth character chart, with a few small changes.
(https://i.postimg.cc/QMzd6sPN/BBB6.png)
Not surprisingly, Yar remains on top and in fact the top three stay the same, while Data's efforts in this episode allow him to nudge Doctor Crusher further down the chart to number 5, while he picks up fourth place, rising three from last episode's position of seventh. This means Geordi has to make room for the doc and slides one to sixth while she takes fifth, pushing Geordi to displace his captain, who falls two places to eighth place as Deanna, a non-mover, remains at seventh. Another non-mover, Worf remains at nine while Q falls to ten, but expect him a resurgence from him soon. O'Brien, still with hardly anything to do and only a few lines, actually falls out of the top ten to become the first character to occupy the eleventh spot.

Episode title: "Justice"
Season: 1
Importance: 0
Crisis point(s) if any: Wesley not being put to death, sorry, Wesley being sentenced to death
Original transmission date: November 9 1987
Writer(s): Worley Thorne, Ralph Wills
Director: James L. Conway
Stardate:* 41255.6
Destination: Rubicun III
Mission (if any): None; first contact and then shore leave. Everyone can let their hair down. Um. With one important exception.
Main character(s) in Plot: Wesley
Main character(s) in Subplot (if any): 
Not appearing: O'Brien
Villain/Monster (if any): Big machine orbiting planet. Answers to "God".
Deaths: 0
Lives saved (episode): 1 (Wesley)
Lives saved (cumulative): 4
Locations:

Shipboard:
Bridge
Observation Deck

Space:
Orbit of the planet

Other:
Rubicun III


Ships/vessels: 1 (this "God" thing)
Space battles: 0
Bodycount

Historical
0
Incidental
0
Direct
0
Total: 0
Running total: 84


Make it so: 0
Engage! 0
Combat factor: 0
Planets mentioned:
Mysteries: What is this "God" thing anyway?
Patients in sickbay: 0
Data v humanity: Data operates as a way to exchange information with "god" so
Data 2 - Humanity 3
Character scores:
Picard 0
Riker 25
Troi 15
Bev 10
Geordi 10
Data 10
Worf 15
Wesley 60
Yar 25
O'Brien 0

Earl Grey: 0
Shuttlecraft: 0
Admirals: 0
Starbases: 0
First contact: 2 (The Edo; they shouldn't have bothered. No such thing as a free ride. Literally. Also the god thing)
Humour: 0
Episode rating: 3/10 (It's awful, but I give it some small credit for not taking the easy way out, and having Picard give the Edo the finger. Not like that. It would be... inappropriate.)
Episode score: 155

So do we call this a sexist episode? Well, it's hard to say. It's not like women - or men - are being treated any differently. It's certainly a sexually-charged one, which to some degree makes me wonder how it got through the censor? I mean, sure, there's no nudity (though a lot of flesh is on display) but the overall feeling is one of promiscuity, and in America, and especially on American TV, that's usually a big no-no. Of course, these are the permissive 80s, so maybe. Bush wouldn't spoil everyone's fun by trying to drag the US back into the 1950s for another two years, and Ronnie wasn't too bothered, so maybe. You have to wonder though, would the theme from Benny Hill be out of place here? So much running around in skimpy costumes. Americans wouldn't have got it though. You don't get it, do you? Probably just as well.

I'm sure I didn't think this when I first saw it, but I'm thinking it now, even though I know it's wrong. With everyone so pretty and handsome and vital, what of the older folk? How can they run around and would constant sex not wear them out? Is it possible this is a Logan's Run deal, where people only live to a certain age, so that all are young? I mean, yes, it's not what happened, but it could have been part of the reason why this planet is too good to be true. There's never any worse comment than "It's like Eden", because there's always something slithering through the grass.
(https://i.postimg.cc/bNhWqDF6/01.png)
"Why can't our God invent the fucking wheel? I swear, if I have to run one more time..."

It's quite funny when the Enterprise is put on high alert because what appears to be a soap bubble has penetrated the ship! When asked by the bubble why they left colonists on the last planet they were on (not that it's any of its fucking business, but anyhow) Picard says the colonists had sought to create a new lifestyle. The bubble could have said "A gay planet? Not in my system, buster!" But sadly, it does not. Oh well. Makes you wonder though what the hell these losers do all day? How can you sit around kissing and fondling and having great sex and you know what that sounds great: where is this planet again? But seriously: how does anything get done? We all remember the similarly named Eloi, don't we? Huh? Huh? 

This idea of the Punishment Zone: weird huh? No signs, no warnings, anywhere could be the Punishment Zone at any time, so nobody breaks any laws in case it just happens that they do so within the PZ. But then, isn't that the elimination of crime due to terror? And how can there be one punishment for everything, that punishment being death? What is the point? To hard-code the idea of never, ever breaking a law into the people? But no matter how law-abiding a society is, people will always break little laws. How many of us have crossed against the traffic light? Smoked in a non-smoking zone? Hopped on a bus without a ticket? Downloaded illegal mat... you know what, let's just gloss over that one. But the fact remains: nobody is totally and 100% lawful all the time. And for the slightest slip, you get death? Sounds more like a society living in fear to me.
(https://i.postimg.cc/9QXk732Z/02.png)
"Didn't I  blow you out of my ass a few episodes ago?"

Fair play to Yar! All that time in Starfleet Academy, she sure can recognise a syringe when she sees one! It's hilarious how these mediators are completely taken aback by the fact that anyone would stand up to them. Total wimps. Very annoying Wesley's up-himself announcement "I'm with Starfleet. We don't lie." That is, of course, a lie. Starfleet lie when it suits them, and if they think they're some sort of Supermen, well, nobody need be any the wiser unless they want to be surveying planets out on the Galactic Rim for the rest of their career, right? When Liator says "God is somewhere out there" I keep expecting Linda Ronstadt to start singing, and images of a cartoon mouse to scroll across the screen. When Rivan asks why they don't just take Wesley back with all their superior firepower (well, the Edo have none unless you count those huge bazungas um, never mind) you can see Beverly going hell yeah, why don't you? This is my boy (possibly YOUR boy!) and if you ever want to get within a light year of my action again you'll go in there guns blazing and rescue my kid, or I'll know the reason why!
(https://i.postimg.cc/wjWG5WxP/04.png)

"Oh, typical man! A blonde cutie shows up and you forget all about me!"

"God" seems pretty pissed off about Picard half-inching his "child". A case of "she's my bird, wanna fight about it?" Picard gives in like the nerd he is. Hell, plenty more blondes in the galaxy, right? Certainly a case here of the needs of the many outweighing the needs of the one, though Picard doesn't see it that way. Funny when Beverly says "Then your god is unfair!" I mean, what god worries about being fair? That's for mortals. You can see though, after having to endure Picard's speech and then listen to Riker add his little bit of sidekick "Yeah" the God-thing surely goes "Oh hell with this. If I have to listen to one more platitude... I'm going for a lie down." Don't blame it.

To give it credit, this is the first TNG episode where Picard really steps up; he tries his best to satisfy the Prime Directive, the guiding principle behind his entire career, but when it comes down to a choice between following Starfleet rules and saving a member of his crew (even if it is only Wesley) - and possibly, more importantly, showing Beverly what a man he is and how he'll protect her (his?) kid, he's ready to throw the rule book out the window. It is quite likely that when he makes his report the brass back home will say "yeah I think he was right to do that. Fuck those promiscuous sexpots and their orbiting god - hold on here: sex at the drop of a what? Hmm. Where does it say that planet was?" Then again, it they re-read it and see it was only Wesley, maybe they'll change their mind and think he should have let him get the death jab.

Overall though, a pretty powerful episode which very easily and effectively swings from nudge-nudge fluff to deadly serious without seeming too abrupt a change. I would have to say, in retrospect, one of the better ones of the early first season. I see nobody, including Wil Wheaton, agree with me. And so I say, fuck all of them.

An interesting one this time: despite some gains in terms of points, they all seem to balance out and literally nobody moves. Everyone remains where they were. For those wondering how Picard managed a 0 when he definitely was in the episode, it's just that the things he did that went against what would be considered Starfleet protocol, weighed against the good he did, cancelled each other out. If anyone really wants the figures I can post them, but basically things like acting against Starfleet protocols, putting his feelings before his duty, bad command decision and so on just left him with a net zero score.

Here's the chart, for what it's worth.
(https://i.postimg.cc/tg1hnkGG/bbbc6.png)

(https://i.postimg.cc/qRJZZnFZ/03.png)
"He's baa-aaack!"

Episode title: "Hide and Q"
Season: 1
Importance: 7 (reintroduces Q and gives Riker the chance to be one; starts a kind of weird relationship, a sort of respect Q has for Riker, almost, but not quite, friendship)
Crisis point(s) if any: Riker becomes a god. Still doesn't get him a raise though.
Original transmission date: November 23 1987
Writer(s):  C.J. Holland, Gene Roddenberry
Director: Cliff Bole
Stardate:* 41590.5
Destination: Sigma 3 Colony
Mission (if any): Rescue after mine explosion
Main character(s) in Plot: Riker, Q
Main character(s) in Subplot (if any):
Not appearing: Troi
Villain/Monster (if any): Q
Deaths: 1
Lives saved (episode): 2
Lives saved (cumulative): 7
Locations:

Shipboard:
Bridge

Space:

Other:
Unknown planet


Ships/vessels: 0
Space battles: 0
Bodycount

Historical
0
Incidental
1 (Child on Quadra Sigma 3; though I'm sure there are plenty more casualties, this is the only one we see or which is remarked upon)
Direct
0
Total: 1
Running total: 85

Make it so: 0
Engage! 1
Combat factor: 0
Planets visited: 2 (Quadra Sigma 3, unknown Q planet)
Planets mentioned:
Mysteries: None
Patients in sickbay: 0
Data v humanity: n/a
Data 3 - Humanity 3
Character scores:
Picard 10
Riker 265
Troi 0
Bev 15
Geordi 15
Data 15
Worf 10
Wesley 10
Yar 10
O'Brien 0
Q 25

Earl Grey: 0
Shuttlecraft: 0
Admirals: 1 (Technically, Q appears as an admiral)
Starbases: 0
First contact:
Humour: 0
Episode rating: 5/10
Episode score: 270

I love the pace of this episode, the way it totally wrong-foots you. Opening as an urgent rescue mission, it quickly takes a hard left into a Q episode (and all the better for it), where this time Q is presented not quite as the omnipotent godlike being he was in the pilot episode, and more as a kind of trickster figure. Never got the title though: Q episodes from here on in make sense - "True Q", "Q-less", "Q Who" etc - but "Hide and Q" is obviously "Hide and Seek", and the word seek has nothing to do with Q. Then again, there's a Voyager episode called "The Q and the Gray", so maybe it doesn't matter. This is the first - maybe only - episode in which Deanna does not take part, as it mentions at the beginning they have dropped her off for a visit to her mother. That's also the first mention of her mother, who, sadly, we will have more dealings with. It's also the point where the Q as a race seem to become less dismissive of, and more interested in humanity, though we are given later the general impression that it is only this Q that is obsessed with them.
(https://i.postimg.cc/MT9rkH2Z/01.png)
Picard wonders if perhaps Starfleet are going a little too far with the cutbacks?

Although I never liked her, it is interesting to see Tasha Yar emotional, breaking down when she realises that she may die if someone else makes a slip-up down on the planet, and Picard eschews his usual gruff attitude and distance to comfort her. It's a nice snapshot of a captain putting off the rank and protocol for once and just acting as one human being to another. Q seems to be rattled for once when Picard says he sees his own race becoming as powerful as them - like gods - one day, and it would appear Q agrees that this is a possibility. Is it, then, fear, or jealousy that drives his contact with and interest in us? Can it even be a sense of insecurity? This is also the first we hear of the Q Continuum, or even that Q is not a single entity, but is part of a larger community of godlike beings.
(https://i.postimg.cc/N07z4bdH/02.png)
"Don't take it personally, Tasha. Geordi knows a hunk when he sees one. On the bright side, you'll be dead soon."

I can understand Picard's agreeing that Riker should not have used his new Q powers to try to bring the little girl back to life on Quada Sigma 3 - after all, he's no lover of children. Sod the little brat: let her stay dead. Picard is however canny here; he realises that once Riker uses his powers and sees what will happen, he will see that this is not the gift Q says it is. Data's response is a little reminiscent of Kirk in Star Trek V: "NO! Don't take my pain! I NEED my pain!" Geordi's reaction to Tasha: "You're more beautiful than I even imagined!" Picard: "Sorry, that's me you're looking at, La Forge." Geordi: "I know." Heh heh.

There are elements of the TOS episode "The Squire of Gothos" here, not only in the military campaign thing, but in the ending too, where Q is seen to be under the control of other, perhaps older (if age means anything in the Q Continuum) beings to whom he must report. His anguish at being called or pulled back reflects the chagrin, even fear of both Squire Trelayne and Charlie X (the one being a virtual copy of the other) when they were returned to their origin. After a Picard-specific episode, this is the first real Riker-led one, and also has shades of "Where No Man Has Gone Before" in the conferring of godlike powers on one of the crew, so really not that original, but it's the magnetic presence of John de Lancie as Q that pulls the whole thing together and makes it very markedly a TNG and not a TOS episode. It's also nice to see Wesley die, even if it doesn't last.

Well, the big news is that Yar is down from the number one spot, having been basically hurled off the top by Riker with as much ferocity as Kirk kicking that Klingon captain off the crumbling cliff of the destructing Genesis planet in Star Trek III! Riker becomes the first character not only to smash the 400-point barrier but the 500 one too, and comes within a breath of racking up 600!
(https://i.postimg.cc/SQ8LC5Pg/BBBHideand-Q.png)
Perhaps surprsingly, or perhaps not, Q doesn't earn many points even in an episode which ostensibly revolves around him. The explanation is that it doesn't, not really. Q is there as the agency of Riker's rise to Q-hood/godhood, but really, when you think about it, he doesn't do very much. This episode is all about Riker, and that's why he finally makes it to the top. Everyone else remains where they are, pretty much for the same reason. Will Yar make it back to number one before she has a fatal encounter with Armus? I don't know but I would doubt it. Look at the gap now: we're talking a full 200 points, though on the other hand she does have most of the season to make that defecit up. My money would be on Riker though.

Incidentally, I did consider awarding a "final score" for any character killed, which would, at the end of season one, have given Yar a clear advantage for a long time, but there was no point. She's the only one who dies - sure, Worf does, but they bring him back to life, and Wesley here, and sort of Picard in "Tapestry", and Data gets buried but he's not really dead, and so on. But someone actually dying and leaving the show (shut up! I KNOW about "Yesterday's Enterprise"! What do you want me to do about alternate timelines? I've enough to be dealing with here, thanks)? Just her. So there's little to no point in making a special farewell score.

We'll see, then, how she gets on, but you'd have to imagine once he has his arse on that top chair, it's gonna be harder to move Will from it than it would be to get Picard to break the Prime Directive and maybe smile.

Episode title: "Haven"
Season: 1
Importance: 3 (introduces us to Deanna's mother, gives us some insight into Betazoids; kicks off the uneasy relationship between Lwaxanna and Picard, even if it is only in her mind)
Crisis point(s) if any: It's an arranged wedding; how could it be anything else?
Original transmission date: November 30 1987
Writer(s): Tracy Tormé, Lan O'Kun
Director: Richard Compton
Stardate:* 41294.5
Destination: Haven
Mission (if any): R&R
Main character(s) in Plot: Deanna Troi, Lwaxana Troi
Main character(s) in Subplot (if any):
Not appearing: O'Brien, Wesley, Worf
Villain/Monster (if any): Lwaxana (Nah just kidding: or am I?)
Deaths: 0
Lives saved (episode): 0
Lives saved (cumulative): 7
Locations:

Shipboard:
Bridge
Transporter Room
Ready Room
Deanna's Quarters
Quarters set aside for Lwaxanna
Observation Lounge
Ballroom/Banquet Room

Space:

Other:
Haven
Tarellian ship


Ships/vessels: 1
Space battles: 0
Bodycount

Historical
0
Incidental
0
Direct
0
Total: 0
Running total: 85

Make it so: 0
Engage! 1
Combat factor: 0
Planets visited: Haven
Planets mentioned: 2
Mysteries: The girl in the pictures Wyatt has been drawing since a child
Patients in sickbay: 0
Data v humanity: I think we can say Data gets a little too involved, and overwhelmed by all the human interaction, so we're going to give it to humanity here.
Data  3  -Humanity 4

Character scores:
Picard 10
Riker 10
Troi 150
Beverly 20
Data 10
Geordi 30
Worf 0
Wesley 0
O'Brien 0

Earl Grey: 0
Shuttlecraft: 0
Admirals: 0
Starbases: 0
First contact: 0
Humour: 6
Episode rating: 7/10
Episode score: 245

Ah, why the hell couldn't Majel Barret be happy doing the voice of the computer? Appearing here for the first time, she will become an annoying blemish on Star Trek (all franchises, or most) at least to me. I just can't stand the woman. Her treatment of Picard, her dismissive attitude and lack of respect, and then her arrogant belief that he is in love with her, make me want to slap her. It certainly gives me a sense of sympathy for Deanna! We also meet her very tall, silent companion/butler/attendant, Mr. Homm, and learn that she is the ruler of Betazed, which I suppose in some way makes Deanna as her daughter a sort of princess. The gift that transports on to the ship to announce the wedding reminds me of that thing in TOS "Is There in Truth No Beauty?"
(https://i.postimg.cc/zXyWXzGF/01.png)

"Don't just stand there, Data! This thing's fucking heavy, and I'm no spring chicken!"
"Spring... chicken, sir?"
"Jesus in a warp core breach! Don't start that shit again!"

If, as Wiki says, Marina Sirtis worried that her being left out of the last episode was an indication she was about to be written out of the series, this episode must have, initially, confirmed those fears, as it's said once she gets married to her genetically-selected partner she will be leaving the ship. I'm sure her heart must have fluttered as she read those lines. Picard's sarcastic bow as he is "dismissed" from Lwaxanna's presence goes completely over her head, despite her mental powers. Bit of a slip of the tongue when Wyatt's father accidentally calls Lwaxanna's attendant Comm instead of Homm; he recovers without missing a beat though and they obviously left it in, presumably to indicate he may have had one or two too many, or just been irritated by Deanna's mother, and who would not be?
(https://m.media-amazon.com/images/M/MV5BMjAyNzczMTYxN15BMl5BanBnXkFtZTgwMjAxNTg0MjE@._V1_QL75_UY281_CR93,0,190,281_.jpg)

"You want fries with that?"

I like how Homm gets totally squiffy and even though he can't talk, conveys a good impression of someone who is well on; I also like Data's amusement/fascination with human interaction, especially as Lwaxanna and Wyatt's mother argue: it's a good illustration of his studying of human behaviour, though again he's grinning, and isn't he supposed to have no emotions? I suppose it would be claimed he is aping human expressions so as to fit in better, as he does later when he mirrors the host's actions and gestures in "Starship Mine", seasons from now. More information about Betazoids, as we learn that their weddings are, well, interesting, everyone being required to be naked.
(https://i.postimg.cc/rptbx0Ny/image-2023-04-10-210311212.png)

"Somebody get me OUT of here! And get my agent on the phone!"

There's a good sense of humour in this episode, a lot of catty bitching like a good episode of Dallas or Dynasty, and yet there are very serious subjects being explored here. It's a love story, a fairy tale, a story of arranged marriage, a warning about ostracising one sector of society because they're seen as incompatible with the rest of civilisation, like lepers or those with the Black Death. There's the desire to help, to do what you can to ease the suffering of others, a sense of sacrifice, and destiny. It's the first Troi-centric episode, the first real one centred around family. A really complex, well written and in the end quite beautiful episode.

And again, nobody agrees with me, and again they can all go fuck themselves.

If the charts have shown us anything, it's that, unlike its predecessor, TNG at least seems to be - for the first season anyway - a show centred mostly around one character. Oh, the others are usually there, but the way only one character advances each episode shows that the episode was based mostly around them.

And so it is with "Haven", where Deanna's starring role enables her to climb over the men and make her way to the third spot, advancing five places and in the process displacing Data and Wesley, as well as her captain, moving each down one place, and Beverly, who falls two places. Data and Wesley now occupy fifth and fourth place respectively, while Picard also slides one to number 6. Beverly is now at number 8.
(https://i.postimg.cc/mDwd7Jw9/BBBHaven.png)
Riker retains his place at the top for the second episode running, though his captain has a chance to move up again - though hardly to top spot! - as our next episode is built all around him. For now though, the top three has changed, with Riker, rather appropriately, at number one, Yar still making a good showing at number two and now the girls outnumber the boys with Deanna at number 3.

There was a hard rain falling that night, hard enough to wash the scum of this city into the gutters and... yes, you've guessed it.

Episode title: "The Big Goodbye"
Season: 1
Importance: 4 (First holodeck episode)
Crisis point(s) if any: Picard must greet an alien race flawlessly, but is trapped in the holodeck
Original transmission date: January 11 1988
Writer(s): Tracy Torme
Director: Joseph L. Scanlan
Stardate:* 41997.7
Destination: Torona IV
Mission (if any): Greet the Jarada
Main character(s) in Plot: Picard
Main character(s) in Subplot (if any): Beverly, Data, Geordi, Worf, Yar, Wesley, Riker
Not appearing: O'Brien
Villain/Monster (if any): None
Deaths: 1 ++
Lives saved (episode): 1
Lives saved (cumulative): 8
Locations:

Shipboard:
Captain's Quarters
Bridge
Observation Lounge
Dixon Hill's office ++
San Francisco street ++
Police precinct ++

Space:

Other:


Ships/vessels: 0
Space battles: 0
Bodycount

Historical
1 ++ (Dixon Hill's client)
Incidental

Direct

Total: 1
Running total: 86

Make it so: 0
Engage! 0
Combat factor: 0
Transports: 0
Planets visited: 0
Planets mentioned: 0
Aliens: The Harada
Mysteries: Why the holodeck is stuck and won't let them leave
Patients in sickbay: 0 (though presumably the historian was sent there, we don't see him there)
Data v humanity: Like the Holmes stories, the whole idea of the forties private eye captivates Data
Data 3 - Humanity 5
Character scores:
Picard 155
Riker 10
Troi 10
Data 40
Beverly 30
Worf 10
Geordi 10
Wesley 30
O'Brien 0

Earl Grey: 0
Shuttlecraft: 0
Admirals: 0
Starbases: 0
First contact: 0
Humour: 6
Episode rating: 2/10
Episode score: 220

God preserve me! The first of several Dixon Hill holodeck episodes! What idiot thought that Picard/Stewart could play a private detective? I mean, I know he's a good actor but look at anything he's been in: he's Captain Picard, always and forever. He has the wrong accent, the wrong demeanour, the wrong attitude for a private eye. This was, however, the very first holodeck-centred episode, so that's something I guess. The second Picard-led one too, with most of the action taking place in the fantasy world created by the ship's computer, set in San Francisco 1941. It does afford us the rare opportunity to see Beverly dressed up, and she looks well. Quite funny when she sits down in the police station, sees another girl sitting there whose legs are more exposed than hers, slides up her skirt a little and then realises the girl is a hooker! Oh dear.
(https://i.postimg.cc/mDjf7kxQ/01.png)

Picard hopes Beverly never discovers that he uses her makeup...

Data gets fully into the role, as you would probably expect, and from having arrived there in his Starfleet uniform and looking totally out of place, Picard is now immersed too in his character, dressed as a 1940s private dick. Also funny when Bev is given some gum and swallows it. Riker arriving at the holodeck to Geordi: "Have you tried the intercom?" Geordi facepalming: "The intercom! Now why didn't I think of that?" The subplot is almost negligible, really only providing a reason why Picard needs to seek the sanctuary and release of the holodeck. In many ways, we're talking "A Piece of the Action" here, though perhaps not handled quite as well. Even at the end, Picard makes a gangster-style comment, as did Kirk in the TOS episode.

Can't keep a good captain down! Picard rises all the way to number three, while his, um, Number One retains the top spot and Yar holds on to number two.
(https://i.postimg.cc/sXHWRXkW/BBBBig-Giidbye.png)
In other news, Data and Wesley now share 5th spot, the former having fallen one place and the latter two, but Deanna climbs four to the fourth spot. Others move up one place, but it's mostly a false move, due to two characters sharing the fifth slot, leaving room for others to move up. Essentially, they're the same, but visually at least Q, Worf and O'Brien move up one place, with Beverly and Geordi non-movers, remaining at 6 and 7 respectively.

Quote from: Chris;108522137Isn't that the whole point of the holodeck though?  Living out your dreams and fantasies, even those you'd never actually do in real life?

Meh, possibly. Still, of all the people who they could have had to play a PI, Captain Picard would be at the bottom of my list. Even Wesley would be higher. I mean, Data was at least believable as Holmes, Geordi not quite so much in his role as Watson but not bad. Picard didn't even affect a Bronx accent or anything, and seemed, despite his supposed love for the genre and for the character, to know nothing of the lingo of the period. I just personally found it stilted and unconvincing. Maybe it's just me.

Anyway...

Now that we're more than ten episodes in, it's time for the first episode chart.
And here it is.

Obviously, episodes don't quite have the same ability to rise and fall as characters do, since once they're done, they're done, but they can move by virtue of other episodes being ranked lower than them. Also, once we have 20 episodes things will look at lot clearer.

For now, is this what you expected? I admit "Lonely Among Us" was one of the better episodes, but I did think "Encounter at Farpoint" would be at the top. It should be made clear, of course, that these rankings are based solely on the criteria I established at the beginning, and have usually nothing to do with my own personal like or dislike of the episode, or indeed its popular rating among fans, critics, or small blue things that go whoop on alternate Thursdays. In one way, you could say they're the truest and most honest ratings, because they depend entirely and exclusively on the facts: how much danger was in the episode? Was there a war? Were there aliens in it? And so on.

Anyway, we have "Lonely Among Us" at the top, followed by "Hide & Q" and then "Encounter at Farpoint", which in general is not a bad top three really. More of a shock, perhaps, to see "Haven" take the number four spot, while "Where No One Has Gone Before" being at five is no surprise, but a major amazement, really, to see "The Big Goodbye" so high, at number 6. "The Battle", "Justice" and "The Last Outpost" at number 7, 8 and 9 respectively does make sense to me, while the final episode in the top ten ends up being the awful "Code of Honor", leaving the even worse "The Naked Now", somewhat like its subject, out in the cold at number 11.

Again, if you don't agree, don't blame me. These rankings are based on whether or not the episodes attained the criteria set out by me, not any personal preference.

I won't do a chart after every episode, as there would be little movement, so the next one will be when we reach episode 20, and then perhaps at the end of the season.

Rankings, then, look like this for now:

(https://64.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m67hv4RDgQ1qjgsy3o1_400.gifv)
Episode title: "Datalore"
Season: 1
Basic plot: Data meets his brother. And he's evil!
Importance: 8 (shows us the first real origins of Data, gives Brent Spiner, somewhat like Nimoy in "This Side of Paradise" and, to a somewhat lesser extent, "Mirror, Mirror", a chance to step outside the somewhat rigid constrictions of his character. Also allows him to pull a Kirk in "The Enemy Within", as in, play two opposing sides of himself, a good one and an evil one.
Crisis point(s) if any: Lore takes over and prepares to feed the crew to the Crystalline Entity - and it's been trying to cut down!
Original transmission date: January 18 1988
Writer(s): Robert Lewin, Maurice Hurley (teleplay by Maurice Hurley and Gene Roddenberry)
Director: Rob Bowman
Stardate:* 41242.4
Destination: Omicron Theta
Mission (if any): Maintenance at Starbase Armus IX
Main character(s) in Plot: Data
Main character(s) in Subplot (if any):
Not appearing: Troi, O'Brien
Villain/Monster (if any): Lore; Crystalline Entity
Deaths: 0
Lives saved (episode): 2
Lives saved (cumulative): 10
Locations:

Shipboard:
Bridge
Data's Quarters
Ready Room
Engineering
Observation Lounge
Cargo Bay

Space:

Other:
Omicron Theta


Ships/vessels (encountered): 0
Ships/vessels (mentioned only): 1 (USS Tripoli)
Space battles: 0
Bodycount

Historical
0
Incidental
0
Direct
0
Total: 0
Running total: 86

Make it so: 1
Engage! 1
Combat factor: 0
Planets mentioned: 1
Aliens: Crystalline entity.
Mysteries: Destruction of colony on Omicron Theta
Patients in sickbay: 1 (Lore)
Data v humanity: Data really drops the ball on this one, and it's up to Wesley to save him, so no, afraid he loses on this one too.
Data 3 - Humanity 6
Character scores:
Picard 10
Riker 25
Data  140
Troi 0
Geordi 15
Bev 20
Yar 15
Wesley 50
O'Brien 0

Earl Grey: 0
Shuttlecraft: 0
Admirals: 0
Starbases: 0
First contact: 1 (Crystalline Entity)
Humour: 3
Episode rating: 5/10
Episode score: 160

Having had a Riker, two Picards and a Troi-specific episode, it's Data's turn, and it will by no means turn out to be the last. This one, of course, concentrates on his brother, his evil brother Lore, and tells us not only how he was created and by whom, but how, had things been different, Data might have turned out to be a true adversary of humanity. Like they used to say about Sherlock Holmes, thank god he chose to work on the side of law: can you imagine Data as an enemy? Of course, this will happen later on in the series, when he teams up with Lore in the two-part episode "Descent", but that's getting a little ahead of ourselves. Picard shows admirable sensitivity in addressing the awkwardness the senior staff have about speaking of Data's "brother", by reminding them that we are all machines, of one sort or another.

We learn here that Data has an off switch, something which Riker will use to terrible effect in the episode "The Measure of a Man". It's interesting to see that both Chief Engineer Argyll and Beverly can work on Lore, as he is both man and machine. I always wonder why, if Picard was, as he says, certain of Data's loyalty, he had to ask him the question in the first place? He obviously was not as certain as he makes out. Wesley proves pretty insufferable here, but it's good to see he comes close to getting his comeuppance when Lore gets his hands on him. I am surprised though when Lore tells Data he can use contractions while his brother can't; I'm sure I heard Data using those before. We also get some hints as to the existence of the alien known as the crystalline entity here, which will reappear in a later episode.
(https://i.postimg.cc/15X7G04w/01.png)

Is this what they mean by not losing your head? Sorry...

I have to wonder why Deanna is not in this episode. It seems like there would have been ample opportunity to use her talents, especially to determine Lore's intentions. Maybe that's why: if she had been able to tell Picard Lore was up to something, it might have spoiled the episode. Still, Marina Sirtis must have been feeling on a bit of a roller-coaster: one week she's out, next week she's the centre of the episode, the next week she's not there at all. Well, not in that order, but you know what I mean. A small, almost insignificant role in the previous one. Lore's facial tic that gives him away is a bit of a lazy plot device, almost as bad as if he were to twirl a moustache, and it's pretty obvious how they're going to identify him, though he does a half-decent job of covering it up by pretending he's copying Data.
(https://i.postimg.cc/Ghf7qBsN/02.png)

Picard: "I SAID, we will NOT do a Christmas episode, dammit!"

Both Riker and Picard show uncharacteristically poor judgement and insight when Wesley clearly has a problem with Lore. They ignore his warnings and never for once think this may not be Data who stands before them. I mean, I hate the little bastard, but it can't be denied he has saved the day more than once, most recently when he gained access to the holodeck in the last episode. Yet they're ready to jump on him for being rude to "a senior officer", without considering the cause of that impertinence. Again, given how much I despise Wesley it hurts me to say this, but surely they should trust him? And their suspicion is not any further aroused by Wesley's continued attempts - even though he knows he'll lose his position on the bridge, something that means more to him than almost anything - to continue warning them? Not to mention Lore's dismissive use of Riker's surname without rank and his inability to understand Picard's "Make it so"? Man, are they dumb.

It's also a bit crazy how easily Lore overpowers Data. I mean, he just pushes him, and suddenly two (or, I suppose, at a stretch, three) against one becomes meaningless, and they're all more or less hostages. Funny how it then devolves into a game of Donkey Kong! Nice how Picard apologises to Wesley for not believing him and for saving the ship. Oh no wait: he doesn't.

One more thing about Datalore. When Lore sees the CE he says "Beautiful, isn't it?" Not only is that an inappropriate thing for Data to say, he shouldn't be able to say it. He has no concept of beauty and can only go on what others tell him, so if the rest of the crew are repulsed by, or scared of the thing, then he should be too. He should not be able to make an independent appraisal of the beauty of an unknown object. So that should have raised suspicions. Picard does raise an eyebrow, but that's about all.

Anyway, on we go with the chart.

(https://i.postimg.cc/Wb0s4y4v/BBBDatalore.png)
To nobody's surprise, Data makes strides up the chart, displacing his captain as he moves two places from 5 to 3, pushing Picard down to 4 from 3, while everyone else drops one place, the exception being Deanna, who, by virtue of not being in the episode, slips two places from 6 to 8. Wesley, despite his performance here, remains at number 5. He's about to become the fifth character to break the 300-point barrier, while Yar has already punched through the 400, with Data not far behind her - remember "The Naked Now", Tasha! - and Picard also heading for that milestone. Out on his own, Riker of course is well into the 600s.

It's not been, um, glorious for poor Worf yet, despite taking on Lore - read, having the crap beaten out of him - and even the blind guy is ahead of him. Mind you, consider poor Miles, who still can't get arrested, with a paltry 30 points after a dozen episodes! Even Q, who has only been in two, has more points than him.

Episode title: "Angel  One"
Season: 1
Basic plot: Riker ends up on a planet run by women. It's not as great as it sounds. Oh no wait, it is. Kind of.
Importance: 0
Crisis point(s) if any: Sort of none other than the trouble out Neutral Zone way
Original transmission date: January 25 1988
Writer(s): Patrick Barry
Director: Michael Ray Rhodes
Stardate:* 41636.9
Destination: Angel One
Mission (if any): Track down any survivors from the freighter Odin
Main character(s) in Plot: Riker
Main character(s) in Subplot (if any):
Not appearing: O'Brien
Villain/Monster (if any): None
Deaths: 0
Lives saved (episode): 14
Lives saved (cumulative): 24
Locations:
Shipboard:
Bridge
Sickbay
Holodeck

Space:

Other:
Angel One


Ships/vessels (encountered): 0
Ships/vessels (mentioned only): Freighter Odin, USS Berlin, Romulan Warbirds
Space battles: 0
Bodycount

Historical
0
Incidental
0
Direct
0
Total: 0
Running total: 86

Make it so: 0
Engage! 1
Combat factor: 0
Planets visited: Angel One
Planets mentioned:
Aliens: The Angel One-ians
Mysteries: None
Patients in sickbay: over 100 ("More patients than beds", according to Bev)
Data v Humanity: n/a
Data 3 - Humanity 6
Character scores:
Picard 10
Riker 175
Data 15
Geordi  10
Troi 15
Bev 20
Wesley 30
Worf 10
Yar 15
O'Brien 0

Earl Grey: 0
Shuttlecraft: 0
Admirals: 0
Starbases: 0
First contact: 0
Humour: 4
Episode rating: 1/10
Episode score: 65

Oh god this is the one about the planet of women isn't it? And not in a "Space Bikini Girls on the Moon" sort of way, or anything. This is a matriarchy, where Riker has to dress in an embarrassingly revealing... oh no. My dinner! It's rather typical that in a story where the women are in power (written, I should note with some asperity, by a man) there has to be rebellion fomenting. Like male equivalents of the Suffragettes, the men who have survived from the Odin are now leading a rebellion, helped by women who don't enjoy the status quo. Sort of a reversal of the movement here, where certain women went against the idea of suffrage. But the underlying sentiment, though it's cleverly presented as "no one gender should have power over another" is really "women should not be in power and the natural order of things is that men should be in charge." To illustrate this, the arrival of the manly men - as opposed to the somewhat vain and effeminate native ones - has sparked feelings long suppressed in some of the native women, who just want the men to take over and rule them as they feel should be how things are.
(https://i.postimg.cc/HL9gcV5p/01.png)

"Ah yes! At last, the power is mine!"

It doesn't help that the central figure of this matriarchy, the authority, Beata, is presented as gruff, masculine, butch and uncompromising, unfriendly and not exactly all that pretty. You are, as a man (or I am anyway) more or less immediately annoyed by and turned off by her, and your sympathies quickly lie with the "rebels". It is interesting that, when they're located, and refuse to leave, because they're civilians they can't be forced to go. This episode does give the two main men the chance to bare their manly chests, if you're into such a thing, and also for a sort of reflection of the planet below to occur on the ship, as Beverly is the one running things, since somehow she hasn't got sick. The ending is very poe-faced I feel: Riker basically talks Beata into letting the captives live. It's very fucking Star Trek, isn't it?

A few seasons later, they might have been executed and we'd be left with an uncomfortable reminder that sometimes you just can't and shouldn't interfere with internal planetary politics. Still, you'd wonder, given that Ramsay and his men are all Federation citizens, if Angel One is risking a diplomatic incident by attempting to execute them? And why Riker - or Data - doesn't point this out in an attempt to change yer wan's mind? Seems like with a race that prides themselves on strength so much, an open threat might be more respected than a plea.

Quite a phenomenon this episode. Not a single move up or down. Not one.
(https://i.postimg.cc/BQP4ZQ1M/BBBAngelone.png)
Despite Riker's strong performance, and subsequent high point tally, you can't go higher than number one, so he remains where he is, though he puts clear daylight between him and Tasha (and she hasn't much time to catch him either) as he becomes the first character to break the 800-point barrier. Not much else to report. Data becomes the third to gain 400 points, but there's no movement, so nothing more to discuss. Not that surprising, since the lion's share of the episode was Riker's.

I have to re-evaluate my episode scores. The way I've set the system up, I'm noticing that some really good episodes are scoring quite low, so I want to try something else. In addition to the scores already used, I'm now going to score them under these criteria:

Action: simple enough. Was this an episode filled with aliens, space battles, races against time, planetary searches, combat etc? Was it slow or did it move and flow well?

Drama : Was there drama in the episode?

Performance of lead character(s): Given who the episode was based around, did they use their role well, or did the story just revolve around them without them doing much?

Plot: Self-explanatory

Arc: Not so self-explanatory. Did the story add to or refer to elements which either occur later or have already occurred, in other words is this a thread that fits in to the overall pattern of the tapestry, is it a loose thread or is it not even in the sewing room?

Personal enjoyment: I surely need not explain this.

All the above criteria will be rated at from 10 to 100, 10 being the lowest and 100 the highest. So potentially an episode can score an additional 600, down to a lousy extra 60. These scores will then be added to the main scores to come up with a total score, and because this will obviously give episodes from here on in a clear advantage, you probably won't be surprised to hear that I'll be going back and rescoring all the previous episodes, which means that chart I posted will be useless now, and will be redone and reposted.

In this way I feel that an episode that is excellent but for some reason doesn't score that high on the original criteria has a better chance of scoring high on these, plus my own personal approval, or not, of the episode will also be a factor, which will allow those I really like to have a better chance of being right up there.

Episode title: "11001001"
Season: 1
Basic plot: The Enterprise is upgraded but all is not as it seems duh
Importance: 4 (First use of self-destruct code)
Crisis point(s) if any: Ship taken by Bynars
Original transmission date: February 1 1988
Writer(s): Maurice Hurley, Robert Lewin
Director: Paul Lynch
Stardate:* 41365.9
Destination: Starbase 74, Tarsis III
Mission (if any): Maintenance and upgrades
Main character(s) in Plot: Picard, Riker
Main character(s) in Subplot (if any):
Not appearing: Troi, O'Brien
Villain/Monster (if any): Bynars
Deaths: 0
Lives saved (episode): 0 ( I mean, the whole Bynar planet, but I said I wouldn't count populations, as there's no way to be sure of a count)
Lives saved (cumulative): 24
Locations:

Shipboard:
Bridge
Gangway I guess, as they're getting off
Holodeck

Space:

Other:
Starbase 74

Ships/vessels (encountered): 0
Ships/vessels (mentioned only): USS Wellington, USS Trieste, USS Melbourne
Space battles: 0
Bodycount

Historical
0
Incidental
0
Direct
0
Total: 0
Running total: 86

Make it so: 0
Engage! 1
Combat factor: 0
Planets visited: Bynus
Planets mentioned: Omicron Pascal , Pelius V, Bynus
Aliens: Bynars
Mysteries: Why the Bynars have stolen the Enterprise
Patients in sickbay: 0
Meetings: 0
Data v humanity:
N/A; which is odd, given that this one revolves around what are essentially computers on legs, but there you go.
Data 3 - Humanity 6
Character scores:
Picard 570
RIker 700
Data 40
Troi 0
Bev 10
Geordi 10
Wesley 20
Worf 20
Yar 20
O'Brien 0

Earl Grey: 0
Shuttlecraft: 0
Admirals: 0
Starbases: 1 (Starbase 74)
First contact: 0
Humour: 0
Episode rating: 6/10
Episode score: 625 (Note: this is under the new system, as all future episodes will be)

Another mostly holodeck-centred episode, and again built more or less around Riker, as the previous one was, which might seem a little unbalanced, especially as this appears to be yet another Troiless one: she must have been worried every episode she wasn't in. The Bynars are interesting creatures, but when Wesley says that there must be tremendous advantages to a race being so intermixed with computers, well, he hasn't met the Borg yet has he? Bloody typical that the music has to be jazz though. Why is it always ****ing jazz? Damn oldies who write these things. And what is it with blondes and jazz don't mix? Given that she's only a hologram, it's funny how pissed off Riker looks when Minuet invites Picard to join them. Reminds me of Homer: "But I was going to get lucky!" and Marge "No you weren't."
(https://i.postimg.cc/s2KrqR3D/02.png)

The Picard family reunions don't tend to be very lively affairs

I do find it hard to credit that Data says they have just over four minutes to evacuate the ship, and in that time all those people get off it? Apart from the fact that they're, perhaps rather stupidly if by the book, not running but walking fast, the transporter can only take a few people at a time. Can the entire remaining complement be beamed off, and the ship get away from the Starbase to a safe distance in two hundred and forty seconds? Of course, I know and you know it's a ruse, but they don't, and if it's real, can they expect any chance of everyone surviving? Would they not have been better to get the ship away and then start transports? And how come they never checked the holodeck? Wesley knew they were there; why doesn't he speak up?

Pretty good idea really; using the Enterprise as a huge mobile hard disk to back their civilisation up and then download themselves back down to the planet when the danger had passed. But who has the password? Better hope there's no virus in the system!

As you would probably expect, with the saving of an entire civilsation, there's a huge jump for the two main men, though Riker can't go any higher. His captain can, though, and does.
(https://i.postimg.cc/tJP4wwP0/BBB11001001.png)
Riker becomes the first character to smash the thousand-point barrier, and does he smash it, pushing all the way in fact to the 1,500 mark, while Picard is a few points short of doing the same, just outside the 1000 points limit.

Yar finds herself finally slipping and losing ground as Picard eases her down to third position, taking second for himself, a climb of two places. Yar now shares third slot with Data, the two lovers reunited. Aahh!

Nothing else happens really. Because of Yar and Data both occupying third, everyone shifts up one spot, though in reality nobody moves. Even Deanna, who wasn't even in the episode, gets a bump, the only non-mover being Data, who remains at number 3.

Note: from this episode on, I'm adding two new categories: "Trollheart of the past" and "Trollheart of the present". Pretty self-explanatory. So let me explain them. The first is how I remember the episode, good or bad or meh, if it made any impression on me or if I've totally forgotten what it's about, and the second, shown at the end, is how I feel now: was I right, wrong, do you care?

Engage something to a warp factor of another thing and push the big red button. No, not THAT big red but-

Episode title: "Too Short a Season"
Season: 1
Basic plot: Hostage situation on a planet and only one man can save them. And no, this guy actually has hair, thank you very much.
Trollheart of the past: I remember hating this for the pathetically stupid ending. Let's see if I still feel the same about it.
Importance: 0
Crisis point(s) if any: There are hostages. Hostages gonna crisis.
Original transmission date: February 8 1988
Writer(s): Michael Michaelian, D.C. Fontana
Director: Rob Bowman
Stardate:* 41309.5
Destination: Persephone V
Mission (if any): Convey a Starfleet admiral to negotiate with terrorists for the release of hostages on another planet
Main character(s) in Plot: Picard, Beverly
Main character(s) in Subplot (if any):
Not appearing: Wesley, O'Brien
Villain/Monster (if any): None
Deaths: 1
Lives saved (episode): 0 (The hostages are saved but it doesn't clarify how many there were, so I can't count them)
Lives saved (cumulative): 24
Locations:

Shipboard:
Bridge
Transporter Room
Jameson's Quarters
Ready Room

Space:

Other:
Persephone V

Ships/vessels (encountered): 0
Ships/vessels (mentioned only): USS Gettysburg
Space battles: 0
Bodycount

Historical
0
Incidental
0
Direct
1 (Admiral Jameson)
Total: 1
Running total: 87

Make it so: 1
Engage! 0
Combat factor: 50
Planets visited: Persephone V, Mordan IV
Planets mentioned: Cerberus II, Isis III
Aliens: 0
Mysteries: How is Jameson getting younger?
Patients in sickbay: 1 (Jameson)
Data v humanity: n/a
Data 3 - Humanity 6
Character scores:
Picard 35
Riker 10
Data 25
Troi 10
Bev 85
Worf  20
Geordi 20
Wesley 0
Yar 20
O'Brien 0

Earl Grey: 0
Shuttlecraft: 0
Admirals: 1 (Jameson)
Starbases: 0
First contact: 0
Humour: 0
Episode rating: 2/10
Episode score: 355
Trollheart of the present: Yeah just as bad and stupid as I remember.

We've seen characters made up to be older than they were before - Kirk in "The Deadly Years", Picard later in "The Inner Light", Troi in "Man of the  People" and so on. But usually they're quite convincing, whereas here it looks like the admiral has been exhumed and then someone stuck a bad wig on him and tried to cover up the rotting flesh with makeup. He looks far, far older than his supposed eighty-some years, even allowing for the debilitating effects of this disease he's supposed to have. There's a certain sense of Dracula about this too, as the man starts off decrepit, almost a walking corpse as I say above, and then regenerates as the episode goes on, till fairly quickly it's impossible to attribute his de-ageing to anything natural. Beverly is of course suspicious as is Troi, and it's not just women's intuition either.
(https://i.postimg.cc/bvwCpC2g/02.png)

"Grumble.. grumble.. take my seat, would you? Grr! I hope you suddenly turn into a dessicated mummy, so there!"

I must say, it's incredibly selfish of Jameson to have taken BOTH doses of the drug; one was for his wife. Now that he's been able to use both on himself and return to his youth, what about her? He won't be interested in her now that he's so much younger, so is she just to be dumped? Of course there's a price to pay for the fountain of youth: is there ever not? Good callback to "A Private Little War", where Jameson does the same thing Kirk does: arm both factions equally, precipitating a war between the two races instead of brokering a peace. One of the bleaker episodes of TOS, and one whose ending I hated. This one I don't hate for the same reason, but I'm pretty sure I'll still hate it.
(https://i.postimg.cc/Sxr10Fjj/01.png)

"Does nobody pay electricity bills on this ship?"

I guess for once it is nice to see Starfleet go for the direct, aggressive approach, even if it's not quite officially sanctioned. Of course it goes wrong. But you have to laugh at Karnas too, blaming Jameson for the state of his planet and all the deaths caused by the war. Wasn't it he who demanded the weapons? Did someone force him to use them? Oh, of course: if only his people had been armed that would have been all right. Fucking typical. What was it Q said in the pilot: savage life forms never follow even their own rules? Yeah, I hate the way Karnas changes in an instant from a revenge-filled anger to accepting sympathy. Bollocks. He hated the guy; he should be a) glad he's dead or b) angry he has been cheated of his revenge but no, he says "your long night and mine are over." Again I say, bollocks. There's also a sort of heavy-handed but pretty simple double morality message here: you can't be young again and just say no to drugs.

It's chart time again!
Not that there's much to see really. After a really poor episode in which nobody did much of anything, despite a decent score for Beverly she remains where she is, at number 6, and other than Data and Yar separating as she falls to 4 and he remains at 3, everyone else being pushed down one place as a result, it's kind of as you were. Which is no surprise. Oh, Deanna falls two places. Yeah.
(https://i.postimg.cc/RVnP1bZZ/BBBTooshort.png)

Episode title: "When the Bough Breaks"
Season: 1
Basic plot: All the kids from the Enterprise are, well, kidnapped and forced to live a life of luxury and in which their every need will be catered to... hang on!
Trollheart's memory: Being both a Wesley-centric episode and one involving kids, I remember hating this with a passion
Importance: 0 (In the development of Wesley, maybe)
Crisis point(s) if any: I suppose when all your children are kidnapped that could be considered a crisis point!
Original transmission date: February 15 1998
Writer(s): Hannah Louise Shearer
Director: Kim Manners
Stardate:* 41509.1
Destination: None really; just tooling around the galaxy
Mission (if any): None
Main character(s) in Plot: Wesley
Main character(s) in Subplot (if any):
Not appearing: O'Brien
Villain/Monster (if any): None
Theme: Kidnap, desperation, sterility, motherhood, radiation sickness
Deaths: 0
Lives saved (episode): 0 (Can you say all the children's lives were saved? They weren't in any actual danger, so I'd say no)
Lives saved (cumulative): 24
Locations:

Shipboard:
Bridge
Transporter Room
School

Space:

Other:
Aldea


Ships/vessels (encountered): 0
Ships/vessels (mentioned only): 0
Space battles: 0
Bodycount

Historical
0
Incidental
0
Direct
0
Total: 0
Running total: 87

Make it so: 0
Engage! 0
Combat factor: 0
Planets visited: Aldea
Planets mentioned: 0
Aliens: 1 (Aldeans)
Mysteries: Why the Aldeans can't have children
Patients in sickbay: 0
Data v humanity:
Data is about as much use as a chocolate teapot here. Hey, nobody programmed him to look after kids, and anyway, can't they just manufacture - um, make, have - more? What's the big deal?
Data 3 - Humanity 6
Character scores:
Picard 20
Riker 15
Data 20
Troi 15
Bev 55
Worf 10
Geordi 10
Wesley 130
Yar 5

Earl Grey: 0
Shuttlecraft: 0
Admirals: 0
Starbases: 0
First contact: 1 (Aldea)
Humour: 4
Episode rating: 3/10
Episode score: 520
Trollheart of the Present: Not quite as bad as I remember, but still a pain. Fecking kids.

Touch of the Hitch-Hiker's Guide here, with comparisons obviously being drawn between Aldea and Magrathea, and surely when Riker hears these people have no children alarm bells should be going off? What about Troi? Does she not suspect something? I also find it odd that she says "Humans are unusually attached to their offspring" - are not all races attached to their kids? Is not hers? Why is humanity so unusual? Why doesn't she say that, like all races, humans are attached to their children, instead of making them some sort of exception? I love it when Beverly says "They've taken my son!" I can hear the Cat from Red Dwarf: "Quick! Let's get out of here before they bring him back!"

Oh, and there's a computer to talk to death. How TOS of you! I also love the face of Picard when Bev says "Captain Picard will do everything possible to get our children back." It's like he's thinking well, yeah, sure, but you know, if they're gone they're gone; no point crying about it. Anyway, what's our next heading? The story is well handled, I have to say. It's not as if this is just a child-napping adventure; these people - though completely insane if they think they can get other people's children without a fight - genuinely care for these children and want to bring out the potential they see in them, which their own parents may not see. Also, for once it's a reversal of roles as Wesley becomes the de facto adult in the group, being the oldest of the children, more a young man than a child, though he's always treated as a child on the ship. So now for the first time he's a leader, and this is a test for him, which, to be fair, he passes with flying colours.
(https://i.postimg.cc/FzPkWyk4/01.png)

"So let me just get this clear. You'll take all our children AND give me this lovely plant? Deal!"

Oh come on now! Isn't the Custodian just Zen from Blake's 7? Look at it! And here we are again, with Landru, Vaal, name your computer-controlling-humans of choice. Give Wesley his due, he's not fooled and he's already gathering information in the hope of taking down the Custodian. Still, he acts like a bit of a tool when his mother presses something into his palm, obviously intending his "guardian" does not see it and the stupid ****er opens his palm, looks at it (how big is that damn thing anyway? How does she expect that to go unnoticed? It's not like a paperclip or a note or something; it's as big as like a hairbrush!) and then realises, a little late, how stupid he's being and puts it away. And yet the dopey guardian does not see it. D'oh! So much for being more advanced huh?
(https://i.postimg.cc/1XRNrCtB/02.png)

"I'm sorry, Wesley, but I have not heard of this Zen of whom you speak. I would like to make that especially clear, should any of Terry Nation's relatives be watching this..."

And then he scans her with it AND returns it to Beverly and the stupid old bag STILL suspects nothing? Is she blind? Or just stupid? It's good how the children soon realise that no matter how gilded a cage is, it's still a cage, and they miss their parents. All except Harry, who has a thing about calculus and is the hold-out. Stupid kid. The "finger-flick" the Aldeans give the Enterprise is almost of Q proportions. Another heavy-handed morality message about the overuse of technology, which considering the Enterprise does about everything for the crew, rings a little hollow.

(https://i.postimg.cc/HsCRmdzx/BBBWhen.png)
Not much in the way of change after this episode, as you might expect. Tasha loses her grip on third place, and as the only one to gain significant points this time, Wesley moves up and take her place. Other than that, just about everyone stays where they are.

Episode title: "Home Soil"
Season: 1
Basic plot: Things are going wrong on a planet being terraformed
Trollheart of the past: I remember liking this, though I think it has a pretty simplistic ending. I do remember thinking the way the aliens described us as "bags of mostly water" was cool.
Importance: 5 (The first time that first contact leads to war!)
Crisis point(s) if any: The alien life form takes over the ship and declares war
Original transmission date: February 22 1988
Writer(s): Robert Sabaroff, Karl Geurs, Ralph Sanchez (teleplay by Sabaroff)
Director: Corey Allen
Stardate:* 41463.9
Destination: Velara III
Mission (if any): Check on terraforming operation
Main character(s) in Plot: Picard, Bev
Main character(s) in Subplot (if any):
Not appearing: Wesley, O'Brien
Villain/Monster (if any): Alien life form known as "micro brain"
Themes: Conservation, greed, respect for other life forms, obsession, murder, war, negotiation
Deaths: 1
Lives saved (episode): 0
Lives saved (cumulative): 24
Locations:

Shipboard:
Bridge
Transporter Room
Sickbay
Ready Room
Observation Lounge
Medical Lab
Space:

Other:
Velara III


Ships/vessels (encountered): 0
Ships/vessels (mentioned only): 0
Space battles: 0
Bodycount

Historical
0
Incidental
0
Direct
1
Total: 1
Running total: 88

Make it so: 1
Engage! 1
Combat factor: 0
Planets visited: Velara III
Planets mentioned:
Aliens:  1 (Micro brain)
Mysteries: Why the micro brain is attacking the colony
Patients in sickbay: 1 (Does a micro brain count? Hell, they had cheese in Voyager!)
Data v humanity: Data is the only one who can evade the laser drill, so his superior speed and reactions save him.
Data 4 - Humanity 6
Character scores:
Picard 10
Riker 25
Data 15
Geordi 15
Yar 15
Worf 15
Bev 475
Troi 15
Wesley 0
O'Brien 0

Earl Grey: 0
Shuttlecraft: 0
Admirals: 0
Starbases: 0
First contact: 1
Humour: 0
Episode rating: 6/10
Episode score: 490
Trollheart of the present: yeah decent enough, but again, it's an updated "Devil in the Dark", innit?

Shades of The Wrath of Khan with the first mention in the series of terraforming - and the first and I think only mention of Terraform Command (I wonder if that's a part of Starfleet) but the episode is basically "Devil in the Dark" in theme and execution. I think yer man is a bit unfair on Data: "What did you do to my laser drill?" he moans. Data shrugs. "Hell, it was wreck it or let it wreck me." I mean, what did he expect? **** your drill, pal: I was in danger of losing my life. You can always get another laser drill. The idea of not quite inorganic but certainly different life to any we know is again filched from TOS: there, the Horta was carbon-based, here, they've gone further. There is no organic structure to this life form, yet it does appear to be able to react to outside stimuli and communicate. Naturally, for its first contact with us, it's war.
(https://i.postimg.cc/hG2zRHQV/01.png)

"Oh right thanks guys! Leave me to clean up the mess! What were you doing in here anyway?"

Interesting how they name the life form "micro brain" - this is the very phrase Q used to describe Worf in "Encounter at Farpoint": "Macro head, with a micro brain!" Also interesting how the only way Picard and his crew can negotiate with the aliens is to virtually kill them. I suppose you could say that he could have gone ahead and done that, and the danger to his ship would be over, but he decided to try to broker a truce instead, and leave the alien life form with at least a more favourable impression of us than it had up to then received.

Time for our next chart. "Home Soil" sees mother and son switch places, as Beverly rises to the giddy heights of third slot, pushing her son down into the basement with his comic books or engineering manuals, or whatever he uses to get his jollies, all the way down to six. Other than that, not a huge amount of change really.
(https://i.postimg.cc/vTVnNdz5/BBBHomesoil.png)
Data  of course slides down to 4 while Yar remains at 5, and pretty much everyone else remains where they were. Picard has now finally joined that golden 1000-point club, while Data has reached 500 just before Tasha, but the doctor is well ahead of both of them, pushing towards the 900 points mark.