Who's your daddy?

[Lisnaholic]

Looking forward to more. Fascinating portrait. People like this are always so mysterious to me.

^ Thanks, grindy! That's kind of you. Actually, that wasn't really what I meant, but I might write more about my dad on another occasion.

My dad is a retired computer programmer who went into that field just as it was starting to boom in the late 70s/early 80s. Before that he also served in Vietnam, though pretty briefly. He provided for my family while my mom stayed at home to raise me and my sister.

^ Your Dad sounds like a person always ready to do the correct thing, Mrs. Waffles. The fact that he continued to support you all after his divorce says a lot about how much he valued you and his family.
Nice details about classic rock and Snoop Dogg, btw.

My dad used to be a mechanic. Not long after I was born he had a breakdown and was sectioned. He has schizophrenia. He had just got married, got a house and was beginning to settle down and then that happened. It must have been very tough for him and my mom. Mental illness was also not as understood as it is now and he faced discrimination. As did I at school when kids found out he wasn't well.

My dad played the stay at home parent role when I was growing up and my mom worked as a nurse to support us all.

My dad is the sort of person who would do anything to help people he doesn't even know. It must have been hard for him what happened and I empathise more as I get older. He has a lung disease now and is getting on. I am very protective of him and love him very much. I try to tell him every day and give him a big hug as well as my mom. They are not perfect but I am very lucky to have had the parents I have.

^ That is tough, jimmy jazz. I'm sorry to hear about the problem that you, your dad and your family have had to live through. You don't go into details, but I imagine there must have been so much heartbreak along the way for all of you.
Good news that you are clearly showing him affection: a hug is something, we hope, that penetrates through all manner of mental fog.

@Guybrush: You clearly have a stellar Dad ! I bet he would be so proud to be called  " a renaissance man" by his son! It's a pity you didn't share much time with him, but as you prob know now, as a Dad, it's not easy to strike the right balance between work and family. (I  tried to correct my own balance after my 10-year-old son told me, "You love your students more than you love me.")

@Mindy: Two more Dads in the 5-star category! Thanks for telling us something about the dynamics of your family, and congrats that it has worked out so well for you.

Wow.  What a wonderful, honest, touching portrait of your father, Lisna.  And I hope you don't mind me saying that (iv) made me well-up.  No surprise that your father found you to be the compassionate soul of the family. <3

Thanks ribbons ! I appreciate your, as always, very sympathetic reply. It's important to me that my Dad chose me to help him, but I should stress that I wasn't so special: just an unaggressive 12-year-old who noticed early that words said in haste could echo for a long time in a family. Also I hope I haven't given the impression that my family was unfeeling. In the case of my Mum for example, I'm sure there was once genuine affection for my Dad - it's just that after a marriage of 4 decades, "A love once new has now grown old".

Glad you had that last chance to connect with your grandfather prior to his passing, Tore - but sorry to learn that you lost your grandma to Alzheimer's.  Such a horrible disease.  My children also lost their paternal grandmother to Alzheimer's - we were very close to her and watching her swift decline was a heartbreak. 

My last surviving grandparent was my maternal grandmother who died in 2005 of heart failure.  She emigrated while in her late teens from Trieste, Italy to the US, where she met and married my Irish grandfather.  My grandparents were always around as we grew up and were like another set of parents.

^ I'm sorry you have now lost your grandparents, ribbons, but thanks for sharing a little bit of background about your family roots. It's strange to think how portentious some events are, like your grandmother leaving Italy when she was young.
The bit in bold: it sounds like you were lucky, especially if your grandparents were as nice to you as Guybrush's dad is to his grandchildren.

[ribbons]

^ Not at all, Lisna – I got no impression that your family was unfeeling, only that you were extra-feeling and a kind soul and your Dad may have been conscious of that.

Yes, we were very fortunate to have our grandparents around.  My maternal grandparents actually uprooted themselves from Louisiana to rent an apartment in our neighborhood, so as to help our mother who struggled for many years after the death of my father.  My grandmother stayed on permanently and my grandfather went back and forth to Louisiana for work on oil rigs in the Gulf of Mexico.  My grandmother was a tough lady and a little intimidating, but her strength also kept us going and I was very grateful to her for that. 

My paternal grandmother, who was originally from Denmark, was an absolute diamond in every way and also helped us a great deal.  She lived a bit further from us, but I was extremely close to her and cherished visits to her house.

As for my father, as mentioned, he unfortunately passed away, when I was three – so I don't have any clear personal memories of him, which I have always regretted.  He worked as a house contractor by day and occasionally moonlighted as a jazz drummer in clubs.  He was known as a very kind, sensitive person and also quite spiritual and progressively-minded.  To this day I carry his small copy of Swami Prabhavananda's and Christopher Isherwood's translation of the Bhagavad-Gita in my purse wherever I go.  Even though I never knew my father, he has influenced me greatly.

[Lisnaholic]

I'm sorry that you lost your father when you were so young, ribbons. That must have been a very difficult void to fill, but it sounds like you were lucky enough to have really excellent and active grandparents, who clearly helped you, your mum and siblings to work together as a family. Louisiana to NY ?! That's an extraordinary commute for your grandfather!

Your father sounds like an intriguing person, with many aspects to his character that aren't often found together - unless it's in one of the Beat poets! It's very nice that you should carry that book with you, ensuring that your father has been remembered, which is something all parents hope for.

(My dad wasn't a reader, but I do have a small book of my mum's: A Shropshire Lad by A.E.Housman, though tbh, I don't often dip into it. )

[degrassi.knoll]

I have so much father envy. It's so much deeper than "daddy issues."

[DJChameleon]

As an adult, I wish I talked to my dad more to find out his life and history. My parents separated when I was young and I would only see my dad during the summers. We both weren't really phone people or the best communicators. Our phone conversations would be 5 mins max.

My dad was a carpenter and a tailor. I didn't realize until much later on in life how desired he was on the island as a tailor. I thought he just like did it as more of a hobby but he had a legit tailoring business that most people on the island(Grenada) would go to him for his fine craftsmanship.

He has since passed over from the dreaded colon cancer. I believe he was in his mid 50s.

[Lisnaholic]

^ Good for your dad, DJ, to have two skills that are so different and yet always in demand.
I wonder if he was a tailor, the way we have tailors here in Mexico: a guy who works out of his own front room, which of course is full of mysterious bags; scraps of material, work pending, etc. That was the image I got when you said you though it was just a hobby of his.

 

I have so much father envy. It's so much deeper than "daddy issues."

^ Yeah. I just re-read your account of your dad. That is so sad to see that he didn't break the cycle of victim-turned-abuser. Even though it's been  hard for you, that at least is something you have achieved. Well done.
____________________________________

I think Hope is the only contributor to this thread that I haven't responded to, so I'd like to thank her for her excellent thread idea, reminding us all how important our dads  are to us.
Also, a recurring theme has been, "I wish I'd asked him more questions" - so do that while you can, everyone! Interrogate your parents, aging relatives now, because one day you won't be able to.